TTOSBT

tib,
For any program to work, you have to be willing. It seems to me that if you are still drinking, there is not a tremendous amount of willingness there on your part.

I so wish you the happiness that I have found in sobriety, no matter what program you get it from. I am sorry that you feel that the hands of AA failed you, but they did not. Some folks didn't answer their phone...
Now if you had called the AA hotline and they refused to answer or talk to you, I could understand your anger at AA.

Today, so much of my recovery, my sobriety, my health is reliant on me be willing to look at my part in things that happen in my life. Sometimes I do not like it but it is so important for me to NOT be a victim. This is MY life and MY sobriety and I have to be willing to fight for it! That is no one else's job but mine.
I see you placing blame on many others and today on AA as a whole but it is you that will not put down the drink and try another way of life.

What do you have to lose? The booze will still be there later if you want it.
For now, find another program other than AA that you are comfortable with and save your own life!

I do wish you the very best.

Bamboozle

Hey, tib. I was wondering...

Have you talked to a doctor about your level of consumption? There are many, many people who have various substance abuse problems because they self-medicate. If you are having trouble stopping drinking, it would be a very good idea to get some help from someone who specializes in addictions. I have the opinion that addiction is a medical concern, both physically and psychologically. I hope you can get the help that you need.

Rob B

Point made and heard. So, you've got a few choices now, be bitter towards AA and let that resentment kill you, or follow through on Jim's suggestion and get in touch with some recovered alcoholics in Chicago who are willing to help you or go to rehab.

Seems to me you want to belabor the point that AA screwed you, maybe that is the case, I am pointing out there are AA members willing right now to help you if you take a moment to contact myself or Jim. Either way, I hope you make a decision and take action. Active alcoholism is brutal.

Stubborn1

Everyone said it very well. You can say AA left you and be a victim or you can learn to rely on yourself to find another way. There are going to be times there is no one to bail you out and you are going to have to find your own strength. If you made it through that night sober then you are getting in charge of your life. They may have done you a favor.
When times like that happen it's handy to have your list of meetings around and go to a meeting or call a hotline.
Good luck

tiburon88

Thanks Rob but I would find it too uncomfortable talking to someone who I never met in person. I don't know if that makes any sense or not.


tiburon

warrens

Tiburon

With all due respect, you are leaving yourself wide open here.

For many moons you have been far more than uncomfortable. You have described times of near death.

Also, you are "talking" with unknown folks here.

Someone recently wrote here that resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Wow, it sure rang a bell with me.

I too, have resources in Chicago (although I live 2000 miles away). My best friend is recovered for 20+ years and lives there. I've been to many meetings there. Now you have 3 folks to contact.

Hope you can give things another try. We are all merely human.

warren

Kellye C

I don't get it. Did you know everyone at your first few meetings? Did that stop you from going? What about rehab? You're not going to know people there either so does that mean you won't talk to them.

I'm not trying to be mean here, but you come on here and blast AA and say it failed you. AA members on here offer help and you turn it down. I know for me personally it's easier to write what I'm thinking and feeling than it is to talk face to face but I took myself to meetings, got a sponsor, worked the steps, and did not drink even though at times I wanted to because I was in fear for my life. Was it fun and painless, nope. It was the hardest thing I've ever done but also the most worthwhile.

You seem to have this huge chip on your shoulder and you come here and share about hating AA. People offer to help and you turn it down. Are you looking for an excuse to drink again? Have you not had enough of the misery? What? What is it we can do to help you that you WILL accept? People want to help but you have to a) be willing to take the help and b) be willing to do whatever it takes to not drink.

I wish you the best Tib, I really do and I truly hope you find whatever it is you need to help you stay sober and achieve inner peace and serenity. AA may not be it and that's fine. Lord know there are other ways to do it. Doesn't matter what you choose, just choose something other than a drink.

Take care,
Kellye

nandm

The program of A.A. did not fail you. You may feel that some people of A.A. failed you. One thing that you missed that the Steps of A.A. teach is personal responsibility and expectations. You put expectations on others but did not take personal responsibility in all this. You blame others for not being there when you needed them. Bottom line is people are human when we place expectations on them they will fail us at some point. That is why A.A. and the Steps teach us to rely upon our Higher Power rather than people. Maybe it is time you stopped blaming others and actually put that energy into taking responsibility for yourself and learning to apply the program of A.A. to your life. JMHO.

Dee74

Tib

well - outsiders view

I don't blame you for being peeved - in any organisation one out of ten is not a satisfactory ratio in answering crisis calls...and the one response you had was obviously less than you hoped for.

I will say tho I doubt you'd get any better results with any group of volunteers - and that's what they are - but it's still no good for you, and I'm sorry. It sucks.

Whether or not you determine this invalidates the whole of AA or not is up to you - and really - it's irrelevant.

AA's not the only road, mate. You and I both know that.

There's a million excuses not to quit. I found most of them.
Don't quit Tib - you deserve better than the life you have right now.

Others may let us down - people are never perfect - but we can't let ourselves down, or we're lost.

Keep searching - don't give up - whether it's AA or not, find something that works.

D

tiburon88

TTOSBT, how do you know about my willingness to quit drink? Can you read peoples minds or something? A willingness to quit drinking is not always enough. Working with a sponser and attending daily AA meetings are not always enough either. Everyone loves to point out the "alternative" programs for recovery. The truth is those are very hard to find. 90% of people that post in this forum use the AA method. I find it amusing when people like to point out how long they been sober. I'm not even talking about their anniversary dates either. My question to them is often, "did anyone even ask how long you been sober?"

tiburon

lizw

AA says - want to learn to live a spiritual life or drink yourself to death?
Alcoholic says - that's a hard choice....Can I get back to you on that one?

Stubborn1

One day or a thousand, you are held responsible.

kj3880

I'm weird I guess. If I called 10 folks, and I got one with time to talk to me, I would consider that a success for that time. Sometimes a lot of my network are working (lots of shiftworkers) but all I need is one person to talk to. I often call several folks before I get one. What I do is, leave a message at each number. Before the night is up, I usually get a call back from about 1/2 of them. If I keep trying, I'll find someone to talk to even if it does take 10-15 calls sometimes. And the people who don't call back? Sometimes they're just having a real busy day. I try to always call folks back, although I can't always talk if I'm at work.
One tool I used when I was brand new was the NA hotline. They always answered the phone there, and it really helped me. I personally do better at NA than AA. Everyone is different.
KJ

sailorjohn

Fed up because the program didn't keep you sober? Or the people in the program didn't keep you sober? I might be stating the obvious here, but there is only one being in the universe that can keep you sober. I don't know enough of your story to know how long you've manged to stay sober, but maybe you do need rehab. Have met at least one individual that told me they needed that time away from their doc to get sober, and stay sober. A last thought, I have given my phone number out many times, and maybe been called once, for a ride to a meeting.

VeritasAequitas

That's the truth - ultimately the only person responsible for how much I choose to drink or not to drink is me and me alone. No one can live my life for me because they already have a life of their own to live.

AW2486

Tib ... praying for you and hoping you find something that works.

Freedom1990

No Tib, people failed you, not AA, and they 'failed' you because you had expectations. We're all human, and that includes you, AND the people in AA.

I can't tell you the number of times I thought I really needed someone to talk to, and it ended up being one of those days where people either weren't home or were on their way out the door, etc etc etc.

That's when I got on my knees and prayed, or I got out my Big Book, or went for a walk. Those times brought me closer to my higher power.

bostonluv

Hey Tib,

Sorry you're feeling so gipped but our sobriety is our responsibility. I cannot depend on flawed human beings to be there for me 24/7. Life doesn't work that way - why would AA be any different? I hope you will find your way and let go of any bitterness. Just do that for yourself if you can because it's not going to hurt them. It's going to hurt you.

Respectfully,
Kathleen

Cathy31

I find it amusing that this thread has 3 pages to it and counting - and I've posted twice! Hopefully it's helped someone who is willing to get sober...i.e. who has the gift of desparation and is willing to go to any lengths for the beautiful life that sobriety IS. Tiburon, that's clearly not you.

Cathy31 (mindreader )
x

sobergirl77

I also used to get upset when I'd call a huge list of people for support and not many of them answered or got back to me. I've since realized that I was expecting WAY too much. Even when people say they are 'always available' or will 'always get back to you ASAP', it's just not true.

Lower your expectations, it will help you gain peace of mind.

As for AA... I've realized in the past month that AA was not for me for several reasons. For a while I was angry and frustrated, but now I know it's just not for everyone. Once I decided to unlearn what I "learned" in AA, I stopped feeling guilty and stopped feeling like a failure. I was also able to stop drinking again, and stay stopped.

They say insanity is repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Well, my experience with AA was like that. I kept trying and trying to "get it", to find a decent sponsor, to work the steps, etc. After multiple failures and having the same thing happening over and over (the end result of me relapsing), I realized that it was pure insanity for me to continue.