roadie

So I have admitted to myself that I have a drinking problem. What do I do now? I can go for days without a drink; I am a week end drinker. I used to be an every night wine drinker but who was I kidding. I have a problem. I suppose I could use the excuse that my old man was or is a drunk (haven’t spoken to him in 9 years) I could use the excuse that alcoholism runs in my family traceable to 3 generations that I know of. Now I am raising a generation of my own. Are they dammed to the same fate as me? How pathetic am I. What lies ahead for me? I am not too sure that I have a solid support mechanism at home, because of the complexity of addiction. How can they understand what they don’t know? I think that I use alcohol as an escape from those who are to support me. What now? Do I need to get a divorce? There are so many unanswered questions. How can you get better without feeling a little bit sorry for your self, with out wallowing in self-pity? Now look, I am rambling on and on.
I have lost interest in the things I love, including me! I have not lost interest in my kids so I know I haven’t hit rock bottom yet. I keep kidding myself that I haven’t turned out like my old man so I must have this under control. I still have a house and a family so I am doing good (right?). Well I am done step number one, Now to work on the others.

AW2486

roadie,

Welcome to SR..

There are many paths to sobriety. The one I use is AA, and I'm still a happy member.
I would research them all and get started on one. As for your family, Just be honest with them and ask for support on the route you take.

Welcome to a new sober life.

NYMinute

Hi and welcome ! Is the old man you're referring to your husband or your father ?

endzoner

welcome to SR one day one issue at a time :praying

roadie

Sorry I should be clear, I was referrign to my Father.

nandm

Welcome to SR!:ghug

roadie

Thanks for the suggestion of AA…Somehow I don’t think I can commit the time it takes, as I am on the road a lot with work. That is even harder. Not much to do than sit in a hotel room at night A glass of Vino goes well with the boredom.

flutter

Hi rodie, and welcome. I'm a newbie too, and I remember most of those feelings/perceptions you just shared. 21 days today.

You said you hadn't hit rock bottom because you haven't lost interest in your kids.. that doesn't *have* to be your rock bottom, that's not defined by anyone but yourself. To me it was when I realized that if I kept up doing what I was, it was detrimental to my life and my wellbeing. I don't have kids.. I did grow up in an alcoholic household. You define what you feel is the bottom, and when you do, it's only up from there!! Why go further down? We're all here for you. Welcome

Freedom1990

I had to make a commitment to recovery that was at least as dedicated as the commitment I had to drinking for years.

AA is world wide these days.

My AA sponsor is an over-the-road-driver and hits meetings all over the south and the east coast.

If you want to sit in a hotel and drink Vino, that's your choice. There are other options.

CarolD

Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum

lizw

Welcome to SR.
And AA has worked and continues to work for me.
I was 10 years clean and sober this past July.
A day at a time, of course.

AA is great in the sense that they are always there.
Weekends, public holidays, 2am, 8am or 8pm.
There are meetings everywhere and always someone to talk too.
And it doesn't cost $$$.
Not only do a get soberity, but I also learn how to live a better life.

I still wouldn't trade AA for another way to stay stopped drinking.
:atv

BaldHeadedJohn

Boredom is a HUGE factor with my drinking as well. Try visiting LifeRing Home Page for a secular self-help approach. There is also SMART recovery if AA may not be to your liking. I myself have been a member of AA, and I know that it has helped a lot of people.
Whatever path you choose, I wish you well.

BHJ

Kellye C

Hi and welcome!

AA saved my butt a little over 4 years ago. One thing you would find there is a bunch of people who have been where you are and have found a way out of their self-imposed hell of addiction. They will gladly and freely share their experience strength and hope with you and tell their stories. They will listen to you when you think nobody could possibly understand how you feel and at least one person if not many will be able to relate. It is really cool! Also you would find a sponsor and work the steps of the program and learn a whole new way to live with yourself, family, and others who may or may not work a program while staying calm and sane MOST of the time lol!

As for the traveling I do that myself and I promise you that most phone books have a listing for aa in them and they LOVE visitors (fresh perspective, fresh face etc.) It is a huge network and I personally take a lot of comfort knowing that no matter where I go I have people I can go visit who will welcome me and understand. And there is always SR, somebody is always online.

You can't expect your family to understand where you are at unless they are already in recovery.otherwise they still have their own stuff to deal with as a result of your drinking and usually no real concept of what its like to be an alkie trying to get sober and turn their life around whereas we do and so do AA and other recovery programs out there.

Please stay in contact and let us know what you do decide. Whatever road you take I wish you sobriety happiness and peace.

Take care,
Kellye

Pinkcuda

I was on the road and living in Hotel Rooms 300 nights a year. I drank and I drank a lot. I'd drink myself to a good healthy barf every night alone in a hotel room.
It was there I learned to isolate myself from the rest of the world. I would come home and isolate myself from my family just the same.
My wife turned to drugs. Why wouldn't she? I wasn't there and when I was home I wasn't there either.
I had to give up my job to be home to be with the family. Physically I was there yet I was still as isolated as ever. I'd spend my home life in the garage or basement.
I didn't have an alcohol problem. I brought home a paycheck and I didn't go out to bars. Therefore nothing could be wrong with me. It was everyone else that had the problem.
That was wrong. It was my problem and I wish I had a chance to go to AA everywhere I went instead of going to my room with a bottle of Bourbon.
You're right about your Family not understanding. They're not Alcoholic. You're right about it being passed through the genes. I'll debate anyone on that.
Now that you know that only an Alcoholic understands an Alcoholic you should also realize that an Alcoholic can't BS another Alcoholic just the same.
Just like you can't BS me into thinking that you can't make a meeting.
You've admitted your Family can't understand and support you. AA is full of people who can.

Harley3801

\

Ahh .. .. .. but the wonderful thing about AA is that you can find a meeting in any city or decent sized town all over the U.S. and there are thousands more meetings all over the world.

I know so many people who travel and find AA meetings wherever they are. Beats the boredom and sure beats sitting in a hotel room with a glass of wine. . . . and you get to meet people from everywhere you've been.

And as far as the commitment of times goes . . . there is no set amount of commitment. You can take as little or as much as you want.

The beauty of AA!

Rainbowgirl128

hey roadie,

Welcome. Good for you for taking the crucial first step. I could relate a lot to your posts. I, too, am primarily a weekend drinker. During the past five years I have gone out drinking with my friends and binge drink to escape feelings of boredom and lonliness like you describe. Anyway...i know i cant drink/dont want to drink anymore because doing so made my life SO MUCH WORSE in every aspect: my school work, personal relationships, family relationships, self worth, reputation...

As much as I am able to admit this acohol problem to myself, I have been unable to talk to my family and friends about it. I guess I am embarassed by the societal stigma or people treating me like i am "abnormal." So for the time being I am just telling people that I don't drink anymore. There are plenty of people out there who do not drink for whatever reasons but are not alcoholics.

It seems like you are frustrated that your family doesn't understand your problem. Or is it that they dont know and you don't know how to explain it?

roadie

Well Thanks to everyone who replied to my first post. I take comfort there are others out there who are thinking like me. Whereas, you thought you were alone, but you aren’t. I thank those who were very open with me. I still having trouble with that because I am a closed type person. Some of what some of you said identified me to a tee, thanks.

As for my ignorance to the AA program I have to do some research. The only exposure I have had to this program is those who choose to wallow in self-pity and regimented meetings that “THO SHALT ATTEND..Or you are out!” sort of thing. Again forgive my ignorance.

Well my go forward plan is to brush myself off. Meet my demons (or they might be better left in the closet in my case). Look into my kids’ eyes and say sorry! Even though they are very young I owe it to them.