digderidoo

I have had a hard time over the last couple of weeks of felling as though i am missing out on nights out.

Some people in AA steer clear of pubs and clubs, whereas there are others that do go for nights out and drink soft drinks. I have heard it said that you still have to have a life. And being single, i do enjoy a night out.

My sponsor is one of the ones that keeps away, he is of an attitude that "if you go to the barbers often enough, you will get your hair cut.". He feels that if i were to go out with old friends that i am being complacent, the temptation will be there.

I went out on Wednesday night with my brother and a friend to watch the England game in a pub. I was quite happy to sit there and watch the game drinking soft drinks. But towards the end of the game when people start acting silly and getting drunk i felt it was time to leave. More because i didn't fit in anymore. But at the same time i had a good night, it was a good way to unwind, socialising, watching the game.

So do you go to wet places and drink soft drinks? Or do you feel that maybe it is putting temptation in the way?

Paul

problemchild

Well Paul i do go to alot of wet places and it is strange in a sense that sometimes i will crave a drink and other times i do not crave it. As far as tempting fate a little i beleive one cannot totally avoid alcohol but on the other hand you (we) put ourselves in a bad position sometimes.. When everybody starts getting drunk and acting stupid it makes me feel good to leave sober and bad to know i was acting like that at one point.Yuck.
Just use your better judgement, if it is very tempting to drink, don't go.


Take care,
John

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

I have friends who are musicians and I venture out to see them semi-often. Not being the Rolling Stones, they usually play in bars. So, that's where I go. It doesn't bother me in the least, I'm quite happy to sip my Diet Coke. But, like the first poster, when folks start getting really snockered, I get annoyed and leave.

I did most of my drinking in my living room. Sometimes it's pretty hard to sit there...but bars, naw.

digderidoo

Thanks guys.

I definately would not go if i was feeling low, or tempted to drink. I have at times also got to the point where others are getting drunk and i feel out of it, so then i have left. I have looked at others and realise that i have acted that way, which in a sense puts me off drinking.

But at the same time i know i have to be on my guard, so wonder if i am putting temptation my way.

Paul

Boleo

I consider myself to be a "Recovered" alcoholic because I have experienced the 10th step promise described in the Big Book on page 85.

I will go to a bar to meet someone for lunch. I will go into a liquor store to get a snack. I will visit a drunk to do a 12th step call.

I do not hang around any longer than necessary to get the task done. I treat like working at the base of a cliff with a sign reading "Danger, Falling Rocks".

I get in and out before the rocks fall.

flutter

Being very new to the sober life, I've wondered about this too. The first week, my husband and I did go to restaurants that HAD bars in them, served alcohol etc, but he didn't drink, and we were there to eat, so it was perfectly fine for me, actually I was kinda looking at the people at the bar thinking.. "boy you're gonna feel like sh$% in the morning!". Then about a week in, we went to watch the UFC fights, which are always shown at bars. I decided to pick one that wasn't JUST a bar, but more of a bar and grill, and we went for dinner, and the fights (used to be drinks and the fights). I had no desire to drink, but I do admit, I got a little restless as people got buzzed and loud after a while.

9/10 was my anniversary, and my husband and I went out to dinner at a really nice place. He has been supportive and not drank since my last drink, however, he is not an alcoholic, and at some point will likely have a beer or so with his friends (away from me), or at a football game (we have season Broncos tix). This is what made me feel like I was really ok: He ordered non-alcoholic beer with his dinner, of course I'm like "seriously you HAVE to have a beer that bad that you'd get one non-alcoholic?", course, I relaxed and realized as he drank his beer flavored whatever it was that it could have been a "real beer", and I was ok. I was so scared of the visual, seeing someone I was with, drinking, and I was like... my Dr. Pepper tastes WAY better than your silly beer thing! lol..I dont' know, I'm rambling again, boy I need to chill on the coffee before my morning posts!

Bottom line for me, being so new (13 days today), I don't avoid places that serve alcohol, but then again, i haven't found a need to be at a bar for any reason. I'm sure that would be different if I were single, as it's such a social thing to do. I would just keep a check on how you're feeling all the time, in any situation, and if you're uncomfortable, heck, fake a headache and go home and take care of yourself! :P

Tazman53

I don't feel a bar or a beer blast is a smart place for someone to go to in early sobriety.

I have been able to go to a ball game with an open bar and have no issues at all, I have gone to weddings, receptions, and out to dinner with anyone and have no problems. Even so just to be on the safe side I always make sure I have a way out in case those old insane urges raise up in me.

Every one is different, some folks have no problems going places where others are drinking, others have to leave..... some drink.

I will say this, I would not go to a kegger, the only reason I know for a kegger is to get drunk, so why would I go? To tempt fate?

I would not go to a bar by myself just to hang out. What is the primary purpose of a bar?

Except for the misery drinking brought me in the end, I am not missing out on a single thing in life today by not drinking. In reality I do more things now that do not involve drinking at all then I ever did while drinking.

I have a life today, I do things, when I was drinking all I really did was drink. When I look at the bottom line of things I did while I was drinking, I did nothing unless I could drink.

Just my opinion, but in early sobriety it is a good idea to avoid all drinking situations, after the point when one is beyond the physical cravings and the mental obsession for drinking then it should not be a problem, but to be on the safe side one should make sure they have a way out independant of any one but them selfs.

Karen you mentioned your living room being a hard place to be, I did 95% of my drinking in my garage, I had a hard time going into my garage for almost a year after I quit, I had spent a minimum of 5 years drinking in there daily.

1963comet

No, I do not go to any wet places. Rather not see people drinking myself. Even when I see people buying booze at the store my first thought is " Good Luck with that."

Guess this is because drinking was not fun anymore when I quit.

Freedom1990

The only two cases I can think of that over the years was the first time I was already in relapse mode in my head, and kidded myself I was just going in to play pool and have a soft drink. In that case I did go to the barber shop often enough to get a hair cut.

The second time my youngest daughter and I went to eat steak at the only place here in town that serves them, but it's a bar as well. We really enjoyed the meal, and there were a lot of other people in the restaurant section not drinking either.

Isaiah

I never found it problematic, but I more or less quit social drinking years ago. Even before I started to develop a drinking problem I would chain smoke through the night and leave everyone else to enjoy their drinks. I thought bar drinks were a waste of money. For me there is a much stronger association with being home alone and alcohol than being at a bar and alcohol. Bars, for me, were where I'd go to talk to friends, eat greasy food and watch soccer games.

least

I'm still in early recovery (62 days) and tho I avoided such places at the very beginning, I have no fear of "getting a haircut" by being close to a "barber". I did 99% of my drinking home alone so the bar scene doesn't bother me, except to look at the stupid drunks and think, "glad I'm not in your shoes, tonight or tomorrow morning!"

I guess it would depend a lot on how the individual felt about going to a 'wet' place and staying dry. For me, I'm so afraid of falling back into that hell hole that I consider myself allergic to booze now and all the temptation in the world can't make me fall back into that mess - been there, done with that!

flutter

This was me too. I did my "heavy" drinking at home.. mostly a hidden vodka bottle here in my bedroom, and bars really were more where I'd hope my husband THOUGHT I got 'that' buzzed, and where, because I was already loaded, I really wouldn't drink, I'd eat! And blab my mouth off!

My house, my bedroom, alone, is my "barber shop". Luckily there's no scissors here anymore :P lol god that was a stretch! (I also had a friend reference this to me lately after I went to watch the fights at a bar) Bars aren't what triggers me, either.

Hope

When I was drinking, I never went in a bar and not drank so I know that for me at this point, it isn't a good idea for me to be testing it out in my sobriety. But that is just me and my current situation.

CarolD

Hmm.
I worked in bars and mostly drank in them...
I found I did not stay sober until I made changes.

I took an office job ...cut loose my drinking buddies
stopped going anywhere that had drinking memories.

My AA group was mostly other singles and we
did all sorts of things together, we ad a blast!

Since then...19 years...I have been around alcohol at times
As a recovered AA alcoholic...I can go anywhere I choose.

I prefer to not go to wet places...
they are usually loud and always smell vile.
.

Pinkcuda

I don't go out of my way to go to wet places but I have no problem when I end up in them. I know who I am and I know what fabric I'm woven of. I can't drink and I'm OK with it.
Strange as it sounds I never really did like drunk people. Therefore I didn't spend too much time in bars as it was.

scoob

I've played on a pool team for the last 10 years. Other than being pregnant I always drank. Last Tuesday was my first sober night and I had a blast. I had just as much fun and did everything the same way, but exchanged a beer for club soda. Went out and had a cigarette with my girlfriend and drove her home. It was a good night.

If it had been hard not to drink I may have considered not playing this year, because like others have said, I have made not drinking more important than continuing to drink, but I love my pool.

The only spot I need to avoid is anywhere my hand is on a bottle of alcohol. My house, a friends house, bar, wherever.

Jfanagle

I do not hesitate to go where alcohol is being served, if I have a good reason to be there.

I would not go to a bar because I just wanted to hang out. If people with whom I have business or a social occasion are gathering in a bar/restaurant, then I have no real problem.

That being said I was in Las Vegas at some corporate meetings in June this year and I was in a black mood after the day’s meetings. When my partner (business) and others wanted to go out on the town, I knew I was less than prepared to be in that environment in my "mood" so I excused myself, telling my partner that it just wasn't wise. He knows my history and was completely in agreement and covered for me. I went back to my room and read. All was good in the AM. This is after almost 9 years sober, but we know ourselves better than anyone else knows us and if we are shaky, why tempt fate?

I don't go swimming after a big meal either!! It may be a wives tale, but my Mom told me not to and SHE has always been a power greater than myself!!!

Just my thoughts. Listen to your higher power or your Mother and you can't go wrong.

Jon

Grace2u

For me, there are different levels of sobriety. When I was newly sober (years ago), I took the advice of the rehab and stayed away from boozeria's. But after a few years of sobriety, I was totally fine with it. Some sober time under my belt made all the diff.

Old timers will say things like, "Arrive late and leave early", with respect to going to social events where booze is being consumed. I followed that advice, not only because of poss temptation, but the "cocktail hour" can last for friggin' ever!

Mostly, I found when I was sober that being around people who were drinking was really BORING. They just got stupid. Hence the "leave early" part.

If I go food shopping when I'm really hungry, it's amazing the amount of crap I'll buy. Likewise, ever been on a diet and walked into a bakery? Ouch!

Bottom line: if I don't have to put myself in front of an oncoming train, I just stay off the tracks.

Rob B

I would get a new sponsor ASAP, your current one sounds like he is offering up a nice middle of the road solution that has nothing to do with the program of AA outlined in the Big Book.

My book tells me I can recover and walk anywhere a free man, the problem has been removed. My experience confirms this. If I am afraid of being around booze, there is something wrong with my spiritual condition.

Now before anyone jumps down my throat, I don't suggest hanging out in bars etc.. until the 10th step promise is a reality.

sugErspun

"if you go to the barbers often enough, you will get your hair cut."

Not if you are bald.

Think about it.