ManchurianC

I quit for 7 months from December 2007 to July 2008. I had the PAWS thing quite bad for a month and felt a bit depressed, but came through it and felt a lot happier with life.

On July 26 I was knocked off my bike and suffered loads of painful minor injuries. Then later that day my printer broke, I burnt my dinner and my favourite jacked get ripped on a door handle. I decided to drink just to get wasted for a few hours to forget my troubles and pain.

The beer did not do much - I just felt a bit dull. Anyway, I bought some more beer (more than before) the next Saturday, and did this until 4 weeks ago. It was then I started buying beer on Friday and Saturday (drinking as much as 25 units of alcohol) over the two days.

The Wednesday just before the one that has passed, I started a brew of 1 kilo of sugar, super-yeast and flavouring in a bucket. On the Friday I bought cider and had 10 units of alcohol. On the Saturday (6 September) the brew was ready and I drank loads of it ( a bit more than half a bucket full). So I had 3 litres of 10% alcohol hooch in one session (30 units of alcohol) and felt horrible.

Oh boy .. what an awful week at work. I've been sweating like a pig and making all kinds of dumb mistakes - but I'm over it and back on track.

I went to the supermarket after work and went back to my lovely ginger ale and fresh orange juice as my 'treat' drink.

What have I learned from my relapse?

1. I can't moderate drink - I fast-track straight to a psychotic idiot guzzeling brain-damaging amounts.

2. I got no pleasure or even a high from booze - the only 2 things were addiction and self-destruction.

3. I glad I relapsed in a way. There is nothing in alcohol for me any more.

Finally, when you relapse you have to go through the PAWS symptoms again (to a lesser or greater degree, depending on how much and for how long you went back to booze) - So relapsing brings a lot of stress with it even after you get back to sanity.

Oh well, at least I pulled myself together (I'm 6 days sober now) before I hit bottom. Thank you for being here - It helps me to come the forum now and again to read the good and the bad.

dancinggirl

Thanks for posting! I, too, went out again and am now 8 days sober (I think). Like you, I'm glad I did it. I saw that there isn't anything "there" for me. Didn't feel good...wasn't fun...just felt sick. Hopefully we've both learned this time!

Anna

Hi Manuchurian,

Welcome back!

I think when you recognize that alcohol is no longer an option, you are able to begin finding other ways to deal with life's problems. There will always be bad days and there will always be problems. I have learned, slowly but surely, to deal with problems in a more healthy way.

ManchurianC

Thanks dancinggirl.

I had this idea at the back of my mind I was missing out on fun and pleasure -- But the truth is, alcohol is just filthy muck that makes me sick and crazy. I sort of have the same view of it as I have with cigarettes -just an addiction and poison.

dancinggirl

Yeah, I thought that I was missing out on something, too! I had this "memory" of having fun while drinking, laughing, being the life of the party, etc.. LOL! In reality, I ended up sobbing on my steps in my pjs, trying to make the world stop spinning so I could sleep. Reeeeally classy!

Lindsay

Welcome back. I'm glad that you were able to realize what you were doing and get back on track. Your drinking habits remind me of myself; I know exactly how you're feeling right now.

Snickers008

I'm no expert but it seems like once you have crossed a certain point where you realize to the core of your soul how your addiction has lied to you with all the empty promises - there really is no going back to your carefree ways. It's just never the same again- and that's a good thing.

This forum is just such an inspirational place to be!

CarolD

Glad to know you are beginning again

Welcome back to SR!