I need some advice.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Lake Worth Florida
Posts: 2
I need some advice.
My husband is a recovering alcoholic, or so I thought he was.. When I met him he was a full blown alky, and I was a zanex abuser. I got pregnant and we both sobered up. It was over 2 years before he picked up. And of course I followed. We where smoking pot. And then he started drinking. And I started taking zanex again. Long story short, I am sober, not using anyhting, but he is I would call it benge drinking. He comes home from work and has about 5 beers, not every night, but a few times a week.. The last time he got wasted, we got into a huge fight. I had to call his best frined over to help me with him. We have a 2 year old son and a almost 1 year old daughter. He has never really been violent with me, but this time around he is starting too..
Well, a few days ago, he came home with a 6 pack of beer, after he had that gone, he showed me a bottle of alazay? some kinda liquor. And I knew right there I would get no sleep tonite.. Its like when he drinks and gets drunk, he becomes a different person. I cant talk ro him, I cant rationalize with him, nothing.He ended up calling all of his frineds and fighting with them on the phone. He tried to give his car away.. I mean. its crazy. I had finally got the kids to bed. And I heard him stumbleing around in the kitchen asking for dinner.. I had already cooked it and he had already eaten. I informed him of that, and he got mad. He asked for more beer. I said that he drank it all, he got more mad. SO, I finally got him to lay on the couch, and I was trying to make him laugh hoping to make him in a better mood.. Well, that didnt work, he was trying to grab me, and he fell of the couch. ANd then chased me into the bedroom. My daughter co sleeps so she was on the bed and he grabbed my leg behind the knee and squeezed as hard as he could, I fell on the bed, I had the video camera in my hand the whole time.. When he grabbed my leg, I fell on the bed, my duaghter woke up scremaing because she was scared. He yanked me off the bed, the bed came away form the wall and the baby almost fell on the floor.. He is still sueezing my leg at this point.. My daughter is screaming and he wouldnt let go.. I screamed for him to stop that he was hurting me, and he still didnt stop. So, I finally said that he was scaring me and he stopped. I have all of this on video.
He didnt make it to work the next day.
My husband is the kindest, sweetest , best father I could ask for.. But when he drinks he becomes a different person. He woke up about an hour after he went to sleep that same night triyng to get out the front door and he couldnt get it open, so he started beating on the door, this is at like 4:30 in the morning. I stood in the door way and watched, and he pulled his pants down and pissed all over the front door, the high chair, and the last time he was druink he pissed all over the couch...
I am really to the point where I dont knwo what to od.. Im scared fo rmy kids. I am afraid they will end up in his path of destruction.. How do I talk to him? How do I get him to go to aa or counseling. He doesnt want me to tell anyone about this.. And I tell him that im jsut co sining his ********.. Which I dont want to do.. Any advice?
Im sure theres more... BUt, I cant think right now..
Well, a few days ago, he came home with a 6 pack of beer, after he had that gone, he showed me a bottle of alazay? some kinda liquor. And I knew right there I would get no sleep tonite.. Its like when he drinks and gets drunk, he becomes a different person. I cant talk ro him, I cant rationalize with him, nothing.He ended up calling all of his frineds and fighting with them on the phone. He tried to give his car away.. I mean. its crazy. I had finally got the kids to bed. And I heard him stumbleing around in the kitchen asking for dinner.. I had already cooked it and he had already eaten. I informed him of that, and he got mad. He asked for more beer. I said that he drank it all, he got more mad. SO, I finally got him to lay on the couch, and I was trying to make him laugh hoping to make him in a better mood.. Well, that didnt work, he was trying to grab me, and he fell of the couch. ANd then chased me into the bedroom. My daughter co sleeps so she was on the bed and he grabbed my leg behind the knee and squeezed as hard as he could, I fell on the bed, I had the video camera in my hand the whole time.. When he grabbed my leg, I fell on the bed, my duaghter woke up scremaing because she was scared. He yanked me off the bed, the bed came away form the wall and the baby almost fell on the floor.. He is still sueezing my leg at this point.. My daughter is screaming and he wouldnt let go.. I screamed for him to stop that he was hurting me, and he still didnt stop. So, I finally said that he was scaring me and he stopped. I have all of this on video.
He didnt make it to work the next day.
My husband is the kindest, sweetest , best father I could ask for.. But when he drinks he becomes a different person. He woke up about an hour after he went to sleep that same night triyng to get out the front door and he couldnt get it open, so he started beating on the door, this is at like 4:30 in the morning. I stood in the door way and watched, and he pulled his pants down and pissed all over the front door, the high chair, and the last time he was druink he pissed all over the couch...
I am really to the point where I dont knwo what to od.. Im scared fo rmy kids. I am afraid they will end up in his path of destruction.. How do I talk to him? How do I get him to go to aa or counseling. He doesnt want me to tell anyone about this.. And I tell him that im jsut co sining his ********.. Which I dont want to do.. Any advice?
Im sure theres more... BUt, I cant think right now..
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 87
Hello Jabes,
I am no expert in these matters but this sounds like a dangerous and very unhealthy situation for your kids. This may be calling the kettle black since I am a single father and passed out nightly while my little one was in my care but she never, ever saw me in a drunken state like that and, never ever abusive to her mother.
I truly believe that the most important thing that we can do in this life is to raise great little human beings that are secure, safe and provided with an environment to thrive in everything that they do.
The good news is that your kids are young and will not likely remember any of this when they get older, that is if things were to change now. I would suggest seeking the advice of a professional child development expert or even attending an alonon meeting to share your experience with others who may have gone through the same issues.
Good luck to you and keep the kids first.
I am no expert in these matters but this sounds like a dangerous and very unhealthy situation for your kids. This may be calling the kettle black since I am a single father and passed out nightly while my little one was in my care but she never, ever saw me in a drunken state like that and, never ever abusive to her mother.
I truly believe that the most important thing that we can do in this life is to raise great little human beings that are secure, safe and provided with an environment to thrive in everything that they do.
The good news is that your kids are young and will not likely remember any of this when they get older, that is if things were to change now. I would suggest seeking the advice of a professional child development expert or even attending an alonon meeting to share your experience with others who may have gone through the same issues.
Good luck to you and keep the kids first.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Welcome to SR and our alcoholism forum!:ghug2
I am glad you are here. You might also find some great experience, strength, and hope in our Families and Friends of Alcoholics forum. There are some great people there. Unfortunately I am an alcoholic so I really don't have a lot of experience I can share right now.
I am glad you are here. You might also find some great experience, strength, and hope in our Families and Friends of Alcoholics forum. There are some great people there. Unfortunately I am an alcoholic so I really don't have a lot of experience I can share right now.
Being Me for the first time
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Wishek, North Dakota
Posts: 1,160
wow Jabes... first of all im sorry your going thu the things your going thu. I cant tell you what to do , but you and your children deserve better for yourselfs to get away. Im sure hes a wonderful man while sober , but when the calls of the bottle are at hand its a differant story if he was doing this while your children were presant thats even more scarie .Has he seen the video's of him self in this rampage ? You cant make him quit or get help he has to want it and mite be an eye opener for him . I know myself I wouldnt let my child be around someone who could danger me , where would that put my child when I wasnt there , with the same person that had done me harm , I couldnt fatum that thought . I pray you find strengt in your choices for you and your family . Alanon is a great program Peace be with you and yours Mrs O:praying
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Ugh.
You have to protect you and the babies.
He needs to go or you guys do.
It is time to set boundaries.
Has he seen the video?
If not, sit down (when he is sober), show it to him and tell him something has to change today!!
Best of luck! :ghug3
You have to protect you and the babies.
He needs to go or you guys do.
It is time to set boundaries.
Has he seen the video?
If not, sit down (when he is sober), show it to him and tell him something has to change today!!
Best of luck! :ghug3
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I strongly suggest you contact a local domestic
womens abuse center and find out whats available to you.
Look in the front of your phone book for the number.
You and your young children deserve a better life.
womens abuse center and find out whats available to you.
Look in the front of your phone book for the number.
You and your young children deserve a better life.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Please, please, please do the right thing for your children.
Protect your children and get out of the situation.
Go to a women's shelter.
Domestic Assault Shelter Hotline
2200 N Florida Mango Rd # 102
West Palm Beach, FL 33409, United States
(561) 640-9844
Protect your children and get out of the situation.
Go to a women's shelter.
Domestic Assault Shelter Hotline
2200 N Florida Mango Rd # 102
West Palm Beach, FL 33409, United States
(561) 640-9844
Day One's Can RIP!!!
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Far & Wide
Posts: 244
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I seriously agree with Carol on this, Jabes. I'm sure there must be a women's shelter in your area. You need to call them and find out what you need to do to get you and your children to safety.
And I wouldn't wait.
I seriously agree with Carol on this, Jabes. I'm sure there must be a women's shelter in your area. You need to call them and find out what you need to do to get you and your children to safety.
And I wouldn't wait.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: West Warwick, Rhode Island
Posts: 30
I agree, he needs to see the video. He's probably blacking out and not remembering any of it. But I would make plans to go- if it's too much to uproot your family you could tell him he has to go- but only if you have someone stay with you.
Of course he's wonderful when he's sober, but remember that you might not be able to get him to stop hurting you next time. He might be too far gone.
He needs to understand, in no uncertain terms, why his children cannot be allowed to live with him.
Don't be lulled by the sober times, or promises. Whatever steps he takes to get sober have to be as intense as the unending nights he is putting his family through.
Good luck and stick around.
Of course he's wonderful when he's sober, but remember that you might not be able to get him to stop hurting you next time. He might be too far gone.
He needs to understand, in no uncertain terms, why his children cannot be allowed to live with him.
Don't be lulled by the sober times, or promises. Whatever steps he takes to get sober have to be as intense as the unending nights he is putting his family through.
Good luck and stick around.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
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