jnj

Ok my year anniversary is tomorrow....9-10-08....and I've been soooo emotional lately as it approaches...the usual...nightmares that I drank...like I had in rehab....thinking " I did it..I proved it guys...I can drink now right? " ha I know I can't to drink for me is to die....I've also cried alot lately mostly out of gratitude that I can't believe I did it and I thank GOD>

jnj

anyway..I've cried because I'm soooo shocked and grateful..however
I had to REMIND my mom and sister.....I'm single...that my year was coming up...I reminded them last week.....I just wanted to go to dinner at least...( guess they weren't planning any big suprise party) seriously....I thought they could have...NO ...they had to "cance" their plans to go to dinner with me...now it's the night before and I'm on here to post and read and gain insight and I see my mom -my best friend is on her computer....she sent funny emails...and we have NOT confirmed dinner for tomorrow night...what time/ where etc....I AM SOOOOO HURT.....

jnj

i FEEL I COULD CRY...ok why am I soooo emotional...it seems more than normal....I cried over the weekend because I was soooooo lonely and now my mom is tooooo busy checking emails to plan her daughters sobriety celebration? She can't call me......it's 10:00pm...I could cry....do they not get it?
It almost makes me feel like ok...so what? It's no big deal to them I made it a year...so I guess I can drink now...I'm not...but why am I so hurt is this normal? Would you be? I let them down over and over I was in the hospital for 3 weeks with pancreatitis.....a tube in my nose down my throat years ago and I didn't stop....don't they get it? My mom knows I have no husband and no kids.....she's my best friend and she's tooo busy checking emails to call me and ask what we can do tomorrow? AM I wrong? I was soooo proud of myself and cried earlier because I couldn't believe I made it a year and was happy and now I can just feel soooo alone and not believe ...it...it's the night before ......they don't care......they have their husbands and children and I just lost my dad a few months ago..don't they know this is soooo important to me....?

scorpiogirl

Quote:

Originally Posted by jnj

i FEEL I COULD CRY...ok why am I soooo emotional...it seems more than normal....I cried over the weekend because I was soooooo lonely and now my mom is tooooo busy checking emails to plan her daughters sobriety celebration? She can't call me......it's 10:00pm...I could cry....do they not get it?
......they don't care......they have their husbands and children and I just lost my dad a few months ago..don't they know this is soooo important to me....?

Regular people are selfish and self-centered too (assuming they're regular people). I hear you setting yourself up to {possibly} fail?? Call your sponsor. Tell HER you want to go out to dinner and bring some AA friends. I think you would have a much more fun time rather than sitting across from your mom and whoever else while they just eat their dinner and not make a big deal out of your 1 year anniversary.

Seriously, you have another family now - your AA family. Even if you haven't gotten close to anyone, tell some people or just ask them to go out with you to celebrate your one-year; even if it's for ice cream! Do it. I bet you'll feel somewhat better. Your new life is with program people. And you're right, she just doesn't "get it". Now, it's up to you to get it and create what it is you want. If you really, really want to do the dinner with your mom, stand up, go up to her and tell her. Tell her how important it is to you. Don't wait for her to have the lightbulb go on in her head while you sit there nurturing a resentment and possibly drinking over this.

BIG :ghug3 little one. Take care of you - you're the only YOU you've got!

SelfSeeking

I second scorpiogirl! Don't let this resentment build... you can't force your mom to be what you need, but you can reach out to others. AA people will get what a huge deal one year of sobriety is... and d@mn it really is huge! You have a lot to celebrate! Don't let your mom pee on your parade.

I hope you get to eat REAL cake soon but until then: 6

jnj

Thanks guys!!! My mom actually just called and asked what we were doing tomorrow night and I started crying I told her how hard it's been...she's my best friend and we do talk about everything...I didn't tell her I was hurt that I had to REMIND them ....but you're all right.....only AA and other addicts "get it" I actually called tonight about volunteering.....I'm going to get more involved with AA and helping others.....you're right.....they "get it" and you guys "get it" thanks again!
I'll be back!
:ghug2

TTOSBT

Yeah! I was happy to read your last post.
I wanted to say that I am SO close to my Mom and I have a husband. Neither gets it. They listen but I get the deer in a headlights if I expect a reaction.
So..I have learned to share and call the people that CAN share my recovery ups and downs. I have a sponsor and several women and men friends in the program. They are ALWAYS thrilled to hear me!

Pinkcuda

I always thought they listened like this. It's like they hear you but haven't got a clue.

SelfSeeking

Sweet! Thanks for helping me start my morning on a positive note

Tazman53

I have found that those who are not alcoholics or addicts have no idea what some one in recovery is talking about, my wife to this day does not get it, do not get me wrong, she is very supportive of me now that I have been sober a while, but she openly admits she does not understand.

scorpiogirl

I LOVED this! When I read this last sentence of yours, my mind said, "don't let your mom pee on your birthday cake!"

*****Happy Birthday JNJ!!!!**** and, many, many more.
7

A friend once told me that just cause I was sad & depressed, didn't mean I couldn't be happy. I thought that a crazy thought til I ended up laughing later that day and thought, "hmph! I really can smile while depressed".

So, happy birthday to you....and make this day be whatever you want!
Your friends here at SR :ghug

Miracle!!

Jfanagle

jnj,

One year is a big deal and you should be grateful. I remember on my first year birthday I shared in an AA meeting that I was so proud of that one year! After the meeting a fellow, who would 5 years later become my second sponsor, walked up and shook my hand. He quietly told me that "you should be grateful, let others be proud of you, you just be grateful."

It bothered me, I wanted to be proud, but after my hurt feelings passed I realized that all the work and effort was something only I would ever know about. Our sobriety is personal and precious to us. Others live their lives, just like they did when we were drinking. Perhaps that is why WE "trudge the road to happy destiny."

Congratulations, it is a huge accomplishment, and those of us who share your journey know what you have gone through. I hope you will find some time today to share with someone who is behind you on the road to happy destiny and lend them some of your hard earned strength and hope!

Great job and keep coming back no matter what,

Jon