What has sobriety taught you is important in leading a healthy, happy, peaceful life
Life the gift of recovery!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
What has sobriety taught you is important in leading a healthy, happy, peaceful life Lately a recurring thought has been running through my head regarding what I have learned in recovery about how to live life in peace and serenity. I would love to get your opinion and thoughts on the subject I am posting on or share about what you have learned is important in leading a healthy, happy, peaceful life.
I have come to realize that many people in today's world do not understand the concept of a person helping someone out with no thought or expectation of something in return. Just helping out to help out. The biggest thing that set me off on these thoughts is I recently helped a friends get their house ready to sell. I put in quite a bit of work and she did approach me with hiring me to do this work. I did not mind doing it and got paid quite well. I do realize though that these people are not rich and don't have money to just throw away. The man has a bad back, worse than mine, and she has had a broken neck which still gives her a lot of pain even though it was several years ago. The doctors did not know if she would even walk again.
To get to the moral of the story here. They are now working on getting his mothers house ready to move into, they are selling the house they live in now, as his mother died and left him her house. It needs a lot of work. There is a bunch of inside and outside work to be done. They are trying to save as much money as they can by doing a lot of the work themselves. My g/f and I have offered several times to help them do the work without charge. I think they will have us help but I can tell they are not used to people helping without expecting something in return.
My thoughts have run toward the belief that the reason many people today are suspicious of people offering to help without expecting something in return is because our society has become so greed driven. The need to have more and bigger than the next guy. Being caught up in this many people have gotten to where they think they can not do any work without getting paid for it, making a profit so they can buy more. We no longer live in a society where neighbors would get together and help someone build a barn when their barn burned down and do it for nothing more than a picnic lunch the women made while the men raised the barn. We have gotten to the point in many cases that often we don't even really know our neighbors in any way except to possibly wave when we see them. We are so busy going and doing to try and keep up with the Jones' that we feel we are too worn out to help anyone else.
One of the things that sobriety has taught me is giving without expectation. Giving simply to help someone else. Giving simply because I can. This is something I had been doing in sobriety without even thinking about it up until now. I don't have a lot of money so I give what I can which many times is something like mowing the yard of an elderly lady down the street so she doesn't have to try and pay someone to do it while living on a fixed income and doing it when she is not home so she will not know who did it. Picking up an extra gallon of milk at the grocery store and giving it to the neighbor across the street with 3 young children to raise. Putting up a fence for a friend who lives with her elderly mother and is unable to do the physical labor herself and could not afford to pay someone to do it. Giving an encouraging word to the newcomer who is struggling. These are the types of things that sobriety has taught me are important in life.
So what are some of the things sobriety has taught you about life?
I have come to realize that many people in today's world do not understand the concept of a person helping someone out with no thought or expectation of something in return. Just helping out to help out. The biggest thing that set me off on these thoughts is I recently helped a friends get their house ready to sell. I put in quite a bit of work and she did approach me with hiring me to do this work. I did not mind doing it and got paid quite well. I do realize though that these people are not rich and don't have money to just throw away. The man has a bad back, worse than mine, and she has had a broken neck which still gives her a lot of pain even though it was several years ago. The doctors did not know if she would even walk again.
To get to the moral of the story here. They are now working on getting his mothers house ready to move into, they are selling the house they live in now, as his mother died and left him her house. It needs a lot of work. There is a bunch of inside and outside work to be done. They are trying to save as much money as they can by doing a lot of the work themselves. My g/f and I have offered several times to help them do the work without charge. I think they will have us help but I can tell they are not used to people helping without expecting something in return.
My thoughts have run toward the belief that the reason many people today are suspicious of people offering to help without expecting something in return is because our society has become so greed driven. The need to have more and bigger than the next guy. Being caught up in this many people have gotten to where they think they can not do any work without getting paid for it, making a profit so they can buy more. We no longer live in a society where neighbors would get together and help someone build a barn when their barn burned down and do it for nothing more than a picnic lunch the women made while the men raised the barn. We have gotten to the point in many cases that often we don't even really know our neighbors in any way except to possibly wave when we see them. We are so busy going and doing to try and keep up with the Jones' that we feel we are too worn out to help anyone else.
One of the things that sobriety has taught me is giving without expectation. Giving simply to help someone else. Giving simply because I can. This is something I had been doing in sobriety without even thinking about it up until now. I don't have a lot of money so I give what I can which many times is something like mowing the yard of an elderly lady down the street so she doesn't have to try and pay someone to do it while living on a fixed income and doing it when she is not home so she will not know who did it. Picking up an extra gallon of milk at the grocery store and giving it to the neighbor across the street with 3 young children to raise. Putting up a fence for a friend who lives with her elderly mother and is unable to do the physical labor herself and could not afford to pay someone to do it. Giving an encouraging word to the newcomer who is struggling. These are the types of things that sobriety has taught me are important in life.
So what are some of the things sobriety has taught you about life?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
kind of in the same vein Judith - I never really learned to love...either myself or others...until I began recovery....there's something about the giving of ourselves freely that enriches us I think.
I don't look for returns - ever - but they come.
It's like the old song Nature Boy...the line I always loved but never 'got' until last year
'"The greatest thing you'll ever learn/Is just to love and be loved in return."
D
I don't look for returns - ever - but they come.
It's like the old song Nature Boy...the line I always loved but never 'got' until last year
'"The greatest thing you'll ever learn/Is just to love and be loved in return."
D
~miss nikky~
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: windsor gardens, south australia, australia
Posts: 1,984
recovery is teaching me that not everyone is up for the journey an i must accept this or struggle with this...
my friend has just come out of an induced coma after his aorta ripped away from his heart after a taste 8weex ago, sadly enouhg, lack of bloodflow to the muscles during this has left him a paraplegic with mild brain damage also...
still, once back with the living , the first thing he did was call his dealer...
"I cry a river of tears for addiction a strong as yours my friend, for it is partly your near death that has been my leap forward into the unknown"
life without recovery is merely exsisting for me
these lessons are priceless
my friend has just come out of an induced coma after his aorta ripped away from his heart after a taste 8weex ago, sadly enouhg, lack of bloodflow to the muscles during this has left him a paraplegic with mild brain damage also...
still, once back with the living , the first thing he did was call his dealer...
"I cry a river of tears for addiction a strong as yours my friend, for it is partly your near death that has been my leap forward into the unknown"
life without recovery is merely exsisting for me
these lessons are priceless
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
My best friend and I have a game ...been doing it for years
"If you could only have one ------ what would you choose"?
If I could only have one benefit from recovery
I would choose my renewed connection to my God.
"If you could only have one ------ what would you choose"?
If I could only have one benefit from recovery
I would choose my renewed connection to my God.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
What Has Recovery Done To Be Able To Lead A Healthy, Happy, Peaceful Life?
I HAVE LEARNED MANY THINGS TO BE ABLE TO LIVE A HAPPY, PEACEFUL. & HEALTHY LIFE SINCE BEING SOBER. 
I HAVE FOUND HAPPINESS WITH BEING ABLE TO SEE & WATCH THE SMALLEST BIRD OR SQUIRRAL. I CAN SEE & ENJOY THE BLUE SKY, SUN SHINE, RAIN, OR WIND IN MY FACE.
I HAVE PEACEFUL MOMENTS EVERYDAY BY TAKING A QUIET TIME SITTING WITH MY DOG IN MY LAP WITH NO TV OR NOISE GOING. I USE THE SERENITY PRAYER WHEN I FEEL ANXIETY COMING ON TO HELP MYSELF FIND A PEACEFUL PLACE TO SIT & MEDITATE.
MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BOTH BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL THE PAST TWO WEEKS. HE WAS FIRST WITH PNEUMONIA & VERY LOW BLOOD PRESSURE. I FOLLOWED THE DAY AFTER HE CAME HOME INTO A MANIC EPISODE THAT LED TO MY BEING HOSPITALIZED IN A PSYC UNIT A THREE HOUR DRIVE FROM WHERE WE LIVE.
WE HAVE GROWN TO FIND OUR HEALTH PRICELESS & HATE IT EVERY TIME WE HAVE TO GET HELP...BUT DO GET HELP. THAT IS WHAT COUNTS FOR US.
BEING SOBER HAS BEEN ONE OF THE MOST WONDERFUL AND HAPPIEST YEARS OF MY LIFE. I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING! :ghug
KELSH
I HAVE FOUND HAPPINESS WITH BEING ABLE TO SEE & WATCH THE SMALLEST BIRD OR SQUIRRAL. I CAN SEE & ENJOY THE BLUE SKY, SUN SHINE, RAIN, OR WIND IN MY FACE.
I HAVE PEACEFUL MOMENTS EVERYDAY BY TAKING A QUIET TIME SITTING WITH MY DOG IN MY LAP WITH NO TV OR NOISE GOING. I USE THE SERENITY PRAYER WHEN I FEEL ANXIETY COMING ON TO HELP MYSELF FIND A PEACEFUL PLACE TO SIT & MEDITATE.
MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BOTH BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL THE PAST TWO WEEKS. HE WAS FIRST WITH PNEUMONIA & VERY LOW BLOOD PRESSURE. I FOLLOWED THE DAY AFTER HE CAME HOME INTO A MANIC EPISODE THAT LED TO MY BEING HOSPITALIZED IN A PSYC UNIT A THREE HOUR DRIVE FROM WHERE WE LIVE.
WE HAVE GROWN TO FIND OUR HEALTH PRICELESS & HATE IT EVERY TIME WE HAVE TO GET HELP...BUT DO GET HELP. THAT IS WHAT COUNTS FOR US.
BEING SOBER HAS BEEN ONE OF THE MOST WONDERFUL AND HAPPIEST YEARS OF MY LIFE. I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING! :ghug
KELSH
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Wow one of the biggest things I can think of has been learning that the more I give away, the more I get in return.
I have found that in sobriety I get more joy out of other peoples joy then my own, to see some one "get it" makes my heart sing, to see a smile on someones face who just a short time ago looked dazed, confused, & scared is awesome.
I have found that in sobriety I get more joy out of other peoples joy then my own, to see some one "get it" makes my heart sing, to see a smile on someones face who just a short time ago looked dazed, confused, & scared is awesome.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
There are so many things I have learned that have completely changed my outlook on life. Some of these are:
Acceptance - of others, of myself, of life. Everything is good the way it is. I don't know what the future holds but I am not scared of it anymore.
Gratitude - I have been blessed with so much. My sobriety, health, family, friends, career, home...my life. It overwhelms me sometimes.
Forgiveness - I don't carry grudges anymore. I pray for others and I sincerely hope that everyone finds peace. I don't beat myself up for mistakes I have made in the past. There are things I am not proud of but I can't change it - just learn & move on.
Earlier in my sobriety, I would try to spend each day focused on doing my best & helping others. What an amazing feeling. It is becoming more natural for me to do this. I don't even really have to think about it anymore. Initially it took some effort as I used to be so self-centered.
I believe that the reason why I am alive is to help others. Helping my wife at home, teaching my kids, approaching my job from the perspective of how it helps others, a hand to those who are struggling, a kind word...how I can be helpful is unlimited and comes to me in the most unexpected ways.
I don't expect anything in return but consider helping others to be my responsibility. I have been blessed with many gifts and I have to honor these gifts by using them in a good way. What I do get in return, however, is a deep sense of peace and joy, my thoughts & actions are in sync with what I believe life is all about.
What I find exciting is that I will never be finished learning. There is so much wisdom everywhere in this world & I just have to listen.
Acceptance - of others, of myself, of life. Everything is good the way it is. I don't know what the future holds but I am not scared of it anymore.
Gratitude - I have been blessed with so much. My sobriety, health, family, friends, career, home...my life. It overwhelms me sometimes.
Forgiveness - I don't carry grudges anymore. I pray for others and I sincerely hope that everyone finds peace. I don't beat myself up for mistakes I have made in the past. There are things I am not proud of but I can't change it - just learn & move on.
Earlier in my sobriety, I would try to spend each day focused on doing my best & helping others. What an amazing feeling. It is becoming more natural for me to do this. I don't even really have to think about it anymore. Initially it took some effort as I used to be so self-centered.
I believe that the reason why I am alive is to help others. Helping my wife at home, teaching my kids, approaching my job from the perspective of how it helps others, a hand to those who are struggling, a kind word...how I can be helpful is unlimited and comes to me in the most unexpected ways.
I don't expect anything in return but consider helping others to be my responsibility. I have been blessed with many gifts and I have to honor these gifts by using them in a good way. What I do get in return, however, is a deep sense of peace and joy, my thoughts & actions are in sync with what I believe life is all about.
What I find exciting is that I will never be finished learning. There is so much wisdom everywhere in this world & I just have to listen.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Thailand
Posts: 31
Tazman,
I understand that one perfectly; to pick someone up at the Bangkok airport and take them to the clinic and they are a complete basket case, terrified, confused, dazed, etc. Then a month later pick them up at the center to take them back to the airport, they are scared again of course, but for a different reason, now there scared to loose what they have gained and hopefully determined to make sure that never happens. They are generally however totally different people, happy with life and looking at their future with optimism for the first time in years for many.
I also get what someone else said the more I give the more I get back. Only problem with me, as has been pointed out by a few people, I tend to give to much of myself to perfect strangers and jeopardize my own health sometimes with stress and worry about others. Well we all still have something to work on I guess. And I still have to sort out my work life balance.
I understand that one perfectly; to pick someone up at the Bangkok airport and take them to the clinic and they are a complete basket case, terrified, confused, dazed, etc. Then a month later pick them up at the center to take them back to the airport, they are scared again of course, but for a different reason, now there scared to loose what they have gained and hopefully determined to make sure that never happens. They are generally however totally different people, happy with life and looking at their future with optimism for the first time in years for many.
I also get what someone else said the more I give the more I get back. Only problem with me, as has been pointed out by a few people, I tend to give to much of myself to perfect strangers and jeopardize my own health sometimes with stress and worry about others. Well we all still have something to work on I guess. And I still have to sort out my work life balance.
Being Me for the first time
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Wishek, North Dakota
Posts: 1,160
great topic Nan..ive always lived in big citys and never went thu the knowing your neighbors and how so it is true even for this community town i live in . But there was a man who lived in our building and id always bake things and place them in a bag and hang it on his door , Never telling a soul what i did. But I learned thu soberity that giving to another dont have to have rewards other then knowing im sure he enjoyed the cookies and treats .Soberity has tought me that life can be bumpy at times but theres clearer road ahead and that I dont have to drink over anything . It wont fix my tire .or anthing of that nature. Ive learned to keep my own yard clean and not worry about what people see if they peek over the fence and try and judge its my yard not theres. Ive learned simplisity is sooooooo great , I dont need roses or fancy blings gimme a dollar store and 5 bucks and i feel like a queen peace out and thanks for the great topic
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Posts: 565
I've been thinking about this myself for awhile now. This is not the same Tex. This new guy is weird. He practices random acts of kindness. That's not me as I remember me. The bottle took my desire to get out there and live.
I gave money to the kids trying to wash cars just because I went to the same high school.
I talk to people at the store.
I spent 15 minutes talking to the election volunteer. I don't really care who wins, but I wanted to make sure she felt that her job was making a difference. Isn't that stupid? But that's what I've been doing lately. Giving.
I'm even going back to theatre. I joined the board of a small black box here. From the biggest guy in the city to the smallest. I kinda like it.
I gave money to the kids trying to wash cars just because I went to the same high school.
I talk to people at the store.
I spent 15 minutes talking to the election volunteer. I don't really care who wins, but I wanted to make sure she felt that her job was making a difference. Isn't that stupid? But that's what I've been doing lately. Giving.
I'm even going back to theatre. I joined the board of a small black box here. From the biggest guy in the city to the smallest. I kinda like it.
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
I have a lot to learn yet. I am beginning to understand the depths of my selfishness and l like an onion there are many many layers. The good news for me is that since being selfless is new to me it doesn't take much to feel like I am really growing lol. To me the tip of the iceberg feels like the whole thing.
I have to be careful that I'm not feeding my ego when helping others. SR has been a really good tool for me with that. More times then not I offer help and really have know idea if anyone actually got anything out of it or not. I can share for the purpose of sharing without feeding my starving ego and that has brought me peace.
Recently I discovered the gift of willingness. I volunteered to be on a panel Wednesday nights to oversee probation violators. My goal is to help the people coming through the system that have addiction problems. My first night I was way to nervous. It was different then anything I was used to and I kept my mouth shut and watched. The gift came after. I found peace and joy not because I had helped anyone but because I made the effort to put myself in a position to help others expecting nothing in return. I didn't do anything but I was willing. That was enough for me that night.
True willingness to put others first I learned is its own reward.
I have to be careful that I'm not feeding my ego when helping others. SR has been a really good tool for me with that. More times then not I offer help and really have know idea if anyone actually got anything out of it or not. I can share for the purpose of sharing without feeding my starving ego and that has brought me peace.
Recently I discovered the gift of willingness. I volunteered to be on a panel Wednesday nights to oversee probation violators. My goal is to help the people coming through the system that have addiction problems. My first night I was way to nervous. It was different then anything I was used to and I kept my mouth shut and watched. The gift came after. I found peace and joy not because I had helped anyone but because I made the effort to put myself in a position to help others expecting nothing in return. I didn't do anything but I was willing. That was enough for me that night.
True willingness to put others first I learned is its own reward.
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
I've had to really thing about this, as sometimes I find articulating what I want to say, quite hard so I'll try and keep it short.
Firstly I have to say I am not one of those people who lives the same life sober that I did when I was drinking. While I still have the same family, I don't live in the same town, have the same friends, work in the same job etc.... My lifestyle drinking, doesn't really go hand and hand with soberity so soberity (in that sense) is I have to be physically sober, as in not drinking, before I even have a chance at having a healthy sane life.
Now I'll say, these are some of the things, I've learnt so far (and in no particular order):
- next to god, I am my own best friend and it is myself I will spend the most time with during my life span, so I better get comfortable with myself
- helping others helps me more than it helps who I am helping
- I'm not perfect but I shouldn't use this as an excuse for bad behaviour
- everything is not about me or involves me
- this isn't a dress rehersal
- attitude is everything
- it's honest connections with other people I should seek, rather than material wealth
Liz
Firstly I have to say I am not one of those people who lives the same life sober that I did when I was drinking. While I still have the same family, I don't live in the same town, have the same friends, work in the same job etc.... My lifestyle drinking, doesn't really go hand and hand with soberity so soberity (in that sense) is I have to be physically sober, as in not drinking, before I even have a chance at having a healthy sane life.
Now I'll say, these are some of the things, I've learnt so far (and in no particular order):
- next to god, I am my own best friend and it is myself I will spend the most time with during my life span, so I better get comfortable with myself
- helping others helps me more than it helps who I am helping
- I'm not perfect but I shouldn't use this as an excuse for bad behaviour
- everything is not about me or involves me
- this isn't a dress rehersal
- attitude is everything
- it's honest connections with other people I should seek, rather than material wealth
Liz
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
THe most important thing sobriety has taught me is to live one day at a time, cause it only comes one day at a time. I can learn from my mistakes and not keep making the same mistakes over and over. Being kind to myself is a bit difficult, but is easier to do now that I'm not waking up "sick" and ashamed and guilty every morning.
As to helping others without thinking of what's in it for me - that's simply a matter of giving back what has been freely given to me. Paying it forward, so to speak, helping someone else, and they help someone, and it goes on and on - random acts of kindness!
As to helping others without thinking of what's in it for me - that's simply a matter of giving back what has been freely given to me. Paying it forward, so to speak, helping someone else, and they help someone, and it goes on and on - random acts of kindness!
Attended By a Single Hound
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: England
Posts: 425
What sobriety has taught me (so far):
Being clean and sober, for me, has been like a junkies version of A Christmas Carol (the Dickens novel).
The past:
My past self isn't the ghost: I am the ghost. My past is a dead body and I’ve just been trying to do a post mortem really:
When I was about thirteen a group of homeless people took me in and taught me how to survive. No matter where I moved we all huddled together like penguins, warm and safe. I had different eyes. I didn’t see what I’m beginning to understand and feel some other people see when they look at a homeless person / junkie / drinker. I saw a potential to ease my loneliness in the people a lot of society simply ignore. I felt I was abandoning a system and society which had abandoned me in my childhood. Looking back, everything was inverted...what we’re told is safe felt dangerous and intrusive, yet what and who we’re told to avoid felt safe and honest.
The present:
I've been working with two major charities, young people, prisoners, the public etc. It has given me new eyes. I’m not the abused kid or troubled teen looking at some adult like a scared animal. I’m the adult now being faced with the ghost of mypast in the kids and people I’ve met recently.
Some of the money I’ve saved since not using has helped a friend of mine to pay the deposit and first month’s rent on a property so she has somewhere to live. She’s now working and can afford to continue paying the rent, council tax and bills etc herself.
I’ve also donated quite a lot of money to the charities I work for. I realised if I’m not spending money on gear and drink etc I’ve not much use for a lot of it (I’m not at all materialistic), but plenty of other people can use that money...so it has been theirs.
The present for me is like a transitory state. I don’t know who I am yet or what I am doing, but I will in the future.
The future:
The future is yet to reach me.
I’m not fixed. I haven’t been clean so long and I have relapsed and I drink socially sometimes, but because of what being clean has taught me this time I’m finding it impossible to turn back to the lifestyle I used to lead –even when sometimes I just want to crawl back under my rock.
I can’t say much about the future. I guess I’m just working through the present, getting my degree hopefuly and waiting for the ghost of the future to appear...and probably scare the hell outa’ me lol.
Being clean and sober, for me, has been like a junkies version of A Christmas Carol (the Dickens novel).
The past:
My past self isn't the ghost: I am the ghost. My past is a dead body and I’ve just been trying to do a post mortem really:
When I was about thirteen a group of homeless people took me in and taught me how to survive. No matter where I moved we all huddled together like penguins, warm and safe. I had different eyes. I didn’t see what I’m beginning to understand and feel some other people see when they look at a homeless person / junkie / drinker. I saw a potential to ease my loneliness in the people a lot of society simply ignore. I felt I was abandoning a system and society which had abandoned me in my childhood. Looking back, everything was inverted...what we’re told is safe felt dangerous and intrusive, yet what and who we’re told to avoid felt safe and honest.
The present:
I've been working with two major charities, young people, prisoners, the public etc. It has given me new eyes. I’m not the abused kid or troubled teen looking at some adult like a scared animal. I’m the adult now being faced with the ghost of mypast in the kids and people I’ve met recently.
Some of the money I’ve saved since not using has helped a friend of mine to pay the deposit and first month’s rent on a property so she has somewhere to live. She’s now working and can afford to continue paying the rent, council tax and bills etc herself.
I’ve also donated quite a lot of money to the charities I work for. I realised if I’m not spending money on gear and drink etc I’ve not much use for a lot of it (I’m not at all materialistic), but plenty of other people can use that money...so it has been theirs.
The present for me is like a transitory state. I don’t know who I am yet or what I am doing, but I will in the future.
The future:
The future is yet to reach me.
I’m not fixed. I haven’t been clean so long and I have relapsed and I drink socially sometimes, but because of what being clean has taught me this time I’m finding it impossible to turn back to the lifestyle I used to lead –even when sometimes I just want to crawl back under my rock.
I can’t say much about the future. I guess I’m just working through the present, getting my degree hopefuly and waiting for the ghost of the future to appear...and probably scare the hell outa’ me lol.
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