SelfSeeking

Soooo... really... is early recovery this hard for everybody? I have 12 days and not a single one of them has been what I would call effortlessly sober. I think about drinking/not drinking a lot. Mostly it's about why I can't, what I'm doing differently, the bad excuses I used to drink in the past. If I keep that stream of chatter up, I scare the cravings away; if I let it quiet down, I catch myself having drinking fantasies. And I have a lot going on right now, so it's like having a split mind: One half is going on about life, the other is saying "nodrinkingnodrinkingnodrinking" in a hundred different ways.

Is this in any way normal? When will sobriety become more natural? I'd like as specific deadline as possible please. :P

CarolD

By 2 months of AA recovery
at least 1 meeting a day
I was back in balance mentally and physically.

I say AA recovery because just quitting alcohol
was not enough to keep me sober for long.

...That's about as specific as I can share.
Hope you can work thru this early sobriety Katie

edmartin

i dont know what is normal and what isint,but i can say that i dont really believe that the cravings will ever go away entirely. speaking for myself,twelve days were really hard, but in comparison to the first couple,they were much easier.

it will get easier as time goes on,but depending on the amount of time you have been drinking, the amount,etc,etc it will vary.

stick with it...the next time may be a lot worse

ANGELINA243

For me the first 90 days was like a roller coaster of emotions. Some days were better than others--but it was a mixed bag of emotions I'd day for the first 3 months.

SelfSeeking

Sometimes when I get too much in the moment of a craving, it feels like the only feeling I've had or ever will have. I think that happened just now. My post was a wee bit melodromatic. I have had up times too, when it felt good to be in a cleaner, healthier body. I have to look back at my old postings on gratitude lists It helps.

TTOSBT

The first 2 months were a huge amount of emotions but I was going to meetings and got a sponsor. Once I started working the steps the obsession became MUCH less. Good luck!

TryingSoHard

Normal or not, I'm right there with ya.

If I'm not thinking about drinking (i.e. having cravings, actively trying to convince myself not to drink, wondering if I should go have a drink anyway) then I'm sitting here thinking about the fact that I'm NOT drinking (is it still only day 2? Feels like today has lasted about 4 days. I haven't had a drink all day, when is it going to be tomorrow? When am I going to quit thinking about not drinking all the time?)

Sound familiar? *sigh*

It sucks.

Someone on here recently said that her life had become obsessed with NOT drinking, and I can totally relate to that. It's all I can think about, and not in a healthy, productive way. In a way that makes time stand still and makes my skin crawl. If you figure out how to get past it, please, let me know!

Tazman53

selfseeking when I came out of detox I was going nuts for a drink, yet at the same time I was going nuts to not drink!!!! Some how I made it home without drinking and it was everything in my power to not go out to my garage and find one of my stashs of beer. I was 5 days sober and the mental obsession for a drink was insane!!! Here I was fresh out of detox and scared to death I was going to drink.

That same day I went to my first local AA meeting, I walked into that room and I actually felt safe, I introduced myself as a newcomer and every person in that small meeting shared with me a short version of thier own story, some of them were far worse then me before they sobered up, some were not, but every one of them gave me hope! Hope that it was possible for me to stay sober.

For the first 2 months I did fairly well, but the only time I felt safe and had any long term hope was when I was in a meeting. Well in my third month of sobriety my mental obsession started to get worse and worse every day, I spoke to some of the old timers in meetings and they told me that they were the same way until they started working the steps.

Well I got a new sponsor at 3 months sober and got to work on the steps with him. I was amazed at how quickly the obsession to drink started to go away. By the time I finished the 5th step I realized that my obsession to drink was gone, it had been lifted!!!!

Selfseeking every one is different, with some people that obsession to drink goes away very quickly, for others it takes a long time. I would suggest not expecting that on a certain date or after doing a certain thing it will go away, you could be setting your self up for a big dissappointment.

Just work on changing who you were when you drank, that nagging obsession to drink if one changes will leave. For me when ever I did nothing but quit drinking to stay sober I always wound up drinnking again. I found I was able to stay sober and become happy about doing it by changing me!!!!

There is a saying in the rooms of AA "Change I must, or die I will."

SelfSeeking

Thank you everybody! I think part of my obsessing over when it will "be all better" is counting days... I'm not going to stop that, because I need the pat on the back from myself, but sometimes I think, hey, it's almost two weeks, surely I should be bounding around all healthy and energetic. But in fairness to my body and mind, I've been drinking for 12 years, and it supposedly takes a month to set a habit, so perfect health in two weeks might be rushing things.

I love it when I read that people are forgetting how many days they have. That means they are not thinking about not drinking all the time! I will be one of them some day...

BackToSquareOne

SelfSeeking you should read the section on PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome), it's somewhere on this board. Whenever you come off a heavy or prolonged period of drinking you will go through the initial period of withdrawal which usually subsides in about 5 days. It is not unusual however to experience symptoms for many months after the initial withdrawal. For me the PAWS took the form of crazy mood swings such as going from feeling somewhat normal to totally depressed for no apparent reason. The symptoms that can linger include anxiety, depression and disturbed sleep patterns are also very common. The insomnia can be very hard to deal with but is very common in the early months. Your brain has been deeply affected by all that drinking and will not recover overnight. The important thing to remember is that it will get better and all these things are just part of the process.

dancinggirl

Oh man, do I hear you on this one!!!! The 'chatter' in my head was constant....it was such an effort to not drink! I had to CONSTANTLY talk in my head about why I shouldn't and it was just sooo much work.

Guess what else is so much work? Getting blasted last night on vodka, lying down to sleep and realizing that the entire world was spinning. Then getting up and trying to find some kind of magic combination of food/water to even things out. Then realizing I'm freezing...so getting into the bathtub (freaking out my best-friend who thought I might drown). Then getting too hot and sitting outside in my nightgown. And did I mention that I was BAWLING that entire time?

Oh hon, the mental obsession to NOT drink is soooo much less work than all of that was. Stay on the good side.

SelfSeeking

Yeah DG... Whatever happens now is less work than the consequences of drinking.

Huh... I googled PAWS, since I couldn't find that sticky. It sounds a lot like depression, which I've struggled with since I was about 7 years old. (Well before my drinking debut ) I dunno if it matters if it's PAWS or depression, since the recommendations I read were
Lowering of stress is helpful. Healthy habits such as limiting caffeine, getting 8-10 hours of sleep, eating three balanced meals and exercising three-four times weekly usually prove beneficial. Meditation, or relaxation exercises can be invaluable once properly learned.

That's good for depression too. Jeez I hope I haven't pickled my brain.

ColdSweat

I also have 12 days today! Psych!... it's very hard for me too. Always constantly having flashbacks, thinking about the rest of my life without that life I'm used to (that's why one day at a time kinda eases one's mind, y'know?). Same thoughts happening here. I have constant cravings, almost, the only time they subside is when I'm speaking with my boyfriend. Also have a lot going on here, and I have to re-learn how to deal with my problems without drinking/drugging. Know EXACTLY what you're going through, and empathize with you extremely. Just. One day at a time, that's the best we can do and all anyone can ask. I don't know if sobriety ever comes natural, or if it will always be this hard... but I try not to think about that. One day at a time, hon. <3

least

For me, my recovery was unbearably hard until I sincerely wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. That was the key for me. I no longer think obsessively about drinking/not drinking, just keep the thought in my head that I'm much happier with myself sober than I was while drinking.

I still get cravings at 54 days, but have got the rebuttal argument down pat! So when a craving hits, it's gone in a heartbeat cause I won't tolerate it staying longer than a hot minute inside my head!

I've now gotten far enough away from my drinking that the thought of drinking makes me almost literally sick to my stomach. Just thinking of the guaranteed results of drinking, no matter how much, is enough to turn me off. The post acute withdrawal (PAWS) is not as bad as it was, but still my feelings are all over the place and change in a split second, and having problems with memory and concentrating, but are becoming less bothersome.

Jfanagle

It has been a few days since I quit, but I remember that it was at or around the third month that CRAVINGS ceased, thinking about drinking took a couple of years. Exercise at the times I was craving was most effective for me. Long walks, which later evolved into jogs, were my best ally against too much time to think. I was always somewhat proud of the fact I did something positive and healthy after each walk.

AA and a sponsor as well as all the people I got to know in AA were also highly motivating and remain so today. I have always chosen to tell myself that I CAN DRINK TOMORROW, JUST NOT TODAY. I know this is a juvenile way of handling, but it has worked for me. I need to know that I do have options, (even bad ones) so that I don't feel trapped by sobriety.

It has been a few years since my last drink and I have a life that I never would have been able to imagine some years ago. Sobriety is worth every moment of pain, discomfort, and pacing back and forth during those first few months.

Keep it up and good for you.

Jon

SelfSeeking

Jfanagle, that is so important to me, too- the knowledge that this is my CHOICE. Mommy and Daddy are not telling me I can't drink. I am not having my arm twisted, I am not banned from the liquor store, I am making the choice not to drink today. When I keep that in mind it's so much more of a challenge to have a pity-party. I have to really apply myself to make it happen Easier to just get over myself.