geekorunique

My name is Kirstie and I am an alcoholic. I've been sober now for 92 days a day at a time and I cannot express the gratitude that I have for the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I went to AA trying to save a failing relationship. At that point I didn't really think that I was an alcoholic but I thought that if my partner could see that I was making an effort then maybe she would stay. She left, but I stayed at AA and I am so glad that I did.

I wasn't a morning drinker, I didn't drink everyday. When I did drink it was usually weekend benders, drinking even when I was at work the next day but not really caring, I drank to get oblivion every single time. From my early teens I have always been very nervous and the only way I knew how to switch this off was through alcohol. It meant that I could numb my feelings and force them down for a while so that I could act like everyone else. Soon alcohol wasn't enough and I started taking ecstacy, speed, cocaine and even a few times I took ketamine. Insanity and fear ruled my life. I got arrested and convicted for drugs and even while I was doing my community service I was still using drugs at weekends. I knew that if I got caught again I could go to prison but the need for complete oblivion was greater than my fear of being caught.

I just thought that I was a party animal. That I was a lot of fun. I knew that my drinking wasn't like everyone elses mind you. I stopped for periods of time only to try and show that I could. I didn't ever stay stopped though. I didn't know at that time about the first drink and the physical allergy as well as the mental obsession and spiritual malady. Even walking into AA the first time I thought I would be told that I wasn't an alcoholic so I could just go home!

I am an alcoholic though I know that. I feel freedom with it some days. A relief almost that I never have to drink again. At times I feel like it's so unfair that my friends can drink and I can't! That's usually when I am feeling sorry for myself though!

So yeah...a day at a time I hope I stay sober for a lot longer.

To anyone who is struggling...just hang in there. Get to plenty of meetings. Someone said to me at a meeting only this week..."Don't leave five minutes before the miracle happens"....just keep going back to meetings. Get yourself in a group and get a sponsor. Phone people when they tell you to. They are there to help and want nothing in return apart from you doing the same thing for a newcomer when you are a bit stronger.

Kirst xx

CarolD

...Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum.

Congratulations on your recovery time

Tazman53

Thanks for making my day geek, and congrats on those 92 days!

That gave me a laugh, I am sure you know now that it is not how much, how often, or for how long one drinks that determines if they are an alcoholic, but what happens to one when they drink that determines that.

Pull up a chair geek and stay a while, I enjoyed your share.