Tazman53

Patrick I absolutely love this, the change I see in you is awesome, the BS has melted away and a shiny new man stands before us!!!!

You know when I first came into the rooms I was told "Martin you never have to drink again." Such a simple thing, yet until I detoxed and got into AA it was impossible for me to imagine not drinking. Patrick not sure if you recall, but I told you many times that you reminded me of myself, yes Patrick what you said makes perfect sense to me.

Get all you can and trust me, if some one gives you thier number they want you to call them..... you calling them helps them stay sober as well. Just in case your butt catches on fire for a drink before you get some numbers remember that the person who answers the AA hotline is also a recovering alcoholic who would love to talk with you.

Patrick thank you, you are helping me stay sober today, keep up the good work!

Homer38

1st,thanks for all the supportive posts

2nd is to my man Taz,you and a few others here have heard my my empty promises,my posting WHILE drunk,my anti-AA attitude and many more negative things.I do remmeber you telling me I sounded just like you but since I was still drinking I really didnt pay much attention to it.Then you got semi-irritated with me for not taking any advice and continuing to kill myself you stopped sugar-coating your posts to me and I did get a bit peeved at that but now I understand why.I owe you and those few others here an apology because you became strait-forward with me and others felt you were being mean and it turned into an unhealthy debate over my post and your replies.I backed out and ran,kinda left ya hanging,sorry bout that man.

Sometimes,there are people like me who need to be tough on,Ill admit I am one of them.I love my pplz here that talk sweet and consider tough love as wrong but I think I deserved some harshness from you and a few others at the time.Today,Id probably come back fighting,lol,only because I know Im really trying for the good life,the sober life.

Im still disappointed it took being arrested and fighting multiple people in a bar leaving me with a battered and broken body to come to my senses that alcohol IS my enemy(our frienship ended years ago).I guess Ill end this post now before I start getting off-topic.LOL

Tazman53

Homer you owe me no aplogies, I prefer not a sugar coated type of talking with folks, but a more honest truthful take on things avoiding being a harda$$, but the more we spoke here the more I saw myself, so I did take the gloves off with you because I love you Patrick, if I did not love you I could never love myself. I like you needed to have my butt handed to me by alcohol before I was able to become willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober.

Trust me Patrick, I do not like being a hard a$$, but if that is what it takes I will be one with love.

Man it takes what it takes, do not be dissappointed in your self, be thankful it happened and you saw the light before you saw the inside of a coffin!!!

Keep in mind that the survival rate of alcoholics is far lower then that of people with cancer. Far more alcoholics die of thier disease in one way or another then get sober. I have heard stats saying that only 10% of alcoholics die sober.

Jomey

Wow, Patrick!!!!! I just read thru this thread. You are incredible, man! You sound like a completely different person. What an amazing transformation! I am so happy for you.

The "old" Patrick reminded me a lot of my older brother, who is currently doing a 28 day rehab program. As my bro. continues his course, his confidence is growing every day, but he is scared about going to AA when he gets out. What will he find there, etc. I am going to print out your recent posts to share with him when I visit him this weekend. I know your story will inspire him, as it inspires me and I thank you for sharing it.

Keep on going Patrick! THANK YOU for the message of hope that your life has become.

Jomey

Homer38

Jomey,make sure to add that Ive been trying to stop for many years now,I had to really want it this time,which I really do! I think its the "one day at a time" thing thats not letting me get down,Im not out of the woods yet but seeing the happy around me rather than everybody avoiding me is a huge help to my confidence.

If ya really want to see what my lifes been for the last 5 years then check "IMHomerSimpson"(my former name,and start from post 1 and when ya see 5 years later I was basicaly posting the same posts,nothing had changed because I didnt allow it!

Good luck to you and your bro

Homer38

I gotta add something,today was my 4 or 5th meeting and was the most interesting yet,it was about being jealous and angry seeing others drink.I feel that its not gonna be a problem BUT i havent experinced the situation yet.
Next weekend my mother begged us to go with her and dad to a resort,just for 1 day/night,a get together,my parents dont drink,my brother is a responsible 1 or 2 beer guy but my uncle and his wife are the same as me! Its gonna be my 1st test,I plan on having a non-alcoholic frozen drink at the show,(a type of drink I hate),I was gonna go O'douls NA beer but why would I wanna flirt with the sister of my demon,which is beer. I have a plan of leaving if theres any temptation,and will have my books to read if I do in fact leave.

My uncle and aunt,who are close to my age and fellow partiers are both alcoholic and are in major denial,and compulsive liars on top of that! Im not worried cuz I do have a plan and the plan does consist of talking about how good Ive been feeling since Ive stopped,its something my brother and parents will like to hear but they will NOT!! But seeing as tho they never had respect for me wanting to dry up I wanna do this,in spite,which I know is wrong but they have it coming! lol

Im taking my own vehicle cuz I dont like the feeling of being stuck,and my wife is all for it too.

BackToSquareOne

Hi Homer, I have to tell you that going to family gatherings where others are drinking and having a good time is not easy. I've been there done that and it wasn't a great experience. It's very easy to slip up at these things so keep your guard up.

serenityqueen

Patrick, I am sitting here with tears rolling down my face as I read through this.

I have been around for awhile on SR and I can remember those IAMHomer Simpson posts. . . I prayed to God that you lived to see your bottom. What we have been Blessed enough to witness is the Miracle of what can and will happen to an alcoholic who surrenders.

Sure, most of us wish that we would have hit our bottoms much sooner so we wouldn't have missed out on so much of this beautiful life in Recovery, but don't get hung up on that. Guilt and shame kept me going back out so many times before.

Reading your threads now, Patrick, is such a pleasure. I love to see someone else who, when they "finally get it" is just so willing to go to any length in order to be happy, joyous and free! I like the fact that you changed your name and avatar. I change my signature quite often and, although some may think it's arrogent to call myself a queen, but when you were once referred to as the queen of relapse, it's nice to be serenityqueen! Now, that's why I say it's good to be the queen!

I just saw what you wrote about the get together with the Family. Be prepared for your Aunt & Uncle to more than likely try to set you up with a drink or two. One of the first times I was around alcohol at a wedding, the first few times I got up and left the table, my diet pop was suddenly replaced by a Bacardi & Coke. Sometimes those who we used to party with can get pretty ticked off when they feel like we are a "traitor" Good idea taking your own car. If you can't take a friend in Recovery, if you have a cell phone, have some of those phone numbers programmed in so you can call someone right away if need be.

God Bless You My Friend,
Judy

Jomey

Hey Patrick - I did read thru the old "Homer" posts and my bro, like you, has been trying for years to get his life and drinking under control...HIS way. No AA, no sobriety, no recovery, just moderation for brief periods after his latest "scare" - DUIs, arrests for drunk & disorderly, oh the laundry list goes on and, man, does it turn into dirty laundry!!!

As I said, I am hoping and praying that you inspire him with your wanting of a new life as much as you have inspired me.

And, hey, glad you have a plan in place for the family get together and the support of your wife. As I read on a similar thread in newcomers recently, "I would never let politeness (staying around drinking family members when I feel uncomfortable) jeopardize my sobriety!" Do whatever you need to do Patrick. I know you will.

Thanks for the good wishes for my brother (& me - I'm gettin' there)

Jomey

Homer38

I had my 1st test of anger tonight,my wife came home late and never called to tell us,I was sleeping and my son came up and woke me up and needed a ride right then and now to football practice! Im not very good at get up and go,but I did. Then when I get home my neighbor starts talking to me about how I dont have to quit drinking,just moderate bah blah BLAH!(i was really pissed cuz I keep telling him Im done but it just dont sink into his head).

My wife then pulls up and I go inside,told her she shoulda called and told us shed be late and my son woulda came and woke me up so I had a chance to open my eyes.She starts her usual blah blah BLAH! I went outside to try to start lawnmower again,but only ended hurting my ribs again and get more angry.By then I was a ticking timebomb but didnt want an arguement of any sorts.She starts going on and on and I finaly said i knew you couldnt handle it,I said I told you when I 1st started to quit that Im gonna be stressed at times and to bear with me,she was like sure no problem.Well she didnt do that,I had to leave the room before my head exploded.I knew this was gonna happen because its been the same ole story anytime Ive tried to quit before,i take it as 0 respect when she does this.Ive been doing the right thing for a week straight now and she knew I was stressing but continued to mess with me.I didnt snap nor did I drink but I honestly felt the desire to drink like it happened EVERY time in the past.I know you may think Im being selfish,and maybe I am but she is also!

Im just starting to come down from the anger high,its not what i needed but just reminded myself of my progress and read "what to expect" thread here and slowly started feeling better.She,as usual just picked up a catalog and did her thing.I may or may not be making much sense right because my mind is just boggled from all this BUT i didnt drink,never even came close but the thought crossed my mind .

I think I need some food,havent really been eating on any schedule and maybe that is triggering my anger along with other things.

helpus

Hommer, You are doing so awesome. I am so truley proud you got threw everything ok.

CarolD

Patrick...keep on moving forward
The best is yet to be.

Cathy31

Patrick
Your posts also made me cry...I am so graetful for your sobriety, your growth, your hanging in there. You know the drill - just keep coming back!!! YOU CAN DO IT! Sorry, that's the old Homer encouragement - you ARE DOING IT!! Well done - well done for taking the leap, well done for sharing...you help us and the people i nyour meetings wtih your honesty and realness.
As Carol says the best is yet to come, it really is.
Much love
cathy31
x

Tazman53

Awesome idea Patrick, I always make sure I am in FULL control of my way out even today, funny thing, but knowing I can leave any time I want to is empowering.

I went through the same thing Patrick, today I can see where she was coming from, I spent many years promising my family I was going to cut back and control my drinking or stop drinking and every time I would wind up trashed again. They had heard my BS way to many times before.

Patrick I had to realize that I spent many years losing the respect of my wife and kids, it was foolish of me to expect thier respect back in a matter of a week or even a couple of months.

Patrick the respect did return, it has been almost 2 years since my last drink and the relationship between my family and I is still improving! My kids bring friends over and make sure they introduce me to them as thier father...... when I was drinking they did everything in thier power to not have thier freinds see me, I was a true embarresment to them, I would say things to them in front of thier freinds that should have never been said. No kid wants thier freinds to see their dad passed out on the sofa, or stumbling around drunk, slurring thier words, my kids saw that for years!!!

It took me years to destroy their trust of me, it has taken them time to regain it as well, but trust me Patrick, it has been worth it, they actually come to me before their mother now about certain things!!!!

Patrick my emotions were all over the place for months after I sobered up, I would go from MAD as hell to depressed beyond beleif in a matter of minutes, but thanks to the folks in AA who had been where I was at before they told me that was normal and as long as I did not drink and worked on changing myself it would get better.

Better is not the word, my life today compared to 2 years ago is AWESOME!!!!! I am free from the bondage of alcohol and of myself!!!!

miss communicat

patrick,
I sent you a pm with a phone number for you of a sober man in your area who is awesome and available to call ANYtime for support.

You are so inspiring to me! thanks for the good news Patrick. As CarolD says, the BEST is yet to come......stay the course one more day~

Rowan

Way to go on feeling those feelings without picking up, Patrick. These experiences will only serve to strengthen your sobriety. Go easy on yourself and on others - this is a huge adjustment for everyone.
Big hug.

Homer38

Im not one to solo out a post with a thanks but because of Tazman being sooooooo close to what I am and where he was I had to!

BTW,I would put a thank you on every post but Im trying to keep this as simple as I can,I hope EVERYBODY knows that even a hello I am thankful for.Just wanted to clarify that even though im sure ya guys already knew that.

Homer38

doorknob,you need to delete som private messages,your box is full

laurie6781

Patrick, Taz did a good job of hitting the nail on the head with this. Having been on BOTH sides of this I can tell you that your 'week' is a nono second in what she has gone through with you and your drinking. It is going to take time, lots and lots of time, for her to finally accept that you are staying sober.

What you did was good, you walked away from the stress. You will learn more about you, and what you need to change about you as you stay sober and grow in sobriety. You didn't get to where you were in your drinking and the havoc that was wrecked overnight and everything isn't going to change overnight.

I have a 'sneaky suspicion' that your really meaning it this time may be triggering some things in your neighbor that he may not want to look at. I know in the past when my not drinking really bothers someone and they persist in trying to get me to have 'just 1' they have issues of their own about alcohol that they do not want to look at.

Just continue to take it One Day At A Time Patrick, get to as many meetings as possible, keep posting here, WE HAVE TO KNOW HOW YOUR ARE DOING, lol we do really care.

Know you can call and rant if you want or need to, you won't wake me I am 2 hours behind you, rofl.

Keep up the good work Just For Today.

Love and hugs,

Homer38

hi laurie,like my wife its gonna take YOU some time to really beleive im quitting,and me too!

yeah,my neighbor drinks a 30 pack a day lol,he even admitted when i 1st told him that hes losing his drinking buddy now! I have no use for this guy,like HE said,Im just a drinking buddy. I started swearing in my conversation with him yesterday,not at him but I was just getting annoyed he was carrying on like that,over and over saying youll be back and stuff like that! Im buying a cheap camper for my son to stay in when he comes home from college and will park it in between the space where my neighbor talks to me from,this way I dont have to look at him! and it may keep his unspayed cats kittens out of my yard and driving my dog nuts too! lol

Tonite im going to my sons football game,I usually miss these these events or would show up drunk and sit away from the other parents,like they didnt know why! lol

My wife and I were fine last night after that 2 minute tiff,I understand what ya meant but in my defense long before she stopped drinking it was the same thing,she/we just have this brother/sister arguing thing,she dont compromise tho,EVER! lol

Im not blaming her for nothing but wont accept our arguements all on me,she may but its been like this for 20 years! I always say 50/50,she hates that but its the truth.

pm me ya # again,Id like to talk to ya sometime and wiped out all my pm's.