Day 14 and the mental warfare
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 87
Day 14 and the mental warfare
is an ongoing struggle. I seem to get through the day alright but night time is difficult. The cravings are sooooo intense. I keep telling myself that I have no physical cravings since detoxing and that it is all mental and to not drink no matter ******* what! I take Extra Strength Benedryl every night and it really seems to ease the cravings but damn!
Another strong point for me is that the first drink that I take I would consider a $9,000 drink since that is what I paid for the medical detox and I am quite sure that it would not be a one time deal.
Physically I feel great. No more shakes, no more puking, healthy appetite, clear eyes, no more smell, no more hangovers, no more falling down and hurting myself, more patience with my daughter, a willingness to step out of my isolation and actually talk with people, I can write with a pencil again, anxiety levels much lower, normal blood pressure, no more chest pains, no more stomach pains, no more diarrhea, etc. etc. etc. All of these benefits that are right under my nose and yet the mental battle continues to wage war on me.
I knew this would be the hardest part but I sure hope that it gets easier soon.
Another strong point for me is that the first drink that I take I would consider a $9,000 drink since that is what I paid for the medical detox and I am quite sure that it would not be a one time deal.
Physically I feel great. No more shakes, no more puking, healthy appetite, clear eyes, no more smell, no more hangovers, no more falling down and hurting myself, more patience with my daughter, a willingness to step out of my isolation and actually talk with people, I can write with a pencil again, anxiety levels much lower, normal blood pressure, no more chest pains, no more stomach pains, no more diarrhea, etc. etc. etc. All of these benefits that are right under my nose and yet the mental battle continues to wage war on me.
I knew this would be the hardest part but I sure hope that it gets easier soon.
Turning it all around
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 330
Hey fug,
I'm right behind you at day 13. I often wonder why things are easier for me. I'll tell you how I handle the night. I have collected DVDs for years. I have hundreds that I have yet to watch. I figured I'd watch one movie each night. It really is a good escape for me. Not to mention the popcorn and ice cream. It's snuggle time for me. A time for total selfishness. It's been working great for me and I highly recommend it. I think you simply have to replace what you normally did at night. If you do nothing you're compelled to do what you are used to doing out of habit. Each void must be replaced or there is still a void. It also helps to remain positive. I exaggerate my positive outlook. If I don't feel it, I fake it until I believe. There is no way I will ever believe that I crave alcohol. I crave only the activity of something to do. Find your "something to do". It's even better if the "something to do" spoils the hell out of you because you deserve it after all that you've been through. Prayers
I'm right behind you at day 13. I often wonder why things are easier for me. I'll tell you how I handle the night. I have collected DVDs for years. I have hundreds that I have yet to watch. I figured I'd watch one movie each night. It really is a good escape for me. Not to mention the popcorn and ice cream. It's snuggle time for me. A time for total selfishness. It's been working great for me and I highly recommend it. I think you simply have to replace what you normally did at night. If you do nothing you're compelled to do what you are used to doing out of habit. Each void must be replaced or there is still a void. It also helps to remain positive. I exaggerate my positive outlook. If I don't feel it, I fake it until I believe. There is no way I will ever believe that I crave alcohol. I crave only the activity of something to do. Find your "something to do". It's even better if the "something to do" spoils the hell out of you because you deserve it after all that you've been through. Prayers
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 390
ive only got a few days and cant wait to have a list of benefits like you posted,whatever ya do DONT blow what you have accomplished!
I have anxiety issues and am on anti-depressant,maybe you should ask dr. for help,i know they say exercise helps.
I have anxiety issues and am on anti-depressant,maybe you should ask dr. for help,i know they say exercise helps.
Turning it all around
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 330
Homer,
You sound like me! I can't wait to feel better and I do with each passing day! This is a positive outlook. Accepting the future with open arms. You are doing good to eliminate all depressants while on anti-depressants. For me alcohol was my depressant. How silly of me to complain of feeling lonely and sad. You've only got a few days Homer but a few days means your off and running, good for you. Keep up the good work! Prayers
You sound like me! I can't wait to feel better and I do with each passing day! This is a positive outlook. Accepting the future with open arms. You are doing good to eliminate all depressants while on anti-depressants. For me alcohol was my depressant. How silly of me to complain of feeling lonely and sad. You've only got a few days Homer but a few days means your off and running, good for you. Keep up the good work! Prayers
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 390
im trying this time around,i REALLY wanna quit forever and get my happy back that i let drinking take away!
I do have this anxiety/panic that ive had since a child,i did self medicate with alcohol since my early teens and im 38 now.
i cant wait to have 13 or 14 days behind me,my anxiety always got better when i stopped drinking for weeks before but always let someone or my alcoholic thinking bring me back down,
I do have this anxiety/panic that ive had since a child,i did self medicate with alcohol since my early teens and im 38 now.
i cant wait to have 13 or 14 days behind me,my anxiety always got better when i stopped drinking for weeks before but always let someone or my alcoholic thinking bring me back down,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: maine
Posts: 5
when I began my journey,back from hell,all i wanted to hear was "your going to start to feel better reeeeeaaaal soon, maybe tomorrow!!!
in case you guys havent heard it enuff........here it is...."your gonna feel better every day!
hang in there...at least for one more day
in case you guys havent heard it enuff........here it is...."your gonna feel better every day!
hang in there...at least for one more day
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Glitzville
Posts: 334
Hey FF,
I feel for you. The nights have been the toughest for me also, being solely a straight alcohol night drinker for way too many years. It's at night that we're alone with ourselves and we're not good friends yet.
I haven't imbibed in nine weeks. I wish I could say that the cravings magically disappear in "X" amount of days, but they didn't for me. Some nights were easier than others. I had a tough couple of nights around the 30-day mark. Funny how the mental can sure feel physical, eh? I really learned the meaning of "skin crawling" and "white knuckling it."
It's a beast and you have to know it's a beast, flat out. That's why I can understand how a program can be so beneficial for many people, especially in the early months. I swear I was glued to this site (thank you everyone!) a few times to get through the night window until I could sleep.
Do something...post here, write, research the internet for online programs, read the recovery stories here, take a hot shower, lay on the floor and stretch. Exercising really helps tame the beast even if you do it earlier in the day; the exertion calms the mind even later.
Do anything you have to and don't give in, do not take a drink. It will not be worth it.
It does get better. The cravings can also sneaks up at times. We drank for a long time. It takes time to heal, to start really recovering the self that we lost to numbness. Those neural pathways need to be re-plumbed. It's scary a lot of times.
You are worth it. Your daughter is more than worth it. There's a payoff, just keep it a day at a time, an hour at a time, if you have to.
Good for you for posting. See, you're even braver than me. One thing I have learned---isolation is alcohol's best friend.
Grace and strength to you.
Donna
I feel for you. The nights have been the toughest for me also, being solely a straight alcohol night drinker for way too many years. It's at night that we're alone with ourselves and we're not good friends yet.
I haven't imbibed in nine weeks. I wish I could say that the cravings magically disappear in "X" amount of days, but they didn't for me. Some nights were easier than others. I had a tough couple of nights around the 30-day mark. Funny how the mental can sure feel physical, eh? I really learned the meaning of "skin crawling" and "white knuckling it."
It's a beast and you have to know it's a beast, flat out. That's why I can understand how a program can be so beneficial for many people, especially in the early months. I swear I was glued to this site (thank you everyone!) a few times to get through the night window until I could sleep.
Do something...post here, write, research the internet for online programs, read the recovery stories here, take a hot shower, lay on the floor and stretch. Exercising really helps tame the beast even if you do it earlier in the day; the exertion calms the mind even later.
Do anything you have to and don't give in, do not take a drink. It will not be worth it.
It does get better. The cravings can also sneaks up at times. We drank for a long time. It takes time to heal, to start really recovering the self that we lost to numbness. Those neural pathways need to be re-plumbed. It's scary a lot of times.
You are worth it. Your daughter is more than worth it. There's a payoff, just keep it a day at a time, an hour at a time, if you have to.
Good for you for posting. See, you're even braver than me. One thing I have learned---isolation is alcohol's best friend.
Grace and strength to you.
Donna
Last edited by desertdonna; 08-31-2008 at 09:59 PM. Reason: additional thought
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 87
the most foreign thing to me it so "go to sleep" rather than pass out. I have drank myself into a 1/5th vodka induced coma for years and to just go to sleep makes my day feel incomplete and very strange. And, waking up rather than coming to is very weird to me and i have not yet adjusted to that sensation. I used to come to and feel like absolute crap until early after noon. Now, I wake up pretty fresh, have my coffee and feel like a normal person.
The good news is that I am now able to grab some quality, deep sleep each night, a few hours at a time. This is great as it was the biggest challenge coming out of detox. It is just amazing to me that with all the physical good that is happening to me my mind is still putting the full court press on me to drink and get obliterated. And, I am truly afraid of that first drink cause I know that it will lead to a binder like no other. I used to buy Liter bottles of vodka and try to make them last for two nights; however, that rarely happened. Towards the end, I would drink 3/4 of the bottle in a single night and buy another liter the next day to ensure that I did not run out. I was always embarrassed by what the liquor store attendant must think of me, other than being his best customer. I always had this sick goal when I was drunk to finish an entire liter bottle in one night, along with the two bottles of wine that I warmed up with each night. Why oh why is the bottle calling out to me now with all of this good stuff happening? Like I said, I hope it gets easier soon.
The good news is that I am now able to grab some quality, deep sleep each night, a few hours at a time. This is great as it was the biggest challenge coming out of detox. It is just amazing to me that with all the physical good that is happening to me my mind is still putting the full court press on me to drink and get obliterated. And, I am truly afraid of that first drink cause I know that it will lead to a binder like no other. I used to buy Liter bottles of vodka and try to make them last for two nights; however, that rarely happened. Towards the end, I would drink 3/4 of the bottle in a single night and buy another liter the next day to ensure that I did not run out. I was always embarrassed by what the liquor store attendant must think of me, other than being his best customer. I always had this sick goal when I was drunk to finish an entire liter bottle in one night, along with the two bottles of wine that I warmed up with each night. Why oh why is the bottle calling out to me now with all of this good stuff happening? Like I said, I hope it gets easier soon.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Glitzville
Posts: 334
That's because the obliteration was the point. And you had lots of practice. I know I did too; I even bought the same liters you did. Mine might have lasted a tad longer than yours only because I'm a woman and I'm probably smaller. It was a habit that served a sick purpose. But we get used to our habits. They become very dear and special to us. And it's hard to let them go. That sweet oblivion that wrecked our lives. That's the beast talking at his best.
We must kick that one right in the ass. Don't romanticize; I've fallen into it a couple of times and there's no payoff. Play the tape all the way out...taking the drink until your comatose, falling down the stairs, waking your daughter, being incoherent, passing out with your tongue swollen the next day and a hangover to beat hell, maybe some bruises from your stumbling blah, blah, blah.
It's going to call out to you until you literally tell it to shut the fluc up, and in no uncertain terms. It doesn't care about all the good things. Get tough with it. No is NO, period. Let it slink away, and it will.
As I said, it will get easier. It will also grab you by the shorthairs when you least expect it. So toughen up about it now.
Get yourself tired and go to sleep. Acquire some tools to fight off the ******* if it comes back. It will gradually weaken and go back to its cave.
Be well.
Donna
We must kick that one right in the ass. Don't romanticize; I've fallen into it a couple of times and there's no payoff. Play the tape all the way out...taking the drink until your comatose, falling down the stairs, waking your daughter, being incoherent, passing out with your tongue swollen the next day and a hangover to beat hell, maybe some bruises from your stumbling blah, blah, blah.
It's going to call out to you until you literally tell it to shut the fluc up, and in no uncertain terms. It doesn't care about all the good things. Get tough with it. No is NO, period. Let it slink away, and it will.
As I said, it will get easier. It will also grab you by the shorthairs when you least expect it. So toughen up about it now.
Get yourself tired and go to sleep. Acquire some tools to fight off the ******* if it comes back. It will gradually weaken and go back to its cave.
Be well.
Donna
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 128
Look at the amazing things you have accomplished. Congrats to you! As a night drinker too, I can totally relate to what you are saying, but please hang in there, you have come so far and I suppose the thing that is hard is that your life feels different now/a bit strange and incomplete as you say. But thats what it is, its a new beginning and change is often the hardest thing.
Best wishes to you, you have done so well. I hope I can get to where you are at. Peace.
Best wishes to you, you have done so well. I hope I can get to where you are at. Peace.
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