maloneshawn32

Just spoke to my wife on the phone today and she informed me she is filing for separation. She doesn't believe that I love her. She said my past behavior leaves her doubting I ever loved her. I can't say I blame her. I suffered from depression for as long as I can remember and would tell anybody anything just to feel accepted. That is how I started drinking. I became more popular and had more confidense. I truly love my wife and am more determined than ever to get myself to a better place in life. I have been sober for a few weeks over four months now but being deployed she hasn't had a chance to see the new person I am becoming. I will not give up my quest to stay sober and become a better man. My beautiful wife and kids deserve that, they deserve a man they can trust and be proud of. Just wanted to share this with those of you that may be suffering as well. I dug this hole I am in and will never give up climbing out of it and filling it with the problems of my past. I will leave a little dirt on me as a reminder of the person I was so that I never become that person again. If you are going through the same issues I am embrace your family and your problems and use them as tools to get well. I hope none of you have to go through this. I can't possibly explain how bad I feel at hurting the ones I have loved and have shown me more love than I derserved at times. Use me as an example of the person you don't want to end up like, but please use the same determination that I am in making you and your loved ones lives better.

Shawn

IMHomerSimpson

dude,im right behind you,my wife left last night and i wasnt sure she was gonna return.I screw up on a daily basis for soooo long now she doesnt beleive a word I say anymore.I just did my 1st AA meeting today and feel there is now hope for me.

hope she doesnt file for that seperation,i feel ya on this post and how your feeling.It sucks

good luck and thanks for letting me read that

deezaldog

Best wishes to you in your recovery. It is hard to face the things we have done in addiction. Especially when you realize the hurt we put on the ones who loved us and those we love. Your actions will be your most powerfull tool to repairing the past. It took us a long time to create the damage so it takes time to repair it. Just don't give up! You said you are deployed. I want to thank you for the selfless act of serving in protection of your country. I admire you for your sacrifice to protect us. I hope your wife and kids have the chance to see the sober you. God bless you and stay sober one minute at a time. We are told Just don't drink now! Again, Thank you for your service and best of what recovery has to offer you. LOL

TryingSoHard

Oh Shawn, I'm so sorry to hear this. How long until you get to come home? Does your wife know that you've been sober for over 4 months now? I can understand that it would be very difficult for her to believe or accept with you on the other side of the world. I hope that she postpones the separation until you can have a chance to prove to her that things can and will be different.

Many hugs and good wishes for you. Hang in there, and keep talking to us.

CarolD

Shawn....

Lot's can happen between an intention
and the legal finalization of such matters.

By continuing your sobriety...you will be able to
show how you have changed. Your mind will
also be clearer and your recovery tools can be used.

I do so appreciate your service to our nation.
My youngest Grandson Sean recently did 15 months
of Army duty in Afghanistan. He too has problems
to work out in his marriage. And he is a non drinker.

I'm very sorry you are dealing with so much guilt
from the past. When I finished my formal Steps
4 & 5....I forgave myself.
Hope the same will be true for you..

Blessings

mikel60

Hey Shawn,
I admire your attitude and determination. These will help you continue on your way to a better life. Thank you for your service and I will pray for things to work out for you.
Mike

maloneshawn32

Thank you all for the kind comments. My wife hasn't had a chance to see the new me and I doubt she believes there is a new me yet. I have lied to her about my life so would want to be with me and be proud of me not realizing all along she just loved me for me. I will return sometime in the fall and show her the loving, caring person I really am, I just pray I am not to late. I love her and my children with all my heart and hope I can show her how serious I am about being a better man, someone she can be proud of and respect again.

lizw

God/your HP has you and your family, wife included, in hand even though it may not feel like it right now.

While I have never had my wife leave me (it would have to be husband) because of drinking, I know my family had just had enough of me and my BS by the time I got sober. I used and abused them a lot.

AA puts many, many families back together (in time) and even those who don't get put back together, everyone gets what they need and the hurting stops.

Take it easy, on yourself.

:ghug3

debs4321

i know for me, I spent many year saying I was sorry for my behavior.
Only to repeat the same action over and over again.

My family/friends got tired of hearing it.

I know today, my family still remembers the things I have done.

I can "say" I am sorry till I am blue in the face. It is what I "do" that counts.

In time "My actions WILL speak louder than my words."

If I continue to move forward in changing my behaviors, I know my family will see the changes I have made and come to believe that I am a different person.

So, keep doing what you are doing. You are on the right track.

Thank you for your service to our country.

maloneshawn32

Deb,

Thanks for the advice and the support.

Shawn

ColdSweat

Maloneshawn, I'm so sorry that all that has happened to you. I don't know what to say to ease your pain. But you have my love and support. ((HUGS))

Tommyh

back during my drinking days,my wife left 3 times.I always told her what she wanted to hear,and sooner or later she would come back.
The day came when words did not help,it took right actions on my part.The right actions built the trust back up again..we soon are to celebrate 29 yrs of marriage,and today we have a marriage...and trust