Hello. I am new.
Folara1
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Stevensville MI
Posts: 3
Hello. I am new.
This isn't my first time on the wagon however. My new sobriety date is 8-15-08. This time I plan to do things a bit differently.
In the past, I have always done what was recommended to me. I did the 90 in 90, I celebrated months of sobriety chip and all. Every time I walked through the recovery process the same way. I worked the steps to what I felt was the best of my ability bar none, never went back to old people, places, and things, and got a sponsor.
I am sure I will get constructive critisism after this post , which is fine.
This time around, I plan to go to meetings 3 times a week, or what I feel I need, not every single day. Why? Truthfully, I am not a big fan of the human species to begin with. I have a few friends that do not drink, and that is plenty for me. I feel no need to work through the 12 steps a third time. I feel that when I did it the first time,I was genuine. I drank again because I am an alcoholic, nothing more, nothing less.
The Alano house where I go is HUGE. I am aware that for most people this is an awesome experience. Lots of others going through the same problem as you are. I am very happy for those people who benefit from this atmosphere. There are no other daily meeting in my area so going to a smaller group meeting isn't possible. What I am about to say about myself is likely going to make me seem like a sociopath to some of you, but here it goes.
I like people individually. Every blue moon you meet someone you really like and can relate to. As a species, human nature leaves alot to be desired. Put it this way, I don't much care for people in general. When you combine human nature and the addict personality it becomes even more intolerable for me. I am aware that I am one of these people.
I am also a communication major and speech writer. I have an extremely low tolerance for those who cannot get a sentence out in less that 5 seconds. Again, my problem, but it is something I have simply not been able to overcome. Others are great at math, I speak well. I am sure every math tutor I have had has wanted to commit suicide after a session with me. When people "share" at AA meetings they often take 10-15 minutes or more. I do not feel that AA is a therapy session. We are there to discuss alcoholism, the nature of our disease, and how to stay sober. I did not leave my home to hear you crab about your spouse.
When I chaired meetings, people either wanted to burn me at the stake or kiss me. Why? I was one of those who, when chairing, would stop someone who went over 3 minutes. Yes, I did it. when you have 20-30 people in a group who have voted not to split tables, you have no choice. Even on the rare occassions that there are only 8 of us, I have only let them go on for so long or ask them to stay focused on what we are all here for. People get really aggravated listening to what most of the time is nothing more than the individual's personal angst with life.
That is not what most people come to AA to hear. That is for after the meeting.
This is primarily why I am not going to put myself through the 90 and 90 again. I have found that when I do, I end up wanting a drink more after I leave than before I showed up.
I also don't want my disease to become the center of my life after recovery. When I did 90 in 90, I was constantly thinking throughout the day about going to the meeting because if I didn't I was surely going to drink. It started to feel like going to the dentist every day. Recovery should not feel like that. I will go because I feel the need, not because it is what is "supposed" to work for me as an individual.
My other personal pet peeve are those chips. I will no longer raise my hand for the chip. I will mark it on my calender at home and congradulate myself.
For me, getting a chip for staying sober is like giving junior five bucks every time he doesn't slam his hand in the car door on purpose. I am aware that some people really feel great when they get those circular pieces of plastic. I am glad it helps them. I just don't feel the need to recieve one to have a sense of accomplishment.
I truly hope I haven't come off too cynical. I know I need AA. I just need it in a different way than someone else. We are all different. It makes life interesting.
In the past, I have always done what was recommended to me. I did the 90 in 90, I celebrated months of sobriety chip and all. Every time I walked through the recovery process the same way. I worked the steps to what I felt was the best of my ability bar none, never went back to old people, places, and things, and got a sponsor.
I am sure I will get constructive critisism after this post , which is fine.
This time around, I plan to go to meetings 3 times a week, or what I feel I need, not every single day. Why? Truthfully, I am not a big fan of the human species to begin with. I have a few friends that do not drink, and that is plenty for me. I feel no need to work through the 12 steps a third time. I feel that when I did it the first time,I was genuine. I drank again because I am an alcoholic, nothing more, nothing less.
The Alano house where I go is HUGE. I am aware that for most people this is an awesome experience. Lots of others going through the same problem as you are. I am very happy for those people who benefit from this atmosphere. There are no other daily meeting in my area so going to a smaller group meeting isn't possible. What I am about to say about myself is likely going to make me seem like a sociopath to some of you, but here it goes.
I like people individually. Every blue moon you meet someone you really like and can relate to. As a species, human nature leaves alot to be desired. Put it this way, I don't much care for people in general. When you combine human nature and the addict personality it becomes even more intolerable for me. I am aware that I am one of these people.
I am also a communication major and speech writer. I have an extremely low tolerance for those who cannot get a sentence out in less that 5 seconds. Again, my problem, but it is something I have simply not been able to overcome. Others are great at math, I speak well. I am sure every math tutor I have had has wanted to commit suicide after a session with me. When people "share" at AA meetings they often take 10-15 minutes or more. I do not feel that AA is a therapy session. We are there to discuss alcoholism, the nature of our disease, and how to stay sober. I did not leave my home to hear you crab about your spouse.
When I chaired meetings, people either wanted to burn me at the stake or kiss me. Why? I was one of those who, when chairing, would stop someone who went over 3 minutes. Yes, I did it. when you have 20-30 people in a group who have voted not to split tables, you have no choice. Even on the rare occassions that there are only 8 of us, I have only let them go on for so long or ask them to stay focused on what we are all here for. People get really aggravated listening to what most of the time is nothing more than the individual's personal angst with life. That is not what most people come to AA to hear. That is for after the meeting.
This is primarily why I am not going to put myself through the 90 and 90 again. I have found that when I do, I end up wanting a drink more after I leave than before I showed up.
I also don't want my disease to become the center of my life after recovery. When I did 90 in 90, I was constantly thinking throughout the day about going to the meeting because if I didn't I was surely going to drink. It started to feel like going to the dentist every day. Recovery should not feel like that. I will go because I feel the need, not because it is what is "supposed" to work for me as an individual.
My other personal pet peeve are those chips. I will no longer raise my hand for the chip. I will mark it on my calender at home and congradulate myself.
For me, getting a chip for staying sober is like giving junior five bucks every time he doesn't slam his hand in the car door on purpose. I am aware that some people really feel great when they get those circular pieces of plastic. I am glad it helps them. I just don't feel the need to recieve one to have a sense of accomplishment.
I truly hope I haven't come off too cynical. I know I need AA. I just need it in a different way than someone else. We are all different. It makes life interesting.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum
Certainly ...by now....you know what you need to be
sucessful in your recovery. Good for you!
Keep posting with us...you might enjoy the diversity.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
I think you're gonna like SR. It's supported me through 9 days of sobriety. You can express how you really feel and as long as you are polite and supportive to other group members, no one is going to call you cynical or a sociopath (actually if you politely say the rules of society don't apply to you and you don't see the difference between right and wrong, I might say you are a sociopath, but probably not to your face *grin*)
Look through the forums and maybe check out the Secular one in particular. There are plenty on here who work AA in their own way, or work other programs, or don't work any programs at all.
Welcome
Look through the forums and maybe check out the Secular one in particular. There are plenty on here who work AA in their own way, or work other programs, or don't work any programs at all.
Welcome
Last edited by SelfSeeking; 08-19-2008 at 07:08 AM. Reason: nitpicking a poorly written sentence
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Congrats on your extra "research"!! I know it helped me. Had I not known what I knew when I finally decided that I couldn't take it any more, I wouldn't have known where to start.
I'm not going to knock you at all but wish you great success and hope that you find that thing that's going to keep you sober. Some of us need a couple of starts.
I'm not going to knock you at all but wish you great success and hope that you find that thing that's going to keep you sober. Some of us need a couple of starts.
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