On the wagon with my love
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On the wagon with my love
I'm in a situation where my boyfriend has a severe alcohol problem and I need to support him.
I drink beer on a regular basis. Currently it's not a problem for me but at one time it was. I was diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and after I got on anti-depressant medication (zoloft), I leveled out and have been able to drink moderately without taking it to an extreme. I learned a lot from my experience and so I understand the concept of "self-medicating".
My boyfriend's drinking problem is worse, in that when he drinks excessively, he gets violent and he has abused me a few times. I'm a pretty strong, independent woman. I've never been in an abusive relationship and I won't start now. I'm working with him to try and help him. He's very ready to quit drinking and I have confidence in him. He doesn't want for his situation to change my lifestyle, but I feel that if I am supporting him, I need to join him.
I told him I will quit drinking also and attend AA meetings with him. This will be somewhat difficult for me because I LOVE to drink beer. It doesn't interfere with my life anymore, but it's also not the healthiest habit... so it's a good idea for me to quit.
Some of my friends have said that I should just have a night out with the girls to unwind and have some beers, but I have a feeling that if I come home smelling like beer, it's still going to make things difficult for him. I don't want to take any chances.
He and his family feel that I am the only person who's ever been able to help him. (FYI we are both 40 yrs old). I love him very much and I'm committed to helping him get his life on a more healthy, productive path.
So the two of us will be on the wagon together soon. Any advice you guys can give is very much appreciated.
Thanks,
Beach Daisy
I drink beer on a regular basis. Currently it's not a problem for me but at one time it was. I was diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and after I got on anti-depressant medication (zoloft), I leveled out and have been able to drink moderately without taking it to an extreme. I learned a lot from my experience and so I understand the concept of "self-medicating".
My boyfriend's drinking problem is worse, in that when he drinks excessively, he gets violent and he has abused me a few times. I'm a pretty strong, independent woman. I've never been in an abusive relationship and I won't start now. I'm working with him to try and help him. He's very ready to quit drinking and I have confidence in him. He doesn't want for his situation to change my lifestyle, but I feel that if I am supporting him, I need to join him.
I told him I will quit drinking also and attend AA meetings with him. This will be somewhat difficult for me because I LOVE to drink beer. It doesn't interfere with my life anymore, but it's also not the healthiest habit... so it's a good idea for me to quit.
Some of my friends have said that I should just have a night out with the girls to unwind and have some beers, but I have a feeling that if I come home smelling like beer, it's still going to make things difficult for him. I don't want to take any chances.
He and his family feel that I am the only person who's ever been able to help him. (FYI we are both 40 yrs old). I love him very much and I'm committed to helping him get his life on a more healthy, productive path.
So the two of us will be on the wagon together soon. Any advice you guys can give is very much appreciated.
Thanks,
Beach Daisy
BikerBill8
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Hi beach daisy,welcome to the forums.
I think the fact that you would like to stop drinking and attend meetings with your boyfriend is quite commendable.
My girlfriend and I are both in recovery together (we are both 40 yrs old )
I started attending meetings before her and having her come home smelling of alcohol was not good for me during those very crucial early days and many times I gave in to my temptations.
I eventually had to move out because of her unwillingness to address her drinking.
It is extremely hard on a relationship when two people love each other and the other person is still drinking.( and I am refering to problem drinking)Many relationships dont survive that scenario.
Technically we all have to work on our own recovery and find our own path but having the love support and understanding of our family can be of tremendous value.
I had my last drink nearly six years ago and my girlfriend and I have been together for more than ten years so I happen to know that it is possible for couples to recover together.
I wish you and yours the very best and I hope to hear from you again soon.
I think the fact that you would like to stop drinking and attend meetings with your boyfriend is quite commendable.
My girlfriend and I are both in recovery together (we are both 40 yrs old )
I started attending meetings before her and having her come home smelling of alcohol was not good for me during those very crucial early days and many times I gave in to my temptations.
I eventually had to move out because of her unwillingness to address her drinking.
It is extremely hard on a relationship when two people love each other and the other person is still drinking.( and I am refering to problem drinking)Many relationships dont survive that scenario.
Technically we all have to work on our own recovery and find our own path but having the love support and understanding of our family can be of tremendous value.
I had my last drink nearly six years ago and my girlfriend and I have been together for more than ten years so I happen to know that it is possible for couples to recover together.
I wish you and yours the very best and I hope to hear from you again soon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 610
Hi Beach Daisy,
the most important thing for me to remember is that I need to put my own recovery first and that I can't expect anyone else to stop drinking.
I hope that your situation works out well for you both and that you're both ready for recovery. In which case, good for you! But it might help to remember, just in case, that its important to focus on yourself first. Have you checked out Al-Anon? You might find some helpful reading in the forum at this site.
Best wishes,
Amy
the most important thing for me to remember is that I need to put my own recovery first and that I can't expect anyone else to stop drinking.
I hope that your situation works out well for you both and that you're both ready for recovery. In which case, good for you! But it might help to remember, just in case, that its important to focus on yourself first. Have you checked out Al-Anon? You might find some helpful reading in the forum at this site.
Best wishes,
Amy
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