Just Beer Can Kill Too
Attitude of Gratitude
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Just Beer Can Kill Too
I have a wonderful relationship with one of my Aunts, I'll call her Aunt Irita. Her and I never had any relationship to speak of until after I had gotten into Recovery three years ago. She was the last surviving sibling my Dad had and their relationship deteriorated over the years due to Dad's alcoholism. They lived not three miles from each other but never spoke. Dad had gotten clean but wasn't working any kind of Program of Recovery, therefore, he never made any amends with his Sister. When Dad was diagosed with Cancer in June of 06, I thought she should know. I knew I was taking a risk of my Dad being upset with me for calling her but after Praying on it, I decided to call her. Sadly, this is what it took for my Aunt and I to develop a relationship and when Dad passed away three months later, our relationship became stronger. She was the last connection to Dad's side of the Family and her and I keep in touch regularly. She was a tower of strength for me when Dad died, has helped me financially without my asking and has just become a wonderful part of my life.
Two weeks ago, she called me to ask me how she could help her Son, who I'll call Tom. Tom had been sick for awhile, not coming to Family Functions and when Aunt Irita and Uncle Bob went to his home, he was always upstairs in bed, he "wasn't feeling well," his wife and two preteen daughters said.The reason she called me was that they had just found out that very day that their son is an alcoholic and was hospitalized with serious medical conditions as a result of this disease. He had needed several pints of blood and wasn't doing too well. She called me, completely stunned. My entire Family knows of my past addiction to alcohol and drugs since it began to be a problem when I was so young. Aunt Irita called, asking what she could do for her Son. She had so many misconceptions of alcoholism. . . thinking that since he only drank lite beer, he couldn't be an alcoholic. He didn't go to bars, didn't cheat on his wife and the bills were being paid. I explained to her, the best I could that alcohol doesn't discriminate, one doesn't have to be a whiskey drinker, hanging in the bars, running around on their spouse and unable to keep a job.
I would send Aunt Irita cards of encouragement every three or four days, not wanting to call her since I knew, after calling the hospital daily, that Tom was still admitted.
Aunt Irita called me last night with the news that her Son, Tom, is dying. His body is shutting down. The Dr.'s are trying to make his as comfortable as possible until the end. He will be transferred to Hospice within the next few days . . . if he lives that long. They have a Do Not Resusitate Order in place and they have already gotten two phone calls in the middle of the night to go to the hospital as quickly as possible.
I'm writing this thread not for sympathy, but to let everyone know that it can happen to them. As many of you know, my younger Sister, Linda, died in 1991 of Cirhosis of the Liver . . . at the age of 26. A Mother is not supposed to bury their children . . . but my Mom did and now my Aunt Irita will have to do the same.
To those who are struggling with this disease, please, do anything and everything you have to do to get the help you need. Look at your children, how do you think they would handle having to bury their Mom or Dad? Would your Parent's have the strength to sign a DNR order, allowing their child to die with whatever dignity they had left? What about your Husband, Wife or Partner, what would they have left but guilt, thinking their was something they should have or could have done.
Alcoholism and Drug Addiction is a disease . . . just like Cancer and Diabetes. There is help, there is treatment . . . you should feel no shame. I sturggled for 32 years before I hit my bottom and did whatever I had to do to stop this disease from killing me.
Don't wait until it's too late. It's too late for Linda, it's too late for Tom, but it's not too late for you.
Two weeks ago, she called me to ask me how she could help her Son, who I'll call Tom. Tom had been sick for awhile, not coming to Family Functions and when Aunt Irita and Uncle Bob went to his home, he was always upstairs in bed, he "wasn't feeling well," his wife and two preteen daughters said.The reason she called me was that they had just found out that very day that their son is an alcoholic and was hospitalized with serious medical conditions as a result of this disease. He had needed several pints of blood and wasn't doing too well. She called me, completely stunned. My entire Family knows of my past addiction to alcohol and drugs since it began to be a problem when I was so young. Aunt Irita called, asking what she could do for her Son. She had so many misconceptions of alcoholism. . . thinking that since he only drank lite beer, he couldn't be an alcoholic. He didn't go to bars, didn't cheat on his wife and the bills were being paid. I explained to her, the best I could that alcohol doesn't discriminate, one doesn't have to be a whiskey drinker, hanging in the bars, running around on their spouse and unable to keep a job.
I would send Aunt Irita cards of encouragement every three or four days, not wanting to call her since I knew, after calling the hospital daily, that Tom was still admitted.
Aunt Irita called me last night with the news that her Son, Tom, is dying. His body is shutting down. The Dr.'s are trying to make his as comfortable as possible until the end. He will be transferred to Hospice within the next few days . . . if he lives that long. They have a Do Not Resusitate Order in place and they have already gotten two phone calls in the middle of the night to go to the hospital as quickly as possible.
I'm writing this thread not for sympathy, but to let everyone know that it can happen to them. As many of you know, my younger Sister, Linda, died in 1991 of Cirhosis of the Liver . . . at the age of 26. A Mother is not supposed to bury their children . . . but my Mom did and now my Aunt Irita will have to do the same.
To those who are struggling with this disease, please, do anything and everything you have to do to get the help you need. Look at your children, how do you think they would handle having to bury their Mom or Dad? Would your Parent's have the strength to sign a DNR order, allowing their child to die with whatever dignity they had left? What about your Husband, Wife or Partner, what would they have left but guilt, thinking their was something they should have or could have done.
Alcoholism and Drug Addiction is a disease . . . just like Cancer and Diabetes. There is help, there is treatment . . . you should feel no shame. I sturggled for 32 years before I hit my bottom and did whatever I had to do to stop this disease from killing me.
Don't wait until it's too late. It's too late for Linda, it's too late for Tom, but it's not too late for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 3
Serenityqueen,
Your post truly touched me. I am very new here, and have not even properly begun my journey of recovery. But the catalyst for me was so similar to what you are currently going through- I have a relative who is suddenly extremely and prematurely fatally ill as a result of alcoholism. Just today arrangements were made for hospice care and a DNR issued. I will keep your Tom in my thoughts and prayers as we are surely struggling together with the impending and unexpected loss of a family member.
Your post truly touched me. I am very new here, and have not even properly begun my journey of recovery. But the catalyst for me was so similar to what you are currently going through- I have a relative who is suddenly extremely and prematurely fatally ill as a result of alcoholism. Just today arrangements were made for hospice care and a DNR issued. I will keep your Tom in my thoughts and prayers as we are surely struggling together with the impending and unexpected loss of a family member.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I can't find words. Please accept my heartfelt thoughts and best wishes on your behalf and your aunts and Tom's family. I hope Tom has the opportunity to make peace with his family and that his suffering not be prolonged, as he passes into peace yet leaving behind so many who will suffer.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Thank you for sharing of your family's pain and struggles. My prayer is that this thread will touch people out there who need to hear this message and that lives can be saved even as others are lost to this horrible disease.
Your families are in my prayers SerenityQueen and Boxerlover.
Take care,
Kellye
Your families are in my prayers SerenityQueen and Boxerlover.
Take care,
Kellye
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
I watched my uncle die from alcoholism, carried his casket, and he was "just a beer drinker.
I was just a beer drinker, and I knew that if I didn't change I was going to be carried in a box as my uncle did.
You are doing everything you can. This situation is in two sets of hands, Tom and God's. You are there for support and I'm sure it is greately appreicated.
You are all in my prayers.
Tom
I was just a beer drinker, and I knew that if I didn't change I was going to be carried in a box as my uncle did.
You are doing everything you can. This situation is in two sets of hands, Tom and God's. You are there for support and I'm sure it is greately appreicated.
You are all in my prayers.
Tom
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Judy,
I am one of the idiots that knew you could be a beer drinking alcoholic but did not know that it would cause liver issues (I can't spell it so I won't try - you know what I mean). Although your aunt and uncle had no clue about their son's intake, it may have been a blessing because they didn't have to worry and stress over his condition for months and years like most families do. You have and will continue to be a wonderful asset to them when their child (I can't even imagine -- at any age-- what kind of pain that would feel like) passes.
Your aunt has been such a blessing in your life and I know your support and wisdom will fill in some of the blanks of understanding that they will require in order for them to want to wake up and put one foot in front of the other. This isn't really sounding right so I'm just going to leave it at this....
Judy, I love you and will pray for you and your family as hard as I can. I'm so sorry for cousin's children who are too young to loose a parent.
:praying
I am one of the idiots that knew you could be a beer drinking alcoholic but did not know that it would cause liver issues (I can't spell it so I won't try - you know what I mean). Although your aunt and uncle had no clue about their son's intake, it may have been a blessing because they didn't have to worry and stress over his condition for months and years like most families do. You have and will continue to be a wonderful asset to them when their child (I can't even imagine -- at any age-- what kind of pain that would feel like) passes.
Your aunt has been such a blessing in your life and I know your support and wisdom will fill in some of the blanks of understanding that they will require in order for them to want to wake up and put one foot in front of the other. This isn't really sounding right so I'm just going to leave it at this....
Judy, I love you and will pray for you and your family as hard as I can. I'm so sorry for cousin's children who are too young to loose a parent.
:praying
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 137
Thank you so much for sharing that, I know it must be painful for you - but that is a powerful message for so many of us on here. I am a "beer drinker" and this was something I needed to know.
My thoughts are with you, your aunt and of course Tom. :praying
My thoughts are with you, your aunt and of course Tom. :praying
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Thanks for this painful reminder of the danger to all of us addicts and alcoholics...jails, institutions, and death.
Three out of four of my grandparents died of complications due to alcoholism. They were all three very severe, drunk every day, gin drinkers. One Grandma was only 54 when she passed. So I was careful never to drink to excess, and I never did. The drugs (prescription pain meds) kinda snuck in the side door on me, and I was addicted before I knew what hit me.
It is the Same Disease, I've found. Just a reminder to all my alkie friends, if you have the genetics or the actual disease of alcoholism, watch your pain med intake! It can get us, too!
KJ
Three out of four of my grandparents died of complications due to alcoholism. They were all three very severe, drunk every day, gin drinkers. One Grandma was only 54 when she passed. So I was careful never to drink to excess, and I never did. The drugs (prescription pain meds) kinda snuck in the side door on me, and I was addicted before I knew what hit me.
It is the Same Disease, I've found. Just a reminder to all my alkie friends, if you have the genetics or the actual disease of alcoholism, watch your pain med intake! It can get us, too!
KJ
Attitude of Gratitude
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Thanks to everyone for their responses to this thread.
I wanted to let you all know that I spoke to "Tom's" wife a short time ago and he is being transfered to Hospice this afternoon. I have never even met his wife since my disease caused me to withdrawl from most of my Family years ago. I was the embarressment of the large family of Aunts and Uncles and over 30 cousins. . . the shame that I felt kept me from going to the birthday and anniversary celebrations, weddings, bridal showers, baby showers and funerals.
But that was then, this is now . . . so many things have changed over the past three years since I have been in Recovery. It's amazing, the people who I avoided and avoided me are the one's who I call just to chat or I pick up the phone to hear their voices, we send cards to for birthdays, holidays or just thinking of you and the most ironic part, they turn to ME for support, advice and understanding. When I was using, I was so intimidated by people who "had it all together." You know what I mean, people who functioned on a daily basis without the need for drugs or alcohol. People who held down jobs, paid their bills, had friends . . . did all of the normal, day to day things without the obsession and physical, mental and emotional need for a chemical to get them through the day. Now I realize, they are no better than I am, I am not the piece of sh*t that this disease convinced me that I was. My self confidence and self worth was so low that I thought that I could never and would never amt. to anything.
I'd like to keep this thread going for several reasons, but mostly to let everyone know that "it can happen to them."
The "it's" that I am referring to is that this disease promises three things to us . . . jails, institutions and death.
The myths that alcohol only kills those who drink rock gut whiskey for 40 years or someone behind the wheel of a car when they are drunk is just that, a myth. I'm hoping that by my cousin's condition and boxerlover's family member who is in the same situation will be proof enough that this disease wants nothing more than to claim as many lives as possible.
The other "it" that I want everyone to know is possible is the fact that every single one of us can live our lives without drugs or alcohol. I thought that I was one of those people who were so far gone in my disease that there was no turning back. I couldn't even imagine going through one day without the obsession and physical dependence on chemicals. But this alcoholic and addict is proof that "it" can be done. On July 25 of this year, I celebrated 3years of living my life Happy, Joyous & Free!
God Bless,
Judy
I wanted to let you all know that I spoke to "Tom's" wife a short time ago and he is being transfered to Hospice this afternoon. I have never even met his wife since my disease caused me to withdrawl from most of my Family years ago. I was the embarressment of the large family of Aunts and Uncles and over 30 cousins. . . the shame that I felt kept me from going to the birthday and anniversary celebrations, weddings, bridal showers, baby showers and funerals.
But that was then, this is now . . . so many things have changed over the past three years since I have been in Recovery. It's amazing, the people who I avoided and avoided me are the one's who I call just to chat or I pick up the phone to hear their voices, we send cards to for birthdays, holidays or just thinking of you and the most ironic part, they turn to ME for support, advice and understanding. When I was using, I was so intimidated by people who "had it all together." You know what I mean, people who functioned on a daily basis without the need for drugs or alcohol. People who held down jobs, paid their bills, had friends . . . did all of the normal, day to day things without the obsession and physical, mental and emotional need for a chemical to get them through the day. Now I realize, they are no better than I am, I am not the piece of sh*t that this disease convinced me that I was. My self confidence and self worth was so low that I thought that I could never and would never amt. to anything.
I'd like to keep this thread going for several reasons, but mostly to let everyone know that "it can happen to them."
The "it's" that I am referring to is that this disease promises three things to us . . . jails, institutions and death.
The myths that alcohol only kills those who drink rock gut whiskey for 40 years or someone behind the wheel of a car when they are drunk is just that, a myth. I'm hoping that by my cousin's condition and boxerlover's family member who is in the same situation will be proof enough that this disease wants nothing more than to claim as many lives as possible.
The other "it" that I want everyone to know is possible is the fact that every single one of us can live our lives without drugs or alcohol. I thought that I was one of those people who were so far gone in my disease that there was no turning back. I couldn't even imagine going through one day without the obsession and physical dependence on chemicals. But this alcoholic and addict is proof that "it" can be done. On July 25 of this year, I celebrated 3years of living my life Happy, Joyous & Free!
God Bless,
Judy
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Hi Judy,
My sincere prayers for you and your family. There are many things about your post that really touched my heart.
There are too many people in my life that I have lost to alcoholism & drug addiction. My 32 year old cousin this past spring and my 43 year old friend last summer are my most recent losses. My cousin was an alcoholic/addict and took his own life. My friend was primarily a beer drinker and died of a brain aneurism. Words really cannot convey the deep sorrow.
Recently I found out that an old classmate of mine had passed away. He was an addict and I saw him on the streets quite often. When he was lucid, we would say hello and share a laugh. But I wonder if as time passes, I am getting a bit jaded. We talked about his passing over dinner, nothing more. It’s like I am getting used to people around me dying this way, like I am giving up. I just read his obituary. A wife, three sons, two sisters, a brother, parents, in-laws, grandparents, friends all left behind. I know that I will lose more loved ones to alcoholism & addiction. I just can’t accept that there is nothing I can do.
Your post also reminds me that there are many active drinkers that while they may look reasonably healthy on the outside, they are dying on the inside. I really don’t think that it is ever “sudden”. I think of some of my friends, heavy drinkers who are starting to experience seemingly minor but inexplicable health problems.
I also think of the progressive nature of alcoholism. I was fortunate enough to seek help before the physical addiction got too bad. I could never drink for more that 3 days in a row. I was so sick after 3 days of continuous drinking that I could not drink without throwing up. God taking care of me. It would have gotten worse. No one is exempt from this. I have seen it over and over. If someone is not there yet, imagine how that would feel. Physically unable to stop yourself from putting a bottle to your mouth every morning, every day. It’s real. Do whatever it takes - now.
Thank you so much for your words. While I do find it to be a message of sadness, I also find it to be a message of hope.
God bless.
Don
My sincere prayers for you and your family. There are many things about your post that really touched my heart.
There are too many people in my life that I have lost to alcoholism & drug addiction. My 32 year old cousin this past spring and my 43 year old friend last summer are my most recent losses. My cousin was an alcoholic/addict and took his own life. My friend was primarily a beer drinker and died of a brain aneurism. Words really cannot convey the deep sorrow.
Recently I found out that an old classmate of mine had passed away. He was an addict and I saw him on the streets quite often. When he was lucid, we would say hello and share a laugh. But I wonder if as time passes, I am getting a bit jaded. We talked about his passing over dinner, nothing more. It’s like I am getting used to people around me dying this way, like I am giving up. I just read his obituary. A wife, three sons, two sisters, a brother, parents, in-laws, grandparents, friends all left behind. I know that I will lose more loved ones to alcoholism & addiction. I just can’t accept that there is nothing I can do.
Your post also reminds me that there are many active drinkers that while they may look reasonably healthy on the outside, they are dying on the inside. I really don’t think that it is ever “sudden”. I think of some of my friends, heavy drinkers who are starting to experience seemingly minor but inexplicable health problems.
I also think of the progressive nature of alcoholism. I was fortunate enough to seek help before the physical addiction got too bad. I could never drink for more that 3 days in a row. I was so sick after 3 days of continuous drinking that I could not drink without throwing up. God taking care of me. It would have gotten worse. No one is exempt from this. I have seen it over and over. If someone is not there yet, imagine how that would feel. Physically unable to stop yourself from putting a bottle to your mouth every morning, every day. It’s real. Do whatever it takes - now.
Thank you so much for your words. While I do find it to be a message of sadness, I also find it to be a message of hope.
God bless.
Don
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
My grandfather drank himself to death with "just beer". He died at age 75, which is not that much less than the average lifespan, but the way he died, of liver cirrhosis and kidney failure... and the way he lived the last years of his life...
*shaking head*
Indescribable. I don't want to go that way. NOBODY should go that way.
*shaking head*
Indescribable. I don't want to go that way. NOBODY should go that way.
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