fugfuggy

Hi all,

for those of you following my plan, it is all in place now. I have met with the therapist and I will be entering the 7 day medical detox on Monday. I will be posting during the detox so your ongoing support will be very much appreciated.

I am becoming very anxious. Not about the detox even though I know it will suck but i feel sick all of the time anyway. More about time after detox and the mental warfare that I know is impending.

When I met with the therapist I thought I knew what my underlying issues were. When asked what they were he immediately discounted them with a firm "no, that's not it." At that moment I thought to myself that this is not the right guy for me. He suggested that the underlying issue was the love of hating myself. It kind of sunk in today that if I look at my life as a whole I have done everything to stink it up. I have always been proud of my accomplishments but when looking back I have always managed a way to knock myself down and it always involves alcohol. So, maybe he is on to something. I have scheduled the next session for the day of my detox release and I am also considering some local outpatient treatment.

My fear is that I have no support system. No family other than my daughter and I am not going to involve her in this. Drinking is such a huge part of my life I am afraid of what will happen with left with just me and my sober head. I drink now because I have to not because I like it. My great hope is that once the physical dependency is lifted i will be able to out will the cravings in the short term.

I am scared but excited at the same time. I am so looking forward to not shaking, stinking, puking, falling down and getting hurt and the white returning to my eyes and not being embarrassed to look at others in the eye for fear of reveling my addiction.

Thanks for letting me blab.

dancinggirl

You have a HUGE support system right here! Come on here as often as you can...post often...read through as many threads as possible...PM as many people as you need to...we are all absolutely rooting for you! You will never find this place empty. It's helped me tremendously!

And CONGRATULATIONS on taking the necessary steps to getting well!!!! You absolutely can do this!

LosingmyMisery

Hugs... I remember having the same mixed feelings. You can get past this and you don't have to do it alone. You have started off on the right path by coming here. Best wishes and I look forward to you sharing your success story.

CarolD

Good for you!

It's going to be an interesting journey for you.
Thanks for offering to share with us as you progress.

Blessings to you and your daughter

fugfuggy

wow, such quick responses. I guess I do have a support system.

I am sorry CarolID, I will be taking your position as most active poster :-)

Anna

Hi Fuggy,

That was the issue for me. I turned all my anger and rage toward myself and truly hated myself. I was fearful of anything good that would come along in my life and sabotaged myself countless times so I would lose or fail. It all came down to learning to like and love myself which has been a long, but blessed journey.

I use SR for my support system.

I wish you well in your detox and I will be looking forward to hearing from you as you through the process.

tommyk

Most fear is really unfounded fear of the unknown.

Sooooooo many people have succeeded that your chances of success are really good.

Your disease will make every attempt to initiate fear - don't buy into it.

RufusACanal

Welcome to SR. There are many resources here for your use, but I would ask you to read the posts of SR memebrs who have victory today over Alcoholism in the thread, a New Life. This is but one thread of many that shows the true nature of Alcoholism and the recovery of the same. You too can live free. I look forward to hearing more from you in the days and weeks ahead.

Thane

Good luck to you, mate.

vegibean

You've got my support!!! I checked into a detox center and opted to stay until I got into an all Women's rehabilitation center and it was the best thing I did for myself.

I don't know what it's going to be like where you're going but I know reading might be hard to do the first couple of days but wearing PJ's 24-7, watching TV and pulling the covers up to just under my head helped me. Not to mention there were other people detoxing there and we leaned on each other, talked about what lead us up to getting there. I made the best of it. I knew I was on the way to getting better and that I had taken the first step!!!!

I hope to hear about your experience and it'll be great to hear how you're feeling when you get over that first big hump of misery. Just remember, it'll be bad at first but you're going to be feeling great soon!!!! Keep it up and much success to you over the next days, weeks, months and years

Tazman53

You know that was my greatest fear when I went into detox, what in the heck was I going to do when I got out? In detox they told me "If you want a chance to stay sober got to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor." Well that was almost 2 years ago, I was desperate to stay sober and having no idea how to do it I listened to them.

Today I am still sober and what am I doing today? I am happily living life on lifes terms one day at a time sober. In AA I discovered I was far from being alone and that there was a solution to my problem.