ChipCougar

Hi there, I am new to these forums and sobriety. I am really young/student age and have been drinking for about 4 years. The last two of which have blistered into an all consuming monster of addiction. I have betrayed everyone around me including myself multiples time. Until yesterday I was walking the streets hiding Alcohol around the city along with loose change and wading through fields of nettles drinking and smoking Cigars.

My family have allowed me to stay with them despite the barrage of verbal abuse and constant episodes of inebriation. They are only trying to help but their weakness of allowing me to stay again and again is a flaw as an Alcoholic I have exploited zealously. I am not a survivor if I didn't have their home I'd most likely be killed during my virgin night under the stars. I now have no friends, have been arrested for threatening behaviour, drunk at a place of employment I should never have found myself in. Now I am trying to stay sober I find 2-3 weeks maximum before the need to quiet the demons and personal criticisms and self loathing are all too strong.

I apologise if this is too long for these forums I am simply looking to stay sober and then think about starting a life rather than simply existing with Alcohol.

Toomutch

Welcome CC - You will find alot of support here. Keep posting.

ANGELINA243

Welcome! Glad you are here!

nandm

Welcome to SR!:ghug3:ghug2

CarolD

Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum

What is your plan for a healthy sober future?

Good to see a new SR member

tommyk

Chip, congrats on your decision to stay sober.

What are you doing differently this time around?

Making futile attempts and repeating the same behaviors over and over almost always yields the same results - failure to stay sober.

What can you do to make it work this time?

We're here to help.

RufusACanal

Welcome to SR. There are many resources here for your use, but I would ask you to read the posts of SR memebrs who have victory today over Alcoholism in the thread, a New Life. This is but one thread of many that shows the true nature of Alcoholism and the recovery of the same. You too can live free. I look forward to hearing more from you in the days and weeks ahead.

ChipCougar

It would have been a week late Friday of abstenance...However I have just started to drink my whisky now..I don't have a lot I just found this around where I live ... God knows if someone has pissed in the bottle or not...I just felt so low today. Horrendous arguement and the feeling all my dreams and plans are nothing more than the most spectacular fantasy...Sometimes I just feel like a monster.

I want to relocate but I can never stay off the Alcohol long enough to afford that move. The cycle, the cycle yeah you really can't escape it can you?

Tazman53

Chip I found a solution to my alcoholism that worked for me, but in order for it to work I had first to be HONEST with myself..... brutally honest, I had to be OPEN MINDED, I had do set aside any and all prejudics and preconceptions I had, and I had to be WILLING, willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober.

Chip, are you willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober?

CarolD

I not only escaped the cycle....
I have a new life of joy.

This can be true for you too.

nandm

In my and many others experience the answer to your question is a resounding "Yes, you can escape the downward spiral!"

What does it take?
Willingness to do whatever is required to find sobriety
For me that simple start was what I needed. Today, I have a new life that was never possible while I was in that flushing toilet struggling to not go down the drain.
Check out the link which lists recovery programs. Pick one, it really doesn't matter which one just one that you think might work for you. Then throw yourself into the program like you have thrown yourself into drinking.

collinsmi

Welcome! It's not necessary to live like that. I used to, but not anymore. What's a nettle?

Kellye C

Oh yes, you can break the cycle even though things seem hopeless. But you have to want to break it MORE than you want to drink and be willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober under any circumstances.

There are plenty of us here who have broken out of the cycle who would love to support you if you are ready to break it.

Don't drink no matter what. Simple huh? But sure as hell not easy. I will saying stopping was the hardest thing I have ever done but it has also been the most rewarding. I sincerely hope you will decide that you've had enough and end the cycle right where you are now before it goes any lower. Because it will only take you lower, never higher.

Best to you,
Kellye

Tazman53

A nettle is a family of plants that when you brush up against them with your bare skin BURN like HADES!!!!!!!

ChipCougar

I absolutely want to stay sober. I'e found you do bad things as an Alcoholic...Anything you do can be repressed with Alcohol so you just become so monstrous. I have been looking into new activities which will provide focus and purpose to my otherwise existence of incessant jobs...

I mainly find I want to drink the most when I long for more creativity. When I have one of my episodes I just feel so inadequate and that my ideas aren't brilliant and don't operate within there own universe so they will date...I find this with writing

Right now after a week of sobriety and one slip I was working today and felt myself slain with a plethora of well known phrases. I just feel that I'm becoming that person that stays well and isn't drinking anymore but dies inside...At least when I drank on occasion I felt the insanity of it all give me a perspective almost unachievable as a sober human.

To round off I think because I am young and because I have drank for so long I feel I will inhibit and destroy the talents I have nurtured over the years. Thus lose who i believe I am and can be. This is how I am thinking right now - So confused - I know in about a week's time the urge to drink is going to become so intolerable. It always does and I always submit and get drunk.

Thanks for all your support so far. It's making it easier just reading other Alcoholic's post's and their situations.

Serenidad

If you do the same things you always did, you will keep getting the same results you always got.

The only thing that helped me was a willingness to do whatever it takes to stay sober. I am in my 16th week of outpatient treatment, I go to an AA meeting every day, I am actively working the 12 steps with a sponsor and I DON'T DRINK even if my ass falls off!

If you do these simple things, you will stay sober. Otherwise, the ending of the story is always the same...You will end up in a jail, hospital, institution or die. I know for a fact, because my 22-year old cousin just drank himself to death 3 days ago and my 23-year old friend just got diagnosed with Hepatitis C and severe cirosis of the liver.

ChipCougar

Do you mind me asking how long you cousin had been drinking for and how much he drank???

I know you're right that is why i talk on this forum and am looking into other help. I just feel going to AA for me right now would be more depressing and thus negative for me...

CarolD

Chip...I strongly suggest you do some research on the
facts of alcoholism and how to recover.

Here are some links to get you started...
and I hope you will read them.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

FAQs for the General Public

Please keep in touch with us...we do understand
because we once were you.

Serenidad

Hi CC- My cousin only drank a lot for a few years.

collinsmi

AA has got a pretty good track record. It's worked for me. Would AA be any worse than what you're going through right now? It doesn't seem like you are doing that well quitting on your own resources.