tiburon88

I don't have an opinion on whether or not you should tell your wife. Hwoever, I can tell you from previous experience that if you would of continued to drink while taking Antabuse you would of probably ended up in the ER. My heart rate went sky high when I drank on Antabuse. I actually thought that the Antabuse wouldn't work.


tib

Live

From the Family and Friends forum, I can assure you that by a huge majority, it is the Lies that most find the most offensive and intolerable. By actually telling the truth you will be building up trust.
Without that, you have just used and lied again and nothing has changed.

That's how we think.

ForeverDecember

Being lied to hurts. Having your trust betrated hurts.

I am an honest person. I found a fifty dollar note left in the ATM dispenser once and turned it in (my Ex was furious at me). However I am all for keeping secrets if it stops someone from being hurt. I recently and accidently found out some stuff about my current partner. I have been tearing myself up inside over it for months, and think about it every day. It's not even a big deal really, but I can't let go. I wish more than anything that I didn't find this stuff out. I don't care that it happened I just don't want to know about it or think about it.

It's your call, don't get upset by the people here - we don't know your situation or your wife. You'll make the best decision . Good luck.

debs4321

jjaaam

I have done things in my relationship that were wrong. I am not perfect. Some of the things were so unacceptable that I truely thought my relatioship would be over.
I was still honest about them to my S/O. And apologized for the mistake I made. I have been forgiven for them. Not because I am honest but because I am aware and respect my S/O feelings. I have to allow them to feel today, to have a choice today.

I realized though that when I make mistakes, they are mistake I made because of my own selfish thinking. If I dont own up to them (mistakes) then they could oneday send me back out.

If I dont change my thinking and behavior and continue to make the same mistakes over and over again I will surely destroy my relationship. That is a given.

Although, I have never relapsed. My defects can blare in other areas that are damaging to others.

This is just my ESH.

nowinsituation

jjaaam - I have been "the wife" -- not in this exact situation, but similar. I did leave my husband (who is alcoholic and not in recovery). I did not leave him because he drank; I left him because he lied about it; he thought he could hide it from me and lie to me about it, and that I would never find out. The pain of finding out is almost unbearable. I do not know your wife or your past; but I would tell you that as long as there is trust a marriage can survive almost anything else. Please please tell her!

Snickers008

In my opinion your wife deserves to know the truth and what she does with that knowledge is not up to you, but to her.

She deserves to know the whole truth though, how to felt before and especially after this episode and how you agonized over telling her.

In my opinion it's the lying that destroys the relationships. Unfortunately, drinking and lying go hand in hand. I wonder what would happen if you separated them.

justsomegirl

Sorry if I am not qualified to respond to this. My husband drinks and he often lies about how much or money or where he was etc. When he tells me the truth about something, I may get upset but I get over it easier and faster than when he lies. (we can often tell when you are!) The lie is so much deeper, more of a betrayal to the marriage, so then you have the behavior (the drinking) as well as the lie to deal with. Maybe your wife is at the point where one more time of weakness will break the relationship or could she be relieved to know you can trust her enough to tell her the truth. It's a tough call. Good luck to you and stay strong.