Into and my story...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 87
Into and my story...
Hello all,
I have not started the process yet but plan to very soon. Here is my story:
I realize what it is to be an alcoholic now versus an abuser. In my younger years I drank A LOT, sun up to sun down every day. Worked at one bar in the morning and one in the evening. Homeless by choice (lived on the beach) I drank to black out every day and found myself in many jails and hospitals. I finally mustard up the courage and quit. I was active in AA for about the first year and then engaged in individual therapy. I managed to stay sober for 10 years. In that 10 years, I managed to own a successful business and go from a high school drop out to entering a prestigious university. It was during my studies that I rationalized that I had such a good life and that circumstances were so different that the catalyst for heavy drinking were gone and that I could handle it. Started simply with a couple of beers here and there. Then a bottle of wine most nights and then, gulp, I found vodka. This was about 10 years ago.
The worst has been the last 5 years. Until recently, I had the dream job of any active alcoholic. I worked for a Korean company running the rest of the world outside of Asia. I was making 200K per year. The first year required a ton of travel and I am afraid of flying so I justified my heavy drinking to relieving the stress of travel. I flew business class so I had access to the airport travel lounges with all of that glorious FREE vodka. I would get myself "flight ready" and then pass out on the plane. This was the first year. Then, the company failed to produce the product that we were to sell so for the next three years they paid me to literally do nothing. So the new routine that was established during this time frame was to not drink until 6 PM and either a bottle and a half of wine before bed, or a pint of vodka. Then it became 5 PM and now it is 4 PM. Since I started drinking earlier I decided to start with a bottle of wine at 4 PM and try to make it til 8 PM before the real drinking of a half liter of vodka can commence. This is now the daily routine.
Abuser vs. Addict?
My younger days I was an abuser. Now I am a true addict. How do I separate the two? The first time I quit I cannot remember any physical withdrawal effects. It seemed all to easy, aside from the drunk dreams. Now, however, I shake, sweat, vomit, tremble, chest pains, arm pains and the thought of having a seizure scares the hell out of me to and I drink to keep that from happening. The thought of going to sleep vs. passing out is something that I cannot comprehend.
Given the physical addiction and the fear of seizures I have checked into medical detox and tentatively have plans on checking into a 7 day medical detox on the 18th of August. I realize that detox alone will not be enough so the plan is to find an addiction therapist that I can begin seeing even before the detox. I loathe the idea of joining AA again so that is why I am going this route. I am hoping that this combination and support from groups like this will help. I look forward to getting to know you guys and appreciate any and all support that I can get.
I have not started the process yet but plan to very soon. Here is my story:
I realize what it is to be an alcoholic now versus an abuser. In my younger years I drank A LOT, sun up to sun down every day. Worked at one bar in the morning and one in the evening. Homeless by choice (lived on the beach) I drank to black out every day and found myself in many jails and hospitals. I finally mustard up the courage and quit. I was active in AA for about the first year and then engaged in individual therapy. I managed to stay sober for 10 years. In that 10 years, I managed to own a successful business and go from a high school drop out to entering a prestigious university. It was during my studies that I rationalized that I had such a good life and that circumstances were so different that the catalyst for heavy drinking were gone and that I could handle it. Started simply with a couple of beers here and there. Then a bottle of wine most nights and then, gulp, I found vodka. This was about 10 years ago.
The worst has been the last 5 years. Until recently, I had the dream job of any active alcoholic. I worked for a Korean company running the rest of the world outside of Asia. I was making 200K per year. The first year required a ton of travel and I am afraid of flying so I justified my heavy drinking to relieving the stress of travel. I flew business class so I had access to the airport travel lounges with all of that glorious FREE vodka. I would get myself "flight ready" and then pass out on the plane. This was the first year. Then, the company failed to produce the product that we were to sell so for the next three years they paid me to literally do nothing. So the new routine that was established during this time frame was to not drink until 6 PM and either a bottle and a half of wine before bed, or a pint of vodka. Then it became 5 PM and now it is 4 PM. Since I started drinking earlier I decided to start with a bottle of wine at 4 PM and try to make it til 8 PM before the real drinking of a half liter of vodka can commence. This is now the daily routine.
Abuser vs. Addict?
My younger days I was an abuser. Now I am a true addict. How do I separate the two? The first time I quit I cannot remember any physical withdrawal effects. It seemed all to easy, aside from the drunk dreams. Now, however, I shake, sweat, vomit, tremble, chest pains, arm pains and the thought of having a seizure scares the hell out of me to and I drink to keep that from happening. The thought of going to sleep vs. passing out is something that I cannot comprehend.
Given the physical addiction and the fear of seizures I have checked into medical detox and tentatively have plans on checking into a 7 day medical detox on the 18th of August. I realize that detox alone will not be enough so the plan is to find an addiction therapist that I can begin seeing even before the detox. I loathe the idea of joining AA again so that is why I am going this route. I am hoping that this combination and support from groups like this will help. I look forward to getting to know you guys and appreciate any and all support that I can get.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Fort Wayne IN
Posts: 284
Congratulations on realizing you have a problem with alcohol. You have a plan so stick to it and I wish you great success. This is a great place to start. I am an alcoholic and I am currently 1yr away from finishing school and will take licenseing as an addiction therapist. I am fairly certain that the therapist you consult with will encourage, possibly require AA mtgs. What could it hurt to attend a mtg before you go to detox? Chances are pretty great that you will continue to drink before entering detox. Do you have a plan to stay sober before then?
While it is great support in this site, the support from a face to face mtg. can be of great benifit. Good luck and I look forward to hearing of your progress.
While it is great support in this site, the support from a face to face mtg. can be of great benifit. Good luck and I look forward to hearing of your progress.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by deezaldog 
Congratulations on realizing you have a problem with alcohol. You have a plan so stick to it and I wish you great success. This is a great place to start. I am an alcoholic and I am currently 1yr away from finishing school and will take licenseing as an addiction therapist. I am fairly certain that the therapist you consult with will encourage, possibly require AA mtgs. What could it hurt to attend a mtg before you go to detox? Chances are pretty great that you will continue to drink before entering detox. Do you have a plan to stay sober before then?
While it is great support in this site, the support from a face to face mtg. can be of great benifit. Good luck and I look forward to hearing of your progress.
While it is great support in this site, the support from a face to face mtg. can be of great benifit. Good luck and I look forward to hearing of your progress.
I don't know what makes me loath AA as much as i do but I really do not want to go. I stayed sober the first time for 10 years without it, while still going through intensive therapy. My neighbor is an active AAer so I was thinking about talking with him and seeing if he could just be somebody I could share with.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Congratulations on deciding to stop. You are going to be a better man and especially father for it!
I know that there are many people here that are not AA'ers and have chosen other support systems to recover and are very happy with their choice. Be sure to check out those threads for some great recovery.
I wish you all the best! Why is the medical detox date tentative? Are you unsure or is it just scheduling?
I know that there are many people here that are not AA'ers and have chosen other support systems to recover and are very happy with their choice. Be sure to check out those threads for some great recovery.
I wish you all the best! Why is the medical detox date tentative? Are you unsure or is it just scheduling?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
....Welcome!Thanks for sharing part of your story with us
Yes...a medically supervised de tox is wise.
Be both safe and sober...
There are other recovery programs beside AA
Here is a list for you to explore
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
Please keep posting with us
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
fugfuggy, thanks for sharing your story! I look forward to reading more of it as it progresses. As Carol said, you are wise to choose a medical detox instead of going it alone.
This site has been invaluable to me... there is tons of support. Keep posting, you are not alone!
This site has been invaluable to me... there is tons of support. Keep posting, you are not alone!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR Fugfuggy, I had a scheduled detox also..... funny thing, the doc did not need to tell me to keep drinking!!!! LOL
SOunds like you have a good plan laid out, keep us informed, and the idea with your neighbor sounds really good.
Before I went into detox I felt like you, there was no way I was going to AA, well the detox folks suggested it, my butt was on fire for a drink the second I left detox so I tried it, I love it, but it is not for everyone, there are other programs out there. Keep in touch and let us know how things are going.
SOunds like you have a good plan laid out, keep us informed, and the idea with your neighbor sounds really good.
Before I went into detox I felt like you, there was no way I was going to AA, well the detox folks suggested it, my butt was on fire for a drink the second I left detox so I tried it, I love it, but it is not for everyone, there are other programs out there. Keep in touch and let us know how things are going.
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