Functioning alcholic....might be the worst
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Here
Posts: 78
Functioning alcholic....might be the worst
I've been here before and to AA. I let myself think that I couldn't relate. Because I never hit the "rock bottom" that I've heard about.
I never will. I have a home, a job, and a "normal" life on the surface. And I'll be able to keep this up forever. I'm a control freak about everything. My drinking isn't getting worse. But it isn't getting better. It is keeping me from moving forward and getting to where I want to be in life.
I could write a book about this right now but I don't have the energy and I've almost finished a bottle of cheap vodka. I'm disgusted with myself, tired of being in this rut, tired of being alone.
Tomorrow I plan to go to an AA meeting.
I never will. I have a home, a job, and a "normal" life on the surface. And I'll be able to keep this up forever. I'm a control freak about everything. My drinking isn't getting worse. But it isn't getting better. It is keeping me from moving forward and getting to where I want to be in life.
I could write a book about this right now but I don't have the energy and I've almost finished a bottle of cheap vodka. I'm disgusted with myself, tired of being in this rut, tired of being alone.
Tomorrow I plan to go to an AA meeting.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? We all have different "bottoms"--some never lost their house, family, job etc. Some never went to jail or got a DWI. I have never lost a job because of alcoholism....but I have made plenty of mistakes--trust me>I've done things that I am not proud of....all included drinking. Things went well for a long time--years.....but went it started going downhill--it was like a snowball effect>downward spiral. If drinking is a problem for you--in your own eyes--get help....alcoholic or not...why take the chance of possibly ruining your future? Plus--without booze in your system, you will have more energy and can better focus on moving forward and finding that "place" of where you want to be in life. 
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,900
Right, angie! Alcoholism is a progressive disease and the longer one drinks, the worse it will get. Not all at once, but over the years, it will become a problem. I was a functioning alcoholic for many, many years. It was toward the end when things started going bad. Luckily, I was able to see it and put a stop to it before I lost my job.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Here
Posts: 78
The sad/confusing thing is, I know I can be a functioning alcoholic forever. I was in a bad place a few years ago when I first starting drinking, until I learned to "control" it. Now I am able to keep it from getting worse. And keep it from getting better. I KNOW with all my heart that I can keep this up until I get old and die (or my liver fails), but I don't want to live like this. It's not living.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,900
How long have you been drinking? A "few years" isn't always long enough for the alcohol to take control. I'm not saying that you wouldn't be able to "control" it, but it's really very doubtful.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
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Posts: 78
Originally Posted by suki44883 
How long have you been drinking? A "few years" isn't always long enough for the alcohol to take control. I'm not saying that you wouldn't be able to "control" it, but it's really very doubtful.
Now I maintain. I drink socially with family and friends and never get out of control. Until I'm alone.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
I stopped comparing "bottoms". It's all relative and personal. Simply put, I was scared and had enough.
My alcoholism was progressive over 24 years. Stayed the same/gradual deterioration for 20 years, all hell broke loose the last 4 years. There is a section in the Big Book that "categorizes" alcoholics. I was in the 2nd category and the 3rd was on the horizon when I quit. I was done digging. It was this reading that convinced me that my "bottom" was personal, that AA was the right place for me.
From the AA Big Book Chapter 8 "To the Wives"
The problem with which you struggle usually falls within one of four categories:
1. Your husband may be only a heavy drinker. His drinking may be constant or it may be heavy only on certain occasions. Perhaps he spends too much money for liquor. It may be slowing him up mentally and physically, but he does not see it. Sometimes he is a source of embarrassment to you and his friends. He is positive he can handle his liquor, that it does him no harm, that drinking is necessary in his business. He would probably be insulted if he were called an alcoholic. This world is full of people like him. Some will moderate or stop altogether, and some will not. Of those who keep on, a good number will become true alcoholics after a while.
2. Your husband is showing lack of control, for he is unable to stay on the water wagon even when he wants to. He often gets entirely out of hand when drinking. He admits this is true, but is positive that he will do better. He has begun to try, with or without your cooperation, various means of moderating or staying dry. Maybe he is beginning to lose his friends. His business may suffer somewhat. He is worried at times, and is becoming aware that he cannot drink like other people. He sometimes drinks in the morning and through the day also, to hold his nervousness in check. He is remorseful after serious drinking bouts and tells you he wants to stop. But when he gets over the spree, he begins to think once more how he can drink moderately next time. We think this person is in danger. These are the earmarks of a real alcoholic. Perhaps he can still tend to business fairly well. He has by no means ruined everything. As we say among ourselves, "He wants to want to stop."
3. This husband has gone much further than husband number two. Though once like number two he became worse. His friends have slipped away, his home is a near-wreck and he cannot hold a position. Maybe the doctor has been called in, and the weary round of sanitariums and hospitals has begun. He admits he cannot drink like other people, but does not see why. He clings to the notion that he will yet find a way to do so. He may have come to the point where he desperately wants to stop but cannot. His case presents additional questions which we shall try to answer for you. You can be quite hopeful of a situation like this.
4. You may have a husband of whom you completely despair. He has been placed in one institution after another. He is violent, or appears definitely insane when drunk. Sometimes he drinks on the way home from the hospital. Perhaps he has had delirium tremens. Doctors may shake their heads and advise you to have him committed. Maybe you have already been obliged to put him away. This picture may not be as dark as it looks. Many of our husbands were just as far gone. Yet they got well.
Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First Edition
My alcoholism was progressive over 24 years. Stayed the same/gradual deterioration for 20 years, all hell broke loose the last 4 years. There is a section in the Big Book that "categorizes" alcoholics. I was in the 2nd category and the 3rd was on the horizon when I quit. I was done digging. It was this reading that convinced me that my "bottom" was personal, that AA was the right place for me.
From the AA Big Book Chapter 8 "To the Wives"
The problem with which you struggle usually falls within one of four categories:
1. Your husband may be only a heavy drinker. His drinking may be constant or it may be heavy only on certain occasions. Perhaps he spends too much money for liquor. It may be slowing him up mentally and physically, but he does not see it. Sometimes he is a source of embarrassment to you and his friends. He is positive he can handle his liquor, that it does him no harm, that drinking is necessary in his business. He would probably be insulted if he were called an alcoholic. This world is full of people like him. Some will moderate or stop altogether, and some will not. Of those who keep on, a good number will become true alcoholics after a while.
2. Your husband is showing lack of control, for he is unable to stay on the water wagon even when he wants to. He often gets entirely out of hand when drinking. He admits this is true, but is positive that he will do better. He has begun to try, with or without your cooperation, various means of moderating or staying dry. Maybe he is beginning to lose his friends. His business may suffer somewhat. He is worried at times, and is becoming aware that he cannot drink like other people. He sometimes drinks in the morning and through the day also, to hold his nervousness in check. He is remorseful after serious drinking bouts and tells you he wants to stop. But when he gets over the spree, he begins to think once more how he can drink moderately next time. We think this person is in danger. These are the earmarks of a real alcoholic. Perhaps he can still tend to business fairly well. He has by no means ruined everything. As we say among ourselves, "He wants to want to stop."
3. This husband has gone much further than husband number two. Though once like number two he became worse. His friends have slipped away, his home is a near-wreck and he cannot hold a position. Maybe the doctor has been called in, and the weary round of sanitariums and hospitals has begun. He admits he cannot drink like other people, but does not see why. He clings to the notion that he will yet find a way to do so. He may have come to the point where he desperately wants to stop but cannot. His case presents additional questions which we shall try to answer for you. You can be quite hopeful of a situation like this.
4. You may have a husband of whom you completely despair. He has been placed in one institution after another. He is violent, or appears definitely insane when drunk. Sometimes he drinks on the way home from the hospital. Perhaps he has had delirium tremens. Doctors may shake their heads and advise you to have him committed. Maybe you have already been obliged to put him away. This picture may not be as dark as it looks. Many of our husbands were just as far gone. Yet they got well.
Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First Edition
As Phil Sees It (NOT)
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 26
I'm an alcoholic and in recovery, Thanks to God and AA. My first sponsor started drinking at the age of 40. He was an accountant, father of 4, grandfather of 3. He was a champion swimmer although he smoked he had never drank alcoholicly up to this point. Then he got a tatse for scotch and by the time he was 49 he had lost his job, house, family and ended up in hospital from a car accident which nearly killed him.
He started to live in the solution not the problem and was 15 years sober when he died 3 years ago. He had his family back, was on a good pension and he had just finished his 3 year role on the board of AA uk.
Whatever material and emotional possessions you have, alcohol will take them from you. Alcohol wants you to suffer, painfully in mind and body until it kills you.
In the uk when we say we haven't lost our, health, family, job, home, 2 cars, we always add - YET ! To me this stands for - YOU'RE EVENTUALLY TERMINATED - Continue to drink and your life will get worse, get sober and you will live a useful, purposeful life with AA's 12 step program. JUST LOOK AT THE RECORD.
He started to live in the solution not the problem and was 15 years sober when he died 3 years ago. He had his family back, was on a good pension and he had just finished his 3 year role on the board of AA uk.
Whatever material and emotional possessions you have, alcohol will take them from you. Alcohol wants you to suffer, painfully in mind and body until it kills you.
In the uk when we say we haven't lost our, health, family, job, home, 2 cars, we always add - YET ! To me this stands for - YOU'RE EVENTUALLY TERMINATED - Continue to drink and your life will get worse, get sober and you will live a useful, purposeful life with AA's 12 step program. JUST LOOK AT THE RECORD.
Serenity today
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The Commonwealth
Posts: 135
Originally Posted by Ready to Change
...I never hit the "rock bottom" that I've heard about.
I never will. I have a home, a job, and a "normal" life on the surface. And I'll be able to keep this up forever. I'm a control freak about everything.
I never will. I have a home, a job, and a "normal" life on the surface. And I'll be able to keep this up forever. I'm a control freak about everything.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
My drinking career only spanned 15 months, but by the sixth month I was out of control. I too hadn't hit "bottom" but that's not important. The important thing is that I knew alcohol was a big problem for me and that I'd be far better off to stop drinking.
You can do this, one day at a time!
:ghug3
You can do this, one day at a time!
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: toledo,ohio
Posts: 43
Ready to change......you have described me in a nutshell. Only diffference is that I have "controlled" it fr 30+ years. I hate that I cannot/willnot stop. Literally is something that weighs so heavily on me daily, that I am disgusted with myself. I don't drink during day, never black out, don't get mean or angry, don't have hangovers, don't drink and drive, don't act stupid, only drink at night in my comfy chair with a book or a movie. But....I still drink, every day, close to a bolltle of wine, and seemingly am powerless to stop. I actually wish that my doctor would tell me I have damaged my liver, so that maybe I will have to force myself to quit out of real fear. Damn, but I'm sick of it, but it has become such a natural, and frankly pleasant, part of my life I feel that I will never quit. Really quite discouraging.
Lurker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Western NC
Posts: 783
Man you have a lot of yets in front of you. The Hell-a-vator stops at any floor. This is a progrsive disease, and I have seen my share of deaths in my short sobriety. I hear a lot of pain in your posts, and I assure you that alcohol, and drugs only work for a little while.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Good to know you are planning your
future without drinking...:hug;
Consulting with your doctor before abruptly quitting
is always a wise move. Be both sober and safe!
future without drinking...:hug;
Consulting with your doctor before abruptly quitting
is always a wise move. Be both sober and safe!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
"Because I never hit the "rock bottom" that I've heard about."
And you don't have to either. Learn from the bad experiences of others.
Quit drinking now, before you have you own story to relate about rock bottom.
And you don't have to either. Learn from the bad experiences of others.
Quit drinking now, before you have you own story to relate about rock bottom.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
An alcoholic "controlling" their drinking??? You see the problem with that statement, surely. If you can drink and function forever, then there is no problem, right? If that were true you wouldn't be here posting about your issue. I drank for years keeping it together until my control slipped away and I hit a down hill spiral. I never saw it coming. It happens, trust me. Best wishes to you and there is a better way of living.
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
I think as an alcoholic what my head tells me and what the reality of my behaviour is, are two completely different things.
It sounds like your head is screaming at you that you can't or don't need to give up but at the same time you're making a commitment to go to an AA meeting.
You may want to try focusing on the fact your going to go to meetings, rather than the rubbish your head feeds you.
It sounds like your head is screaming at you that you can't or don't need to give up but at the same time you're making a commitment to go to an AA meeting.
You may want to try focusing on the fact your going to go to meetings, rather than the rubbish your head feeds you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
I drank for years keeping it together until my control slipped away and I hit a down hill spiral.
Then I lost it...drank another 5 anyway.....
ended up a 24/7 drunk.
No-one controls this crap. No-one.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
Originally Posted by Ready to Change
Now I maintain. I drink socially with family and friends and never get out of control. Until I'm alone.
However, 2 months before I quit, I became physically addicted and dependent on alcohol. All of a sudden I started getting shakes during the day. Then the anxiety/panic attacks started in early afternoon. That's around the time I decided to get help and start going to AA meeetings.
By the way, you don't have to lose "everything" in order to hit rock bottom. I personally still had a home, income, car, no DUI's, etc when I finally got help. But I had hit bottom emotionally - couldn't handle my life while drinking, I was fed up (like you sound). Physically I was getting sicker and more unhealthy by the day. And I was spiritually bankrupt. Not all of us have to lose our homes and cars and jobs to hit our bottom.
I'm glad you are back and posting... please let us know how AA works out. You are not alone!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Miamisburg, Ohio
Posts: 217
Hi Ready To Change welcome to the forum
I've been told a non-alcoholic person can open a beer, drink some of it and walk away.
I've been told a non-alcoholic person can "stop for a cocktail" without having thoughts about determining a "stopping point" because they have some other important business to take care of.
I've been told a non-alcoholic person never thinks "I've got time for just one more" before being late for something.
I've been told a non-alcoholic person doesn't sit with his family pondering the future where he'll be alone and able to drink like he wants to.
I've been told these things because I've never experienced these things. I'm alcoholic, been that way, I believe since the age of 15. I've lived under the illusion that it was a matter of control, it's been maddening.
Go get the help you need, it's out there waiting for you...
Peace
I've been told a non-alcoholic person can open a beer, drink some of it and walk away.
I've been told a non-alcoholic person can "stop for a cocktail" without having thoughts about determining a "stopping point" because they have some other important business to take care of.
I've been told a non-alcoholic person never thinks "I've got time for just one more" before being late for something.
I've been told a non-alcoholic person doesn't sit with his family pondering the future where he'll be alone and able to drink like he wants to.
I've been told these things because I've never experienced these things. I'm alcoholic, been that way, I believe since the age of 15. I've lived under the illusion that it was a matter of control, it's been maddening.
Go get the help you need, it's out there waiting for you...
Peace
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