Nuclerosis

I am a 21 year old man going through a horrendous time in my life. I was a very bright, social, affectionate person studying a very challenging degree (mathematics) at university. Now all I have is alcohol. Every day I cut myself, my arm ripples with the scars and cuts from the day before. I think I will end up killing myself - a year ago I was hospitalised 3 times in 8 weeks for suicide attempts. I can't see a way out.

deezaldog

There is help is you reach out for it. Cutting yourself is a serious condition you need to consult a professional about. Alcohol is not the answer. You say you are bright and social, intelligent people do stupid things. Sounds like you are reaching out for help and that is a step, taking the first step. Getting around other alcoholics would be a great start. Find a meeting and go. You only have everything to gain.

austingemini

Nuclerosis - you're obviously bright and articulate. While folks never seem to find the strength to reach out to professional help you'll want too. Clearing those demons out of your head requires help. Spend the 20 minutes to find help, it's worth it.

Best of luck Nuc - please check in with us after you set your appt (hint, go do it now )

Nuclerosis

I went to AA 7 months ago. It was positive but it was scary too, 60 people in one room, me being the youngest. Never been since. The last people who tried to help me told me that because I wouldn't go by myself that it meant I wasnt ready to help myself.

Rowan

Hi Nuc,

As you have learned, alcohol does not discriminate. It doesn't matter how intelligent you are, how much money you make, your gender or culture, and especially not your age. I was drinking alcoholically at the age of 15 but waited until I was 33 to get sober.
My sponsor's daughter is now in recovery, and she is 19.

I got sober through AA, but I also needed 'outside' help i.e. psychiatrist, addiction therapist, medication.

Why don't you go back to AA, work on your sobriety, and then see if things don't look a little different? While drinking, there surely isn't much you can do to help your situation.

I'm glad you posted.

Ro

austingemini

How about a professional counsellor? Are you ready to make a change?

Nuclerosis

I'm in therapy at the moment. But I dont find once a month enough... maybe I'm not responding. I know alcohol isnt helping me, but I get very depressed when I'm alone and 2 bottles of wine or vodka are the only way that I know how to deal with it. I've been using alcohol since I was 16 to deal with difficult feelings so all I know is using drink to hide from my emotions.

hmedme

Once a month for therapy is not enough. i go once a week and don"t feel it is enough... you need some serious support and i think you have come to the right place. as for the aa, i find it very stressful myself. 60 people is a big crown, maybe find a smaller gathering in your area?

hmedme

by the way, your not alone....

horsegyrl

Welcome, Nuc. I'm sorry you are alone. I am alone, too. Coming to this site for me was a lifeline and the only way I was comfortable reaching out for help. You are on the right track. I hope that you search for and find the help you need. You have the courage and you will find friends and a strong support system here. Good luck.

tommyk

"The last people who tried to help me told me that because I wouldn't go by myself that it meant I wasnt ready to help myself."

I do not agree with these people.

Just curious - why are you not willing to go by yourself?

Keep coming back here, seriously consider going to AA again.

Toomutch

Please keep posting here Nuclerosis. There is someone on here 24/7.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I am glad that you're seeking help and I also wonder if maybe more than once a month for your therapy would help. Is that possible? Also, have you talked to your dr about depression? It is possible that medication could help you. Meds help me and enabled me to stop drinking.

As others have said, you are not alone.

least

Professional counseling more often and possibly antidepressants could help. At least those two things are helping me. The alcohol will only make you more depressed, not to mention the damage to brain cells and your liver and your body in general.

I've been sober for only twelve days but tho I'm still depressed, it's not as overwhelming as it was when I was drinking.

Please consult a doctor about depression and any other life issues you are having. I hope for the best for you.

:ghug3

WishIWasNormal

Nuc, I'm a lot older, but I cried with loneliness for years, drinking at home, throwing away a promising life. I was in Who's Who in American Colleges and Universities and earned a B.S. in Nursing with a Psychology minor, all with a 3.9 GPA. I started college at age 17 and seemed headed for a bright future until I discovered alcohol, prescription drugs and morphine and demerol.

After years of chemical misery, my Nursing license was revoked for life (I was studying trauma at the time) and I had no income and no job skills.

It has taken 12 years to get out of the legal system, get the conviction expunged, file bankrukptcy, rebuild my credit and return to school. While doing all of this, I drank every day and obtained legal prescriptions by not telling my Dr. about my past. Last week my health finally gave out and I could not bear the nausea, depression, diarrhea, fatigue and loneliness anymore, I am now only on Day 4, but I have to start somewhere.

You are young and have the life ahead of you like the one I drank and drugged away. I knew exactly what was happening, but I COULD NOT STOP.

Use your head instead of your feelings and emotions and pull yourself together as best you can and see if there is an AA at a nearby church of your choice or the University. This website is a great place to start. If you have insomnia, someone is always here. There isn't a thought or action that this forum doesn't address-including cutting. Go to a Dr. and get a blood workup. Men can be anemic too. Or a low thyroid could produce many of your symptoms. Sorry about going on and on, but my heart goes out to you.

CarolD

Here is a link you might find helpful...

Alcoholics Anonymous UK Newcomers

Have you considered a medically supervised de tox?
That is the safe way to go forward.

I read your past post...and obviously..
drinking is causing you much harm....
I am sorry. I remember when I too felt
cornered and hopeless.

Since I quit drinking...my life has improved in every way.
This can be true for you too.

Best wishes as you begin a new journey of health.

stone

Hi Nuclerosis, I can't help but think you should be getting more help than once a month counselling. Are you on anti-depressants? I assume your Doctor is fully aware of your problems?

I think once depression and alcohol mix they form their own vicious circle that makes it hard to quit but the alcohol will be aggravating the depression (which I am assuming you have by the suicide attempts), I say that from my own experience.

How about asking your GP to arrange a detox followed by rehab for you? They are available in the UK but you have to go through your GP.

I recommend AA but I really recommend asking your GP to do all they can for you too.

arieswoman

Hi Nuclerosis - I've been where you're at, and what helped me was a combination of AA and seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed an anti-depressant. The anti-depressant, however, was pretty ineffective until I got off the alcohol altogether. Going to a medical detox is a great idea; if you drink like I used to, it was so hard to just stop cold turkey. Then I also went to a rehab. I don't think I could have done it any other way, I was so far gone.

Hang in there - life can and WILL get much, much better!!! And you're lucky to be so young...I drank my way through college, then wasted about 20 years of my life before finally getting sober! Now I have 3+ years, and life is so much better! If only I'd gotten sober while I was in college!!!

Cathy31

Welcome nuc
There IS a solution - it's on your doorstep, it takes courage, yes but it's free and it works. AA. Give it another try - in fact give it many tries -you are worth it!!
Cathy31
x

Nuclerosis

Thanks everyone for their messages. I have tried many times to beat alcohol but 13 days is the longest I've ever gone >< One major thing holding me back is I'm one of those people who get well and truly haunted by the past and can't shake it off. Everytime I've gone say a week without a week, those same thoughts about friends lost and opportunities destroyed come creeping back into my mind.