hard go of things...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Kirkland, Washington
Posts: 1
hard go of things...
Hola everyone. Just found the SoberRecovery website today and this is my first post. If you reply to my post please be kind and thoughful.
My problem is that I lose control when drinking. I go on a binge and do crazy stuff. The next morning - like this morning - I usually can't remember a lot of the night. I don't drink everyday. The last time I drank before last night was over a month previous to that. When I start drinking I can't manage it and I just drink and drink until I pass out. Worst thing is that I have drank and drove at least a couple times over the last year in a totally intoxicated state. It seems now that everytime I drink at all I turn into this crazy cravin stricken monster. I have been doing this binge drinking now for about 28 years. It has gotten me into a lot of trouble and into situations that have been very harmful to me mentally and emotionally. Traumatic experiences. I think I'm not now only dealing with alcoholism but other things like PTSD and depression. I have quit 6 jobs over the last 1 1/2 years because I would react so strongly to preceived wrongs that others do to me at work. I go into a rage and panic and all I can think of is getting out of the situation. It's an impulse that I can't control. I have almost given up trying to find work again. They want references - which I can't provide because I have used up the kindness of the references I have used previously. I also now can't show anything on my resume for the last 1 1/2 years. I wish I could commit suicide but I'm chicken. I feel terrible and very scared.
My problem is that I lose control when drinking. I go on a binge and do crazy stuff. The next morning - like this morning - I usually can't remember a lot of the night. I don't drink everyday. The last time I drank before last night was over a month previous to that. When I start drinking I can't manage it and I just drink and drink until I pass out. Worst thing is that I have drank and drove at least a couple times over the last year in a totally intoxicated state. It seems now that everytime I drink at all I turn into this crazy cravin stricken monster. I have been doing this binge drinking now for about 28 years. It has gotten me into a lot of trouble and into situations that have been very harmful to me mentally and emotionally. Traumatic experiences. I think I'm not now only dealing with alcoholism but other things like PTSD and depression. I have quit 6 jobs over the last 1 1/2 years because I would react so strongly to preceived wrongs that others do to me at work. I go into a rage and panic and all I can think of is getting out of the situation. It's an impulse that I can't control. I have almost given up trying to find work again. They want references - which I can't provide because I have used up the kindness of the references I have used previously. I also now can't show anything on my resume for the last 1 1/2 years. I wish I could commit suicide but I'm chicken. I feel terrible and very scared.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
This is very similar to the way I felt 7 months ago (I was also a binge drinker, not a drop of alcohol between binges). At that time, I knew that I had to do everything that I could to quit drinking and live a good life. I joined AA and SR on the same day and received much needed guidance and advice.
AA's 1st Step is:
"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable."
Sounds like you might be at the same place I was.
AA is, of course, just one option (it works for me) but I believe that it is critical that you reach out for help and have a plan/ongoing support.
Best wishes.
AA's 1st Step is:
"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable."
Sounds like you might be at the same place I was.
AA is, of course, just one option (it works for me) but I believe that it is critical that you reach out for help and have a plan/ongoing support.
Best wishes.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR twosocks, trust me you are far from being alone or unique, I was a daily drinker, not a binge drinker, but you know the solution for either is the same, for me it was AA, but there are other programs as well.
If you want to stay stopped and are willing to do whatever it takes to do so, then I highly reccommend finding a long term recovery program and working it to the best of your ability. If you are an alcoholic there really is no half hearted approach to long term recovery, find a program and follow all the suggestions, if you are following all the suggestions and still can not stay sober, do not give up, find another program.
There is a solution, it is just a matter of finding it.
If you want to stay stopped and are willing to do whatever it takes to do so, then I highly reccommend finding a long term recovery program and working it to the best of your ability. If you are an alcoholic there really is no half hearted approach to long term recovery, find a program and follow all the suggestions, if you are following all the suggestions and still can not stay sober, do not give up, find another program.
There is a solution, it is just a matter of finding it.
ever closer...
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 361
You made it here and you posted!! That is an awesome step in the right direction. I scoured the internet for info in the weeks prior to really letting go and quitting drinking. All this research is the start of the new future you can have!
Glad you are here and keep reading and posting and while your at it go ahead and call a hotline number!!
Glad you are here and keep reading and posting and while your at it go ahead and call a hotline number!!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
....Welcome to our Alcoholism ForumI strongly suggest you find a local AA
meeting and begin to learn how to
live without alcohol.
Have you ever tried AA?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,753
Trying AA is a good suggestion. It is a proven method of support and experience and hope for its members. I would also suggest that you look into counseling for dealing with your problems in life, the alcoholism and also what seems to me to be depression. Both can be useful tools to help you begin recovery and finding your place in the world.
I am a recovering alcoholic with mental health issues (the mental health issues started way before I started drinking). I see two counselors; one for the alcoholism, one for my mental health issues. Both are helping me a lot.
I hope you find the strength and resources you need to get and stay sober.
Question: is your name a reference to the wolf in Dances With Wolves? One of my favorite movies!
Welcome to the site! :ghug3
I am a recovering alcoholic with mental health issues (the mental health issues started way before I started drinking). I see two counselors; one for the alcoholism, one for my mental health issues. Both are helping me a lot.
I hope you find the strength and resources you need to get and stay sober.
Question: is your name a reference to the wolf in Dances With Wolves? One of my favorite movies!
Welcome to the site! :ghug3
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
"I wish I could commit suicide but I'm chicken. I feel terrible and very scared."
Been there, felt like that. Being 'chicken' of suicide saved my life.
I lived in fear for years.
The NA program principles and the 12 steps keep me alive & sane (for the most part).
Keep coming back.
Been there, felt like that. Being 'chicken' of suicide saved my life.
I lived in fear for years.
The NA program principles and the 12 steps keep me alive & sane (for the most part).
Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
Hi there...so glad you came here! You NEVER have to worry about people ever being judgemental of you here, nor harsh. No matter what you post you will be answered only with caring and you will always be answered. 
I, too, am a binge drinker. Let me tell ya, I'm only on Day 11 but already, with the alcohol out of my system, things that seemed incomprehensible and difficult to me before are becoming more manageable. The alcohol makes us feel miserable and depressed and once you let it clear out of your system you can truly start to see the miracle that a sober life can deliver to you.
If you feel like checking out an AA meeting, you'll get to meet and hear stories from lots of people who know EXACTLY what you're going through.
So glad you're here!
I, too, am a binge drinker. Let me tell ya, I'm only on Day 11 but already, with the alcohol out of my system, things that seemed incomprehensible and difficult to me before are becoming more manageable. The alcohol makes us feel miserable and depressed and once you let it clear out of your system you can truly start to see the miracle that a sober life can deliver to you.
If you feel like checking out an AA meeting, you'll get to meet and hear stories from lots of people who know EXACTLY what you're going through.
So glad you're here!
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