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Old 07-17-2008, 01:57 AM
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How did You Know You Were Done?

I am a bit down and out tonight... made it to Day 4 now officially and I am feeling some lingering anxiety from withdrawals and some sadness.

Anyway, for anyone here with some decent sobriety, how did you know in your heart of hearts that you were "done"? Can you share what happened to make you realize that you and alcohol were definitely parting ways for good (one day at a time)? Was it a spiritual experience, or just a moment of clarity, or what?

For me, it was a series of events... after my last really bad relapse, which was 2 or 3 weeks ago, I knew I was done. I felt the surrender while I was on my knees praying. But then I had a couple more relapses. And tonight during the meeting, when someone was sharing about humility and the 7th step, it hit me like a ton of bricks: "This is it, I am done." The thought kept going through my head. It was like a finality had set in, a very strange feeling. The only way I could describe it is that I had a moment of clarity and possibly a spiritual experience. Then I started crying, which is highly unusual for me since I hate crying in front of anyone. Someone told me I was grieving over the loss of my good ole' friend "alcohol" and that we have to go through the grieving process like we would for any relationship.

I got to sit down with an old-timer that has 36 years tonight after the meeting and talk to him about this. He shared a lot of wisdom with me.

I am still sad, I feel like I lost a friend! How absolutely crazy and messed up is that? Did any of you go through this?
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Old 07-17-2008, 03:31 AM
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Hi, I don't have a decent amount of time but I can relate to what you are saying. I am 2 weeks sober, I have really struggled for a long time to get this far, alot of the times over the last year or so I would ask myself if I am done yet, I guess in all that time I wasn't.

I got to 3 days this time which is usually as much as I ever managed before and something kinda clicked for me. I suddenly realised I had a choice. I could either go with the cravings and get that drink like I usually do and carry on the madness or, just see this thing through once and for all. It just suddenly seemed obvious, I don't know why it never did before it sounds pretty simple now. I just decided this time, this was it, I was done. I then felt an overwhelming sadness a bit like you describe which lasted a few days. Since then I haven't wanted to drink and apart from lingering withdrawal symptoms and minor depression I feel at peace with that discission.

Sax
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Old 07-17-2008, 04:19 AM
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Hi SG you so lucky. I definitely knew I had to do 'something' the last time I got sober - I had gotten divorced, I had to start again, move countries - I no longer had someone to literally pick me up so I knew I HAd to get sober...although I definitely don't think I thought I was 'done' I just faked it, went ot meetings, and one day I truly was done. I think when I fully accepted the physical allergy & mental obsession I knew I was done. It's a miracle because the obsession to drink has been removed and I believe will stay that way contingent upon my spiritual condition.
Well done
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x
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Old 07-17-2008, 04:39 AM
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Everyone is different, and when the "student is ready, the teacher will appear." People tried to choke me with sobriety and I'd have none of it. Lost everything, career, child, house, car, freedom. Didn't do it for me. I could tell you what did but it would not do it for you. You know how it feels after Thanksgiving dinner, like you are about to pop and eat that one piece of pie anyway? Finally you know when you are full. Hun, "you'll know when you're full."
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Old 07-17-2008, 05:22 AM
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done

:atv

Hey SG,

It sounds to me like you've made a great start. For me, feeling "done" was definitely a feeling I had not experienced before it happened. However, feeling "done" also felt incomplete and was insufficient because I knew there was work to be done.

I think the (H)onest, (O)pen, and (W)illing thing matches up to the first three steps:

1. Honest - I am powerless over alcohol; my life is unmanageable (not because of alcohol, but because any life run on self-will can hardly be a success.) I knew at that moment in my heart of hearts that taking a drink would only make things worse, never better. But that left me in a tough spot, because although the drinking door was shut behind me for the time being, there wasn't one ahead that was obviously open. I couldn't visualuze the solution as I had always assumed it would look like.

2. Open - I came to believe that something greater than me can restore me to sanity. Look at all these people who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. I believe I can get better, and that there is a solution to my problem outside of me, outside of my old ways of thinking, my fears, my resentments, my self-centeredness, and my general restlessness, irritibility, and discontentedness.

3. Willing - I am willing to go to any lengths to stay sober. That means doing these twelve things that everyone keeps talking about, even thought I "got them" the first time I read them and besides how could a few words keep ME sober?

For me, I had covered half of step one while I was drinking...I admitted that I was an alcoholic but either felt that the solution was "in my hands" and "up to me" or that there was no way I could stop drinking.

Truly, all I needed to do was believe it could work for me and make a decision to try thoroughly or pray for the help with which to do so.


Plus, I remember the "crazy" of early sobriety (ten months ago for me), so the phrases "one day at a time" and "easy does it" come to mind. You don't have to swallow the whole piece of cake at one time.

Best,
M



Originally Posted by sobergirl77 View Post
I am a bit down and out tonight... made it to Day 4 now officially and I am feeling some lingering anxiety from withdrawals and some sadness.

Anyway, for anyone here with some decent sobriety, how did you know in your heart of hearts that you were "done"? Can you share what happened to make you realize that you and alcohol were definitely parting ways for good (one day at a time)? Was it a spiritual experience, or just a moment of clarity, or what?

For me, it was a series of events... after my last really bad relapse, which was 2 or 3 weeks ago, I knew I was done. I felt the surrender while I was on my knees praying. But then I had a couple more relapses. And tonight during the meeting, when someone was sharing about humility and the 7th step, it hit me like a ton of bricks: "This is it, I am done." The thought kept going through my head. It was like a finality had set in, a very strange feeling. The only way I could describe it is that I had a moment of clarity and possibly a spiritual experience. Then I started crying, which is highly unusual for me since I hate crying in front of anyone. Someone told me I was grieving over the loss of my good ole' friend "alcohol" and that we have to go through the grieving process like we would for any relationship.

I got to sit down with an old-timer that has 36 years tonight after the meeting and talk to him about this. He shared a lot of wisdom with me.

I am still sad, I feel like I lost a friend! How absolutely crazy and messed up is that? Did any of you go through this?
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Old 07-17-2008, 05:43 AM
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Sobergirl, It seems everyone comes to the realization that drinking will kill them at different times, under different circumstances. For me I knew I was done when I was trying to gauge how fast I had to hit a telephone pole with my car to end the madness. After a few weeks of sobriety I realized how much of the world I had shut out due to my daily drinking. I don't believe it was a spiritual experience, but rather, as you state, a few moments of clarity.

Wishing you much success!
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Old 07-17-2008, 05:58 AM
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I didn't know I was done, not this time! Other times I tried to stop, I thought I was done, then drank again. Those times though, I'd quit AA first. Then, I'd decide I wasn't an alcoholic, and drink. I'm not sure it matters how you feel, or what you know or think you know, but what you do.

Guy I know recently told me for the first step he has sponsees go to page 30, turn all the sentences from the first 2 paragraphs into questions about themselves (except for "this is the first step in recovery") and write answers to them, about a page or so. 8 sentences, not counting the one I mentioned. Sounds like a good idea!
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Old 07-17-2008, 06:06 AM
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There was a moment of clarity as well for me; that if I continued living as I had, I would die a miserable and lonely death. I knew I could not change alone, I needed the Power of something Greater and I needed to help others.

God passed the message of hope to me through a recovered man in Ft Wayne, IN in 1999; 24 years after my first AA meeting, I finally was willing to accept the truth of who I was, what I was. Today, I am free because of that Power and Ron M. I am full of booze and need never a drop again, but of God, I desire the embrace of His love daily to sustain me and allow me the chance to give as I was given.
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Old 07-17-2008, 09:06 AM
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A moment of clarity.

After my last, 60 hour bender:
My drinking is turning my life into a living hell.
I am seriously hurting my family, my career, my health and risking everything.
I cannot moderate my drinking.
I need help.

I had previous moments of clarity but had ended up drinking anyway. I knew that if I failed to act immediately, the horror would fade, I would again romanticize my alcohol abuse, and drink.

I find that it is important that I keep focused on my recovery (not to the point of obsession so that it negatively affects other areas of my life). I have to maintain that clarity, keep doing what I have to do. I have to be so careful that those “maybe I’m not an alcoholic” thoughts which happen occasionally don’t grab hold.

Just my own approach, but I do not personify alcohol. Not my friend, not my enemy. It’s not the cause of all my problems or any type of solution. Drinking was a phase in my life and it is time to move on.
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Old 07-17-2008, 09:25 AM
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i like that Gravity...time to move on. Truly.
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Old 07-17-2008, 10:13 AM
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I only have 4 months sober but here's how it started. This sequence of events brought me to the realization that I had to quit or I would die.

I'd just been sent home from the ER to detox. With (1) Ativan. Yes you heard me right. One. Singular. For some reason they didn't understand the gravity of my condition, so they sent me home with nothing. I'd been on a prolific bender where I'd been blacked out for entire days, drinking up to a half-gallon of Vodka on a bad day, and they gave me one Ativan. So I took the Ativan and got in bed.

Well needless to say I had roughly 48-72 hours of indescribeable pain as I came off the stuff more or less cold turkey. That tiny Ativan did pretty much nothing. My sheets were soaked, and most times I couldn't tell if I was dreaming or conscious because I was hallucinating so badly. At one point I vividly remember feeling my heart fluttering, and this feeling came over me like "this is the end". I was in so much pain - my body felt like it was on fire. I wanted to live but I was ready to die if it meant the pain would go away.

This is where it gets strange. I felt the presence of God in my room. A thought came into my mind that wasn't my own. It was simply a thought of solace. An idea of peace came over me and something, someone, some entity "told" me that I was going to live. I was going to live but I was to take this pain and never forget it. Well I haven't.

I slipped in March, but checked myself into 3 week inpatient and have been sober ever since. I work the program of AA, and it works for me.

It seems like I've told this story way too much, but it's one that I like to tell because it reminds me that this is a matter of life and death. All it takes for this alcoholic is one drink. One drink could kill me.
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Old 07-17-2008, 11:48 AM
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I just knew I was done man. Even before my last big stinker I could sense it in my soul that my 20 year run with alcohol and drugs was coming to an end.

It was'nt the time I got so drunk and punched through a glass window and severly slashed the major veins in my arm and lay down in a pool of blood waiting to bleed to death.

It was'nt the time I got in a fight in a bar and got beaten to within an inch of my life by six other patrons.

It wasn't the time I tried to ride a motorcycle home without a helmet after drinking a quart and a half of vodka and ending up in the emergncy room after crashing in front of a bus.

I wear scars on my body from the fights and the accidents I have been in but none of it compares to the emotional pain of fear and rejections and the disappointments from my failures in life

None of these were sufficient motivation for me to stop at the time. I just knew when i woke up in that cheap motel room, in a pool of my own vomit on the bathroom floor that Sunday morning in 1996 ,that I was done. Physically and emotionally I j did not have the strength to take any more.

Alcohol my greatest friend, had become my ultimate persuader. I had been beaten , cussed, stabbed, shot at, locked up and locked out, ridiculed and embarrassed, poisoned, rejected and abandoned and yet none of these things made me stop until I felt i was done.
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Old 07-17-2008, 12:41 PM
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Fortunately, I never got to the level that some of the folks around here have. I'm not sure why, because I drank for about 20 years, also. I did most of it in a safe environment, where I knew I wouldn't get in trouble. My benders were only nights, as I couldn't stand to look at the stuff, the next morning, much less drink any of it.

Nevertheless, my health isn't as good as it used to be and this nasty little habit will do nothing but make it worse.

I saw a psychologist, today, for the 1st time in 11 years. he mapped me out in one session. I have multiple people inside of my head (not literally). Different aspects of my character, both positive & negative.

They are constantly vying for control of me. The responsible, positive, part of me is starting to take control, or so I hope. That aspect of my mind put me in AA & the psychologist's office.

We'll see what becomes of it. I have a self-destructive streak that hates to let go, as I am sure most, here, have.
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Old 07-17-2008, 02:47 PM
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Wow I have enjoyed reading some of your experiences. Thanks for sharing.

For the first time ever, I experienced detox symptoms last night/today. I've previously had DT-like symptoms and panic/anxiety, but never the physical body pain, sweats, etc. I had those this morning as I tried to sleep. The pain was incredible and felt like I had the flu. I am still sweating but thankfully the anxiety and racing heart has subsided.

I am done but I know it's still going to be one day at a time. I learned today why I cannot say I will never drink again: because that means I'll be trying to take the power back again. And I truly have no power over alcohol.
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Old 07-17-2008, 03:20 PM
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Sobergirl,

I think you need to read up on DTs. DTs stands for Delirium Tremens, not detox as many people believe. Anxiety is to DTs as a glass of water is to Lake Michigan. Everything you describe certainly sounds like withdrawal symptoms, but no where close to DTs.

Delirium tremens - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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Old 07-17-2008, 05:25 PM
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Originally Posted by dgillz View Post
Sobergirl,

I think you need to read up on DTs. DTs stands for Delirium Tremens, not detox as many people believe. Anxiety is to DTs as a glass of water is to Lake Michigan. Everything you describe certainly sounds like withdrawal symptoms, but no where close to DTs.

Delirium tremens - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
It is the policy of diagnose in Sober Recovery that members do not diagnose of give medical advice.
Sobergirl, I recommend you speak to your doctor about the symptoms you are having. They may or may not be delirium tremons, anxiety, an undiagnosed illness; we can not make that determination as we are not physicians and can not physically examin you.
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Old 07-17-2008, 06:01 PM
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This is going to come across as a little backwards - but I don't know if I am done. I don't want to drink, I am very aware of the certain consequence. I equate 'knowing' that I am done as definitive and permanent.

It's not in my hands anymore - When I exerienced 'surrender' - it felt terrible. Probably not too different than a soldier who surrender's. I picture me raising a white flag - "I give up, I am in your hands now because the only other option at this point is death, or maybe something worse than that."

By giving up, I became willing and open. It was not a resolve to try harder, it was giving up my way of doing things.
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Old 07-17-2008, 09:46 PM
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Originally Posted by dgillz View Post
Sobergirl,

I think you need to read up on DTs. DTs stands for Delirium Tremens, not detox as many people believe. Anxiety is to DTs as a glass of water is to Lake Michigan. Everything you describe certainly sounds like withdrawal symptoms, but no where close to DTs.

Delirium tremens - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
dgillz, did you even read my post? I didn't say I was having DT's, I said I was having detox symptoms. This is what I said (I highlighted the important things):

For the first time ever, I experienced detox symptoms last night/today. I've previously had DT-like symptoms and panic/anxiety, but never the physical body pain, sweats, etc. I had those this morning as I tried to sleep. The pain was incredible and felt like I had the flu. I am still sweating but thankfully the anxiety and racing heart has subsided.

I wasn't asking for medical advice. Just posting my experience this morning.
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Old 07-17-2008, 09:50 PM
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That makes sense, SugErspun. I really don't "know" if I'm done either. I do know that I cannot take another drink again, though.

I have been in the AA program for 3 months and know absolutely nothing. Have made no progress. I'm more confused, frightened and sad than I ever was.
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Old 07-17-2008, 10:18 PM
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I've been done so many times I've lost count, that's why I cringe when I hear some people say that an alcoholic won't quit untill they have a belly full and are done. By that logic some of us wouldn't be done until we were six feet under.
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