Today I Learned Why I Keep Relapsing
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 1,924
Sounds good Sobergirl. I wish you much today!
Robby, I don't need to justify myself, but I will say this to you with all respect; relapse is deadly and I refuse to stand by and watch folks die. If you think I am too harsh, then by all means PM me. Nothing, absolutely nothing is as serious to me as the Alcoholic returning to the first drink of the next spree. I will not apologize for reminding, reiterating and rehashing the basic tenets that provide hope to the suffering Alcoholic.
Robby, I don't need to justify myself, but I will say this to you with all respect; relapse is deadly and I refuse to stand by and watch folks die. If you think I am too harsh, then by all means PM me. Nothing, absolutely nothing is as serious to me as the Alcoholic returning to the first drink of the next spree. I will not apologize for reminding, reiterating and rehashing the basic tenets that provide hope to the suffering Alcoholic.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
Other Reasons I've Relapsed
I've been doing some thinking, and since I'm going to be doing my 5th step sometime later this week, I may as well be totally and completely honest with you all.
It occurred to me that I relapsed for reasons other than what I said above. I also relapsed various times because...
I'm sure there were other reasons, but those are the ones that stand out for my earlier relapses.
It's nice to come clean and be completely honest. After reading those, man, I can see what a sick puppy I was/am! What insanity!
Ron (RufusACanal), you may have made a very good point there with your post.
It occurred to me that I relapsed for reasons other than what I said above. I also relapsed various times because...
- I was bored and wanted oblivion
- People were going to find out about a previous relapse, so I figured I may as well go all the way
- I was angry at my sponsor or someone else in the program, so I figured I might as well get roaring drunk
- I simply wanted to drink at the time and nothing was going to stand in my way
- I figured I could always start over tomorrow
- I wanted to reset my sleeping pattern, and figured there was no better way than with alcohol
- I knew that by calling someone, they would talk me out of it, so I didn't call, instead, I listened to the mental voice urging me on to the liquor store
I'm sure there were other reasons, but those are the ones that stand out for my earlier relapses.
It's nice to come clean and be completely honest. After reading those, man, I can see what a sick puppy I was/am! What insanity!
Ron (RufusACanal), you may have made a very good point there with your post.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Time after time...post after post...I see SR members
pointing out why they didn't stay in AA or Rehab
or IOP or whatever.
Most seem to be driven away by other peoples
conversations...actions...perceptions.
Instead of listening to the nay sayers
find the positive people...the cheerful good hearted ones.
The ultimate responsibility for your sobriety is on you.
Not the mentor or counselor or another AA person..
The life you save is your own
Find something that allows you to live
in joy and harmony....:ghug3
pointing out why they didn't stay in AA or Rehab
or IOP or whatever.
Most seem to be driven away by other peoples
conversations...actions...perceptions.
Instead of listening to the nay sayers
find the positive people...the cheerful good hearted ones.
The ultimate responsibility for your sobriety is on you.
Not the mentor or counselor or another AA person..
The life you save is your own
Find something that allows you to live
in joy and harmony....:ghug3
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Originally Posted by tkdan 
To me it means I will never be able to drink in moderation or safely again. Once I take that first drink I am powerless over what happens from that point on. Knowing I have this powerlessness is why I choose to take the necessary steps so that I do not pick up that first drink.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
"I simply wanted to drink at the time and nothing was going to stand in my way"
This is the one that really stood out to me Sobergirl and by the way, congrads. You are sounding very wise and with those past relapses I think you learned what it takes to stay sober. Great post and great information. Thank you!
This is the one that really stood out to me Sobergirl and by the way, congrads. You are sounding very wise and with those past relapses I think you learned what it takes to stay sober. Great post and great information. Thank you!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
Originally Posted by Horselover
"I simply wanted to drink at the time and nothing was going to stand in my way"
This is the one that really stood out to me Sobergirl and by the way, congrads. You are sounding very wise and with those past relapses I think you learned what it takes to stay sober. Great post and great information. Thank you!
This is the one that really stood out to me Sobergirl and by the way, congrads. You are sounding very wise and with those past relapses I think you learned what it takes to stay sober. Great post and great information. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Originally Posted by dancinggirl
Question: when we say we're "powerless over alcohol"...doesn't that mean that we're saying we can never quit?! We're not totally powerless, or I wouldn't be on day four, right? It just seems to me that saying we're powerless means we're saying that there's no chance....when shouldn't we be saying that we CAN get through this?!
For me - it absolutely means that I will drink again. I, in and of myself - have no power to keep myself sober. I have a body that can't take it and a mind that will not leave it alone. The number of different ways that I tried to stop, moderate, quit - some lasted a little while (almost 2 years once), some did not last two hours. AA's literature explains it so well (the 'mental' part of powerlessness) when it says that we don't have the kind of defense that keeps a person from placing their hand on a hot stove, having been burned before.
Powerless is powerless. In my experience, and view- it is black and white. If I start thinking that I am keeping me sober, that means I am the one with the power to maintain this state.
The fact is - I can't keep me sober, meetings can't keep me sober, a book can't keep me sober, a website can't keep me sober - nor can other people (sponsor, fellows, family, doctors). AA is very clear that sobriety only comes through a spiritual awakening, a connection and surrender to God's will for me.
It's not saying there is hope. It's saying I can't do it - but God can.
--AA references taken from 1st edition.
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