deanac

Hello again,

Ever since I moved across several states to accept a new job, I have struggled with boredom, loneliness, and trying to adapt with the lower quality of life I find myself in. Before I made the move, I was on the right track to sobriety. I was living a healthy lifestyle, waking up early in the morning and exercising. These days, my struggles with drinking are back and its a battle everyday not to drink. I'm content with my job but I wake up every morning hating the city/state I live in. I no longer do my morning exercise routine and it seems that each day it becomes harder to start the day with the right frame of mind.

I attended several AA meetings and talked to my therapist about the situation. Several people have mentioned earlier that AA has worked for them but they only seem to make me more depressed being here. I have thought that moving back but that would probably set me back financially. My therapist seems to think that I would probably take my problems with me. I feel different.

Has anyone else been in this situation??

Rusty Zipper

no matter where we go, there we are...

and until we change the we in we,

we go with ourselves...

imo, your therapist is on the mark...

good wishes deanac, whatever you choose

rz

Taking5

I got drunk everywhere I have ever been, even in "Dry" counties. It only changed when I decided to change it.

deanac

It's seems odd but I sobered up in an area that had liquor stores open until late at night 7 days a week. I now live in an area that has a tighter alcohol policy and I find myself in a totally different situation.

I was used to living by the beach with sunny mild weather all year long and now live in an area with depressing weather conditions. My mood really seems to be influenced by the surroundings around me.

nandm

The common factor for me in all my geographic moves was me. No matter where I went, there I was. Until I changed me I was unable to find happiness anywhere. Today, where I live is not an issue for me, what is important is how I feel about me.

Ananda

Yes I have.

I moved after 2.5 years in the program. It was really tough for me. I was in a vunerable place anyways, and I found myself feeling different and an outsider. I really tried, but I never really found a way to be comfortable in the meeting format of the new town.

However, my answer after a number of years was to quit going to meetings and I DONT recommend that. I ended up having an 8 year drunk.

When I went to treatemnt a big part of my recovery plan was how to get myself ok in AA again. I made a commitment to "live with" the AA available for some of my meetings and to hit the road and travel to other places for meetings on a regular basis.

The funny thing is that when I got out of treatment and went to my first meeting locally I discovered that the feeling I was different and didn't fit had dissappeared.

I think it is hard for me to adjust to something different than what i am use to and different AA meetings, different areas of the contry, etc. are in fact different....but the basics are there and i had to let go of the past and build myself a future.

So thats how it worked for me and the moving thing. If I couldn't find a way to be able to go to meetings here, I was ready to move....a geographical move is not a answer in and of itself, but sometimes it is appropriete.

Signal30

I could run till my feet bled to the ends of the earth and it wouldn't work because no matter where I went my problems, as in myself would always be with me.

I had to do something, so I decided to listen to what the successful AA members told me, and wouldn't you know it? I does in fact work if you work it.


Tom

Klynn33

I relocated, but I think in a different way than you maybe. I left home a few months ago at the beginning of my recovery (left because I didn't feel I was going to be able to do it in the same place I was) so I left for the other side of the country - literally. And then detoxed and am now doing well. Unfortunately, as far as temptations, financial issues etc - they all seemed to follow me.

everywhere I go......there I am.
someone on here said that to me once - so true.

CarolD

Hmm..
I have relocated twice in recovery
From D.C. to FL. to GA.
From city AA...to town...to village.

Yes.. the formats do differ ...
the size of meetings and the rooms varied ..
people speak with unfarmiliar accents ..

and the warm support of AA has always been there.
....Get locally active ..go early...stay late
Connect to friends not yet met.

Yes...it did change things for me
I became more tolerant and open
and met countless new AA friends.

Tazman53

dean I can only speak of my AA recovery experience, I got sober via AA in Fredericksburg, since I got sober I have not relocated but have traveled to several different areas and attended meetings there. I spent several weeks in Baltimore and went to about 3 meetings a day while one of my daughters was in treatment for anorexia.

The first couple of days I felt as though I was an outsider even though the folks in the meeting were freindly and welcoming. Then things started to click for me, I became comfortable with those folks as they did with me, we did things together.

Think about it, were you comfortable with your coworkers when you took your new position the first few days? Are you comfortable with them now? Why would your AA meetings be any different?

tommyk

"My therapist seems to think that I would probably take my problems with me. I feel different."

An alcoholic gets on an airplane in City A, the airplane lands in City B.

Does an alcoholic get off the airplane or was there some sort of 'cure' druing the flight?

RufusACanal

No, geographical cures never solved anything; I always took me there as well.

Ananda

The original question "did relocating ever change anything"

It doesn't make me not an alchoholic, but I actually moved when i did because i needed to create some emotional distance between my family and I as my mother and i had some real boundry issues.

And it really did help me to achieve that goal. I still had to put work into it, but it was easier to learn new ways of relating when she wasn't 5 blocks away.

So in and of itself, moving is not a cure all....but it can provide some benifits to my spiritual and mental growth if approached properly.

Thanks.

Jfanagle

"You take the weather with you."
-Jimmy Buffet

I found early on that the problem was inside and the instructions for curing the problem, (for me at any rate) were in the 12 steps. I read the steps, found a "guide" that had what I wanted, and went to work on myself. In as much as the problem and ultimately the cure was an inside job, it really was of no avail to relocate the patient, the sickness needed to be addressed, not the address of the hospital.

Today, some years later, I still find a meeting when I am traveling, because I am an alcoholic in California and Utah and New York etc. Fortunately for me they have AA meetings where ever I roam.

Jon

sobergirl77

I thought relocating would cure me. I spent all last summer driving around the country. I finally moved to a new state halfway across the country. My "geographical cures" took me over 30,000 miles in 8 months!

Unfortunately, it didn't solve anything. Things only got worse.

Turns out that for me, relocating wasn't a cure!

Tommyh

sobriety is a inside job

I tried to change the outsides and it never worked..I kept showing up ...and ruined it
from Carolina to Florida to Ohio to Carolina
failed everywhere I went

Taking5

I heard something in a meeting once about geographical cures and a guy said that at the IN state line there should be a sign that reads "The whiskey and cocaine will F**K you up in the ******* state too".

deanac

Thanks for the replies. I do believe that sobriety starts from the inside and in some ways that changing outside conditions probably would not help. Since I left San Diego, I have become increasingly low-spirited. I miss the near perfect weather all year long and the tranquility of living near the beach. I made a few good friends there and gave it all up to live in an area with dismal weather. I'm just not as happy as I once was and look for alternative ways to fill the void. Most of the time, its alcohol that fills the void and numbs the boredom and loneliness. However, when I manage not to drink, I often find other substitutes for drinking (such as junk food binge eating or shopping for things I don't really need).

I have tried many things to restore order in my mind and give me something to look forward to at the end of the day. I tried exercising, going to AA meetings, joining some social groups in attempt to meet some new people, among other things. I found these activities as a way to just kill time but nothing I would really look forward to doing. For instance, I would never find myself anxiously awaiting my the end of a work day so that I can get to an AA meeting.

CarolD

Hmm...
were you drinking excessively in San Diego?
Was drinking causing you a problem...any problem?

If you wre a happy productive person there
why not make plans to return?

Just thinking out loud....

philosoffy

Hi Dean, Thanks for your post. I moved at the begining of the year to be with my partner. I got a new job and went to the meetings in the new area. They were different and I missed the people in the meetings where I got sober. I think I was looking for that same welcome and fuss that i got as a newcomer when I moved. But i wasn't a newcomer so i didn't get it. I had gone to those new meetings with the wrong attitude. It put me back, I isolated and drank. My jobs gone and very nearly the relationship too. I'm going back to these new meetings, I'm gonna get a new sponsor up here and I'm gonna get active in these meetings. I miss the meetings and friends from where I used to live but I can visit them from time to time and its up to me to build my new life, to make new friends and most of all ASK FOR HELP. I forgot that bit.
Don't let it get you as low as it got me.
Best wishes.
Also thanks for the advice Carol, Ananda and Tazman53.