I've quit my meetings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: tennessee
Posts: 592
I've quit my meetings
I know it is principles before personalities but jeez. Women in our group are in a major power deal over dcm thing. I got people wanting me to hire them. People wanting me to loan them money. This is small town area meetings same people there. I had one guy wanting to do a job for me and I told him I was on a deadline I need a crew of men not just one. Another Asked me what time I started work usally , I said bout 7 he showed up thursday bout 9 oclock and fri bout 10 hung out both days till I left then calls my wife tells her to write him a check for three hundred bucks. I never talked to him about a job sure wasn't gonna pay 25.00 an hour. New dcm is now keeping report cards on our activities and quality of our discussion and attendence. Im taking a break from this group. I think I just cause tension when I do go because I dont agree with how things are going.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I'm sorry you had so many off putting experiences
with that group.
Have you considered trying meetings in near by towns?
Ok...you may have to drive a distance
but how far would you have gone if you wanted a drink?
Good to see you again...
with that group.
Have you considered trying meetings in near by towns?
Ok...you may have to drive a distance
but how far would you have gone if you wanted a drink?
Good to see you again...
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
A DCM is an elected officer
who represents a specific number of groups
when a vote is needed for AA policy.
Their chief duty is to attend area and state
meetings...carrying the vote taken in AA business meetings.
who represents a specific number of groups
when a vote is needed for AA policy.
Their chief duty is to attend area and state
meetings...carrying the vote taken in AA business meetings.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,761
That sure doesn't sound like the AA I'm familiar with. Have you tried different meetings? Those people can't be the major portion of all meetings, can they? I'd go to different meetings and try to find one or more where the people don't behave like that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
bagger - i agree with nandm....and the meetings your quiting don't have much to do with AA as I have learned about it.You know if you have any fellow meeting attenders who are unhappy and a coffee pot....you could go start your own meeting.
I hope you have a sponsor who is not crazy who you can talk through this with. And of course use SR
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Hi bagger,
When I think the people at meetings are getting under my skin I show up to meetings 5 minutes late and then leave meetings 5 minutes early, so ALL I can talk about, or be talked to about, is recovery. Often times instead of speaking I will just pass.
Perhaps re-focus your meeting time on recovery only.
I hope this helps.
When I think the people at meetings are getting under my skin I show up to meetings 5 minutes late and then leave meetings 5 minutes early, so ALL I can talk about, or be talked to about, is recovery. Often times instead of speaking I will just pass.
Perhaps re-focus your meeting time on recovery only.
I hope this helps.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Medina, Ohio
Posts: 372
That is not the AA I know, it sounds like their breaking more than a few of the traditions. I'm sooooo sorry for your experience, it helps me to feel fortunate that there are so many good meetings here. If possible you might try another meeting or two? Or perhaps you could start your own? Not sure how that works, but I don't think it's too hard, you only need two people to have a meeting.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Miamisburg, Ohio
Posts: 217
Hey baggervance,
This sounds like familiar territory to me. My sponsor helped me work through alot of this stuff. His advice was basically, "be true to yourself", don't let these issues detract from the purpose of the AA meetings.
He would remind me that I have a place. My place is to be at the meetings, regardless of the situation and whether I agree with some of the drama, I need to be there because someone will come along to hear my story and I will be there to help and in doing so I will be sober.
My sponsor helped me learn to be responsible for myself. Something I never tried before. The blessing is that when I'm truly responsible for myself I'm relieved of being responsible for those around me.
That was my game. The blame game. If people would just behave and act as I wanted them to, I could be at peace.
People don't do that though, they're not supposed to. My job is to be at peace and see the world around me as being just as it's supposed to be. When I work at that, I place myself in a position to be of service to someone struggling with addiction.
It's work for sure, but it beats my alternative.
Peace
This sounds like familiar territory to me. My sponsor helped me work through alot of this stuff. His advice was basically, "be true to yourself", don't let these issues detract from the purpose of the AA meetings.
He would remind me that I have a place. My place is to be at the meetings, regardless of the situation and whether I agree with some of the drama, I need to be there because someone will come along to hear my story and I will be there to help and in doing so I will be sober.
My sponsor helped me learn to be responsible for myself. Something I never tried before. The blessing is that when I'm truly responsible for myself I'm relieved of being responsible for those around me.
That was my game. The blame game. If people would just behave and act as I wanted them to, I could be at peace.
People don't do that though, they're not supposed to. My job is to be at peace and see the world around me as being just as it's supposed to be. When I work at that, I place myself in a position to be of service to someone struggling with addiction.
It's work for sure, but it beats my alternative.
Peace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: tennessee
Posts: 592
I got a good sponser. Ive tried the showing up late thing and leaving early. This doesn't stop the money barrower he just comes by says I need talk to you. When I get up to leave Here he comes. I just dont wont to deal with that stuff , Im there to stay sober Im not a bank or job service.,That was one reason to go to a meeting to escape the outside now I sit there just dreading the end of the meeting. About 50 miles to get away from this click they cover the surrounding meetings pretty well. I'm not going back as it is now! I'll give it so time to calm down then drop back in. One new rule they have is if you had a drink in last week you cannot speak at the meeting. WELCOME NEWCOMERS. LMAO Guess we need the AA police down here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Hey Bagger.....
I'm sorry you feel being put-upon by some peoples at your local meetings....perhaps if you just say, "No, no jobs available, and no money to loan." Perhaps if you say this often enough they'll get the message and leave you alone.....? Or mebbe if you just ignore them; just turn your back on them and leave.....? You might get a 'rep' but they may just leave you alone.....
However, about this new rule?................: "...One new rule they have is if you had a drink in last week you cannot speak at the meeting. WELCOME NEWCOMERS. LMAO Guess we need the AA police down here..." Most of the meetings I went to as a newcomer had this suggestion, at least in part; it may have been just for the first day, or a week like yours, or even longer. Obviously the persons who fall into this category would be allowed to speak their name, or perhaps ask for a topic, but it would be suggested that they refrain from 'speaking' in regards to the solution for a bit so that they can just sit back and listen. Personally I believe it's a pretty good suggestion for the most part..... (o:
NoelleR
I'm sorry you feel being put-upon by some peoples at your local meetings....perhaps if you just say, "No, no jobs available, and no money to loan." Perhaps if you say this often enough they'll get the message and leave you alone.....? Or mebbe if you just ignore them; just turn your back on them and leave.....? You might get a 'rep' but they may just leave you alone.....
However, about this new rule?................: "...One new rule they have is if you had a drink in last week you cannot speak at the meeting. WELCOME NEWCOMERS. LMAO Guess we need the AA police down here..." Most of the meetings I went to as a newcomer had this suggestion, at least in part; it may have been just for the first day, or a week like yours, or even longer. Obviously the persons who fall into this category would be allowed to speak their name, or perhaps ask for a topic, but it would be suggested that they refrain from 'speaking' in regards to the solution for a bit so that they can just sit back and listen. Personally I believe it's a pretty good suggestion for the most part..... (o:
NoelleR
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
****{bagger!}}}
glad to hear from ya!
sucks about the whole experiencial thing, tho.
I don't remember if someone said it to me, or if I read it ...
but 'from somewhere' it came to me that ...
whaddaya get when an alcoholic criminal stops drinking?
a criminal who isn't drinking any more.
Or something like that.
No judgement ... just an observation.
:
To be a judgement implies I give a dang.
glad to see ya back, hon !!!!
glad to hear from ya!
sucks about the whole experiencial thing, tho.
I don't remember if someone said it to me, or if I read it ...
but 'from somewhere' it came to me that ...
whaddaya get when an alcoholic criminal stops drinking?
a criminal who isn't drinking any more.
Or something like that.
No judgement ... just an observation.
:To be a judgement implies I give a dang.
glad to see ya back, hon !!!!
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Re: the DCM 'thing' - apparently, no one told her/him that the DCM is the servant of the district. There's a nice service pamphlet that illustrates the inverted pyramid of service.
As far as folks approaching you for money or employment, it reminds me of a situation one of my sponsees is in right now. I recognize it and relate to it because I had it myself. I could not say no, and neither can she. With me, it was opening my house to ever member without a home or hobby. With her, it's men. I got better, and slowly, so is she. You will, too, bagger. Try it in the mirror. Propose any question you are regularly posed and a few that you are not and say, "No." No explanation necessary. Whether it's "No, I can't loan you money" or "No, I have no work for you," you're not required to explain yourself. You're not required to be apologetic.
You're there to share your experience, strength and hope, not your wallet. I wasn't required to share my home. My sponsee's not required to share her bed. When you walk through the doors, the only thing that's required of you is a desire to stop drinking. After having some experience saying no, I will tell you that at first, it will be uncomfortable - that is, not to explain, not to apologize, not to make up some story. After awhile, it gets easier.
An added benefit of sticking with it and learning to deal with it is that you add to your E, S & H and can pass it on should you come across someone in your present situation.
Oh - one last thing: I educated myself on the availability of homeless shelters, charity organizations, back-to-work programs, shut-in members who could use some help and volunteer opportunities for those times when a member was insistent that they had to be on my sofa while I was trying to raise my kids. You might do well to put the number of the local employment agency in your wallet.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
P.S. I have employed one member of the fellowship for the past four years. At times, it's been no picnic. Boundaries are sometimes difficult. I'm getting ready to employ another - and right or wrong, I have laid down "program requirements" in order for her to maintain her employment. My husband has a similar situation in his business. It's doable, but the ground rules have to be laid down and enforced.
As far as folks approaching you for money or employment, it reminds me of a situation one of my sponsees is in right now. I recognize it and relate to it because I had it myself. I could not say no, and neither can she. With me, it was opening my house to ever member without a home or hobby. With her, it's men. I got better, and slowly, so is she. You will, too, bagger. Try it in the mirror. Propose any question you are regularly posed and a few that you are not and say, "No." No explanation necessary. Whether it's "No, I can't loan you money" or "No, I have no work for you," you're not required to explain yourself. You're not required to be apologetic.
You're there to share your experience, strength and hope, not your wallet. I wasn't required to share my home. My sponsee's not required to share her bed. When you walk through the doors, the only thing that's required of you is a desire to stop drinking. After having some experience saying no, I will tell you that at first, it will be uncomfortable - that is, not to explain, not to apologize, not to make up some story. After awhile, it gets easier.
An added benefit of sticking with it and learning to deal with it is that you add to your E, S & H and can pass it on should you come across someone in your present situation.
Oh - one last thing: I educated myself on the availability of homeless shelters, charity organizations, back-to-work programs, shut-in members who could use some help and volunteer opportunities for those times when a member was insistent that they had to be on my sofa while I was trying to raise my kids. You might do well to put the number of the local employment agency in your wallet.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
P.S. I have employed one member of the fellowship for the past four years. At times, it's been no picnic. Boundaries are sometimes difficult. I'm getting ready to employ another - and right or wrong, I have laid down "program requirements" in order for her to maintain her employment. My husband has a similar situation in his business. It's doable, but the ground rules have to be laid down and enforced.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
bagger,I have been thru most of that stuff.It re-occurs sometimes with new people.
Now how about those traditions?I go to an AA meeting and when I pull up on the property I have 2 things in mind.
Program and Fellowship.Period.
I fellowship with those there,and if I can help with the program of someone I do it.
In other words ,I`m there for sobriety and sobriety only.If someone asks to borrow money,I just say no.I`m here for sobriety,not to be a personal banker.Sometimes I tell them,You might want to check in on a job or maybe I can help you find one.I learned early on never give money to a drunk,but I have on a few occasions.I do not loan it,because chances are,they will not pay it back.I consider a give away.
I know of a few oldtimers who say to their sponsee`s,I do not want to hear about your finances or love life!I`ll help you get sober!
so,are you practicing traditions at meetings(before,during,and after) by doing what you are doing?
I can not make others do it,but I can make dang sure I do and then I have more peace.Be part of the solution and not the problem and that way I am not caught in any DRAMA
Now how about those traditions?I go to an AA meeting and when I pull up on the property I have 2 things in mind.
Program and Fellowship.Period.
I fellowship with those there,and if I can help with the program of someone I do it.
In other words ,I`m there for sobriety and sobriety only.If someone asks to borrow money,I just say no.I`m here for sobriety,not to be a personal banker.Sometimes I tell them,You might want to check in on a job or maybe I can help you find one.I learned early on never give money to a drunk,but I have on a few occasions.I do not loan it,because chances are,they will not pay it back.I consider a give away.
I know of a few oldtimers who say to their sponsee`s,I do not want to hear about your finances or love life!I`ll help you get sober!
so,are you practicing traditions at meetings(before,during,and after) by doing what you are doing?
I can not make others do it,but I can make dang sure I do and then I have more peace.Be part of the solution and not the problem and that way I am not caught in any DRAMA
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
one more thing
I rarely do business with another AA.
I have seen AA`S try this and the business went bad and they sat across from each other during the meetings with murder in their eyes.After the meetings they would gossip about each other,bring up the sour business deals at the meetings.Screw that!
I would prefer to sit next to someone in a AA meeting knowing it`s ok with the person sitting next to me.
so,from what I have seen,most of the time,business relationship within AA ruin AA relationships
I rarely do business with another AA.
I have seen AA`S try this and the business went bad and they sat across from each other during the meetings with murder in their eyes.After the meetings they would gossip about each other,bring up the sour business deals at the meetings.Screw that!
I would prefer to sit next to someone in a AA meeting knowing it`s ok with the person sitting next to me.
so,from what I have seen,most of the time,business relationship within AA ruin AA relationships
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