Nors

Well, I made myself go to an AA meeting, it was actually a 12 step, closed discussion, womans only meeting. I felt stiff as a board in there! I felt really good that I did it! But, I did feel very uncomfortable. About 90% of the woman in there talked really different, hard for me to understand some stuff, and the experiences were so different, but yet some very similiar to mine. They're seemed to be mostly hard core city woman in there. A lot that walked the streets and used hard drugs. Im not saying anything about being better or anything like that. What I am saying is that, I want to feel like I can really relate. I want to feel comfortable, and I just have a hard time feeling that it can happen even later, unless I can at least relate to a person and where and how they were brought up. Im not use to the city and the people in the city. Is that wrong of me? How am I suppose to ever feel comfortable about opening up, when Im anxietic as it is and have been isolated from people too long? But, I can see myself really having fun with it with people Im comfortable with, and really getting into it like I want too.

Peter

I am happy to hear that you went to a meeting.

Please do not be discouraged after only your first meeting.I am sure that as you get to know these people better you will come to realize that the most important thing is that you all want recovery plus I am sure that eventually you will meet others you have something in common with.

Try a few other meetings.The more meetings you go to the more you will be able to decide which ones you are most comfortable with.

Keep up the good work.

CarolD

I had to giggle...I got sober in a city and "country" AA was hard for me to hook into.

I found this to be true...

The more you go...the easier it becomes.

Nors

I do plan to go to other meetings, it may just not be that particular one. I really would like to start making friends that don't want to drink and are in recovery. I just want to find a place that I can open up a little easier and relate to the type of surroundings I grew up in. Just to start out in. Im sure once I start to open up and get active (hopefully), I can relate to everyone no matter how different they are, cuz I can focus on just the alcohol issues and understand where they are coming from. I don't know Im making much sense. Hope I am. Maybe Im being to critical or protective with myself, cuz I know how fragile I can be if I have to deal with confrontation or something, who knows. I probably sound a bit scatter brained?

Nors

Tell me, why would you think that was funny?

Peter

You are making a lot of sense and I admire your spirit.

CarolD

I apologize if I said anything to upset you.

You said "I want to feel comfortable, and I just have a hard time feeling that it can happen even later, unless I can at least relate to a person and where and how they were brought up. Im not use to the city and the people in the city"

My point....I lived in Washington D.C. for years both drunk and sober. Ergo....I found Paulding Co. Ga. AA a lot different.

I was not used to country people or small towns.
It took awhile before I was comfortable.

The more meetings I attended...the more comfortable I became.

Sorry for the confusion....

Nors

I wasn't really upset, I just wanted to know why I shouldn't feel that way, Im completely brand new to the city atmosphere, they were mostly street wise people, that seen and dealt with the hard streets. It's very intimidating to me, being that I don't know much about those people. I would think it would be not much of a big deal going in from a big hard city into a quiet small town or country atmosphere. They are scary to me. There, I admit it. I've been sheltered. Except for when I use to get drunk, nothing was intimidating at all, people were probably pretty intimidated by me for sure. Ugly times.
No need to apologize I just don't want it any harder than it is right now, cuz it's taking a lot of pushing for me to go, a long with making it become a routine. Baby steps,

BikerBill8

Hi Nors Try going to just speaker meetings this way you can hear there stories and you just try to identifiy and not compare.
Be Cool BikerBill8

vicki

Cograts Nors on your meeting attendence. It will probably be uncomfortable for you for awhile, that's normal. But I was told early in AA to find the similarities and focus on them, not the differences. The BB says "We are people who normally would not mix>" pg 17-and that's so true, all of us have had different experiences but where we can identify with each other is with alcohol. My mind was obssessed with alcohol and when I'd give into that urge and took a drink, I couldn't stop until passed out, locked up or something else removed the alcohol. Now all of us alcoholics suffer from this fatal obsssession, whether we are binge drinkers, episodic in nature or daily drinkers, like me. Alcohol was my master. What brings us together into the fellowship is being powerless over alcohol (whether we know it or not), but what keeps us together is the solution. That's what AA has to offer and you'll find people that have that have experienced the solution. Good luck and God Bless with mtgs. It will be an intersting experience for you on your journey. I tied to stop my drinking for awhile on my own and because of that obssession (I didn't know what it was) I had to drink over and over. By the time I got to AA, I wanted to know how to live.

Nors

Thanks!, I am planning to go again, and work it into a routine. I don't think I'll go to that particular one. I'll have to try different ones out til I find one I will be a bit more comfortable in. There was about 20 people at this past one I went to, and almost all of them except for myself and maybe two others had court order sheets. I'd rather go somewhere, where the woman wants to go. I don't feel comfortable opening up in front of people that aren't really serious. Atleast not now, when it's hard enough as it is just getting myself in there. When I start getting active with it and maybe (hopefully), really into it, then I'll up it a couple notches, and go to ones that I find real intimidating, and challenge myself with it. I just have to be this way for now, don't want to feel like Im going to start having convulsions from freaking out or something:cube: It's not just the alcohol Im really having a problem with. Socializing, anxiety, depression, and all that good stuff, is pretty tough with me right now. I waited way too long to do something about it all, it just gets deeper and deeper when you wait. Like a big dark hole It's weird how something like that can be hard, I feel like such a mess.
Thanks.

MootPoint

I just want to stick my hand in here and say "Congrats for going!" And echo other's statements that you will find a group better suited to you. There are many out there.

Good luck on the beginning of your journey!

The Jay Walker

Nors

it may be different in your area, I have noticed in my area, most of the meetings are either at clubhouses, recovery homes, or chuches, the meetings at churches, seem to be almost all people that want to be there, were at the clubhouses and rehabs, there tend to be a lot of people that have to be there.

Nors

That's very helpful Thank you. Actually, when I saw my therapist today, he also mentioned that, about the churches being where I should go.