mariat

is it a good idea to cut off freinds you have had for years in order to start getiing sober ?

tommyk

Depends... are they on the same page as you?

I had some friends who supported my sobriety efforts, I had some 'friends' who suggested I just 'control' my drinking.

I discovered quickly who my true friends were.

CarolD

....Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum.

When I was a drinker...all my social contacts drank excessively too.
When I decided to quit....they thought I was over reacting.

I did find new friends who shared my new goal
of a healthy sober life.
I found them in AA meetings.

Good to see a new member...

nandm

Welcome to SR and our alcoholism forum!

My experience regarding your question:

• I found that when I stopped drinking the people that drank similiar to the way I did faded away on their own.
• I learned the difference between a true friend and an aquaintence in sobriety. A true friend doesn't care whether you drink or not they like you for who you are.
• Being sober I have learned that I can be my best friend.

Ananda

I have a number of friends who were my friends when I drank. They are still my friends today. They rarely drink in front of me and encourage me in my sobriety. Some people really are your friends. I didn't have to, but I believe I would have pulled back from having lots of interactions with anyone who was not able to support my decision.

Pinkcuda

I lost more friends while drinking than I ever did sober. I was never concerned with keeping friends while drinking. I was lying to them trying to steal their wives and continually backstabbing them.
Today I still have them as friends where I probably wouldn't if I was drinking. Sobriety made the friendship stronger with the true friends. It also awakened me to the fact that some of them were just as sick as I was and I didn't need them anyways.

lizw

So I didn't have to decide on that one BUT I did have this one friend I held on to for awhile and the friendship only ended cause she moved to another country.

I mention her because in hindsight I probably shouldn't have stayed in touch as her and her BF dealt in stolen property. I remember going round there one morning and the cops had raided her house, the night before. It was a mess and at the door was some guy, who for whatever stupid reason, I thought was one of her uncles but was another cop (detective in plan clothes). I don't know why I thought it was her uncle, I've never even met her uncle but it did remind me of how far out of the kind of lifestyle I'd come!

She never encouraged me to drink or use drugs...did use to offer me lots of stolen property at bargin prices though. :bounce

sobergirl77

In my experience, I've found staying friends with practicing alcoholics to be difficult. I have two friends as an example - a girl and a guy. Back when I was "trying" to stop drinking and would only succeed for a day or two at a time, I would visit the girl's house and she always had tons of booze out. She would pull a bottle of liquor out of her freezer and offer shots. She didn't care if I wanted to not drink or not, would still offer it.

The guy friend came to my house one day on my second day of "sobriety", and brought a six pack. He couldn't figure out why that was a problem.

Needless to say, the girl I no longer speak to, and the guy I only chat with on the phone from time to time.

It's extremely hard to keep the same people around you if they still drink. They may try and be supportive, but you will probably still get offers for alcohol when they are drunk... drunk phone calls, etc.

justjo

My son was on drugs and alcohol for 10yrs. When he decided to get sober he decided his friends were a bad influence. He hasnt seen them for 6 months and doing brilliantly. He said that when they used, the temptation was always there.

Anna

When I began recovery, I removed a few people (friends & family member) from my life. In the case of the two friends, it wasn't at all about drinking. It was about the negative influence they had on me. In my addiction, I was negative and attracted negative people. Amazingly, once they were gone, two fantastic women walked into my life!

sugErspun

If controlling your environment will keep you sober- by all means make adjustments to those 'bad people' that have the power to make you drink again.


Personally - I am still very close with the same people I was when I first started trying to get sober, they can't get me drunk and they can't keep me sober.

But they are my friends - and I don't desert them because "I am sober" and they aren't.

That's not why I got sober.

Tommyh

the guys I hung around with drank like I did.When I was drinking,I did not want anyone sober to be around.I got busy going to meetings and they was busy getting drunk.

The situation pretty much took care of itself after about a month.
I did have several guys try and get me to go back to drinking for about the first month,and then they saw I was serious and they left me alone.

I was really sick and tired of them all and myself ,so yes,I did put some distance between us.We was all a bunch of losers anyway.Out of all those guys,I only had 2 really good friends,and they put some distance between themselves and me so they could drink.So,today,I have all brand new friends.

Cathy31

I had this question for my sponsor recently...

he said...you are on the path of recovery going this direction (used salt cellar) then these other people are on this other path that leads, for you, towards the darkness.(the pepper cellar) To be 'with' them you will need to on some level change course and get on the path to darkness, or in any event, you will be veering from your path to the light (recovery)

At the very least, don't spend time with them when they are actively using. Our disease is cunning baffling and powerful and will get us in any way it can...using the guise of 'friends' so that we let down our guard is one way...

Cathy31
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Tazman53

For me once I made the commitment to get and stay sober I found out who were real friends and who were drinking buddies, if it was an activity that involved drinking as the primary purpose I simply did not go. Once my drinking buddies figured out that when they invited me to go on a drinking activity and I turned them down they quit calling me, my friends really supported me and continued to invite me over to do none drinking things.

Want a dozen drinking buddies? Go to a bar, any bar and buy a round! Want them to leave? Quit buying.

Emimily

i feel the same kinda vibe as everyone else... i have a few friends who i used to party with that i'm still quite close to. one is my very best friend, he's my brother from another mother. one is another very good friend who really got behind me being in recovery. so they're here and there, but the majority of my friends were drinking buddies. i love them, they were essential to my growth and i wouldn't trade the experiences i had with them for the world, but i can't hang with their lifestyles. that's all. they know i'm not judging them, there's no condemnation or anything like that, we're just in different scenes. so for me, i don't feel like i ditched anyone. i'll still be there if one of my old buddies needs something, but the reality is that i'm probably not the one they'd reach for.

the flip side of that coin is that my friends in recovery have become my second family, just like my best friend did. i have more friends in recovery, REAL friends, than i ever imagined possible. my phone rings all the time, i'm always busy, always with friends, it's amazing. and, the best part, they're walking with me on the road of recovery... good times.