ANGELINA243

Get to another meeting--FAST! No one has the right to tell you that in a meeting--ABSOLUTELY no one....especially if there is more trhan one person telling you that. (It is true--some are sicker than others...but the BIg Book even says that we don't have to lose everything before seeking help ). That sounds like a sick group--in my opinion by what you shared. My thoughts--if you think you have you have a problem with alcohol, thats all that really matters.....find another group that will be willing to help you. Again--the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

Anna

Hi TigerLili,

It sounds like you're doing well.

You believe that you have a problem and that's all that matters. Try not to put too much importance on others comments about how you look. The main thing is what you know to be true.

TigerLili

Thanks Angelina and 51anna, but what if they are right and I don't really have that much of a problem? I'm very confused. I have clinical depression and maybe it's the depression and not the alcohol? I don't know what to do. I don't want to go somewhere I don't belong.

In 1990 my boyfriend at the time told me he thought I was an alcoholic. I told him he was an idiot. I don't think I had a problem then, but I was definitely a binge drinker and over the last 10 years I evolved into drinking every day and have tried to give up for at least the last five. I drink a bottle of wine every day because that's the most I can drink and still feel ok the next day and go to work. I drink more if I go out or if I don't have to work the next day. It doesn't seem like a lot in the big scheme of things - some people in the meetings talk about drinking a bottle of spirits every day - but I know it's damaging to my health if nothing else, so I want to stop. I really want to be someone who doesn't drink.

brigid

I went to a couple of AA meetings after quitting alcohol. I found that it was difficult to be accepted because I didn't go there for their help to quit, I had done that myself. I just didn't go back. I did try another AA group later on and found it a bit easier then, I think I was less sensitive to them too.

I know that I thought I had a problem with alcohol when I was 19 but I just decided to ignore that thought. It took me till I was 33 before I could stop myself from having a drink. At 19 I hardly would have looked like an alcoholic is pictured in some people's eyes, and now I still don't think I look anything like the stereotypical image. I have always exercised and tried to eat well.

We are our own selves and although other people are important to us ultimately we are who we want to be. This is your life, not the people in the group, you make your own decisions and choices for yourself and knowing yourself. No one else can do that for you.

Take care, life is pretty dam good without drinking alcohol .... you feel and think and live.

TigerLili

Thanks Brigid. I have to keep reminding myself of why I want to quit. At my lowest point of drinking, a few years ago, I was living in a boarding house and sharing a bathroom with everyone on the floor. It was hideous and humiliating. I have managed to control my drinking more since then, but I still want to stop for good.

blue412

TL
I too never suffered any major legal consequences from my drinking(only by the grace of god, mind you.. I didn't look sick. I also ate well, and tried to take care of myself. I worked long hours and two jobs. And there once was a time when a bottle of wine was enough to appease me. For me, it only got worse from there. Only you know what's right for you. It sounds to me like you've made your decision, you just need to find the right support. It's out there, so don't give up hope!

TigerLili

Drank yesterday, drinking today. I went to the liquor store straight from both meetings. Going to anothr meeting tomorrow with an older, sober woman I met tonight.

CarolD

I too had false starts on my way to solid recovery.

I finally quit drinking after reading
"Under The Influence"
We have excerpts here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

I do use God and AA to continue
my joy filled recovery....

TigerLili

Thanks for the encouragement, Carol. I went to a lunch time meeting today and had coffee with two long term sober members afterwards. I was intending to go to a meeting tonight but I'm sitting here feeling confused and wondering if AA is where I belong. I feel like I could just have a couple and control it, but I know that I can't. I feel like I should just try harder to quit. Blech.

TigerLili

Good meeting tonight. Some people said somethings that really hit home. Can hardly believe it's 10.30pm and am sober. I felt tempted and too embarassed to call any of the ladies I met at the meeting so remembered something I had read on the forum and asked my HP for help. I remembered a coupld of really bad drinking episodes and some of the details of a bad situation. My friend's alchoholic boyfriend nearly beat her to death. I really didn't feel like picking up after that. Going to a meeting tomorrow. I started a blog and moved my posts over there. I forget things very easily so I like to keep a journal.

Tazman53

Tigerlilly sadly there are some folks in AA that ask dumb questions like that, why I have no idea, perhaps they have it in their heads that one has to sink as low as them to want to really stop drinking.

You will hear the following said in the rooms of AA"

"Take what you need and leave the rest"

Very sage words of advice, they refer to what some people say in the meetings and not the program of AA.

Keep in mind that the only one who can determine if you are an alcoholic or not is you! Remember that the only requirement for membership is a desire to quit drinking.

Trust me, there are people who quit drinking using AA who drank less then you as well as people that drank more then you, does it really matter?

I do not like every body I work with, but I need a job so I continue to work here. I do not like every person in AA, but I need to stay sober and be happy being sober, so I go to AA! I go to AA for me and to help other alcoholics who wish to stop drinking and to stay stopped to do so.

I do not go to AA to compare notes on who drank the most, who did or did not go to jail or prison, who got the most DUIs, or did or did not go to a mental institution, rehab or detox. The vast majority of folks in AA could care less, they are there to stay sober and to help others to achieve sobriety.

Please do not let a few rotten apples in a very large barrel spoil the entire barrel for you.