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Dealing with boredom

Old 06-16-2008, 03:50 PM
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Dealing with boredom

I recently moved to a new area after being sober for about a year. I was depressed shortly after the move and returned to my old ways of drinking although mostly in the form of weekend drinking to deal with the lonliness and boredom. I 'm new to AA meetings but attended several speaker type meetings in my local area. I thought it would be a good way to deal with my alcohol problem while giving me a chance to develop some new friends. I found it really difficult to commit myself to these meetings and somehow my mind thought of creative ways to convince myself to drink instead of attend meetings. I've thought about volunteering in something related to AA or anything else that would commit me to something but don't really know where to begin. I've read through some past posts of volunteering in recovery programs but they all seem involve giving speeches or leading meetings. I'm not big on public speaking so I don't think that would really work out with me. I'm wondering if there is something else I should look into?

Thanks
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Old 06-16-2008, 04:33 PM
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I have been attending AA meetings for six months. I grew much more comfortable in the meeting room after about 3 months (reading the preamble, sharing, joking around with others, talking with others one on one). It is only now that I am starting to get into the more social aspects of AA - going out after meetings, friendship. I always had a hard time feeling a part of a group. I explained this to my sponsor and without hesitation he said "of course, that's why you were drinking."

From what I know about AA, volunteering does not necessarily involve giving speeches or leading meetings. We have people organizing barbeques & dances, driving people to meetings, making coffee etc.

Perhaps try and be patient with yourself. There are some really cool people in AA and you will grow into it naturally. At the end of our meetings, someone often says "I'm going for coffee, whose coming?" It's a good place to start.
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Old 06-16-2008, 05:41 PM
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Gravity,

Thanks for the reply. May I ask what type of AA meetings you attended? As I mentioned, I go to the speaker discussion groups. I feel more comfortable in that type of format compared to the open discussion meetings. Most people seem to get recognition from others by accepting sobriety chips. Otherwise, there seems to be little basis for social interaction in these types of meetings.
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Old 06-16-2008, 05:55 PM
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The meetings vary so much from group to group
it's difficult to give anyone an absolute answer.

I prefer Open Discussion
I go 15 minutes early ...stay 15 minutes later
in order to help set up and clean up.
That's an excellent way to get acquainted.

I've moved states twice in recovery
....and thats how I did get new friends.

Glad to see you here ...keep in focus
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Old 06-16-2008, 06:15 PM
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deanac- I can relate. I don't like public speaking (actually have a fear of it you could say) and my sharing at AA meetings in generally very short and to the point.

I don't lead meetings (I have when asked before - but it's not my 'cup of tea') and I don't think anyone would show if I was the featured speaker, you know I just don't do public speaking very well at all - get all nervous and lose my words...

regardless - I got sober in AA. I go to meetings and be of service in anyway I can. Make coffee, help cleanup, help set up the chairs - I think if you approach the chair (leader) of any meeting you go to and ask what you can do to help - something will be needed.

Through this process - you get to know people, you become comfortable. Fellowship builds, it's not forced.

That being said - the most important things I have done or been a part of in 'AA' have not taken place in meetings, usually just talking with other alcoholics, even just one.

I prefer small discussion topic meetings and big book studies. I will also drive a long way to see a speaker that I think is really good.

The process of going through the twelve steps has very little to do with meetings at first...it was really more sitting in a car, reading the book with a recovered alcoholic - and - talking.

You need not be hindered.
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Old 06-16-2008, 06:30 PM
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I used to read a lot, also like Taz I was an outdoorsman. Like everything else, these hobbies got pushed back so I could practice my new hobby - drinking.

When I sobered up, I got back into both hobbies in a big way. You can meet a lot of people this way as well. Gravity's idea of going to AA ca be combined with this, you'll likely find new AA friends with the same hobbies as you.
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Old 06-16-2008, 07:02 PM
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Most of the meetings I attend are open discussion, 10 to 20 people. My meetings are quite informal, perhaps half the people share at any given meeting. Occasionally, if no one is sharing, the chair will go around the room for comments. Many will just state their name, "I'm an alcoholic", and pass. There is no requirement to share and I think it is respected that many members are there to learn & listen. Whenever you are ready - or you may just feel inspired one day.

I agree with Anna about going early and leaving late. Someone usually starts chatting with you. You can lend a hand setting up or cleaning up. Looking back, this is where I got to know some of the other members a bit better. A good icebreaker is to tell someone that you appreciated what they said and can relate to it.

Another idea is to try and go to the same meetings consistently. There are Friday night and Saturday afternoon meetings that I go to regularly. I see the same people, get more comfortable with them. Now, I actually look forward to seeing them. We kind of make sure that everyone is doing all right.

And like dgillz stated, your hobbies and activities may eventually start involving your friends & acquaintances from AA. I have plans to take some people fishing later on in the summer.

It was tough for me in the beginning. I did feel like I was outside looking in but like so many other things, this was really in my head. There is a kind of bond among alcoholics that seems to cut through our differences.

Keep at it! It will happen.
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Old 06-17-2008, 06:33 AM
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Sounds like the way I used to think Deanac. My disease couldn't get me straight to a bottle so it would try a more roundabout path.

Did a set of steps and its not a problem now.

Where you going fishing Gravity?
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Old 06-17-2008, 07:19 AM
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I've always found that volunteering to be a greeter at meetings is a great way to get involved and especially to meet others.

And it doesn't involve all that scary public speaking either.
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Old 06-17-2008, 10:45 AM
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Originally Posted by collinsmi View Post
Where you going fishing Gravity?
I live on the northern part of Lake of the Woods. I have the day off tomorrow and if the weather holds up (supposed to be awesome, like today), I'm heading out for the morning. Bringing the camera because one never knows...

Lake of the Woods

"Lake of the Woods is a lake occupying parts of the Canadian provinces of Ontario and Manitoba and the U.S. state of Minnesota."

"Lake of the Woods is over seventy miles long and wide, and contains over 14,552 islands and 65,000 miles (105,000 km) of shoreline."

"The vast size and terrain of Lake of the Woods provides many fishing environments and opportunities. The lake is best known for its walleye population."
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Old 06-17-2008, 07:45 PM
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Sounds like a canoe as well as fishing paradise! MMmmmm.....,,,,,, walleye...... sorry, lost my train of thought! Oh, lots of pike and bass too I would think. Brook trout maybe?
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Old 06-18-2008, 06:50 AM
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Deanac you have recieved some really awesome suggestions, I know a guy in AA who did not say a word for the first year he was in AA in a meetingand he went to at least one meeting every day! but he did show up early and help set things up and stayed a bit late to help clean up. He shared that he did not come to AA to make freinds, he came to AA to learn how to live his life without drinking, he says he got both and was only looking for one.

Speaker meetings are awesome when there is a good speaker........ but they can be boring as heck with a bad one, especially one who spends 50 minutes sharing their drunkalog and 10 minutes on thier recovery. We are all alcoholics and are experts at how to get drunk!

As others have suggested, get into AA, hanging around AA can be very boring and depressing.

The suggestion to keep attending a meeting you like is an excellent one, some folks in AA develop a fear of becoming close to someone the first 3 or 4 meetings they see them at because it is painful to start to get to know some one and they wind up getting drunk again and not coming back to meetings........ that and there have been times when they got drunk again and were killed in an accident. I found that the more times I attended a certain meeting the more people there were that warmed up to me. The one great thing about AA is there are plenty of folks who will seek a newcomer out right off the bat just to let them know we do care and want to help.
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