i keep making mistakes
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 59
i keep making mistakes
This past weekend i was doing so good. Then on Saturday my friend was having a BBQ and called me to invite me over. Without thinking twice i went over there and started drinking. Then I drove to another party and drank more.
I'm glad that I didn't drink yesterday so I made it to work on time today. But I can't stop beating myself up about drinking on Saturday night. I feel so depressed and horrible today.
I'm glad that I didn't drink yesterday so I made it to work on time today. But I can't stop beating myself up about drinking on Saturday night. I feel so depressed and horrible today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 486
I would suggest using your brain power for something positive. Instead of dwelling on the actual drinking and beating yourself up about it, think about what you can do to prevent future episodes.
For example, maybe you should avoid the party next time. If you have had a decent amount of time sober prior to this weekend, then what were your thoughts leading up to the weekend, did you plan out being able to drink? Did you think that this time would be different? Were there any triggers to look for next time? If you are in a program of recovery, refocus and work a stronger program. If you are not in a program of recovery, I would suggest you give it some consideration.
If you spend all of your time worrying about what you did, then you will not learn anything, and that would be the biggest waste.
Take care and I hope you feel better.
For example, maybe you should avoid the party next time. If you have had a decent amount of time sober prior to this weekend, then what were your thoughts leading up to the weekend, did you plan out being able to drink? Did you think that this time would be different? Were there any triggers to look for next time? If you are in a program of recovery, refocus and work a stronger program. If you are not in a program of recovery, I would suggest you give it some consideration.
If you spend all of your time worrying about what you did, then you will not learn anything, and that would be the biggest waste.
Take care and I hope you feel better.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Please quit driving and drinking.
That is totally irresponsible and just flat out dangerous.
Move somewhere where there is public transportation
before you kill some innocent person or yourself.
And Yes! it can happen to you ..
That is totally irresponsible and just flat out dangerous.
Move somewhere where there is public transportation
before you kill some innocent person or yourself.
And Yes! it can happen to you ..
Computer Surgeon
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 124
I've totally been there. For a long time I didn't understand that recovery was more than "just not drinking". I had to change my life. I had to avoid certain people and certain events entirely.
My old party friends think it's neat that I'm sober, in the same way I think it's neat that a cat can ride a bike on the Letterman show stupid pet tricks. They don't take it seriously. If I were at a gathering of theirs they wouldn't think twice about offering me a drink, and they might even coax me on after they'd had a few. I don't need that now. My sobriety is too important.
Don't beat yourself up too bad, Dude. Remember this pain, then hop back on the wagon. For me, AA works. I'd suggest you check out a meeting if you haven't before...they're nothing like I expected, and without them I'd still be on a bar stool somewhere.
My old party friends think it's neat that I'm sober, in the same way I think it's neat that a cat can ride a bike on the Letterman show stupid pet tricks. They don't take it seriously. If I were at a gathering of theirs they wouldn't think twice about offering me a drink, and they might even coax me on after they'd had a few. I don't need that now. My sobriety is too important.
Don't beat yourself up too bad, Dude. Remember this pain, then hop back on the wagon. For me, AA works. I'd suggest you check out a meeting if you haven't before...they're nothing like I expected, and without them I'd still be on a bar stool somewhere.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
like what's been said. with any behavior including drinking, i have to not beat myself up, but rather look realisticly and carefully at what preceded the behavior. this helps me to recognize the warning signs prior to being so far into it that i go blind so to speak.
suggestion - write it out on paper and go over it with someone you trust.
Glad you made it back.
suggestion - write it out on paper and go over it with someone you trust.
Glad you made it back.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 16
You are not alone. I had posted earlier about having a bad weekend. I drank Friday nite and then again last nite.....at home...completely alone....so I dont even have "party" or "friends" to say that I was influenced. I just flat out screwed up all by myself 
and I have been having a wonderful session of self loathing today......but it helps nothing.
In fact it makes me want to drink again tonite, kinda like F*@k it!
We are flawed, we are human, we have the ability to start anew.
I'm starting fresh today.
Good luck to you!!!
and I have been having a wonderful session of self loathing today......but it helps nothing.In fact it makes me want to drink again tonite, kinda like F*@k it!
We are flawed, we are human, we have the ability to start anew.
I'm starting fresh today.
Good luck to you!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 410
I look back and think that each of my relapses / failures was a stepping stone towards recovery. How many of those relapses / failures it takes is up to you.
Pick yourself up... Use the feelings you have as a tool towards not drinking tonight. Turn that frown upside down because tonight, you will be sober
Pick yourself up... Use the feelings you have as a tool towards not drinking tonight. Turn that frown upside down because tonight, you will be sober
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
Mistakes! What your not perfect?!?
If we didn't make mistakes then we wouldn't exist. Accept what happened if your in AA, go to a meeting, and start the program of recovery.
I thought I saw that you checked out a few meetings. If you liked AA go back.
Tom
If we didn't make mistakes then we wouldn't exist. Accept what happened if your in AA, go to a meeting, and start the program of recovery.
I thought I saw that you checked out a few meetings. If you liked AA go back.
Tom
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
YaDude...a little story for you.
The Farmer's Donkey....
One day a farmer's donkey fell into an abandoned well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was too old and the well needed to be covered up anyway; so it just wasn't worth it to him to try to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. Realizing what was happening, the donkey at first cried and wailed horribly.
Then, a few shovel-fulls later, he quieted down completely. The farmer peered down into the well, and was astounded by what he saw. With every shovel-full of dirt that hit his back, the donkey would shake it off and take a step up on the new layer of dirt.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off, to the shock and astonishment of everyone.
The Moral: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to stop wailing, and not let the dirt bury you, but to shake it off and take a step up. Each one of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Wishing you success!
The Farmer's Donkey....
One day a farmer's donkey fell into an abandoned well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was too old and the well needed to be covered up anyway; so it just wasn't worth it to him to try to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. Realizing what was happening, the donkey at first cried and wailed horribly.
Then, a few shovel-fulls later, he quieted down completely. The farmer peered down into the well, and was astounded by what he saw. With every shovel-full of dirt that hit his back, the donkey would shake it off and take a step up on the new layer of dirt.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off, to the shock and astonishment of everyone.
The Moral: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to stop wailing, and not let the dirt bury you, but to shake it off and take a step up. Each one of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Wishing you success!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by bugsworth 
YaDude...a little story for you.
The Farmer's Donkey....
One day a farmer's donkey fell into an abandoned well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was too old and the well needed to be covered up anyway; so it just wasn't worth it to him to try to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. Realizing what was happening, the donkey at first cried and wailed horribly.
Then, a few shovel-fulls later, he quieted down completely. The farmer peered down into the well, and was astounded by what he saw. With every shovel-full of dirt that hit his back, the donkey would shake it off and take a step up on the new layer of dirt.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off, to the shock and astonishment of everyone.
The Moral: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to stop wailing, and not let the dirt bury you, but to shake it off and take a step up. Each one of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Wishing you success!
The Farmer's Donkey....
One day a farmer's donkey fell into an abandoned well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was too old and the well needed to be covered up anyway; so it just wasn't worth it to him to try to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. Realizing what was happening, the donkey at first cried and wailed horribly.
Then, a few shovel-fulls later, he quieted down completely. The farmer peered down into the well, and was astounded by what he saw. With every shovel-full of dirt that hit his back, the donkey would shake it off and take a step up on the new layer of dirt.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off, to the shock and astonishment of everyone.
The Moral: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to stop wailing, and not let the dirt bury you, but to shake it off and take a step up. Each one of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Wishing you success!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
After several relapses of my own, I've learned that it's going to take: hard work, willingness to do what my sponsor suggests, and acceptance that I can't control myself when it comes to alcohol in order for me to stay sober. We cannot be lazy in this program. If you don't feel like going to a meeting, go anyway! Force yourself! If you don't feel like calling someone one day, call 3 of them! Force yourself! If you don't feel like getting down on your knees to pray, get down anyway!
I am one of the laziest people on earth, and I have accepted the fact that I cannot just sit around at meetings waiting to "get better". I tried it and it just didn't work... the moment I started slacking off on doing my steps, slowed down on fellowshipping, and avoided going to meetings that I didn't want to go to (although I had nothing better to do, oh, except lie around on my couch), I would be on my way to the liquor store within a few days. Sometimes within a few minutes. (I'm not exaggerating, I promise you).
Keep trying! And don't let someone make you feel guilty for relapsing. I know some people who are really rude when they find out someone has gone back. Just keep trying... that's all I can do. That's all any of us can do.
I am one of the laziest people on earth, and I have accepted the fact that I cannot just sit around at meetings waiting to "get better". I tried it and it just didn't work... the moment I started slacking off on doing my steps, slowed down on fellowshipping, and avoided going to meetings that I didn't want to go to (although I had nothing better to do, oh, except lie around on my couch), I would be on my way to the liquor store within a few days. Sometimes within a few minutes. (I'm not exaggerating, I promise you).
Keep trying! And don't let someone make you feel guilty for relapsing. I know some people who are really rude when they find out someone has gone back. Just keep trying... that's all I can do. That's all any of us can do.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 410
sobergirl is right about not sitting around... I think I am mentally composed of one half super motivated go getter and one half tired lazy guy who doesn't want to do anything. When I am feeling up, I feel a little like a drink to go along with the positive, but I can say easier that I don't need one. When I'm the down guy who doesn't see the point in busting my ass, I try to convince myself I deserve a drink... it's much harder to deny myself.
Working on knowing myself and trying to keep these two distinct personalities more in balance has really helped me walk away from that first drink, and to see that regardless of the reason (happy or sad), that drink is a bad idea.
But of the two, trying to keep motivated and busy really kept my mind off of drinking more than not being motivated, but I also had to allow myself some down time without feeling guilty. When sober, the down time is much more content and relaxing.
Working on knowing myself and trying to keep these two distinct personalities more in balance has really helped me walk away from that first drink, and to see that regardless of the reason (happy or sad), that drink is a bad idea.
But of the two, trying to keep motivated and busy really kept my mind off of drinking more than not being motivated, but I also had to allow myself some down time without feeling guilty. When sober, the down time is much more content and relaxing.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
YaDude what are you doing except not drinking to not drink?
I spent 5 years relapsing by simply not drinking, that is all I did, just decided to not drink, funny thing, I always wound up drinking again, I kept this up until finally I was a full blown alcoholic. I had lost the ability to choose, I mentally and physically had to drink to even feel normal, my spirit was suffering from gangrene!
In detox I learned that I had to change me!!!!! Detox broke the physical hold that alcohol had on me, but that was a small part of the battle, I had to find a way to change me, you see I still had that mental obsession that I had when I was able to choose not to drink, the obsession to drink was still there because I was still the same guy that drank, I had to change me!!!
Are you working a program of recovery?
The second you begin to think "I got it licked this time" and a drink seems like a good idea, is the time to take an action you have not tried before. Are you doing something different this time?
You may not be willing to do what ever it takes to stay stopped yet, it took me a lot of years to finally reach that point. In the end alcohol owned me!!!! I hated myself and I hated the world, alcohol was my master, not every one has to hit that point, everyones bottom is different, when one becomes willing to do what ever it takes to stay stopped is when they have hit their bottom. Some folks never find their bottom........... actually the majority of alcoholics die from thier drinking.
I spent 5 years relapsing by simply not drinking, that is all I did, just decided to not drink, funny thing, I always wound up drinking again, I kept this up until finally I was a full blown alcoholic. I had lost the ability to choose, I mentally and physically had to drink to even feel normal, my spirit was suffering from gangrene!
In detox I learned that I had to change me!!!!! Detox broke the physical hold that alcohol had on me, but that was a small part of the battle, I had to find a way to change me, you see I still had that mental obsession that I had when I was able to choose not to drink, the obsession to drink was still there because I was still the same guy that drank, I had to change me!!!
Are you working a program of recovery?
The second you begin to think "I got it licked this time" and a drink seems like a good idea, is the time to take an action you have not tried before. Are you doing something different this time?
You may not be willing to do what ever it takes to stay stopped yet, it took me a lot of years to finally reach that point. In the end alcohol owned me!!!! I hated myself and I hated the world, alcohol was my master, not every one has to hit that point, everyones bottom is different, when one becomes willing to do what ever it takes to stay stopped is when they have hit their bottom. Some folks never find their bottom........... actually the majority of alcoholics die from thier drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 353
Ya Dude,
Been there too, and done that too...
Now I arrive with my own supply of non-alcoholic beer. I play a little game to see who gets loaded first. Most people are responsible, but usually I'm glad to see that someone has taken my place as the "beer pounder". I think it's O.K. to feel bad about it. I got to feeling so bad when I did that, that it really lead me to quit.
Hang in there!!
Heavy
Been there too, and done that too...
Now I arrive with my own supply of non-alcoholic beer. I play a little game to see who gets loaded first. Most people are responsible, but usually I'm glad to see that someone has taken my place as the "beer pounder". I think it's O.K. to feel bad about it. I got to feeling so bad when I did that, that it really lead me to quit.
Hang in there!!
Heavy
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