I continue to drink despite the fact that it kills me and my family
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 34
Listen,
I had a sponsor, a home group, and a service position in AA. I went to LOTS of meetings (about 15-20 a week!).
I read the books until I could quote them easily from memory. I got a lot of knowledge about the condition of alcohol and chemical dependency. But, I still found ways to stay sick without picking-up a drink or a drug.
HONESTY is the key. Until I could get COMPLETELY honest with another person who was QUALIFIED to help me--I was doomed to stay lost and sick and suffering. Don't get me wrong--I'm very grateful I didn't drink or use drugs during my 2 1/2 year dance around AA. And I did eventually find those who were healthy enough in the program to be able to help me. I can't stress enough the futility of a life that one can not share in an open way with another person--and I'm not talking about a sex partner. I'm talking about real, truthful stripping down of the self. It brings you to tears, if you're really doing it right. It makes you feel like your going crazy sometimes, too. I had to learn how to be honest enough to be myself with another human being, so I could learn to love myself enough not to punish my body and psyche with damaging behavior. A sponsor who is qualified to help can do this. So can a good therapist. I use both.
I had a sponsor, a home group, and a service position in AA. I went to LOTS of meetings (about 15-20 a week!).
I read the books until I could quote them easily from memory. I got a lot of knowledge about the condition of alcohol and chemical dependency. But, I still found ways to stay sick without picking-up a drink or a drug.
HONESTY is the key. Until I could get COMPLETELY honest with another person who was QUALIFIED to help me--I was doomed to stay lost and sick and suffering. Don't get me wrong--I'm very grateful I didn't drink or use drugs during my 2 1/2 year dance around AA. And I did eventually find those who were healthy enough in the program to be able to help me. I can't stress enough the futility of a life that one can not share in an open way with another person--and I'm not talking about a sex partner. I'm talking about real, truthful stripping down of the self. It brings you to tears, if you're really doing it right. It makes you feel like your going crazy sometimes, too. I had to learn how to be honest enough to be myself with another human being, so I could learn to love myself enough not to punish my body and psyche with damaging behavior. A sponsor who is qualified to help can do this. So can a good therapist. I use both.
Helping Others, Helps Me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 481
Wow, great post JP! I donno I found a therapist to be a waste of my time, cuz when stuff is goin good its like yeah....when its bad I know why I am there and what I did to get there. I would like to see a psyciatrist, getting them to give me anything helpful with my alcohol addiction record, I would have to go to Hollywood. Although, my current fun stuff loses my thoughts about dieing all the time. Like getting old and passing away, not suicidal. Jus to clarify....or like I could die in my sleep tonight....crap
I never realized how much self confidence I had lost in the last three years......until I went out and had a blast with whom I think to be a pretty woman, and let my liquid charm flow.....danced, sang.....how much of myself I had lost with whom I thought to be the woman I love....
Why can't she bring me out to dance, out with her friends? I am a social person, but no, she doesn't, but when I go out and don't call her back, I am the worst person in the world.
Trip to detox for the 2nd time was an interesting experience to say the least.....met a very nice older lady nurse.....after getting off on the wrong foot, hooked me up with some valium and i fell off into dreamland. She gave me a good talk about how I have so much potential and am an intelligent person and they never met me before. Is this some schpeel? I sat around with a bunch of like older people than me with messed up lives because of drugs and drinkin.......i don't wanna be there! And some weird dude with this huge gash in his head and a huge shiner.....I didn't even ask.....
I never realized how much self confidence I had lost in the last three years......until I went out and had a blast with whom I think to be a pretty woman, and let my liquid charm flow.....danced, sang.....how much of myself I had lost with whom I thought to be the woman I love....
Why can't she bring me out to dance, out with her friends? I am a social person, but no, she doesn't, but when I go out and don't call her back, I am the worst person in the world.
Trip to detox for the 2nd time was an interesting experience to say the least.....met a very nice older lady nurse.....after getting off on the wrong foot, hooked me up with some valium and i fell off into dreamland. She gave me a good talk about how I have so much potential and am an intelligent person and they never met me before. Is this some schpeel? I sat around with a bunch of like older people than me with messed up lives because of drugs and drinkin.......i don't wanna be there! And some weird dude with this huge gash in his head and a huge shiner.....I didn't even ask.....
Helping Others, Helps Me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Dakota
Posts: 481
You know like you guys have said, I donno to break free of an addiction really is a surreal experience.....that awakening. I really don't know how to explain it, but I feel like in the last two weeks I have crawled out of some deep as hole and found myself as a person again.
Getting sent to the ER in the back of a Sheriffs car, then 5 hours later (thank god for my q9c in the ER) head off to detox, to **** the lady off right away in the door. Feeling railroaded as some idiot addict who is not interested in the care he just received at the ER, and sitting in detox for the 2nd time and meeting multiple long term alcoholics....and it is not pretty. I just wanna take care of my self and be happy, and make some money and maybe have some fun along the way with the things that used to make me happy.
Getting sent to the ER in the back of a Sheriffs car, then 5 hours later (thank god for my q9c in the ER) head off to detox, to **** the lady off right away in the door. Feeling railroaded as some idiot addict who is not interested in the care he just received at the ER, and sitting in detox for the 2nd time and meeting multiple long term alcoholics....and it is not pretty. I just wanna take care of my self and be happy, and make some money and maybe have some fun along the way with the things that used to make me happy.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
[QUOTE=MagicMan08;1808507] I sat around with a bunch of like older people than me with messed up lives because of drugs and drinkin.......i don't wanna be there![QUOTE]
is it better to be there now or would you prefer to put it off untill you become one of them old people, by which time you may or may not be able to take care of yourself; for sure you won't be appy then if you're not happy now; and i reckon the chances of making money decreases as we get older.
is it better to be there now or would you prefer to put it off untill you become one of them old people, by which time you may or may not be able to take care of yourself; for sure you won't be appy then if you're not happy now; and i reckon the chances of making money decreases as we get older.
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