Why Is It So Darn Hard?
Computer Surgeon
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 124
For me it came down to life and death. At some point during a cold turkey detox in January everything hit me; I had that proverbial moment of clarity: "I'm only 35 but if I don't stop I'm going to die." I was hallucinating and semi-conscious, and I had a distinct feeling that I was on the edge; my life was hanging in the balance. It was a momentary reprieve from the physical pain and hallucinations, and I distinctly remember it. I attended my first AA meeting, still shaking and sweating, 3 days later.
That was the start.
Despite my best intentions, I didn't give 100% to AA; after a month of meetings I figured I'd learned enough and I was OK to go on and do this on my own. That netted me a week-long binge in early March, a trip to the ER, followed by in-patient treatment for 3 weeks. Since then I've been clean and sober, one day at a time, giving 100% to AA and my recovery.
I had a very close friend who's story was pretty similar to mine, although he didn't get that second chance like I did. He passed away after a long bender. I hold this close to my heart and think about him whenever I get a passing thought about having a drink.
I hope you find the answers and peace you're looking for. I know it's not easy.
That was the start.
Despite my best intentions, I didn't give 100% to AA; after a month of meetings I figured I'd learned enough and I was OK to go on and do this on my own. That netted me a week-long binge in early March, a trip to the ER, followed by in-patient treatment for 3 weeks. Since then I've been clean and sober, one day at a time, giving 100% to AA and my recovery.
I had a very close friend who's story was pretty similar to mine, although he didn't get that second chance like I did. He passed away after a long bender. I hold this close to my heart and think about him whenever I get a passing thought about having a drink.
I hope you find the answers and peace you're looking for. I know it's not easy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
Thanks again for all of your replies... some of them made me tear up a little. There are such wonderful people on this board.
My sponsor has suggested keeping me busy with service work. So that's what I've been doing. I drove around for 4 or 5 hours today helping another woman in the program with errands and watched her (screaming) kids while she got some appliances for her home. Although it was a little hard on my nervous system, it kept me sober! Tomorrow I also have hours of service work planned, which I am looking forward to with a smile on my face.
If it takes me to devote most of my free time to just helping others to get me out of this craving and misery, I'll do it!
King Alcohol did not "get" me today, and for that I am grateful!
My sponsor has suggested keeping me busy with service work. So that's what I've been doing. I drove around for 4 or 5 hours today helping another woman in the program with errands and watched her (screaming) kids while she got some appliances for her home. Although it was a little hard on my nervous system, it kept me sober! Tomorrow I also have hours of service work planned, which I am looking forward to with a smile on my face.
If it takes me to devote most of my free time to just helping others to get me out of this craving and misery, I'll do it!
King Alcohol did not "get" me today, and for that I am grateful!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
sobergirl,
The answers and solutions come when you sit still and listen. You must definately have the patience of a saint to be able to watch a fellow members screaming kids...lol. My boy has his moments so whenever your ready to babysit let me know
Seriously, from what you are saying I think you are learning more than you think you are. Just keep taking each day, and only each day as it comes.
Tom
The answers and solutions come when you sit still and listen. You must definately have the patience of a saint to be able to watch a fellow members screaming kids...lol. My boy has his moments so whenever your ready to babysit let me know
Seriously, from what you are saying I think you are learning more than you think you are. Just keep taking each day, and only each day as it comes.
Tom
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Sobergirl service work is 12th step work, it is part of the process of becoming part of the world and part of the "We" spoken of in AA.
When I drank I sat outside of the world and wallowed in me! Once I sobered up as I worked the steps and did service work I found myself becoming a part of the world.
The world I have found is a beautiful place when I am a part of it, when I was drinking the world I saw through the eyes of alcohol was a very bad place.
You are stepping into the light.
When I drank I sat outside of the world and wallowed in me! Once I sobered up as I worked the steps and did service work I found myself becoming a part of the world.
The world I have found is a beautiful place when I am a part of it, when I was drinking the world I saw through the eyes of alcohol was a very bad place.
You are stepping into the light.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
sobergirl, I agree with anna on this, you need to change your perception about alcohol.
The cravings are going to be natural in early sobriety, it is how you perceive them and how you react to them that will make all the difference for you.
When you crave alcohol what is it that you are craving? For me it was something that alcohol no longer provided me. I no longer crave alcohol because I know that not only do I not get any relief, I just get more pain and more devastation. Alcohol is poison to me...never pleasure. The thought of drinking is now associated with a negative outcome, why choose the negative when sobriety is positive. It takes time to travel a new path, but once it is worn after continued use it becomes the right, comfortable path.
Keep up the good work!
The cravings are going to be natural in early sobriety, it is how you perceive them and how you react to them that will make all the difference for you.
When you crave alcohol what is it that you are craving? For me it was something that alcohol no longer provided me. I no longer crave alcohol because I know that not only do I not get any relief, I just get more pain and more devastation. Alcohol is poison to me...never pleasure. The thought of drinking is now associated with a negative outcome, why choose the negative when sobriety is positive. It takes time to travel a new path, but once it is worn after continued use it becomes the right, comfortable path.
Keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 410
Hi Sobergirl,
Sorry to see you are struggling and questioning your ability to stop. If you havn't already done so, page through the "Excerpts from "Under The Influence" " sticky at the top of the forum. It really helps explain the chemistry behind how alcohol effects our bodies, and knowing that the cravings we experience are a natural part of the healing process of the body really helped me fight them. Knowing on the molecular level how I was destroying my body opened my eyes to a new level of seeking recovery. It wasn't just the hangovers, or lost hours, or neglect of responsibilities etc... It was about eating myself away cell by cell. And once you understand that, along with the explanation of the healing process, it helps accept the cravings for what they are and turn your mind against them.
Hang in there! You can beat this too!!!!!
Sorry to see you are struggling and questioning your ability to stop. If you havn't already done so, page through the "Excerpts from "Under The Influence" " sticky at the top of the forum. It really helps explain the chemistry behind how alcohol effects our bodies, and knowing that the cravings we experience are a natural part of the healing process of the body really helped me fight them. Knowing on the molecular level how I was destroying my body opened my eyes to a new level of seeking recovery. It wasn't just the hangovers, or lost hours, or neglect of responsibilities etc... It was about eating myself away cell by cell. And once you understand that, along with the explanation of the healing process, it helps accept the cravings for what they are and turn your mind against them.
Hang in there! You can beat this too!!!!!
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
Dealing with cravings is a one moment at a time deal. So lets get back to the basics SG and keep in mind the directions you follow determine the future you create.
When you have a craving pray for the craving to be removed and then call your sponsor or another alcoholic if you can’t get a hold of your sponsor BEFORE you drink.
Very simple basic must follow instructions.
:ghug3
When you have a craving pray for the craving to be removed and then call your sponsor or another alcoholic if you can’t get a hold of your sponsor BEFORE you drink.
Very simple basic must follow instructions.
:ghug3
Newbie
Join Date: May 2008
Location: England, United Kingdom
Posts: 14
I know what you are going through I have been there myself many times, I dont feel able to offer any advice but I will include you in my prayers. You sound really strong and I hope you will be able to make it x
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