jazzz

How to be honest has been a major problem for me. Today I concluded to myself that I have major difficulties being honest about the simplest of things. "How are you? "Oh fiiine", even though I was dreadful. "Where are you going?" and I would lie just because I didn't FEEL like telling the truth...why is it so hard to be honest for me? I must hiiide the real me cos I must protect myself. Protect myself from what? Everything I guess..

I think that's why I drink so much. The honesty comes pouring out of me when I drink.

I can't even say no to a drink even though I want to...haha!

What's real honesty?

suki44883

You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with anyone else. When you can do that, you'll know it's time to stop drinking. :praying

CarolD

For me....lying was a way to embellish my life.
The lying came way before drinking.

Good to see you again...

respektingme

jazzz, I clicked over here by mistake. Meant to head over to the Al-Anon board. But your post resonated with me so much. My AH was so affectionate when we got married. Then his drinking took over. I got pregnant and still had about 40 lbs. to lose for a really long time after our son was born. He used to get his buzz on (back then I wasn't as capable of telling when he had been drinking, and he could hide it better) and then take his turn at being "honest" with me. He'd said, "There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about your weight.", or "You have a problem with my drinking and I have a problem with your weight.", or "I never thought you were the type to be fat. I thought you cared more about your looks than that."

And when I attempted to connect his comments to his drinking, he'd write me off and say that the alcohol only allows him to tell me how he's really thinking and to be honest.

That type of honesty hurts.

I heard a preacher offer guidelines for knowing when to say something that is the "truth" to someone.

Is it true?
Is it hurtful?
Is it necessary?

If it meets all those requirements, than it's okay to say it. But if it doesn't, than you should rethink it. Back then, my esteem couldn't argue with his "truth". Afterall, he was only being honest. Now I know the difference. I hope that helped. Okay, I'm headed back over to my other page. Best of luck to you.

Ananda

Love that - I am working on honest alot now. I definately have a huge irrational concern about being safe....protecting myself. So it's really hard to be honest with others about who i am and what i think.

My guidepost has become from something i read in a 12 step/buddhist book:

Is it the truth

Is it helpful

To practice that I have to be sober. Drunk i do reveal more, but i also hurt people to no purpose.

I MUST learn to be truthful without the booze in order to stay sober.

Tazman53

Honesty.................. real honesty leads to sobriety has been my experience.

When I was drinking I lied to myself all the time, I told myself all kinds of lies like:

1. My drinking hurts no one.

2. My drinking hurts no one but me.

3. I can drink and drive safely because I know how to drink.

4. Everyone drinks.

5. I am not drunk every day.

6. My drinking does not affect my wife and kids.

7. I am Gods gift to women!

8. Every one blacks out when they drink.

9. I can quit drinking when ever I want to.

10. My liver is just naturally tender and swollen.

Then of course there were the lies I told to others like:

1. I only had a couple.

2. I haven't been drinking.

3. I love you.

4. I am sorry.

5. I can quit drinking when ever I want to.

6. I don't drink and drive.

7. Of course I am single.

8. My drinking does not bother me.

9. I am going to quit drinking.

10. I won't do it again.

Oh sure I told the truth sometimes when I was drinking, if I was talking with someone that I was not trying to get something from or hide something from I would tell them they were a jerk or so & so was a jerk. Heck I even told a guy one time that I would not stop having an affair with his wife!!!

When I told the real truth when I was drinking it normally was about some one else and many times it was not nice. The truth when I was drinking was not a nice thing.

I told the truth when it got me what I wanted, I lied to get me what I wanted.

When I got honest with myself about my drinking and the type of person I was I was able to begin to start to take the steps to get sober. Once I got sober I slowly learned how to be honest with myself and others.

Today I understand what the saying "The truth will set you free!" means.

jazzz

Great, thank you!

I'm so glad that I've seen the light, so to speak. I know it's not the answer to everything but for me it certainly provided one huge answer to why I drink.

Just today I talked to a friend on the phone and after I ran through the conversation I found I had not been honest. I lied about one little thing. I "embellished", as carol put it, btw thanks
And I do that alot! All the time, and it doesn't really give me anything but guilt and trying to make the pieces fit - and thus another (big) reason to drink.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a big LIAR. I dislike dishonesty. It's just I can't be completely honest myself and I haven't SEEN it really, until recently. My parents are dishonest and I've always hated that. I resent them for that..and maybe it's also because I've seen myself in them that I hated it so much.

Oh well..got work to do on honesty, I guess.

Tazman53

Jazz I hated liars myself, and once I got brutally honest with myself I saw who was the biggest offender!!! LOL

Like you I did not tell big lies, mainly embellishments, except when it came to getting what I wanted from a lady.... then all bets were off!

I owe more amends on that count then on anything else combined. I was a self centered dog who really only cared about the ladies and booze. Life today is far simplier for me and victim free.