Day 12 And...
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
Day 12 And...
I completed my Step 3 prayer last Wed. with my sponsor. It was wonderful and the temptation and obsession to drink was lifted for a while.
However, the past couple of days, the "voice" has returned... that alcoholic insanity is doing everything it can to get me down to that liquor store. One thing I notice, however, is that now I can talk myself out of it. (Before I couldn't). It's not the same as it was. Before, I would call people and go to meetings and still ended up down at the liquor store. But this time, I know I don't want to drink. I just don't. And I prayed twice today for the obsession to be removed. Made my calls, etc. I did not attend a meeting because I just wasn't feeling good physically.
This "stopping drinking" thing is just damn hard. Sometimes I think I am hopeless. Even doing all the stuff I'm supposed to, a stupid portion of my brain STILL wants to drink.
Grr. Just needed to get that out.
Anyway, it's Day 12, I'm still sober. Depressed and feeling under the weather, but sober.
However, the past couple of days, the "voice" has returned... that alcoholic insanity is doing everything it can to get me down to that liquor store. One thing I notice, however, is that now I can talk myself out of it. (Before I couldn't). It's not the same as it was. Before, I would call people and go to meetings and still ended up down at the liquor store. But this time, I know I don't want to drink. I just don't. And I prayed twice today for the obsession to be removed. Made my calls, etc. I did not attend a meeting because I just wasn't feeling good physically.
This "stopping drinking" thing is just damn hard. Sometimes I think I am hopeless. Even doing all the stuff I'm supposed to, a stupid portion of my brain STILL wants to drink.
Grr. Just needed to get that out.
Anyway, it's Day 12, I'm still sober. Depressed and feeling under the weather, but sober.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Keep up the good work Sober girl!
As time goes on the "voice" will diminish, it does take some time for our old habits to fade into the background. There have been times in the last year that the "voice" reared it's ugly head but I have learned to acknowledge it and then dismiss it. You are now in control of your reaction to the "voice"...remember it lies! Drinking only feeds the obsession making it harder to resist. Each day gets easier!
Good Job on day 12!
As time goes on the "voice" will diminish, it does take some time for our old habits to fade into the background. There have been times in the last year that the "voice" reared it's ugly head but I have learned to acknowledge it and then dismiss it. You are now in control of your reaction to the "voice"...remember it lies! Drinking only feeds the obsession making it harder to resist. Each day gets easier!
Good Job on day 12!
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
I wanted to add also that it is hard to see others relapsing all around you... and to find out people who you thought had strong sobriety really don't. That's been happening a lot lately.
PLUS, the girls with strong sobriety in a group I recently joined are hesitant to really take the time to get to know me because I relapsed myself 13 days ago. So I feel really left out despite efforts to join in conversations around me before and after meetings. I call some of these women every day and it doesn't seem to be making any difference.
It all can be very frustrating...
PLUS, the girls with strong sobriety in a group I recently joined are hesitant to really take the time to get to know me because I relapsed myself 13 days ago. So I feel really left out despite efforts to join in conversations around me before and after meetings. I call some of these women every day and it doesn't seem to be making any difference.
It all can be very frustrating...
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
I do understand your frustration but I have come to realize that it matters not what other people think or do, my sobriety is my responsibility.
Watching people relapse is difficult but it is something that you will experience over and over at meetings, I too found it very hard to deal with at first. I always reminded myself that if I was not vigilant one day it would be me. Keep reaching out it is only a matter of time before all the pieces fall into place.
Watching people relapse is difficult but it is something that you will experience over and over at meetings, I too found it very hard to deal with at first. I always reminded myself that if I was not vigilant one day it would be me. Keep reaching out it is only a matter of time before all the pieces fall into place.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
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Keep at it sobergirl, I catch myself holding back with people who relapse, I try very hard not to and to keep my hand out there for them.
I noticed that the longer I stayed sober the more people really warmed up to me. Today I understand it is a form of self defense, some of us really do get hurt when someone we are trying to help goes back out.
There is one guy in our area that every time he comes back he looks like death warmed over, I really make every effort to help him by giving him rides and talking to him all I can. He is a great guy and it seems as though every time he gets to looking and feeling better he goes back out again and when he comes back in my heart is broken again, he always looks worse then he did the last time.
I know I can not keep him sober, no one can but him, but I know I would not have stayed sober if some folks were not there helping me help myself stay sober. He is out there again, I pray he makes it back.
As bugs said, it gets better with time, for me the steps made all the difference in the world, keep at them, they saved my life.
I noticed that the longer I stayed sober the more people really warmed up to me. Today I understand it is a form of self defense, some of us really do get hurt when someone we are trying to help goes back out.
There is one guy in our area that every time he comes back he looks like death warmed over, I really make every effort to help him by giving him rides and talking to him all I can. He is a great guy and it seems as though every time he gets to looking and feeling better he goes back out again and when he comes back in my heart is broken again, he always looks worse then he did the last time.
I know I can not keep him sober, no one can but him, but I know I would not have stayed sober if some folks were not there helping me help myself stay sober. He is out there again, I pray he makes it back.
As bugs said, it gets better with time, for me the steps made all the difference in the world, keep at them, they saved my life.
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Originally Posted by bugsworth 
my sobriety is my responsibility.
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As a generalization - alchoholics tend to be full of fear. Often self-centered fear. I don't want to ever drink again. when i see others drink, it reminds me that i too can be subjected to the insanity that proceedes the first drink. I have expereinced doing everything i could in the program and yet drinking again! it was scary not just for me but for those around me.
harshness often comes from fear.
this week i had occation to remember how sutle the voice can be. I was ready to start doing some old behaviors (not drinking) but remembered (thank god) that those choices would be the start of stepping closer to the situation that would likely lead to drink and that would take me away from the path of spiritual growth that for me is an integral part of recovery.
I was lucky to recognize it as i am not yet established enough in local AA for friends to necessarily see it. Daily inventory helped me catch that this time.
Hang in there...don't drink if your a$$ falls off, and pay attention to the causes and effects in your life.
Walking with you ....
harshness often comes from fear.
this week i had occation to remember how sutle the voice can be. I was ready to start doing some old behaviors (not drinking) but remembered (thank god) that those choices would be the start of stepping closer to the situation that would likely lead to drink and that would take me away from the path of spiritual growth that for me is an integral part of recovery.
I was lucky to recognize it as i am not yet established enough in local AA for friends to necessarily see it. Daily inventory helped me catch that this time.
Hang in there...don't drink if your a$$ falls off, and pay attention to the causes and effects in your life.
Walking with you ....
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Sobergirl,
Hey now... You're right, it's hard staying sober, life's hard, your just around to notice it now. I've been sober for a while and still have good days and bad days. The key is, was and will always be to make it through each day, one day at a time.
If you don't feel as accepted at your group as you were before your relapse... find another group!! I haven't run into a bad group yet but I suppose they are out there. I've seen relapsers given hearty welcome backs and added attention each time they return. Keep it up, I think and YOU should think that YOU'RE WORTH IT!!
John
Hey now... You're right, it's hard staying sober, life's hard, your just around to notice it now. I've been sober for a while and still have good days and bad days. The key is, was and will always be to make it through each day, one day at a time.
If you don't feel as accepted at your group as you were before your relapse... find another group!! I haven't run into a bad group yet but I suppose they are out there. I've seen relapsers given hearty welcome backs and added attention each time they return. Keep it up, I think and YOU should think that YOU'RE WORTH IT!!
John
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Think about the voices you hear in meetings, the voices of reason & sanity.
The voices you hear in meetings are voices speaking the truth.
The voices in our heads are our disease talking, voices spewing lies & deceipt.
Someone mentioned once that listening to & learning all of the stuff in meetings made it so that using (drinking) was no fun anymore. He said going to meetings was like knowing the truth and drinking was like living with lies.
And thanks for getting that all out, it lets me know I'm not alone.
The voices you hear in meetings are voices speaking the truth.
The voices in our heads are our disease talking, voices spewing lies & deceipt.
Someone mentioned once that listening to & learning all of the stuff in meetings made it so that using (drinking) was no fun anymore. He said going to meetings was like knowing the truth and drinking was like living with lies.
And thanks for getting that all out, it lets me know I'm not alone.
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