How to handle stress without drinking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 21
How to handle stress without drinking
This, in a nutshell, seems to be the main issue for me, and from what I hear, a huge reason why people relapse. Now that the self-medication is gone, how to handle the stresses of life? I am doing a variety of things to cope, but still having a very hard time. Please feel free to share here what worked for you. There is bound to be a great deal of wisdom and experience in this group.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 18
What I do is talk with people I trust, like a sponsor, when I talk about it it loses it power over me! I get a better perspective on what choices I have & options." How important is it", is always the question I ask myself. 1% is what happens to you in life and 99% is how you choose to respond to things that happen.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
on good days i remember that stress is telling me something and helping me to look at options.
on my bad days it's just something to white knuckle through.
stress is part of life and learning how to deal with life is what it is all about.
staying in the moment, or where my hands are; deep breaths; proper nutrietine, reviewing at the end of each day to learn how to more skillfully walk within my karma....
these kind of things make it easier over time. And of course, people who support my desire to grow are very helpful.
on my bad days it's just something to white knuckle through.
stress is part of life and learning how to deal with life is what it is all about.
staying in the moment, or where my hands are; deep breaths; proper nutrietine, reviewing at the end of each day to learn how to more skillfully walk within my karma....
these kind of things make it easier over time. And of course, people who support my desire to grow are very helpful.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Most of my stress was magnified by alcohol.
In early sobriety I made changes to my lifestyle
to alleviate what was left.
For instance..
I did change to a less stressful job.
I quit allowing toxic people in my space.
I no longer went to places where drinking was expeccted
On a deeper level...
I use the AA 12 Steps
and most of all......my God.
Thanks for asking....
In early sobriety I made changes to my lifestyle
to alleviate what was left.
For instance..
I did change to a less stressful job.
I quit allowing toxic people in my space.
I no longer went to places where drinking was expeccted
On a deeper level...
I use the AA 12 Steps
and most of all......my God.
Thanks for asking....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by triniteec 
1% is what happens to you in life and 99% is how you choose to respond to things that happen.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
The serenity prayer gives me balance. I also think through where drinking will lead me. I'm not going back to where I was. I have come to far and I know that drinking will destroy me. Drinking will not eliminate my stress. It will magnify it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 486
Try thinking about this - did drinking ever take care of the cause of my stress?
For example, if my boss yelled at me, did that drink actually change that fact? If I am behind on bills, did that drink help me get caught up on payments? If my loved one was in the hospital with an illness, did that drink make them feel better?
When I went through my drinking history, I could not find 1 instance where drinking made the situation better and in some cases drinking made things worse.
That being said, I had to come up with non drinking behavior to cope. One thing I am doing now is analyzing my behavior in the situation, is it rational or irrational. I also focus on communicating my feelings when appropriate so things do not build up to the point where I might want a drink. I am no longer future tripping and I catch myself early enough where I can start thinking more productively instead of worrying about future events. I have also learned to accept that I am not in control of everything, a good example is traffic. I no longer stress about being stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, I can't control it.
These are all tools that I have been picking up in outpatient and in AA. Recovery is not just about not drinking, it is about obtaining the tools and learning to act in a rational and spiritual manner.
Hope that helps, thanks for your post!
For example, if my boss yelled at me, did that drink actually change that fact? If I am behind on bills, did that drink help me get caught up on payments? If my loved one was in the hospital with an illness, did that drink make them feel better?
When I went through my drinking history, I could not find 1 instance where drinking made the situation better and in some cases drinking made things worse.
That being said, I had to come up with non drinking behavior to cope. One thing I am doing now is analyzing my behavior in the situation, is it rational or irrational. I also focus on communicating my feelings when appropriate so things do not build up to the point where I might want a drink. I am no longer future tripping and I catch myself early enough where I can start thinking more productively instead of worrying about future events. I have also learned to accept that I am not in control of everything, a good example is traffic. I no longer stress about being stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, I can't control it.
These are all tools that I have been picking up in outpatient and in AA. Recovery is not just about not drinking, it is about obtaining the tools and learning to act in a rational and spiritual manner.
Hope that helps, thanks for your post!
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
There's lots of different causes of stress - relationship stress, kid stress, job/school stress, health stress, etc. If I'm continually stressed, sometimes, I have to take a look at what I'm doing and see if maybe I'm trying to do too much. More often than not, the cause of my stress is trying to control a situation and make it turn out the way I want it to - whether or not it's in my power to do so. As a (recovering) perfectionist, I very often make things into more than what they are (the "How important is it?" works well here).
Ultimately, to drink to combat stress, I do one of two things, nearly without fail: I either come out of it more stressed than ever, compounding the problem, or I eliminate the problem. I eliminated people, jobs, and other opportunities, one by one, by drinking to "deal" with them - until they were no longer there for me to worry about. Not a tactic I would suggest.
One of the best methods I've found to deal with nearly any kind of stress is to make quiet time to meditate, even if it's only a few minutes. I try to remember to be grateful for having things to be stressed about. You'll hear often, "A grateful heart will not drink." It's very true.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Ultimately, to drink to combat stress, I do one of two things, nearly without fail: I either come out of it more stressed than ever, compounding the problem, or I eliminate the problem. I eliminated people, jobs, and other opportunities, one by one, by drinking to "deal" with them - until they were no longer there for me to worry about. Not a tactic I would suggest.
One of the best methods I've found to deal with nearly any kind of stress is to make quiet time to meditate, even if it's only a few minutes. I try to remember to be grateful for having things to be stressed about. You'll hear often, "A grateful heart will not drink." It's very true.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I hid from stress for so long by drinking. One thing that I realize today is that while I was hiding the stress was just building inside me. The drinking was not changing it or making it go away.
Once I stopped drinking I too had no clue how to handle stress. Even something as simple as a glass of spilled milk would set off a fight or flight response in me.
What I have learned is that the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous have helped greatly with my stress. I also utilize therapy, as PTSD developed over the years of my drinking and became quite bad after sobriety. I am learning to notice my defense mechanisms and learn new ways to cope rather than the unhealthy defense mechanisms I had developed over the years. It has been and probably always will be an ongoing process.
I do find it ironic though that for me the PTSD did not show itself until I was over 3 years sober. Up until then I thought I was handling stress quite well. I was handling it much better than I did while sober though as I was able to apply the concept that I can not control anyone or anything else. The only thing I can control is how I respond to those things.
It does get better. I have found it interesting to be able to look back over my life and my sobriety and see growth. It is a very positive thing for me. Hang in there. Utilize the tools you are given, if you don't use a 12 step program then you might try therapy or a stress managment class both of which can be quite useful. Or you can use those in conjunction with a 12 step program and gain even more benefit from them.
Take care.
Once I stopped drinking I too had no clue how to handle stress. Even something as simple as a glass of spilled milk would set off a fight or flight response in me.
What I have learned is that the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous have helped greatly with my stress. I also utilize therapy, as PTSD developed over the years of my drinking and became quite bad after sobriety. I am learning to notice my defense mechanisms and learn new ways to cope rather than the unhealthy defense mechanisms I had developed over the years. It has been and probably always will be an ongoing process.
I do find it ironic though that for me the PTSD did not show itself until I was over 3 years sober. Up until then I thought I was handling stress quite well. I was handling it much better than I did while sober though as I was able to apply the concept that I can not control anyone or anything else. The only thing I can control is how I respond to those things.
It does get better. I have found it interesting to be able to look back over my life and my sobriety and see growth. It is a very positive thing for me. Hang in there. Utilize the tools you are given, if you don't use a 12 step program then you might try therapy or a stress managment class both of which can be quite useful. Or you can use those in conjunction with a 12 step program and gain even more benefit from them.
Take care.
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
All of these suggestions are good and I would give them all a try.
Stress, trying to control things, is an indicator I'm still trying to run the show and look where that has gotten me.
My stress is usually over something that hasn't happened yet. I have found when I'm stressed is a good time to STOP......."Smell the roses" as has been mentioned. Get into the moment and look around me right now. Am I in immediate danger? Am I going to die? Is there something I should fear right here right now? So far the answer has been no I am safe and well in the moment. Life happens in the moment, I try stay there and do what's right and know I did my best.
Stress has never made the future better for me.
Originally Posted by Sugah
More often than not, the cause of my stress is trying to control a situation and make it turn out the way I want it to - whether or not it's in my power to do so. As a (recovering) perfectionist, I very often make things into more than what they are (the "How important is it?" works well here).
My stress is usually over something that hasn't happened yet. I have found when I'm stressed is a good time to STOP......."Smell the roses" as has been mentioned. Get into the moment and look around me right now. Am I in immediate danger? Am I going to die? Is there something I should fear right here right now? So far the answer has been no I am safe and well in the moment. Life happens in the moment, I try stay there and do what's right and know I did my best.
Stress has never made the future better for me.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
During the first few weeks alcohol was my most significant stressor, it seemed no matter what I was doing it was constantly beconing me to give in.
All along baths have helped to ease my stress with a good book some lavender or rose oil.
Praying helps me tremendously.
Exercising eliviates stress as well, go for a walk and take in nature.
SR is another great thing to do. This is always a place where you can count on somone to help out.
All along baths have helped to ease my stress with a good book some lavender or rose oil.
Praying helps me tremendously.
Exercising eliviates stress as well, go for a walk and take in nature.
SR is another great thing to do. This is always a place where you can count on somone to help out.
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Thanks for this post, I've been struggling with the same thing.
This may sound stupid, but I really just realized how much I had been using alcohol to deal with stress. I just never thought of it that way. But looking back over the past few years I can't think of a single major stress event that wine didn't accompany me through.
I've thought for awhile that I had poor coping skills - I always hear about people who have many more problems than I do yet they still are able to function, focus, etc., where I have a really hard time doing that. Now I'm realizing that the reason it was hard to get through those periods was because I was never dealing with them, I was just covering them up.
I wish I had more advice to share, but I'm getting through this period by taking each situation as it comes and hoping that as time passes, I will begin to develop more appropriate coping skills that I can rely on.
This may sound stupid, but I really just realized how much I had been using alcohol to deal with stress. I just never thought of it that way. But looking back over the past few years I can't think of a single major stress event that wine didn't accompany me through.
I've thought for awhile that I had poor coping skills - I always hear about people who have many more problems than I do yet they still are able to function, focus, etc., where I have a really hard time doing that. Now I'm realizing that the reason it was hard to get through those periods was because I was never dealing with them, I was just covering them up.
I wish I had more advice to share, but I'm getting through this period by taking each situation as it comes and hoping that as time passes, I will begin to develop more appropriate coping skills that I can rely on.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Miamisburg, Ohio
Posts: 217
Hang in there joelle,
What worked for me in early sobriety was....
I went to AA and did what the sober people there told me to do. Not so much diving into the steps at first but I went to meetings, lots of meetings, I was told to do that.
I was also told to share what I was feeling at the meetings. Bring up a topic or share, even early in sobriety your point of view is vital to all in attendence.
I went to many small meetings, 10-20 people, that gave me the opportunity to talk and listen at length.
I wrote down on a piece of paper why I wanted to be sober...exactly why, how I felt at the end, how bad it was. I folded that piece of paper and put it in my pocket, I read that paper many days.
I got phone numbers AND I USED THEM!!
Sharing my fear and stress made it seem smaller, share it joelle, there are people waiting to listen and help. The miracle is, when they help you, you help them. It's how it works!
God's Peace
What worked for me in early sobriety was....
I went to AA and did what the sober people there told me to do. Not so much diving into the steps at first but I went to meetings, lots of meetings, I was told to do that.
I was also told to share what I was feeling at the meetings. Bring up a topic or share, even early in sobriety your point of view is vital to all in attendence.
I went to many small meetings, 10-20 people, that gave me the opportunity to talk and listen at length.
I wrote down on a piece of paper why I wanted to be sober...exactly why, how I felt at the end, how bad it was. I folded that piece of paper and put it in my pocket, I read that paper many days.
I got phone numbers AND I USED THEM!!
Sharing my fear and stress made it seem smaller, share it joelle, there are people waiting to listen and help. The miracle is, when they help you, you help them. It's how it works!
God's Peace
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 700
I had the same problem in early sobriety,
Somebody made a suggestion at a meeting to keep my hands busy. Then my mind would be focused on what my hands were doing instead of what was stressing me out. Very simple and it worked !
Somebody made a suggestion at a meeting to keep my hands busy. Then my mind would be focused on what my hands were doing instead of what was stressing me out. Very simple and it worked !
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
I have been reading and studying Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth”. Among other things, he writes about the ego and a person’s spiritual nature in simpler terms than other books I have read. One piece of wisdom that has helped me deal with stress is to accept the present moment as it is. Guilt from past mistakes that can’t be changed, worry about events in the future that may or may not happen – these are all thoughts, not reality. The only reality is right now. And right now, everything is as it should be.
I am also an AA member and talking to people who can relate always puts things in their proper perspective. Their seeming importance diminishes. The 12 steps are helping me address many deep down fears. Helping another alcoholic takes away self-pity like nothing else.
And prayer. How many times have I said a sincere prayer and immediately calmed down at least to a point where I could regain perspective. My prayers often result in thoughts like “I’m human. I’m not perfect nor am I inferior. Just do my best.” Everyday, prayers of gratitude. Given all that I have been blessed with, I feel responsible to deal with any adversity in a good way.
Of course, I do face some trying times but the Serenity Prayer and fully knowing that it will pass has been getting me through without drinking.
I am also an AA member and talking to people who can relate always puts things in their proper perspective. Their seeming importance diminishes. The 12 steps are helping me address many deep down fears. Helping another alcoholic takes away self-pity like nothing else.
And prayer. How many times have I said a sincere prayer and immediately calmed down at least to a point where I could regain perspective. My prayers often result in thoughts like “I’m human. I’m not perfect nor am I inferior. Just do my best.” Everyday, prayers of gratitude. Given all that I have been blessed with, I feel responsible to deal with any adversity in a good way.
Of course, I do face some trying times but the Serenity Prayer and fully knowing that it will pass has been getting me through without drinking.
Philippines/Canada
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Left Coast
Posts: 454
I am on an acceptance kick lately. Its kind of like surrendering. The Spiritual Power of Acceptance
just like Gravity was explaining, funny we posted that at the same time
By living your life with an attitude of acceptance, you begin to remove fear and doubt. These emotions impede your inner peace. Your higher self has no need for them, as you already know deep inside that abundance is yours. Allow yourself to tap into this knowledge.
Now, this isn't to say that you just accept things as they are and then become lazy. It's a way of thinking. A thought process. A knowing.
As you work toward making your physical goals reality, you exist in a state of mind of acceptance. This state of mind frees you from inner anxiety and anguish when things don't go as planned.
You understand that some things you can change and influence and some you cannot.(serenity prayer) There is a feeling of inner peace that will come to you when you accept that which you can't change. It is what it is.
When you live your life from this perspective, it opens you up more to that which you can influence. When this happens, you're able to be more productive than you ever could or would be when you listen to your ego and make yourself miserable over the unfairness of life
just like Gravity was explaining, funny we posted that at the same time
By living your life with an attitude of acceptance, you begin to remove fear and doubt. These emotions impede your inner peace. Your higher self has no need for them, as you already know deep inside that abundance is yours. Allow yourself to tap into this knowledge.
Now, this isn't to say that you just accept things as they are and then become lazy. It's a way of thinking. A thought process. A knowing.
As you work toward making your physical goals reality, you exist in a state of mind of acceptance. This state of mind frees you from inner anxiety and anguish when things don't go as planned.
You understand that some things you can change and influence and some you cannot.(serenity prayer) There is a feeling of inner peace that will come to you when you accept that which you can't change. It is what it is.
When you live your life from this perspective, it opens you up more to that which you can influence. When this happens, you're able to be more productive than you ever could or would be when you listen to your ego and make yourself miserable over the unfairness of life
Last edited by StayinAlive; 06-01-2008 at 08:36 PM. Reason: noticed gravitys post
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
In AA, the the steps do exactely what you are asking. They are 12 of the many tools to be able to handle life and live it on it's terms.
If I am struggling, especially for a length of time, that means I am not doing something. The tools AA has shown me work, but I have to use them. When I use what I have been taught, my problems are handled, most of them solved, the rest accepted.
Tom
If I am struggling, especially for a length of time, that means I am not doing something. The tools AA has shown me work, but I have to use them. When I use what I have been taught, my problems are handled, most of them solved, the rest accepted.
Tom
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Medina, Ohio
Posts: 372
Joelle,
Hello! I have been sober for 4 months and getting a divorce through three and a half of it. We started off amicable but now the lawyers have turned it into an all out war. I am and have been under a great deal of stress throughout my early sobriety; how I handle it is I just ask one question of myself. How will this situation be improved by me getting hammered? Guess what... still not drinking.
John
Hello! I have been sober for 4 months and getting a divorce through three and a half of it. We started off amicable but now the lawyers have turned it into an all out war. I am and have been under a great deal of stress throughout my early sobriety; how I handle it is I just ask one question of myself. How will this situation be improved by me getting hammered? Guess what... still not drinking.
John
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