miser

BeingJenAgain made me ask this question, as I am not ready. I don't have the desire. Can anyone shed any light on what will do it. I still work, function, etc., but yesterday I drank a bottle of wine at 3:50. The morning drinking doesn't happen often, but I drink way too much and my liver enzymes are elevated.

sailorjohn

When I started thinking about how to end it without anyone figuring it out, then realized how disturbing that whole train of thought was. Flashes about driving in front of a train, things like that.

CarolD

Depression is why I decided to quit.
I still had all the outward signs of success.

Inside I was cold and dead.
Nothing in my life was pleasurable... not even drinking.

I do hope you will find your way
into a healthy joy filled future.

laurie6781

I took it to the MAX. I had been living the streets of Hollyweird for 1 1/2 years. I kept my rattletrap car parked at the back of the Hollywood Bowl Parking Lot.

One day, while swigging down Thunderbird Wine (I started out at 12 on Wild Turkey and Black Label Jack Daniels) it felt like as fast as I was pouring it in it was coming out of every pore of my body.

It was then I knew, with no reservations, that if I kept drinking I would die soon, and if I tried to stop I would die, but I wanted to die sober.

You don't have to take it that far. However, if you keep going you will in all likelihood lose the job, the roof over your head, and will be unable to function.

When you want to live more than you want to die, or when you want to die more than you want to live, you will become serious about trying sobriety.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

LosingmyMisery

I was not functioning. I would drink, pass out, drink some more. The amount I was drinking was potentially lethal. I remember laying in bed thinking I was going to die if I didn't stop. I felt death breathing down my neck. I didn't want to die. I just didn't want my life and didn't know how to initiate the steps to change it. I was a mess.

sugErspun

When I drank even though I didn't want to, I knew I had to quit.

When did I know I was ready to quit? When I knew it was really possible.

There was a long time I didn't think it could ever happen.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

I'm not sure if it was the end of my 13 year marriage, the foreclosure proceedings against my home, my kids having issues functioning in school due to me either being drunk or sleeping off the drunk, the isolation from my friends..maybe it was when the one person who loved me more than anyone decided to bail. I looked in the mirror and had no idea who that person was looking back at me..I was emotionally empty.

I have to ask you: how's your insides? How's your emotional life? I think when we get to the point of feeling soulless..that pretty much will be the jumping off point.

JoeJ

in an abstract way i new since i switched from pills to harder drugs. but "the" moment was when i caught myself walking about three miles out of my way to meet up with a friend with two nickel rolls and four quarters. I was trying to trade it in a store for a five dollar bill. I tried a bunch of places, basicly embarrassed the hell out of myself, all so i could throw down on a DIME bag. I mean, isn't that supposed to be the ultimate broke pothead weed denomination? I don't think in a first world nation people should have to pitch in on dimebags with rolled up coins.

Now, weeds not my big problem but the whole thing made me feel silly as all hell. Just one of those moments where i looked around and said "what the hell am I doing, don't I have homework to do or something?"

NoMoBeer

There is a story in the back of the Big Book, and the 'punchline' kind of sums up where I was at with my drinking:

When I tried to control drinking, I was not enjoying it; and when I was 'enjoying' drinking, I couldn't control it...

I also like the beginning of Chapter 4 (We Agnostics), where it states "If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic." (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition)

I knew I was an alcoholic. When I faced that reality, I could either keep drinking, or find a way to live sober. Today I choose to live sober.

ken

JackieG

For me it was when to carry on drinking was much more painful than the thought of stopping.

I was in physical, emotional and spiritual pain that the booze couldn't numb anymore. I knew then that no matter how painful stopping was, it would be less painful than what I was going through.

Lots of love
Jackie

sobergirl77

I was so miserable, lonely, depressed and sick that I had absolutely had it. I could not imagine stopping drinking; yet I couldn't imagine continuing. I didn't hit the typical bottom that many people do, with the lost jobs, homelessness, jail, DUI's, etc. Alcohol just beat me down so emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually that I was an utter mess.

Tazman53

I quit after a moment of clarity where I saw my eventual slow painful death from alcoholism. When I had that moment of clarity I had lost the choice as to whether or not I would drink. I had to drink every day just to function.

DEATH!!!!!

I drank for many years knowing alcoholism led to death, yet I was not full yet, I had to get full, I was full when I saw without a doubt that I was not immune from death.

More alcoholics die by far, then sober up!

DEATH!!!!!

jec

The first time I quit drinking, in 1999, I went to an AA meeting and the fellow there running the show told me, "When you hit rock bottom, we can help you." The thing was, the reason that I was there was that I didn't want to hit rock bottom, but I believed that was where I was heading. I wanted to be safe and in control, my drinking was scaring me. I stayed sober for almost five years - when I started back up again, I was a lot bored and a little depressed and made a really bad decision. I've never figured out how to live well and happily as a sober person, or addressed the things that lead me to drink excessively, and suppose it was just a matter of time before I started up again. I remember telling myself I quit once, if I needed to I'd just quit again.

Three years later, I've gotten tired of the blackouts, the being broke, the risks to my personal safety, the isolation and I think more than anything the big difference between the person I am and the person I want to be. Alcohol is a really poor choice for me, and always has been.

I was fortunate, I think, that my drinking never got to the point where I had big physical withdrawals...I probably drank 4 cases of beer a week, too much obviously, but about the worst I can say about it is that I was cranky and distracted for several days when I quit.

I've got about 6 weeks sober behind me now, and I'm not much happier than I was when I was drinking but I've got several other things going for me that I didn't then, it's enough for now.

suki44883

My mom says that my dad used to give me beer on a teaspoon when I was a toddler because he liked to watch me stumble around. *shudder* As I got older, he'd pour a little of his beer into a glass for me.

I grew up liking the taste of beer, so when I was old enough to drink, it was beer that I drank. As time wore on, it turned into a "If I was at home, I had a beer in my hands." This went on for many, many years. I hit bottom when I got a DWI in March of 2006. But even then, I didn't stop drinking because I was depressed and felt like the scum of the earth. My probation ended last July and since then, I drank from the minute I got home from work until I went to bed. The number of days I went to work hung over are too numerous to count. On weekends, when I got up, I would drink one Coke or a glass of tea, then it was on to the beer. I drank steadily all day and never wanted to leave the house to do anything because it meant I'd have to put down my beer. The end came when, one night, I was sitting at my computer, drinking (of course) and chatting on the internet and visiting various boards I am a member of, and figured it was getting late and should probably get on to bed because I had work the next day. When I looked at my watch, instead of it being close to 11:00 PM like I thought, it was almost 3:00 am! Right then, I said...this is a bunch of sh*t! I'm sick of this! I'm getting help NOW! So, I immediately googled alcohol treatment centers in my area, called two of them and settled on one to check myself into. I called a good friend who got out of bed and drove across town at 5:00am to get me and took me to the rehab center. That was on April 11th. I was in the detox center for 6 days. After that, I went into a PHP program for two weeks and an IOP program for three weeks. With the exception of one small slip a couple of weeks ago, I have been alcohol free since then. I hope to always be alcohol free.

kfoste

I decided to quit after I lost every thing and everyone and did not even remember most of it. I will always be haunted by the things in the dark! But now the light of the Lord is my path and I shall not get lost again.

collinsmi

After being wore out from life as much as drinking, and being coerced into AA again, I thought I'd give it a try, for a little while, perhaps. At least until the heat was off (again).

Music

When the day comes and you realize you live with booze, and you can't live without it, you'll be ready. Until then, you'll be on the fence just as you are now.

unigirl

Yeh for me it was the same with nomorebeer - couldnt 'enjoy' boozing unless i was getting absaloutely out of it- never had! But the consequences were getting worse and worse because of this and in the end i just knew i had to give in and get help.

I've had a few relapses since i came to AA 8 months ago, but each time has simply reinforced the fact i cannot drink in saftey and i dont wanna risk my life anymore so im willing to do anything i can to stop and stay stopped.

Ananda

boy that was me....I lived with the knowledge that i was alchoholic and my life was a mess for at least 6 or 7 years. I wanted to quit but didn't believe it was possible for me.

I was given the gift of hope (step 2 for those in aa), and at that time was able to call and get a ride from 2 aa angels to treatment.

I don't understand why, but even though I was drinking a 1/2 liter of rum before work, same at lunch, and started a new one each nite, i still had a well paying job and financial security. I was in the hospital 3 or 4 times in the last 6 mos...they would try to schedule ivs around my work schedule so i would keep my job.

going to outpatient treatment and attending aa meetings (both while drunk off my ass) may have been part of what led to the gift of being "ready".

hoping for you till you have hope of your own.

Dean62

When I realized the physical, emotional and spiritual hel.lish nightmare the bleak, dreary, lonely terrifying ugly death I was living driving me towards insanity and death........ could actually get worse.