CarolD

i had my first spanking at age 4...for lying.
I loved to embellish my life ..making it shiny and unique.

This did not change when I was a drinker.

collinsmi

When I say "when I was drinking" I just don't mean physically pouring the stuff down the hatch, I mean that entire period in my life. Even after I Stopped. It only began to change when I started working the steps. My idea of truth and the way things are was pretty flexible, and I certainly believed my own BS.

As I understand it:

observation > consideration of all data > conclusion.

When I was drinking, (and still sometimes even now):

Motives > consideration of data that supports intended conclusion > conclusion.

RufusACanal

The only truth in an active Alcoholic is the desire to continue drinking; everything revolves around the next drink. If you attempt to segregate certain aspects of the active Alcoholic's personality as good or bad via their supposed honesty, you are only fooling yourself. Addiction does not recognize normalcy, in any form; all roads lead to the next use.

1963comet

When drinking I would say things that bothered me, that was hurtful to my family. I never would of said these things if sober. One morning my BF said " so is that what you really think"? I lied and said No I was just drunk.

So, for me some of my true feelings did come out when I was drunk. Just being honest here. But there were times I said things I not not mean either.

TheQuixotian

Thanks for the responses everyone. Still trying to come to terms with the effects, the guilt especially, of this addiction which really are far reaching. I'll never understand it. I continue to wish strength though to those going through, contemplating and in need of recovery.

fallingdown

While drunk I would feign affection for people I really didn't care too much for while sober. Then they would be hurt when I would be withdrawn and non-communicative without the alcohol. I don't remember half of what I said while I was loaded but I think I made up a bunch of ridiculous stuff and I was a classic drunk dialer. I can think of at least three people who are no longer speaking to me because of my drunk dialing. And the worst thing is that I don't even remember what I said that caused the problem. I would classify alcohol and the active alcoholic as honest only to each other and no one else.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

When I was actively drinking, I too made my truth flexible. It was pretty much anything that suited me at the time. It got to the point where I didn't even realize (or chose not to realize) when I was being dishonest.

It's harder living honestly, but it becomes second nature too with practice!

I liked what Nan said...I get told this alot: "Say what you mean and mean what you say but don't say it mean."

dave47

I found at times I could be brutally honest to the point of being extremely rude, at other times I could be totally dishonest. I much prefer trying to be honest and a bit more considerate.

contrarichard

I very vividly remember struggling with this specific issue. Like many of us, I also had great difficulty expressing myself. There was a time when I thought alcohol made it easier for me to “Be open and honest”, but I later found out how very wrong I was. If when sober, I was a person who felt afraid to express myself, speak up for myself, afraid to hurt someone’s feelings, etc., than those very feelings are precisely the feelings that I needed to deal with and express (when sober)in order to be honest. In other words, I was “honestly” someone who felt afraid to speak about myself and often deflected any attention that was coming my way. Add alcohol to how I felt back then and I became someone who wasn’t afraid (which was untrue) And it just so happens I became a bit of a buffoon, which is equally untrue. Additionally, expressing yourself gently, lovingly, considerately, and responsibly leads to a sense of freedom and peace. This absolutely cannot be achieved when expressing yourself while under the influence of alcohol, regardless of how much or how little. Trust me, I tried it over and over and over again. If anything, attempting to do so complicates, perpetuates, any conflict and self-loathing that was pre-existing to having a drink(s) and further separates you from what you really need to do, honestly.

RufusACanal

Your recent question seems oxymoronic; honesty and Alcoholism cannot co-exist.

Ananda

For me, honesty is the absence of the INTENT to decieve. So if I think about it, I was always trying to decieve people about my drinking when I drank....but then again, I was not trying to decieve them about some other stuff (including some feelings)....Well, I guess it doesn't really matter since what I have to do is learn how to have some honesty regarding who I am, what I am and how I feel as appropriete without alchohol.

I guess I struggle with the idea that comes to mind for me when I read this thread that I might need to write off everything prior to sobriety as wrong, bad, pointless or whatever word fits. I don't see things in black and white very often these days.

Thanks for making me take a look at this.