beingjenagain

Hi Guys and Happy Memorial Day Weekend. The Opening of Summer. The Start of Picnics, Parties, the Beach, Camping, Fun, Fun, Fun and oh yeah Drinking!
To all our veterans and such how and what did you tell people about your not drinking? I know some people deserve an explantion and amends and honesty. But not everyone. For some it just is none of their buisness and I feel no need to shout from a mountain top that i am a recovering raging alcoholic who almost screwed up everything in her whole entire life!!
For the past 6 weeks I have been using the diet excuse.
Thanks for your thoughts

suki44883

Yeah, diet is a good one. You could also say that you're taking medication.

serenityqueen

I feel it is very important to let those you are close to know . . . chances are they may already be aware that there is a problem. As far as the others, why do you feel you need to explain or make up an excuse to them? How about a round about, yet honest answer if they persist. "Ah, no thanks, just don't feel like a beer today, ya got a Diet Pepsi?" Using just the diet excuse could have a host or hostess buy light beer, just for you. Then what?

I have to admit I am concerned about you being so new in Recovery and putting yourself in situations when alcohol is part of the menu. It's hard enough in early Recovery without having a cooler full of beer on the picnic table waiting for you after a game of volleyball or frisbee on the beach. If you must go to get togethers where alcohol is available, such as family reunions, I'd have someone you are close to be aware that you're in Recovery and may need to pull someone aside to take a walk with if you get tempted. It always helps to have someone hold you accountable.

But DON'T think that you can't have a wonderful summer if you're not drinking. I'm entering into my third one and I have to say, I don't miss getting sick from drinking in the heat, that's for damn sure!

God Bless and Have a Happy, Safe and Sober Memorial Day,
Judy

laurie6781

What I said in early recovery especially, was No Thank You. When someone kept pushing, and those 'someones' were usually those that were uncomfortable with my not drinking, I said again "No thank you, I am allergic to alcohol." When they would then say but just a month or 2 months or whatever ago you were drinking say "yep and I have found I have a TERRIBLE allergy to alcohol and walk away.

You will tell those close to you and family when you are ready, and yes further down the lines you will make your amends.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Bernadette

My dad was a big golfer and for him golf and alcohol went hand in hand. During and after sobriety/recovery he continued to golf and he just said as soon as the game was over he got a drink - usually a coke or a seltzer w/lemon. As long as he had a "drink" in his hand no one asked him to drink. If someone offered him a beer he just said - "No thanks, I'm good." And, naturally, he didn't hang out very long as he used to. It wasn't fun or interesting to him anymore to sit in the clubhouse with a bunch of people getting drunk! In fact he knew it was dangerous - so a quick soda with his foursome and he was outta there!
Just for today have a plan. Stick to the plan.
Peace,
B.

Sugah

It was easy for me. By the time I got sober, nobody civilized enough to celebrate the holidays with a barbecue (or a turkey, or a ham, etc....) called me friend anymore. So, I had sober folks in the rooms to help guide me in the proper way to celebrate holidays with my family - and I don't serve alcohol in my home. I occasionally go to events where alcohol is served, but never where the event centers around it.

Those who came back around, or who have accepted my amends, were grateful that I stopped drinking. The community as a whole is a better place with me in it sober!

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Pinkcuda

I've found that there are people out there that aren't obsessed with drinking. Most of those people don't notice whether we're drinking or not.

sugErspun

All my friends know I don't drink. If someone offers one to me - I kindly refuse (it does happen now and again). If they REALLY want to know why - I tell them I don't drink alcohol. If they press the issue, I tell them I have alcoholism, that has only happened once - I think that person felt more uncomfortabe than I did.

I will be at BBQ's all weekend - there will probably be alcohol. It doesn't influence me one way or another - it has lost it's power over me. My friends that still drink - they would NEVER think it's a good idea for me to drink. They have seen me drink and almost die from alcoholism. They have also seen me recover and they are often in awe of it.

Gonna be a great weekend.

Signal30

At the beginning of my recovery I told people that I simply didn't drink anymore. If they asked why, I told them that I was taking better care of myself. (Simple and true.)

Now I just tell people that I don't drink. (Also simple and true.)



Tom

beingjenagain

Thanks everyone...those are great tips and awesome advice. I was a total closet alone drinker only get plastered in front of a select few. Lucky for them!!
I will be fine this weekend since I have to work and I am still in such a honeymoon phase I don't have any desire to drink. It was just a thought that popped into my head as I was watching the news this morning.
By having a beverage already in my hand (green tea, my present favorite) I am sure noone would even ask me!
It is so true that only alcoholics are obsessed with alcohol!

soberone2003

I just simply say no thanks or I don't drink. When I was early on I just stayed away from events with alcohol. If I don't feel comfortable going to a situation or am leary I always drive separate and call my sponsor. I always have my drink of choice with me (diet pepsi or fruit waters) and try to keep something in my hand. It just keeps me more comfortable. People usally don't even notice your not drinking. We are the ones that notice who is or isn't drinking. Be safe and have a good holiday.

CAPTAINZING2000

most of what you describes, I do with an AA group


My family is supportive . I don't socialize as much or rarely with people that do drink heavy.

The people I associate that drink socially, could care less if, I'm not drinking

1963comet

Was not hard for me because everyone I knew thought I needed to quit. So, I really did not have to explain anything. And today I stay away from people that drink.

I'm pretty lucky that my family does not drink at all.

barb dwyer

the little street /neighborhood where I live is turning into 'recovery row' ... the big house they spent all last summer building has been bought by a married couple who are also long term sobriety people, so apparently there's going to be a ginormous cookout, horseshoes/whatever games thing right in the back yard of the apartment where I live.

everyone in the fourplex I live in is in the Fellowship...

I don't reckon I need any excuses.

chip

Congrats on your sobriety, beingjenagain
At first, saying "no" can feel awkward. I think we all go through times where we worry about what to say in social situations. The people in my close, inner circle of friends/family all know I'm in recovery. As the social circles get bigger, I can choose how much to reveal about myself. I usually say things like "I'm good" or "I'm driving" or "not today" when someone offers me a drink. Like it's been said already, most people don't really care about my choice of beverages. A good host will make sure his/her guests are happy...I just ask for the non-alcoholic beverages and nobody really says anything about it. At social functions, I find that if I keep my non-alcoholic drink in my hand, the host doesn't have any good reason to offer me an alcoholic one.

I've only had a small number of experiences when people were "pushy" about drinking. In these few situations, I've said things like: "Alcohol doesn't agree with me" or "I can't drink for medical reasons". This shuts people up. The only people who have a problem with my choices, I find, have been people who have issues of their own.

I hope you have a wonderful, sober summer.
chip

least

THis thread has made me count my blessings. I always drank at home by myself so the only drinking buddy I lost was my drunken self, and that was no loss. My family doesn't drink at all and even if they did they wouldn't push it on me. So I am blessed with those positive things. Besides which I have no qualms about saying, "I'm not drinking today" or just "no thanks". And if anyone pushed anything on me that I didn't want I have only to say "why does it concern you so much?"

And even if I were to be in a place where alcohol was available, I have now admitted my powerlessness over it and know IN MY HEART that I cannot drink.

GreenTea

If asked, "No thanks, I'm good!"

If pressed, "No really, I don't want any, it gives me nightmares."

If asked what kind of nightmares, I tell them "...really bad ones..."

CarolD

I was a lot more shame filled
from my drinking
than I am from not.

I told everyone everywhere ...

I quit drinking. I go to AA.

That certainly is nothing to apologize for.