Back To Day One
 

Well I'm back to Day 1.

I got "roaring drunk" last night.

I had also gotten drunk twice during my supposed 33 days of sobriety. I finally came clean to my sponsor yesterday because the guilt of lying was eating me alive. She suggested I go to the meeting that I got my 30 day chip from and "come clean".

Instead, I decided to get roaring drunk.

So, I'm coming clean here and starting all over. In a way it's a relief to finally be honest.

So to all of you on this site who I've been lying to about my previous sobriety date - I am very sorry!

I don't think any less of you Sobergirl! And don't worry. I'm far from perfect myself and had too many relapses before this time. I'm on day 8 now and have started over so many times. You're starting over and that's what counts - that you're willing to give it another go.

:ghug2

Sobergirl, this disease is tough and it's hard to shake.

By being honest, you are facing the disease and taking away some of its power.

Way to go!

I hope you can learn from your past drinking episodes and avoid those pitfalls next time.

This calls for that saying "$hit Happens". Climb back up on the wagon and move forward adjusting things that may have contributed to your fall. That's what I've been doing since my slip. Glad your back. :)

Keep your chin up, and get right back into the program. I was inspired once by an oldtimer getting his 28 year chip talking about how he had collected 17 beginner chips before he found one that worked.

Bill W slipped multiple times as well. You are in good company, and don't forget your support network here AND your home group.

Been there and done that -- got the t-shirt.

As I was told, AA doesn't shoot their wounded. And as my first sponsor asked me -- is there anything you can do about it now? NO. Get back up, dust yourself off, and start over.

I am not by any stretch saying it's OK -- it's not. This stuff KILLS us! Alcoholism is deadly serious -- work your program as if your life depends on it -- it does.

Remember, 'rarely have we seen a person fail who has THOROUGHLY followed our path...'

Thanks for being honest... especially with yourself. That's a big deal.

ken

You've done the easy part coming clean here. Now, do what your sponsor "suggested." In AA, suggestions are usually very subtle commands.

I do so hope this new beginning will be the time
you will find solid progress.

Good to know you are back on track...:hug:

hello all,
I am knew here, but so glad to find this site and you all.
I am sober today, one day at a time and feeling OK.
I have failed many times, and each time I try again so I can live and not die. Just for today.
What bugs me about my self and the absintence program so much is we who slip feel so awful that if we don't get help right away from someone who loves us, we can begin our damn cycle over agin!
Perfectionism is a burden I try to get out from under each day.
sober today, gratefully.

aprilflower....:wave:

Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum

Sobergirl, your honesty speaks volumes about your integrity.

You can do this, One Day At A Time! :)

Don't worry about it. I no longer really count my sobriety time. It just frustrates me too much.

Perfectionism has always plagued me too. Progress not perfection!:ghug2

If it was that easy to quit drinking we wouldn't need to be here!! We have all had a relapse, wether it was "I won't drink tomarrow.", "I will just have 2" and then have 22! , "I'm going to quit after today" or lasting awhile and then tested your limits. The only difference with yours is you have to "come clean" with yourself and us! To me it speaks volumes of your character to come on-line and tell a a bunch of folks you don't even know that you faltered.
My prayers are with you!!
It works if you work it!!


Here is my latest favorite saying....
Alcohol makes everything better until it makes everything worse!

Thanks you all. I went to the meeting tonight and came clean. Everybody welcomed me back with open arms, even when I told them how I had been lying. We actually got a really good meeting out of it - it was an open discussion meeting, and the topic was honesty.

I realized with the amount I drank last night, I could have easily given myself alcohol poisoning. Each time I do it, it gets worse. I cannot do this again. This needs to be my last "1st day of sobriety". Now that I am starting with a completely clean slate, I feel like I can do this.

No BeingJenAgain we haven't all had to relapse, some of us took it so far we had to die, and no relapses left, and some of us were given a 2nd chance.

Yeah I was one that did die. In my early recovery, I always envied those that got to the program with 'stuff' left, be it a roof over their head (I lived the last year and a half on the streets of Hollyweird) family, job, vehicle, etc. However, the longer I managed to not drink, I realized those folks had it harder, because they still has excuses that King Alcohol could use to tell them they didn't have a problem. There were no doubts left for me.

What I have found over these many ODAATs is that you don't have to relapse again. Give all your efforts and energy to your recovery, and take it one day at a time and you too can accumulate ODAATs by the bushel full.

Sobergirl, I am glad you found it within yourself to follow your sponsor's suggestion and come clean at your meeting. Now I would like to suggest that you keep in VERY CLOSE contact with your sponsor, and the next time King Alcohol starts talking to you....................call your sponsor BEFORE you drink, not after.

Sponsors can be a BIG help at all times of the day and night.

Glad to see you made it back this time.

Keep posting, keep in close contact with your sponsor and attend as many meetings as possible, getting phone numbers of other sober females in the program, for days when your sponsor is unreachable, and make some sober friends.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Hey SG! I'm so glad you made it to a meeting and shared what happened! It's all well and good to get honest here, but in my opinion you have to get honest with real people in real time, not just sitting by yourself typing into a computer.

As for the drinking, welcome to the club! Let me guess, might you be an alcoholic? Hey, me too!

When someone drinks and then heads right back into their recovery community, I think that's the coolest thing. It means you really know you don't want to drink anymore. That's the first part of the first step -- we don't want to drink, but we still do. That's our powerlessness over alcohol.

Hang onto that knowledge that you don't want to drink anymore. Work the program because you don't want to drink anymore. Recognize that we have a lot to learn in order to not drink anymore.

Slow down. Give yourself over to the Steps. Start living only one day at a time. Force yourself to find what is good (and great) about today -- just the way it is. Accept your imperfections while maintaining a desire to grow and change. Accept others just the way they are. If something is bothering you, root out what YOU are doing in terms of your attitudes or expectations that is causing the dis-ease. Never stop learning.

Each of us deserves to have and enjoy as good a Life as we can accept for ourselves and be grateful for. But we have to embrace our willingness to accept that our life can be good. Believe what your eyes and ears are telling you when you look around the room and see so many others who were sick and suffering, but who now know how to live the gift of Life and enjoy what we have been given.

Sobergirl,

That wasn't too bad now was it?

Every now and then, you will hear at my home group, "Do you remember _______ who used to come to this meeting? Well he died last week".

This happens WAY too often. I guarantee you that the folks in the meeting love it when a relapser comes back. Like I said, It happened to me too. I felt so bad after relapsing with 14 months under my belt I had to sneak in the back door, but I was welcomed with open arms, just like you were.

There is a story in the 2nd edition (I think) of the BB about a guy's 1 year anniversary and they baked him a cake and the guy came clean saying "well, its only been 9 months". He went on to say how this was a big burden lifted off of him, and how he really got into sobriety after that. People tend to focus on the first 164 pages of the BB, but those stories - and the stories you hear in the rooms - still carry a very string message and you can really relate to them, even if some of them are 70 years old.

Hang in there, keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Laurie, I meant replase in its loosest terms. I think at one time or another everyone has made a promise to themselves to drink less or not at all even if it was just for an hour. My only point was that we have all made promises to ourselves that we have broken, be it drinking or something elsr. The most imprortant is that Sobergirl and everyone else here has enough vested in these on-line rooms to share with us!!