unigirl

Well nearly 4 months down the line, but obsession is still here and really bad right now. I am going to a meeting so im praying for my H.P to show me a reason/give a sign as to why i shouldn't go out tongiht and get wasted with all my mates - like most 20 yr olds do. Im really in mental turmoil with this. Ive been thnking thinking thinking- and yeh, i can see drinking has risks etc....but then again i dunno if i am an alchy anymore...i knw i prob am...but i dnno....what if im not? I just cant help think i may not be. Last time i relapsed i had the same thoughts and then went back to AA after a bit convinced i was. But now i am starting to think im not. Ahhhh i dunno im prob making NO sense - i dont know whats true and whats not anymore. AM I? AREN'T I? i dunno!All i know is i want to drink.

nolonger

Hey unigirl,
hope you can get through this. Going to a meeting is great - i hope you find some kind of relief from this stuff. You don't have to decide "am I an alcoholic" right now anyway. You could ask "what's happened before from getting wasted" for one thing. Hang in there. Sending out many vibes in your direction...
nl.

SugarLily

Hi Unigirl

I'm from the UK too and its a shame that almost all social events revolve around drinking - and especially at Uni.

Do you have friends that can keep you grounded? Who aren't as intent on going out to get drunk?

Warm Wishes x

barb dwyer

*prayers for clarity*

there as so many better things to center a young life around than booze.

least

You can get thru this without that poison. I will keep you in my thoughts.:praying

Tazman53

Ask your self a question, do non-alcoholics sit around obsessing about drinking?

You have almost 4 months sober, do you want to throw that all away now just to learn the exact same thing you learned the last time you relapsed?

Call some one in AA and talk to them, maybe meet up for coffee/tea and talk.

Find a quiet place and sit down and check your record!!!!

Check your prior drinking record.

Ask yourself why am I here posting at SR?

Am I posting here because in the past I had wonderful experiences drinking?

Do you have a sponsor?

Are you doing step work?

What is going to get better if you drink?

How will you feel about your self tomorrow morning when you wake up if you drink tonight?

How will you feel about your self tomorrow morning when you wake up if you go to a meeting tonight, call someone in the program and stay sober?

NoMoBeer

A meeting is not going to "make" you not want to drink. That's up to you and God. I had to do the work to allow God to do His (removing that incessant obsession to drink)... I know all too well the "maybe I am not an alcoholic" thinking... been there, done that.

All I can do is pray that you will not drink. I would love to sit and ask you questions to make you think (like Taz so eloquently did...by the way, you may want to review those, and think on them for a bit over coffee with a fellow alkie), but at the end of the day you must concede to your inner most self that you are an alcoholic -- indeed POWERLESS over alcohol. Until you do that, no amount of meetings will keep you sober. I know, I did it for a while... not fun. I remember all too well that a head full of AA and a belly full of beer SUCKS.

My blessing when I got sober is that I did not do a ton of social drinking -- most of mine was at home, alone. But I do hear folks in the rooms telling newcomers that to be sober, you must change everything -- all of those people, places and things which you have no control over, but which may be slippery slopes toward a drink. Maybe give that some thought.

Remember, though -- Recovery is an inside job, and as my sponsor says, we've got to "do the deal" every day...

Praying for you -- maybe instead of going out with your mates, you can hit some meetings instead, and find some new folks to hang out with... :-)

Keep the faith...

NoMoBeer

sugErspun

Uni - you mention AA, so I will keep along those lines.


Where are you in your step work?

As for me: meetings will not keep me sober, reading the book will not keep me sober, a sponsor/fellows will not keep me sober. Step 1 - I will drink again, when I take that drink, I am not going to stop. However, the solution outlined in our literature also states that a good case of the jitters may be worth it to get full knowledge of our condition....a condition which no human power (including friends and meetings and SR etc etc) can relieve, but there is one who can, may you find it now.

Right?

I have a body that can't take it and a mind that won't leave it alone - no amount of thinking is going to save me.

But

I finally decided to do the steps as the book outlines, with a recovered alcoholic. Something happened - words don't do it justice, they can't. The problem has been removed, the fight is gone...this solution is yours for the taking. I have read many fine posts from folks in the UK who know the same AA that I do, without the steps - it just isn't AA.

stone

It's ironic that the first thing an alcoholic does when they convince themselves they aren't is go and drink themselves stupid.

I know it must be hard at times with the binge culture at Uni but most of those people are not alkis, their lives will not be ruined by alcohol.

Tazman53

I have heard that so many times from people who relapsed and made it back into the rooms rather then 6 foot under or in prison!

I have also heard folks who relapsed say that AA ruined thier drinking, because they knew how to lead a better happier life with out being drunk.

To back up what others have shared, meetings are a small part of the solution for this old alkie, the steps are what led to my salvation from the bottle!!!!

I found freedom from the mental obsession for alcohol that you seem to be going through right now!

I remember years before I finally really quit drinking, I knew deep inside me that I was an alcoholic, but after I would go for a while without drinking my mental obsession for alcohol would convince me that I could not be an alcoholic because I had gone (insert number of days, weeks, months, or years since your last drink here) without a drink and there is no way an alcoholic could go that long with out a drink so I would drink again convinced that I could handle it this time!!!!!

I continued on that relapse path until I became that alcoholic that could not go even a day without a drink without going crazy and getting physically ill.

I had to go through medical detox to get physically sober and through the steps to begin to get mentally sober and break the mental obsession for alcohol.

stone

It does.

nolonger

So true.

CarolD

Prayers and Hugs
(+) (+) (+)

least

Steamvessel you are so right. Every time I relapsed this year the drink got nastier and nastier. I was drinking not to enjoy it but to keep myself from feeling anything, including the shakes and the withdrawal. It tasted awful and felt awful and I still relapsed. I had to finally surrender my will to my Higher Power and truly admit that I was indeed powerless over alcohol and that my life was unmanageable with alcohol as a part of it.

Don't give in to the cravings, you'll feel guilty and ashamed tomorrow. I always did, and would hate myself for giving in to the desire. I got tired of hating myself while at the same time feeling so horrible physically. I got so I didn't want to wake up feeling like that.

Please don't give in. It will only make things worse.

Praying for strength for you.