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Old 05-22-2008, 11:08 AM
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day by day

I have never posted here before, but have lurked for the last few days. Reading your posts has helped me get to this point. I am working on day 4 of sobriety. A little background, for the past 10 years or so, I would drink at LEAST 15-20 beers a day/night. I was what I guess most call a "functioning alcoholic". I have a good job, a wife, kids, I am active in my community blah blah blah. It was obvious to our friends that I could "put'em away" when we were together in social settings, but nobody but my wife and I really knew exactly how much drinking I really did. Black outs pretty much became a nightly thing, and the days were mostly a hangover fog until I could pop the first beer after work. Never really drove drunk as I did most of my drinking at home, and if we were out, my wife was the perfect designated driver (she does not drink much if any at all).

About a year ago, I realized that the urge to get home and get drunk was the number one priority in my life. Not my wife, not my kids, not my job, but just the beer. I started missing my kids school functions, or making excuses not to do things with my family in the evenings so that I could stay home and get drunk. A lot of times, I waited until they were in bed, wife was asleep on the couch, and then I would really tear into it and drink as much as I could as fast as I could. I tried to "slow down" or just drink on the weekends as you hear people say, and needless to say, failed miserably.

The last few days have SUCKED!!! I have done it at home and by myself (I already know, bad idea) but I think I am through the worst of it. I have felt progressively better the last 2 days, and have no urge to drink right now at all. This weekend will be rough I am sure, as I am sure we will have our Memorial day cookouts. Anyway, sorry for the rambleings, but it feels good just to type it out and tell "someone" about it.....
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Old 05-22-2008, 11:20 AM
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Welcome, your story is very similar to mine.

SR is a very safe and informative environment to start your sobriety. This is a good forum and newcomers to recovery is another good one.

You did a lot of planning while you were drinking, as did I by the way, do you have a plan for staying sober - especially for this weekend? That is something to think about. Planning is important in early sobriety and it helps to focus the energy you used to plan your drinking into something more constructive.

Either way, keep reading posting and remember that sobriety is worth the effort.
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Old 05-22-2008, 11:25 AM
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Thanks for the welcome Tennis! I have been thinking about a plan for this weekend, just haven't come up with a good one yet
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Old 05-22-2008, 12:29 PM
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....It's good to see that you decided to share with us.

I too was a daily blackout drinker by the end of my "career"
I was so naive I thought all drinkers blacked out...

I found it imperative to change my routine
especially early on. I always drank if others were.
Soooo...I stopped hanging out with drinking buddies.

How about beginning a new family tradition this weekend?
Focusing on your kids and wife would be a plan.
Something different...the Zoo? Watching funny videos ?
Roller skating? Bowling? Swimming? Picnic?

Blessings to you and your family
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Old 05-22-2008, 12:53 PM
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Hi Carol,

Thanks for the welcome!!

I understand what you mean by changing who I hang around with, but my problem is it is either extended family, or really good friends of "ours", not just mine. The couples that we hang around with are not bad people, hell, most of the women don't drink at all or very little, it is just the guys that pound quite a few beers when we are all together. One of them is definatley my best friend in the world. We have a strong friendship built on a lot more than just hanging out drinking beer, and I don't want to lose that. I guess the obvious solution is to tell him right? If he is as good of a friend as I say, he will understand that I don't want to drink with him...... I don't know, just really confused right now on how to handle all kinds of situations. I don't want to just abandon all of the people that my wife and I socialize with, that is not fair to all of them or my wife. Why should everyone else suffer because of me?
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Old 05-22-2008, 12:56 PM
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Originally Posted by getbusylivin View Post
About a year ago, I realized that the urge to get home and get drunk was the number one priority in my life. Not my wife, not my kids, not my job, but just the beer. I started missing my kids school functions, or making excuses not to do things with my family in the evenings so that I could stay home and get drunk. A lot of times, I waited until they were in bed, wife was asleep on the couch, and then I would really tear into it and drink as much as I could as fast as I could. I tried to "slow down" or just drink on the weekends as you hear people say, and needless to say, failed miserably.
Son of a gun, as the years pass for me in sobriety I keep hearing my story shared more and more by different people. It's good to know my situation wasn't so unique after all. But I guess I should mention that while I considered myself a functioning alcoholic, I understand now that I wasn't functioning very highly in a few areas of my life, mostly in my marriage. Before I made the choice to quit I'd given up my wife, home, pets, etc.

I'm glad you're here and I hope you find the inspiration and support you need, and if it becomes too difficult to do it on your own I hope you'll reach out to AA or any recovery program for help.

Wow, I'm still shocked at how similar our stories are!
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Old 05-22-2008, 01:01 PM
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Thanks Astro, it really helps to hear that. I always knew that my story was not that unique, but just hearing that I am not alone in my story helps more than you could know.
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Old 05-22-2008, 06:03 PM
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Welcome to SR! Always great to see a new member:ghug2
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Old 05-22-2008, 11:46 PM
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Welcome to the site! Your name really says it all: get busy livin'. Congratulations on four days. It's a good thing you didn't have any serious complications from your withdrawal.

I"m on day 8 now and tho the worst of the withdrawal is over, I'm having some problems with memory and coordination and such things. Stress is hard to deal with too. I'm finding AA to be a wonderful help for the stress and a great place to get support. I've found a whole new family who loved me as soon as I walked into the room. If you haven't considered AA I would suggest that you try it. And if you don't like the meeting you go to, go to a different one.

Just remember your sobriety comes first. As to your best friend, yes, I would tell him you've quit drinking and if he's truly your best friend he will understand and not pressure you about it. In social situations, just say "no thanks". And if that doesn't do it, if anyone gives you a hard time about it then they aren't really your friend... or maybe are too drunk to be polite.

All the best to you!:ghug2
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Old 05-23-2008, 12:20 AM
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hi GBL - welcome to SR!

Your post reads like my third husband except for the children part.

You forgot to mention that you rarely woke up IN bed - mostly found still out in the lliving room the next morning. Or extremely late at night would wake up and then come to bed for like two hours to get up again.

Congratulations on choosing a different way!
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Old 05-23-2008, 03:18 AM
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GBL my first post too..your post echoes my 'descent' almost exactly. Married, kids,good job but a reliance on getting drunk every night...27 years drinking..spending 20% of the households disposable income on drink,hungover until 3pm every day,missed promotion opportunties because I thought it would take me out of my comfort zone,upset stomach every day,hiding the evidence, hiding my stash of booze in the car boot..it goes on

Im now 30 days in, done it my own, first week was terrible..weekends are awful..my current addiction is now copious amounts of chilled fizzy mineral water with fruit juice...but the benefits of quitting are amazing

More money, more energy,people at work noticing a dramatic change in my behaviour..red blotches on my face have gone,stomach has settled down, short term memory is better..

stick with it pal,my battle isnt won and I doubt it ever will be..
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Old 05-23-2008, 03:21 AM
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welcome to sr, post!
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Old 05-23-2008, 03:30 AM
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congrats get
sounds like you know where you been and where you want to go.
i really understand about the friendship thing. but since i isolate myself, i don't have to contend with it much--the times i did go to my old bar last time i quit and told people i wasn't drinking (i was shooting pool) i realized they didn't care, i drank rc cola the whole time and there was barely anything said about it.
sounds like you are like me and don't want to make a big deal about it. maybe you could either tell your best friend in private and ask for his support or just say i don't feel like drinking today (which is true, not drinking today is all ya got-worry about tomorrow when comes) and then change the subject. if he persists maybe you could in a non-threatening way ask if it is important to him that you drink. then blow off the subject. he may surprise you in a good way.
best wishes that he does
i hope you and your family have a wonderful memorial day weekend--sending strength your way
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Old 05-23-2008, 05:19 AM
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Originally Posted by nandm View Post
Welcome to SR! Always great to see a new member:ghug2
Thanks for the welcome nandm!
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Old 05-23-2008, 05:22 AM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
Just remember your sobriety comes first. As to your best friend, yes, I would tell him you've quit drinking and if he's truly your best friend he will understand and not pressure you about it. In social situations, just say "no thanks". And if that doesn't do it, if anyone gives you a hard time about it then they aren't really your friend... or maybe are too drunk to be polite.

All the best to you!:ghug2
That is pretty much the way that I have decided to handle it. Thanks for taking the time to reply and congrats on your sobriety!!!!!!
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Old 05-23-2008, 05:24 AM
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Originally Posted by barb dwyer View Post
hi GBL - welcome to SR!

You forgot to mention that you rarely woke up IN bed - mostly found still out in the lliving room the next morning. Or extremely late at night would wake up and then come to bed for like two hours to get up again.

Congratulations on choosing a different way!
WOW!!!!!! You are EXACTLY on the money!!! I definately forgot to mention that part.....I'll say it again.....WOW......
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Old 05-23-2008, 05:27 AM
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Thanks for all of the good advice Faith! I hope you have a great holiday weekend as well.
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Old 05-23-2008, 05:29 AM
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Well, here we go on day 5...... I have been feeling really good these past two days, I can tell that my short term memory is returning, I have been sleeping like a baby, and waking up (not just coming around) refreshed in the mornings!

Thanks again to all of you that have posted to me, it really helps to come up here and read that there are others pulling for me to stay sober.
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Old 05-23-2008, 05:34 AM
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well, GBL ...

a teensy bit of advice since I *do* know the story then,,,

might want to get the drinking thing handled before the wife startes buying the beer ...
because she doesn't WANT you in the bed any more.

been there.
did that.
bought a bigger bed.
chapter number three ... closed.

just a hint for ya.

incentive.
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Old 05-23-2008, 05:53 AM
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GBL you are where I was at about 5-10 years before I finally quit, I took it right to the edge before I finally realized that I had to quit.

As Astro shared, I could have written that post 5-10 years before I quit. I spent a lot of years trying to quit by simply not drinking, I always wound up drinking again and it kept getting worse and never better.

I reached the point where I had to drink every day just to function, I had to go into detox in order to stop, in order to stay stopped I had to get help, I used a program.

Most people who stay stopped work a program of some sort, I used AA, thanks to the program of AA not only have I been sober for almost 2 years, but due to working the steps the obsession to drink is gone.

There are several programs of recovery, I would encourage you to check them out. You are not alone with this problem, why fight it alone?
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