SoBearish

Hello Everyone,

I really want to not want to drink today... but I do...despite my hungover induced resolve this morning.

I feel like I'm eating myself from the inside out, so I'm reaching out.

I've been a weekend binge drinker since I was 14-15, and have graduated to 1/2 a bottle or more of whisky a night over the last few years. I was also a daily pot smoker for 15 years until I quit 6 months ago cold turkey. I take 1mg of Xanax daily which my Dr. prescribes for my anxiety.

I'll spare you my sob story; it's pretty cliche. Low self esteem, in the wrong career, married to a wonderful woman, appear to have it all but empty and angry inside etc.

I was a member of this forum a couple of years ago and even attended a few AA meetings which I found to be very helpful. I may try some more but I'm not comfortable sharing that with my wife and friends.

I have a great shrink and a good Dr. that I'm honest with.

Anyway I feel like s**t and I'm angry at the world and I feel absolutely hopeless.

Thank's for listening.

CarolD

Welcome back to SR ..

I am glad you are keeping your medical professionals aware.
That's being very wise.

Yes...you too can quit and stay quit.
Millions of us do just that daily.

Blessings to you and your family

Rimmy

You just gotta give it a chance. I wanted to not want to drink for a long time. I was convinced that I wanted to stop, and it made me feel like a failure every time I couldn't or just didn't... what a lousy cycle.

You have to give it a chance... just for a few days.. then a week. Give it time... Take a peek at the other side and when you see it isn't so bad and in fact it's better, your whole outlook can go from "wanting to not want to" to actually "not wanting to".

At least that was my experience. Fight it fight it fight it just to see what there is on the other side. It wasn't easy, but there was another side.

You can do it too.

LosingmyMisery

Yep, I know that feeling of absolutely hoplessness. There is a solution, even for this hopeless drunk. There is hope for you too. Never give up!

Signal30

Remember what the second (A) stands for?

"It is important that we remain anonymous because we are too few, at present to handle the overwhelming number of personal appeals which may result from this publication. Being mostly business or professional folk, we could not well carry on our occupations in such an event. We would like it understood that our alcoholic work is an avocation.

When writing or speaking publicly about alcoholism, we urge each of our Fellowship to omit his personal name, designating himself instead as "a member of Alcoholics Anonymous." (Forward to the first edition. From the first edition.)


"12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities." (Tradition 12)


Definitely go to your doctor and be completely honest with him/her.


Tom

Tazman53

Welcome back SoBear.

Well with booze, more is better, perhaps more SR & AA is in line. If a few AA meetings were helpfull imaging what a few 100 woudl do for you?

I reached a point in my drinking where I did not give a damn what others thought about my drinking, they felt I was a useless drunk.... they were right.

I have reached a point in my sobriety that I don't care who knows I am an alcoholic or that I attend AA, today people respect me, my family loves me, and people could care less if I am an alcoholic because I am a recovered alcoholic!

RufusACanal

Welcome SoBear... What do you want to happen now;problems resolved, drinking to end. You mentioned this forum and AA previously helped. What do you want to do and what are you will to do?

I look forward to your answers - Best to you.


Ron

SoBearish

Thanks everyone for your replies - you all know how much they help. No drink last night, trying to make it two for two.

Ron,

Good good questions. I want to shed this depression, I want to find happiness and prosperity in my career, I want to be able to have a drink with out getting blasted every time, I want to build up my self esteem, I want to lose weight, I want to feel good about life.

A lot of wants, some more realistic than others (no prizes for guessing which one). But for now I just want to be able to talk about what I'm going through without being judged or shamed; and maybe give some words of encouragement to others who are facing similar problems.


Thanks again all.

CarolD

Hmm...
My long term depression is why I decided to
quit completely and committ to AA.

...Worked great for me.

RufusACanal

It gets better (depression) the longer you stay sober and the more you work the Steps, integrate with the fellowship and give over to a power greater than you. I battle depression have for years, yet with proper medication and a plan of recovery.

SoBearish

I'm in awe of you Carol. Over 11,800 posts of support and wisdom.

You know the drill - scared to commit to sobriety - trying one small step at a time.

chip

Welcome SoBearish
I'm glad you found us. If you are looking for support, you've come to the right place. Keep trying one small step at a time. It takes a long time for many of us to get our sobriety, and it's a real blessing when we get it.

Keep asking questions, and do keep posting. I hope you can find a road to a better life.
chip

Tazman53

Bear if you are an alcoholic like I am, I fully understand the want to be able to just have a drink or 2 and move on with life!

Now here is the kicker, people who are not alcoholcs would not be upset at all if all the booze in the world dissappeared, except maybe some one who enjoys a glass of good wine with dinner every once in a while. (Notice I bolded a!)

One of the greatest days in my recovery was the day I suddenly realized the obsession to drink was GONE!!! Today I have no desire to be able to drink like a normal person, I am at peace without a drink. This for me was as a result of working the steps.

SoBearish

Ok so I didn't make it last night and the weekend is looming. Not going to beat myself up but instead try to focus on the 2 days this week that I didn't drink, that's 2 more than usual.

Damn this horse is frisky - keeps bucking me off


Thanks again all!