Is my wife an alchoholic?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 6
Is my wife an alchoholic?
I am new to this discussion forum. I am trying to find out if my wife is an alchoholic or not. Just yesterday I mentioned to her that she might have a drinking problem and that I would support her if she never wanted to drink again in her life. Her dad and some of her close relatives are alcoholics, so it runs in her family. I am concerned that my wife if falling into that trap and it is really affecting our relationship now. I am at the point where I NEED to do something or this isn't going to work.
We are both in our late 20's and enjoyed a very well rounded college experience full of frat and sorority parties, etc. We both drink socially and enjoy to have a couple beers every once in a while. However, with my wife, it seems to be different (or am I just imaging this). When she only drinks a few beers it seem as though she is drunk already and when we are in social situations she drinks fast and can't stop drinking until we leave. She becomes this other person that embarasses me by telling personal stories to strangers, she doesn't stop talking and appears to no understand her surrounding very well. If you tell her to slow down or stop drinking, she gets pissed and says "I am fine." It is hard for me to tell the difference b/c we both like to drink beers every once in a while. She does say on occasion that she really like beer and especially the taste of it, but so do I, right?
The more I have been thinking about this in the last several months the more I am picking up on this that she says or does to address alchohol. She also asks if I am ordering a drink when we go out to dinner, like it is approval for her to order a drink. Also, she normall tries to refill everyone elses drinks when we are in a social or family social situation. Again, I think she is masking the fact that she once another beer. She drinks beer FAST and will NEVER turn down a beer if someone offers it. Also, she does buy beer, not necessarily to drink it right away, but just to have it in the house. She does crack open a can or bottle of beer some nights, just to have one.
Is there something to be said for an achoholic to just have one beer? Does that make them feel better and fullfill their crave?
Just two days ago she was at work social outting that started at noon. I was supposed to meet up with everyone after work for dinner and a couple of drinks at the bar, but that didn't happen. After her not returning any calls or txt msgs, she finallly stumble in the door at 6PM **** drunk with puke down the front of her. She fell taking her clothes off, puke in the bathroom sink and just went to bed. that night she got up 5 times to throw up. I was very dissapointed and really angry that she got so drunk at a work event. Am I over reacting? This is just one example.....
Help!
We are both in our late 20's and enjoyed a very well rounded college experience full of frat and sorority parties, etc. We both drink socially and enjoy to have a couple beers every once in a while. However, with my wife, it seems to be different (or am I just imaging this). When she only drinks a few beers it seem as though she is drunk already and when we are in social situations she drinks fast and can't stop drinking until we leave. She becomes this other person that embarasses me by telling personal stories to strangers, she doesn't stop talking and appears to no understand her surrounding very well. If you tell her to slow down or stop drinking, she gets pissed and says "I am fine." It is hard for me to tell the difference b/c we both like to drink beers every once in a while. She does say on occasion that she really like beer and especially the taste of it, but so do I, right?
The more I have been thinking about this in the last several months the more I am picking up on this that she says or does to address alchohol. She also asks if I am ordering a drink when we go out to dinner, like it is approval for her to order a drink. Also, she normall tries to refill everyone elses drinks when we are in a social or family social situation. Again, I think she is masking the fact that she once another beer. She drinks beer FAST and will NEVER turn down a beer if someone offers it. Also, she does buy beer, not necessarily to drink it right away, but just to have it in the house. She does crack open a can or bottle of beer some nights, just to have one.
Is there something to be said for an achoholic to just have one beer? Does that make them feel better and fullfill their crave?
Just two days ago she was at work social outting that started at noon. I was supposed to meet up with everyone after work for dinner and a couple of drinks at the bar, but that didn't happen. After her not returning any calls or txt msgs, she finallly stumble in the door at 6PM **** drunk with puke down the front of her. She fell taking her clothes off, puke in the bathroom sink and just went to bed. that night she got up 5 times to throw up. I was very dissapointed and really angry that she got so drunk at a work event. Am I over reacting? This is just one example.....
Help!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 6
Oh, the other thing is that she doesn't drink everyday or anything like that.... she is very consious of when is she drinking and when she is not. I am afraid she knows she might be an achoholic and is just too embarrassed to say something. She is a great wife, very loving and caring. but I think she thinks about achohol a lot more that she realizes. Also, her dad and mom had similar disputes through their whole marriage (which ended in divorce). I am not sure what to do here... do I take charge and start taking things from her or do I insist that she gets help or do I just metion it and let her do everything?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
Hi,
Your wife will need to decide if she is an alcoholic and if she wants to seek help. This is not something you can do for her. For yourself, you might want to check out AlAnon in order to find support.
Also, there is a forum on this board for Friends and Families of Alcoholics.
Your wife will need to decide if she is an alcoholic and if she wants to seek help. This is not something you can do for her. For yourself, you might want to check out AlAnon in order to find support.
Also, there is a forum on this board for Friends and Families of Alcoholics.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Ugh, it's very difficult...what I would do if I were you is tell her you are concerned about her drinking...and also ask her to take the questions from the AA pamphlet of 'are you an alcoholic'...very sadly though a lot of the time marraiges end in divorce as a result of alcoholism...what i would do if I was you - just to be careful/proactive - don't have kids yet!! and check out a few al-anon meetings - see the family and friends of alcoholics part of this forum those people are very wise...you need to learn to detach in case she does spiral into alcoholism and destroy you in the process...my view as an alcoholic...I never drank daily. Your wife's behaviour sounds alcoholic. Not only that ...she is not going to seek help or get better unless she recognises it for herself...so basically you are powerless here...and what al-anon and the family and friends forum can do for you is to help you to accept that powerlessness...
Cathy31
x
Cathy31
x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 558
Hello spectator. I'm an alcoholic and the way you wife drinks sounds very much like the way I have drunk. The only difference I would point out is if she is having only one bottle or can of beer sometimes on a night. I'd have never done that except for 'show' or if I had my own stash of it hidden somewhere (I might have a bottle to disquise the fact I'm having a drink and just keep popping out of the room for a surreptitous drink. Of course I'd get more drunk than I should do on one bottle, but I'd have an excuse - like an empty stomach or tiredness or something!).
I think Cathy has some good ideas including getting some answers from that AA questionnaire pamphlet for a start.
I think Cathy has some good ideas including getting some answers from that AA questionnaire pamphlet for a start.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 39
I can relate to what you are saying. Your wife 'was' me. I use to do that all the time. Make excuses to have drinks - then binge drink. It is a very hard thing to say ύes I have a drinking problem and need to do something about it. Well I have taken that step several times. I have finally decided that it is time to get my life back on track for good. Keep talking to your wife - but don't push her. She needs to admit it for herself. Binge drinking is very very hard to control. You are always looking for that next drink to fix the problems from the last drink - vomiting - not sleeping etc. If she finally admits it get her to a doctors straight away. They will give her medication to help her thru the first few days which are the hardest.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 6
Thanks for all the advise. I read "under the influence" and most of the Sticky posts and took all the Al Non quizes at which I scored very high on. All of that information really helps to try and understand what is actually happening physically to my wife. I am 99% certain that she is an alcoholic, it is just that 1% that I still feel guilty about.... I will support her decisions and let her create that path to recovery herself. It is just going to be hard to "bite the bullet" when she does drink and it affects our relationship. It pushes us apart and it is very difficult to be supportive.
My wife doesn't drink every day, every week and certainly doesn't hide beers. She is open and honest about when we drink and how much we are drinking (when it is just the two of us). But the real issue is in social situations (work or family) when she starts drinking and gets that grin on her face with her eyes squinted and then completely loses sight of of the situation. She holds a great job and functions just fine on a daily basis... we both have an appreciation of us going out seperately with our boys or girls nights - I think it is healthy to do that every once in a while. But, I am always worried about her drinking... being a "yes" person and having others take advantage of her (not physically). She is a very generous and loving person too, which is wonderful, but when she drinks she seem to become a litte too nice and either pick up the tab, buy everyone drinks, start random convos with strangers, etc... (sorry, I am not trying to complain, but just trying to tell the story and show examples).
Also, any insight on how ADD interacts with alcoholism and whether or not it makes things worse? I feel that her friendly conversational impulsiveness coupled with alcohol seems to be even worse (in my situation as compared to some of the other posts).
Thanks for the support, I am glade I posted here!
My wife doesn't drink every day, every week and certainly doesn't hide beers. She is open and honest about when we drink and how much we are drinking (when it is just the two of us). But the real issue is in social situations (work or family) when she starts drinking and gets that grin on her face with her eyes squinted and then completely loses sight of of the situation. She holds a great job and functions just fine on a daily basis... we both have an appreciation of us going out seperately with our boys or girls nights - I think it is healthy to do that every once in a while. But, I am always worried about her drinking... being a "yes" person and having others take advantage of her (not physically). She is a very generous and loving person too, which is wonderful, but when she drinks she seem to become a litte too nice and either pick up the tab, buy everyone drinks, start random convos with strangers, etc... (sorry, I am not trying to complain, but just trying to tell the story and show examples).
Also, any insight on how ADD interacts with alcoholism and whether or not it makes things worse? I feel that her friendly conversational impulsiveness coupled with alcohol seems to be even worse (in my situation as compared to some of the other posts).
Thanks for the support, I am glade I posted here!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Gee...I don't know but....
Here's how alcoholism typically progresses:
SOCIAL DRINKERS Most Americans are characterized as social drinkers. Statistics indicate, however, that one of every 16 drinkers will become alcoholic.
WARNING SIGNS The individual begins to drink more frequently and more than his associates. He drinks for confidence or to tolerate or escape problems. No party or other occasion is complete without a couple of drinks.
EARLY ALCOHOLISM With increasing frequency, the individual drinks too much. "Blackouts," or temporary amnesia, occur during or following drinking episodes. He drinks more rapidly than others, sneaks drinks and in other ways conceals the quantity that he drinks. He resents any reference to his drinking habits.
BASIC ALCOHOLISM The individual begins to lose control as to the time, place and amount of his drinking. He gets drunk unintentionally. He hides and protects his liquor supply. He drinks to overcome the hangover from his prior drinking. He tries new patterns of drinking as to time and place of drinking. He attempts cures by moving to new locations or by changing his drinking companions.
CHRONIC ALCOHOLISM The individual becomes a loner in his drinking. He develops alibis, excuses and rationalizations to cover up or explain his drinking. Personality and behavior changes occur that affect all relationships family, employment, community. Extended binges, physical tremors, hallucinations and delirium, complete rejection of social reality, malnutrition with accompanying illness and disease and early death all occur as chronic alcoholism progresses.
Source: American Medical Association
Here's how alcoholism typically progresses:
SOCIAL DRINKERS Most Americans are characterized as social drinkers. Statistics indicate, however, that one of every 16 drinkers will become alcoholic.
WARNING SIGNS The individual begins to drink more frequently and more than his associates. He drinks for confidence or to tolerate or escape problems. No party or other occasion is complete without a couple of drinks.
EARLY ALCOHOLISM With increasing frequency, the individual drinks too much. "Blackouts," or temporary amnesia, occur during or following drinking episodes. He drinks more rapidly than others, sneaks drinks and in other ways conceals the quantity that he drinks. He resents any reference to his drinking habits.
BASIC ALCOHOLISM The individual begins to lose control as to the time, place and amount of his drinking. He gets drunk unintentionally. He hides and protects his liquor supply. He drinks to overcome the hangover from his prior drinking. He tries new patterns of drinking as to time and place of drinking. He attempts cures by moving to new locations or by changing his drinking companions.
CHRONIC ALCOHOLISM The individual becomes a loner in his drinking. He develops alibis, excuses and rationalizations to cover up or explain his drinking. Personality and behavior changes occur that affect all relationships family, employment, community. Extended binges, physical tremors, hallucinations and delirium, complete rejection of social reality, malnutrition with accompanying illness and disease and early death all occur as chronic alcoholism progresses.
Source: American Medical Association
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
spectator I will tell you what I told my daughter in law when she called me in tears about my son's drinking (I am a recovered alcoholic), take care of your self, go to Alanon and make no secret about it. Do not get in his case about his drinking, but when he messes up let him know.
Well we were lucky, very lucky...... several months later he called me saying he was an alcoholic, we spoke at lenght and he has not had a drink since.
Go to Alanon openly, if she asks why you are going tell her the truth, you are going to Alanon to learn how you can deal with her drinking.
Well we were lucky, very lucky...... several months later he called me saying he was an alcoholic, we spoke at lenght and he has not had a drink since.
Go to Alanon openly, if she asks why you are going tell her the truth, you are going to Alanon to learn how you can deal with her drinking.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
