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Am I Destined to Relapse if I Don't Go to AA?

Old 05-10-2008, 01:03 PM
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Question Am I Destined to Relapse if I Don't Go to AA?

I have been to a few AA meetings and, although I liked the people there very much, I am not sure that I want to go on a regular basis. On Monday, I will be 30 days sober, and I take my meds as prescribed, visit this forum daily, haven't had any cravings, and feel I have a good handle on my drinking. I have made friends with several of the people I went through rehab with and we do things together that do not involve drinking. I guess my question is...Am I destined to relapse if I don't choose to go to AA on a regular basis?
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Old 05-10-2008, 01:16 PM
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I'm 30 days on Monday also! I don't think it is a guarantee that you will relapse if you don't go to AA. But I do think that you need to be involved in some type of recovery group. We all need a place to listen and to vent without any risks. AA is not the only place that provides that but it sure is a great one!
We talked at our meeting the other day about picking up a start over chip and that for many it is pride that keeps them sober. They sure aren't coming back to a meeting and telling everyone that they have slipped. So if they wern't going to AA they wouldn't have to tell anyone if they started drinking again.
Just be sure you have a strong network of people to talk too and you have a better chance!!
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Old 05-10-2008, 01:29 PM
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Good for you Suki, and you too beingjenagain.

Suki, it sounds like you're doing well. Stay focused on your recovery and do whatever you need to do stay sober.
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Old 05-10-2008, 02:10 PM
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Congrats on 30 days, that's no small feat for an alcoholic.

Years ago it was extremely important to me that I solve my alcohol problem. Of course, being me and the attitude I'd developed in my lifetime, solving my alcohol problem meant ....it was my problem and no one but me could solve it.

I had no use for AA.... great people, doing really wonderful things for others but not really for me, I knew I could find sobriety in my own way.

I hit bottom

In thirty years of drinking and drugging I tried everything I could think of to abstain, never could. Oh I'd do alright for short periods of time, but always over time got worse.

The AA program works for me today. My sobriety means more to me than thinking I have to find my own answers...do it alone. I've been humbled and I surrendered.

Good Luck and God's Peace
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Old 05-10-2008, 02:11 PM
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I did drink again....even with AA.
:burned

The key for me to stay sober?
I had to want to more than I wanted to drink.

Congratulations on your sober time!
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Old 05-10-2008, 02:22 PM
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Jen and Suki,

Congrats on your new life and sobriety!

For me, a woman who has had long term sobriety both IN AA, as well as 7 years OUT of AA (before I did drink again)and who is now 2 and a half years sober again IN AA, I will share that for me, the quality of my sobriety vastly improves according to my spiritual condition.

There are other avenues besides AA for spiritual guidance and connection. Believe me, if sobriety were as simple as adopting a spiritual philosophy, i'd be all set. But i wasn't when I was sober without AA, because I longed for the rigourous honesty and fellowship of others who share my path.

However, AA provides much more than fellowship. (I love the saying that "AA is more than the spirit of fellowship, it is the fellowship of the spirit". But I digress..)

AA provides a perfect program of recovery that reconnects the suffering alcoholic with his or her Higher Power. AA reminds the self centered alcohohlic to fit herself to be of service to her higher power and to others who suffer from this condition. AA teaches the immature alcoholic how to grow up.

Are you destined to relapse if you don't go to AA?

I don't know. But the word "relapse" concerns me. I prefer to call it what it truly is: the decision to drink.

Will you decide to drink again without AA?

I don't know. But why not give yourself the best shot and work the steps before you decide?
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Old 05-10-2008, 03:19 PM
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Hi suki, you pose a good question and one that has no definite answer. first off, congrats on the month clean!!!! that is no easy feat. As for destined to relapse not being in AA. I do not believe that at all. I do not have THAT much clean time, (5 months 1 week sober) There is a great book that I am currently reading called Addiction is a Choice. It is written by Jeffrey A Schaler, he is a PH.D in addiction. He has some very interesting veiwpoints about addiction and dispels a lot of what he calls the "AA myths" He describes in his book an alternative way of getting clean and staying clean from drugs rather than the 12 step program. I don't want to **** anybody off who is working the program of AA or NA. To you all i say congrats that you found something to keep you clean and I wish you all the best.

Suki if you'd like to know more about the book I would be happy to PM you some examples of the techniques he explains to keep yourself drug//alcohol free, I would just prefer not typing them on the open forum because the last time I did that I managed to get flamed hard by a bunch of people from AA because I did not agree with there opinions on getting clean + staying clean. I don't wish to go through that again

One final note, don't let ANYBODY tell you that because you don't follow the AA way of life that you are destined to relapse. The human mind is very complex and Recovery from addiction is not a precise formula. Different people get sober different ways.

Good luck in whatever you choose suki and most importantly stay sober!!!
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Old 05-10-2008, 03:21 PM
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Yes, please PM me with the suggestions. I might buy that book. Thanks!
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Old 05-10-2008, 05:34 PM
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Hi Suki,

I can share with you as a member of AA and as a partner of a person who has worked a program and not worked a program.

I honestly can say that I certainly wouldn't be where I am now, or who I am now without the program of AA. I'm not much of a meeting person, I go to three a week, however the Steps have really changed my life. And I do find if I miss a few meetings, I don't keep things in perspective as well.

As a partner of someone who was out of AA for 5 years, and has gone back to AA for the last year, well, the difference is unbelievable! She is a completely different person when she's working a program. She didn't relapse, but there was a few really really bad points during those years. I have to be honest and say having a relationship with an active partner (me) certainly didn't help things.

That's my experience. If AA isn't for you, then I would suggest using any program really. I just think its easier to handle sobriety with a good support system. You know, someone to kick your butt when those old behaviors kick in!

Congrats on the 30 days!
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Old 05-10-2008, 05:39 PM
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Is it possible to work the steps without actually attending meetings? I have both the blue book and the 12/12 book.
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Old 05-10-2008, 05:48 PM
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I haven't been to AA - but my husband kicks my butt everytime I slip up - thank god. This time I want to sober up - FOR GOOD.
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Old 05-10-2008, 05:54 PM
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My experience in getting sober is that the alcohol was just a symptom of the problem that resides in my brain. I seeked escape from my life by drinking. I also tried many other ways to escape and find that thing that finally would make me happy. I got good grades, excelled at sports, went to college, got the killer job, got married, had kids, etc. because I thought that if I achieved it or had it I would finally be happy. Once I realized that the problem was with my spirituality, my thinking, and my choices I was ready to begin recovery.

Now for AA. I currently am in AA and it has done wonders for me. I am working the steps and I seem to feel a bit better at each step along the way. The key to this is that I found a sponsor to help me through the steps and guide me as well as I have connected and talk to other alcoholics on a daily basis. Just because you don't like the meetings doesn't mean you can't get a sponsor or do the steps. Based on my experience I recommend you don't try to do it alone. Just my two cents.
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Old 05-10-2008, 05:54 PM
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I've read a lot, and find that way of thinking (Schaler feels addiction is not a disease but a choice) does not address the underlying causes of addiction, which for most of us, is drinking or drugging to avoid feeling our feelings, IMO. AA and NA address the feelings, have a set of steps that we work to get to these feelings, to work through them. And I think that most of us really need support. If you've formed your own group of people from rehab, maybe that will work in the same way for you. The problem is that none of your new friends have a lot of time sober, and in AA you meet more people who have. They've lived sober, worked through what you're going through so you will get some guidance. You don't have to reinvent the wheel, so to speak, the experience, strength, and hope is to be found in the rooms of AA and NA. Your choice boils down to what you believe. I believe that alcoholism and drug addiction are diseases. I don't think that anyone would choose to be an addict. IMO, we addicts are allergic to alcohol and drugs, in a way that most people, who can handle a drink or two, are not. We only have the choice in whether to take the first drink or drug, and we make that "choice" every day. Personally, I find that my own choices weren't all that good. I need support right now to make the right choices. Who can help me better than other addicts who have been clean for some time? I don't know how to do it on my own. I tried to beat this thing on my own last year (365 times!!). I also needed to learn to relate to others and reach out to others and to share. I never shared or let people in before my recovery. I had to learn how so that I can get through these feelings that I used to anesthetise with drugs or alcohol. If you didn't drink to bury your feelings or "fix" your self worth, if you just drank too much as a choice, for entertainment or whatever, and you can stay and learn to live sober alone, then you are stronger than I am. I urge you to give AA a committed try (90 in 90). You know, if it doesn't work after 90, the other way will still be out there for you!
Good going on staying sober so far. Alcoholism is tough to beat, I hope you do it whichever way you decide, you'll still have my support and respect.
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Old 05-10-2008, 06:11 PM
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30 days is awesome

CarolD is right about you needing to want to stay sober. This is what made the difference for me. I did not attend AA, but went to couseling for a long time.

That is great you have people in recovery to hang with.
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Old 05-10-2008, 06:13 PM
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I definitely want to stay sober. I checked myself into detox voluntarily. No one even knew that I was considering it. I spent 6 days there, then went into the PHP program for 2 weeks and am now about to start my second week of IOP. If I weren't serious about staying sober, I wouldn't have done this. I was just wondering if it's possible to work the steps without attending AA meetings. I will begin one-on-one therapy when the IOP program is over.
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Old 05-10-2008, 06:17 PM
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It is possible, anything is possible, just harder, I think.
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Old 05-10-2008, 07:57 PM
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I think the program works best if it is worked as it is intended to work. When you start making alterations, you lose effectiveness.

Congratulation on 30 days sober. I know how difficult it can be in the beginning and I fully recognize your accomplishment. The disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. The program is meant to be worked with a sponsor for guidance. I knew nothing about sobriety. How could I be expected to guide myself through? I knew how to turn to drink. That is what I did and eventually my thinking, on my own, lead to relapse.

When I worked the program, as intended with a sponsor, I have gotten and remained sober. If you choose to stick with AA, I would strongly suggest a sponsor. If AA is not for you, work another program. I think it is in your best interest to continue to seek support. The disease is a deceptive one. Just when we are cruising along smoothly it will throw a bump into the road upsetting everything. I say...play it safe.

Good luck!!!
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Old 05-10-2008, 08:22 PM
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Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
I guess my question is...Am I destined to relapse if I don't choose to go to AA on a regular basis?
Speaking from my own personal experience I say no. As far as I know I had relapses when I stopped working my personal recovery program and returned to my old behavior of drinking and drugging. I believe only you know what you need to do to stay sober.
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Old 05-10-2008, 08:31 PM
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Short answer, No! The only way to relapse is to drink again. The only way to stay sober is to not drink again. It's that simple.
A.A. doesn't help us to deal with drinking or not. We learn to deal with sobriety. We couldn't handle sobriety, that's why we drank.
If you can find another way to deal with sobriety and learn to love a sober life. Do it. Regardless of the path you choose, if you're not happy being sober you'll probably find yourself drinking again. With or without A.A.
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Old 05-12-2008, 09:01 PM
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From what I hear, there are people who manage to stay sober for lengthy periods of time without a program of any kind. In 19 years, I've only met one. I have, however, met many who boasted that they were successful without a program, as evidenced by their 30 days or 6 months without a drink. I think there is only a teensy tiny percentage of those people who manage to stay sober for anything like 5 years. With no program in the past, I stayed sober for a few months at a time, but never more.

There are other recovery programs out there that work. I beleive the most important components of successful programs are their support groups, teaching a person about the inability to drink normally and teaching the person coping skills to deal with problems that previously resulted in drinking. If there's no active support component to the program and the alki isn't taught how to deal with real life problems, he'll not be any better off than before and will probably drink again.

I personally tried church, counseling, rehab, and going it alone, all with no success. In fact, I could not begin to count the times that I ended up loaded in church, barely able to stand up. I have never been able to get clean and stay clean for more than a couple months without a program, and for me that became AA and later NA. I also tried going to meetings without working the program......and I tried working the program without going to meetings and using a sponsor. Those didn't work either.

For me it came down to this question? Am I willing to keep looking for shortcuts, knowing that the next time I drink might be fatal for me or someone else? I finally had to answer "no". I could not longer risk my life for the slim chance that I might finally find an "easier" way. I had made an experiment of myself, trying everything to help myself except what I knew would work. I was the lab rat. And we all know what happens to lab rats. Ask yourself this also: If I had any other terminal disease, would I be looking for shortcuts to avoid doing what the doctor recommended??? Would I be arguing about whether those treatments were really necessary? For me, Hell no. I would be working night and day to follow doctor's orders to a T because without them I might die. When I got to the point that I couldn't bear to drink even one more time, I became willing. I surrendered. I finally got willing to follow the way that I knew worked--really working a 12 step program, following suggestions no matter what. And what I have found as a result is continuous abstinence, a much more peaceful life, and that the effort I put into recovery is sooooo much easier than the hell I was putting myself through looking for those shortcuts, I wonder why it took me so long.
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