question for those that are parents
 

I have a question for people that are parents. I have insurance through my parents and we just got a new plan that sends all the statement from the insurance to my parents house. I used to get the statement and bills to my apartment. So basically I have to tell my parents about my ER visit and ambulance ride because they will notice a bill as big as that on the insurance statement.
The first time that I had to be taken to the hospital I had to tell them because my friends gave the hospital my home address for the billing. They didn't take the news too bad. My mom said what?? did I just hear you correctly and went on a lecture. My dad just got quiet and then a shorter lecture followed by telling me stories about drunk situations with his friends.
I didn't tell them the second time, but this time I kind of have to. I'm so scared. Its not like I'm a teenager or whatever I'm 22, but still I know that they will really really mad.
So for the people that are parents how do you think you would react, and how should I break the news to them?
I just can't imagine telling them. This might make the situation better or worse but my dad used to run drug and alcohol treatment centers so I think he is going to be more concerned.

As a parent and a daughter I would hope my parents would see it as a cry for help and do just that for me. With your dads history it sounds as if you are just seeing how far you can push him or how much he really cares about you!

This situation would not make me angry, but I would be concerned.
Parents obviously want their children to be happy and alcoholism never made anyone happy.
I think any lecture you get will be because they care. Your father understands this illness if he ran treatment centers.
Think of this crisis as an opportunity to be open and honest with your parents. They could be a great support system for you

Just sharing my experience, back in 2005 I took an ambulance ride and checked into a mental hospital, earlier in the day I had turned myself into the ER with suicidal ideations, the results of early sobriety without a program of recovery. My father was living in another part of the state but my brothers informed him of where I was. Dad used to be my drinking buddy, I grew up always sharing his beer and vodka.

Bottom line is that his only concern was for my well-being, he needed to know that I was OK and that I knew he was there for me. Needless to say we can't drink together anymore, but we still have a very strong relationship, I owe that to my recovery and caring family members.

I hope my children grow to understand that they're safe in confiding in me too.

I think that a part of recovery is becoming completely truthful and honest with those that you love and who love you. If you don't forsee a battle or a fued, then don't be afraid of their concern. Let that concern make you more aware that you are loved and don't need to drink. Sure, parents can be overbearing at any age... but it's because they love you.

Hope the whole situation works out for ya.

I just hope and pray that my kids come to me with ANY problems related to drugs or alcohol. After talking to them and encouraging Al-anan / Al-teen and setting an example, I have confidence in them. :)

Em can I assume that your dad is in recovery?

My father was a recovered alcoholic, he died when I was 19 so he never saw me during my bad years, actually I do not think he ever saw me drunk. I did get suspended for 5 days in Junior HS for getting drunk on a field trip. I was amazed he was not ready to kill me!!!! Instead he sat me down and shared his story with me, he told me he was an alcoholic, he shared his 3 month long black out during WWII due to drinking. He let me know that he was an alcoholic and had not had a drink since I was only a few days old and that I really needed to watch myself because alcoholism run in the family.

Well obviously I did not heed his warning, that drunk was not even the beginning for me, I had a lot of years of drinking beyond that point as well! Any how, my sobering up was not a secret to my family or friends, I let them all know I was going into detox.

My son is an alcoholic, his wife called me in tears because his drinking was getting out of control and she wanted me to talk to him, she knew me when I was drinking and was among those who supported me and loved me once I sobered up.

I told her that me talking to him would be a waste of time, that he would call me when he figured out he had a problem, then I would be able to help him. I did tell her to go to Alanon and if there was anything my wife and I could do to help her or my grandchild we would be there.

Well about 6 months later he called.............. was I mad or upset? Heck no, he wanted help, he realized he was an alcoholic and had a problem, I was ecstatic, being a recovered alcoholic I knew that he was ready for help.

Em I will put myself into your dads shoes, there are 2 scenarios:

1. The mail comes and I learn that you have gone to the emergency room again due to your drinking, my heart will be broken, I will know that my child has a serious life threatening disease and there is nothing I can do to help until my child wants help! I will be absolutely crushed that my child is not ready to deal with the disease that can kill her.

2. You call me and tell me exactly what happened before I find out about it in the mail! You tell me that you are an alcoholic and you need help! I will be ecstatic!!! Thank God my daughter knows she has a disease that can kill her and she wants to do something about it!!!

A parent loves nothing more then to be able to help thier child no matter what age they are.

A parent wants to die when they know thier child is killing them selfs and refuses to seek help for thier problem.

If you are ready to stop drinking then what do you think is going to be the best way to handle this?

You know you keep on drinking and you may not have to worry about your parents any more, you may leave them with nothing more then a bill for your funeral!

Aside from you telling them, how would they find out? Do they open your mail?

As an adult, you do have a legal right to medical privacy. Even if they call the insurance company, they (by law) won't tell your parents anything about your claims even though it's their policy.

My boy is only 2. So I don't have any experience with this. When he becomes an adult, I hope I'm able to respect his privacy.

just they will see the dollar figure which will lead to questions?

Keep in mind that secrets hold a great deal of power over those who have them.

A secret looses all of its power once it is no longer a secret.

Secrets and pride probably kill more alcoholics then anything.

My addict husband is on my insurance, as well as my 19 yr old daughter............when the ins statement comes --- It is addressed to the Primary Ins. holder so it wouldnt be opening someone elses mail........but it lists all activity of each member on the ins plan, however it says things like........removed for privacy under doctors names and names of medications of the daughter over 18, and on husband the other kids it says everything..................so I do know the WHY if either of them have been in the hospital just know they were there or if they had a medication filled at the pharmacy but I know that something was filled just dont know what ...............that being said
I would like to say, if you are having to be taken to the hospital for your drinking maybe its time for you to open up to your parents and let them help you find help for yoursef.................
people die from alcohol just as they do drugs


You said your parents will be really really mad, look I am one of those get mad kind of parents............but more than anything in the world I LOVE MY CHILDREN and believe it or not...........we get over the mad part really quickly when it comes down to our children and what they need, so if your having to take trips to the er for drinking it sounds like you really need some help, maybe they get mad, but its not the same as you wrecking their car..............your are their child they love you and will get over mad and be there to help you !!!! Please consider being honest with them.
BUT
If you dont want to tell your parents then maybe you could look for help in AA or NA............are you in college? they have referral services and could point you in the right direction...........but looking at your actions and accepting that what your doing to yourself , and remember everyone needs help sometimes and you have nothing to be ashamed of............


Please try to take care of yourself.....good luck

Jen just curious to why you think that? He does not have any knowledge about my problems except for the first time I went to the er which could be seen as "normal college student" situation.

Taz- No my dad is not in recovery and he is not an alcoholic. He just became interested in the field when he was a social worker then went on to run the buisness end as he got older. I know they will take the news better if I tell them then if they see but there is a small chance that they wouldnt notice as they do get a lot of mail.

Rimmy- I do forsee a battle or a feud. My sister is anorexic and when it came out that she had an eating disorder it definetely didn't go well at all. They were mad that she would willingly do that to herself which is somewhat similar to this.

Em, you asked the question and posted it on SR so deep down you must feel that there is some kind of problem. If you don't thnk going to the ER twice for a substance abuse problem at 22 is a big deal then who cares what your parents think anyway.

HOnesty is essential. Open and Honest. Why do you feel the need to keep this from them? What are you afraid of? I believe that you will feel better if you tell them straight up and they will probably respect and appreciate your honesty. I'm sure there will be disappointment, I mean, let's be for real. You are an adult. Act like one. Take responsibility for your actions and man up. You will feel better.

Jen- my question was not about that, I meant to ask you why you think that I am trying to push my dad the farthest I can to see if he loves me.

I do think I have a problem I know it is a big problem to go to the er 3 times, I don't neccesarily think that I am an alcoholic, but I am obviously binge drinking.

Concerned because he is your dad.
Depends on how much Anon recovery he uses and if he can separate his feelings as a dad and any fear he would have because he knows what can happen if you don't stay on a recovery program. *You can die*
With my own... I feed them the wisdom I have gained as I am able. Beyond that, I pray and leave them in God's hands. They know I have the answers because I have been there. So what is left? Prayer and wait till the day they ask for help.

He may be your dad but he can also be a great resource and I am sure he would love for you to ask him for his help.

I feel you are in serious trouble....dangerous drinking trouble.
I think I have already said that...:)

I don't care if you do or do not discuss this with your parents.
You need help now. And...
your drinking secret will surface soon unless
you find a way to stop.

You'll need bail money...a place to live... lawyer fees
and yes....more hospitalizations will come.

*sigh*...speaking as a parent of 2 adult lcoholics/addicts.

find AA mtgs. in your area.
alcoholism is progressive, cunning and fatal

I think as a parent I would be very worried and sad that my child was doing this to himself/herself. I would offer my help and really hope and pray that they would take it, as there is nothing I wouldn't do to try to help my children. What you keep doing is so dangerous to yourself, I hope you want to get help and not continue living your life like this. If you don't you won't have a very happy life.:a043:

Em I pray that you do something about your drinking, as a parent I can tell you that I would feel much better having one of my children tell me they have a serious problem then to get a call from the police or the ER telling me that my child is dead from alcohol poisoning.

Then when I found out from her friends how concerned they were about her drinking and winding up in the ER 3 times before I would be beating myself up for the rest of my life thinking what a lousy parent I must be that my own child would not come to me when they had a life threatening problem!!!

As a parent I would be crushed for the rest of my life that my child did not trust me enough to bring a problem to me.

That is not the alcoholic speaking there, that is a parent!!!!

I have seen parents divorce over a childs death from a drug overdose, they were both blaming the other for not seeing thier child had a problem!!!

If my son came to me and told me he was getting so drunk that he had to be taken to the emergency room in an ambulance, it would hurt me so much and I would be so frightened for him that I'd want to die.