Bard

At least this time. I'm shaky right now coming off a 2 day binger. I had a week sober before it. And a week before that. I feel awful, and the ****** p thing is nothing good came from my drunkenness. I'm sitting here beating myself up and thinking why just why the **** cant I just stop!! I hate it! But why and how can something I hate so much find a way to creep back in and posses my mind to feed it?

Originally I came here to find some inspiration without mentioning my **** up but someone sent a PM to me and after reading it and seeing someone cared enough to check up on me I said **** it and I would come clean and say I fell off the horse. I'm putting my hand out and begging for help here. I just need some support. I hate to feel "weak" and out of control of anything but what can I say? What can I do? This is one fight I cant face alone. I have to bow down before the bottle, It's more stronger then I am alone. But hopefully with some support I can be on top of that mountain and hold my hand up in victory with the rest of the champions who struggled along this path and reached the top!

CarolD

You too can quit and find a better way
Millions of us surrendered to win with AA.

You never have to feel this way again.

MNGirlyGirl

I'm there with you. Relapsed and on day 3. Do you, or have you, ever attended AA? I stopped going, but I'm going to pick it up again. Lots and lots of support there.

Bard

Thanks for the support. I've been to the AA meetings only twice. Never actually worked the program though. Going to just surrender and step out of my normal comfort levels and speak up and get some serious help. I'm bull headed by nature and think I can handle anything thrown at me. That may be the case in some situations but for this I cant see any easy solution or fight and I 'm gonna to surrender and call In the big guns to assist me!

Zanthos

Exactly. If you fight, you lose. That was my experience. If you surrender, you win. That was the only way I could stop drinking.

nandm

Welcome back to SR!

sobergirl77

This is one of the smartest things I've read in a long time...

Pilgrim

It took me a few tries too Bard. I hope you make it this time.

barb dwyer

Look on it this way, Bard maybe this will help -

You haven't been fighting alcoholism...
or alcohol, or the urge or any of that.

What you've been fighting ...
is recovery.

Alcohol...and subsequently...
alcoholISM ... exists.
It HAS existed,
its going to CONTINUE to exist.
We can't fight that.

What we fight when we sober up -
is the recovery.
What we fight -
is change.

That's where the surrender lies.
Not in alcohol.
In surrendering to the recovery.
pretty simple when it's looked at that way.

Maybe you've just been fighting the wrong thing.

Cathy31

Well I've been where you are - I couldn't do it on my own.

What you gonna do differently this time...?

Cathy31
x

Tazman53

SOunds to me like you have a solid beginning to step 1 where we admit we are powerless over alcohol.

I will be honest and say that I mentally say "I lose all power over alcohol once I put it into my body" Works for me.

It may very well be time to surrender, Barb put a great spin on it, when we are saying we are fighting alcohol we are really fighting recovery.

Here is another way to view surrender:

Who do we surrender to?

We surrender to the winning side!!!!

Recovery!!!!

barb dwyer

Well, the thought just hit me -

we're not fighting to change - we're fighting to stay the same.

when we keep on drinking, I mean.

The only fight - is with change.

problemchild

Glad to see you made it back, alot of great advice here not to mention you sound like you have a good plan, just stick to it..

Take care,
John

22NGONE

Bard,

A.A., get a sponsor and 90 meetings in the first 90 days worked for me...Good luck and go for it!

"Life is not a problem to be solved, it's a journey to be enjoyed."

Rimmy

In my three years trying to quit, the one thing that held me back was the guilt. Don't let your guilt hold you down. You are not so alone and the only fool to drink and go on a bender when you didn't want to. Guilt can cause anxiety, which makes you sicker etc...

Focus on the fact that you got out of your bender in just two days this time, not 6 or 10 or months. Focus on the positive and give yourself a break.. a fresh start.

Hang in there!

LosingmyMisery

You are right, the power of the bottle is to powerful to fight alone. Don't bow down to it, smash it! You can overcome the temptation. It sounds like you have come to the right realization and are on the right track. Good luck!!!

MyPaperAnchor

Glad to see you made it back. I tried and tried for years on my own to quit, and only now that I've given AA and my higher power a chance to work in my life have I had any success at all. 50 days today, but really it's just 1 day.

Stop fighting, surrneder, and win. It's worked for me and lots of others.

Best wishes in your recovery. You've found a great resource in these SR forums.