unigirl

Hi all,
Since coming into A.A i have learnt so much and i know i have so much more to learn! I am very grateful for this but i've just done my step 7 today and i must admit that finding out all my faults was a little hard- though very humbling! One thing i never realised was how self obsessed i am! I worry excessively about things that would affect ME, i indulge in self pity (though this is getting a lot better), i can be very paranoid and also very egocentric. I believe these things, since noticing them, have improved. I have been given advice on how to rid my self of this slowly but surely - but i'd love to hear others advice who have also had to work on ths particular defect- ior defects in general! Thanks guys

jimhere

Please take a look at the thread about Step Seven on the Alcoholism 12-step Support forum. I think I specifically answered your questions in one of my posts on that thread.
jim

Tommyh

my human power cannot relieve my alcoholism
I cannot work on the defects,I surrender them to God and ask God to remove them...and if I focus on something,it is seeking and doing God`s will,and that way,I don`t have time to fall into the old ways..

Garbage out,God in
God abhors a vacuum

Zanthos

Ha! This is the Mother of All Defects! Or so it seems to me.

I had no idea how completely self-centered I was either. My ego was the size of the universe! In a world full of 6 billion people, all I thought about was me!

After a couple of years in the program, my ego shrank to merely the size of our solar system. A huge reduction, but still a very inflated ego. Now, maybe, if I'm lucky, on my best days, my ego is only the size of the planet Earth. Just a fraction of what it was, but still enormous.

Here are some of the things I do to help get myself better "right-sized":

(1) Listen. Truly listen to others. At meetings, give myself over to what others are saying, without judgment or criticism. Just listen and let their words wash over me. Try to see and feel others as fellow children of god.

(2) Listen some more. Whether in person or on the phone, I try to let others talk about themselves, and refrain from talking about myself. (I'm bad at this!)

(3) Pray for others. Especially people who irritate me or who I think I don't like. These people seem to be everywhere! Where do they all come from? I try and imagine them as fellow lost and confused and suffering human beings, just like I am, and pray for their well-being, happiness, and sense of peace and comfort.

(4) Be quiet. Since I like to speak at meetings, I have been going out of my way to not exercise my ego by feeling like I have to share at every meeting. (If you don't like to share at meetings, then you should share more.)

(5) Do things I really don't want to do, but that are helpful to others. Whether it is helping someone move, or running an errand for someone, or just some little thing that my lazy self would prefer not to do, I go ahead and do it.

(6) Work with other alcoholics. This is like (1) through (5) combined.

(7) Meditate on how small and inconsequential I am in the overall scheme of things. I have to constantly remind myself that I'm not the center of the universe. I'm just along for the ride. If I can do something every now and then that makes the world just a tiny bit better, well wow, what a privilege. Otherwise, I'm not that important and need to stop reacting as if I am.

(8) Take myself out of the picture. Whenever I find myself judging or disapproving of something, I try and remove my ego from the picture, pretend I don't exist, and try and look at the situation as if I was merely a disinterested observer. I remind myself that at our core, almost all of us are sick and suffering to one degree or another, and that the appropriate attitude to hold towards my fellow human beings is one of sympathy and compassion.

(9) Do nothing. Even though recovery requires action, ego-motivated action is bad for me. Often, doing nothing in response to how I feel, learning to be OK in the moment, and refraining from the impulse to try and change or control things is a very powerful exercise in quieting my ego and enhancing my capacity to trust in Life and my higher power.

(10) Take responsibility for how I feel. This means not blaming anyone or anything. Ever. My radar (self-awareness) is constantly seeking out any feelings of discomfort and dis-ease I may be experiencing. When I identify a way in which I am uncomfortable, I automatically assume that I am doing something wrong. Then I ask my higher power to help reveal what it is I'm doing wrong. Often it's obvious. Sometimes it takes days or longer to be revealed. But in the end, there is always something my ego is doing that it should not be doing. If I go back to the Steps, and place my Trust in my higher power, make love and tolerance my code, stay honest, humble, and patient, and try and be of service to others, things straighten out pretty quick.

Ananda

wow z - that post really helped me! Thanks.

unigirl

Thanks guys for all your helpful suggestions! Zanthos thankyou! Many important and helpful points you made for there, ty

Cathy31

Zanthos great post and unigirl thanks for the thread totally where I'm at now - thanks!!¬

Tazman53

Great post Zanthos, self centerdness was/is my primary defect of character which in really looking at the others they all spin off of me being self centered.

I try and look at things I say to others and what I post here through a different pair of eyes then my own and ask my self some questions.

1. Am I saying this to help someone or to make myself something I am not?

2. Am I tearing down some other person or institurion just for my own ego, not caring that I may be tearing down someone or something that may save someone elses life?

3. Am I showing love and tolerance for other people and institutions saying what I am saying?

Those three questions help me see when I am being self centered and egotistical.

I will openly admit that I erase as many post as I post because I can not answer at least one of those questions in the right manner.

Do I blow it sometimes? You bet I do, I try and apologize when I do mess up as soon as I realize that my ego has over ridden my judgement.

Artur

Hey Z,
that was an incredible post....thank you!!!! and thank you Unigirl for starting the thread...See, this is what I love about this...people sharing their tool box to help us stay sober another day...Awesome!!!

unigirl

thanks tazman i will be sure to use those 3 q's myself! Will help with the self righteousness! Thanks and I agree arthur - love S.R too!