madscientist

I've been sober for almost 10 months now (woohoo, almost double digits. lol), but one thing I never really did was update my kitchen setup to reflect the fact that I wasn't drinking anymore. By this I mean that I still had the wine/liquor glasses in the cabinets, all the other alcohol related this and that one might have around their kitchen. It never really dawned on me that perhaps all that stuff would be better off finding a new home...

After some gentle nudging and perhaps a smack upside the head from a friend and my drug counselor I've decided that it's time to revamp and replace all the alcohol related stuff I have in there.

I just finished packing up my shot glass collection. In some ways fun to remember all the places I've been over the last few years, but also bittersweet to be detaching from them. I'm not even sure this makes any sense. I'm sure part of the emotional turmoil comes from the fact that some of them were from my ex-husband in better times. Feels like I'm packing away an old friend.

And since I'm writing here to get it all out, I'll be completely honest... The remnants of my liquor collection are set to be hauled off by a friend tomorrow. I know, dangerous to have liquor in the house all this time, but I think in my mind it was more of a collection than a stash. The few times I've come close to relapsing I would have gone out and bought more alcohol rather than unbarricade the cabinet that is there.

Sorry for rambling... just not quite sure what to do with myself tonight...

nandm

Thank you for sharing. Your 10 months looks great on you. Doing the spring cleaning is a positive sign that you are moving forward in your sobriety. I can relate to the feeling of losing something in letting those things go. In fact in many ways we are letting go of a past which is a loss to many of us. Not that I would choose to go back to drinking because I know that no matter what I do I was not able to gain that good feeling from drinking anymore and I don't believe I would be able to do it now but I did have to let go of the thought in the very back of my brain that "if only I could drink like everyone else". I don't know if that makes any sense. For me it was kind of like a divorce, I can remember the good times I had in my marriage but when I left my ex husbands it was because we were not healthy for each other. I mourned the loss of the good times but did not regret the loss of the marraige.

Keep up the good work.

serenityqueen

I can completely understand your feelings Madscientist.

When I was really new in my Recovery, I feel like I went through a mourning period. I was saying goodbye to something and a lifestyle that was with me for well over half of my life. I started using when I was only 11 years old and there I was, I had just turned 43 a month earlier! How was I supposed to live?

I had been through 2 divorces prior to this and I don't think the sense of loss I felt then was anywhere near what I experienced when I said so long to the drugs and alcohol. It was a very up and down, roller coaster time for me. Here I was, on one hand, happy, smiling, enjoying life for the first time in I honestly can't say how many years. And on the other hand, I was lost and afraid. Felt like a puppy who was quivering in the middle of the street in rushing traffic.

For me, once I began to get involved with activities with sober people, as well as AA/NA meetings, these feelings slowly went away.

By the way, Congratulations on almost 10 months! It's a wonderful feeling isn't it?

God Bless,
Judy

madscientist

Thanks for the kind words nandm and serenity. It's reassuring that I'm not as unique as I sometimes convince myself. It's been a long night, for sure. I really am surprised how similar some of the feelings are to the divorce, and everything just seems to be weaved in together more than I would like. It's a couple weeks short of three years since my ex and I separated and I guess this is one of the last connection points I've got left. And this time I'm the one choosing to walk away. Which is both more empowering, and just as scary.

I've finished going through the kitchen cabinets and cupboards and such, I hope I've found all the things that need to be spruced up (aka, out of the house). All the glassware is packed up now, the bar books, and all the random bar stuff. It's amazing how many corkscrews you find, and I wasn't much of a wine drinker. *boggles*

It's a little weird having all the empty space where some of this was on my counter. But now I don't have to move everything around to make coffee.

Here's a question for everyone. Do you know if goodwill or the salvation army accepts glassware for material donations? I don't have any friends looking for that kind of thing and don't want it to end up in a landfill. If something good could come of all this, it would be a bonus.

Now if I could just unwind enough to get some sleep tonight...

DKS

Congratulations on almost 10 months. You're doing great by going ahead and doing the Spring Cleaning and letting all of that stuff go. I can understand how you are feeling about the shot glasses though. I also collect shot glasses and have amassed quite a huge collection from extensive business travel and family vacations. That is one thing I never got rid of. It really doesn't bother me, because hubby and I drank beer all the time and rarely ever drank hard liquor, so we never used the shot glasses as shot glasses anyways. They were always decorations and memories of all the trips I/we have taken. They are in the china cabinet, a shadow box on the wall and in a living room entertainment glass display cabinet. I've gone on a few trips since quitting drinking almost 2 years ago and on the first couple of trips to new places, I had an internal debate with myself about whether or not I should buy a shot glass since I knew I would never drink again. I went ahead and bought the souvenirs, knowing that they are nothing more than souvenirs, and not wanting to start another new collection of a different type of souvenir (spoons maybe?) The shot glasses were always something that could be found inexpensively just about anywhere I/we traveled and they are small enough to fit in carry on luggage if purchased at the airport after the luggage was already checked.

I don't know how you've managed to stay sober all this time with your collection of actual liquor still in your house. We had a large collection of liquor here, even though we hardly ever drank hard liquor. We bought various liquor bottles when it was cheap on cruises, at the Bacardi Rum factory in Puerto Rico, etc. My hubby and I had actually quit drinking for several months in the year 2004, and it was that collection of liquor bottles that got my husband drinking again after only a few months that year. The kids and I had evacuated for one of the hurricanes that hit Florida that year and my hubby insisted on staying home to protect the house and yard during and after the hurricane. He ended up staying in this house all alone in the dark with no electricity, TV, air conditioning, refrigerator, Internet etc, for almost a week before the power came back on. He hit those bottles in that collection during the hurricane and its aftermath and then he never stopped drinking again for almost 2.5 years. I made it 10 months sober that time, but watching him drink for so long, I finally broke down and started drinking again myself, and it really hurt when I relapsed again after 10 months. I found out later that my teenage son had started taking those bottles and drinking them too, before he got into trouble and had to go away to a long term treatment facility. (He's back home, doing great, a model citizen, making all A's and B's in high school and he'll be graduating in a month!)

When hubby and I agreed to stop drinking again in June 2006, I hauled the entire collection of liquor bottles out of the house and gave them to a coworker who really appreciated them. She couldn't believe I was giving her that many bottles of alcohol and she knew we had spent hundreds of dollars on that much liquor. She kept asking "are you SURE you want to give all of this away?" I told her I was 100% certain and I wanted that stuff out of the house and never wanted it back in my house ever again. June 12th will be 2 years sober for me, and I'm thrilled. Good luck with the spring cleaning tomorrow. You'll be glad to get all those liquor bottles out of your house.

CarolD

I do keep a alcohol free home...and that includes bar equitment.

I sold my bar and bar stools. Wrapped crystal wine and cordial
glasses in sets ...gave them as gifts. Poured out open bottles
with an AA friends assistance.......gave away full ones as gifts.

That was a long time ago and I have not needed any
of the bottles or drinking accessories since....

Congratulations on moving forward...

Rimmy

Congrats on 10 months!!

Cleaning house in general is refreshing. Purposely parting with some things from the past creates a fresh feeling of restarting, even with non-alcoholic items. I love saying, "well, I thought I could use this someday, but that was 5 years ago and I've never touched it once" and parting with it.

OF COURSE I NEED IT TWO DAYS LATER!! LOL

nandm

Yes, do try Goodwill

sobergirl77

Congrats on 10 months, that is amazing!

Gosh, I have a cabinet in my dining area that has beautiful crystal martini, wine and champagne glasses, plus 2 crystal (empty) decanters. I have them only for looks because I love love love crystal and glassware. But I wonder if my sponsor is going to tell me to get rid of it. They are not tempting in the least for me to drink because even when I WAS drinking, I never used those particular glasses or decanters... they've always been for show only. Hmm...

madscientist

Well, that's that. My friends left a few minutes ago with the contents of my liquor cabinet and a box of glass ware that they will drop off at Goodwill (just the glassware, not the liquor ) Everything else is boxed up for the next time I see the person my shot glasses will go to.

Part of me is relieved to have it done with. One less thing to have in the back of my mind. The rest of me is still caught in some tornado of emotions.

thanks all for sharing your experiences...

Rimmy - at least I know I won't be needing any of this again

SoberGirl - It was explained to me that having all those things around could start causing subconscious triggers. These were all things that were actively used while I was drinking.

DKS - Really glad to hear that your son is doing well! And if you find another good substitute souvenir let me know.

I think it's time to go take a little drive to try and clear out the noggin.

Rimmy

[QUOTE=madscientist;1760206]

Rimmy - at least I know I won't be needing any of this again
QUOTE]

oh, yeah... my little joke sounded not so encouraging, heh.... lol. You know what I meant

Tazman53

Mad congrats on the 10 months, it took me that long to finally get rid of the empties in my garage, and another 5 or 6 months to get around to actually cleaning out my garage, I was happy to find that I had no remorse in throwing out the full beer bottles and cans I found during my clean up.

If I had done that cleaning earlier then what I did I imagine I would have done so with some remorse as well.

madscientist

Rimmy - no worries, I got a good chuckle out of it. And as a bonus, my brain didn't even default to agreeing that I would need that stuff again.

Taz - I think deep down I knew this was the right time to do the cleaning up. Sometimes it feels like my head and my heart are moving at a different pace toward really understanding and then acting on the things I need to do. Not sure if that makes sense.

Thanks for all the support!