Paulos

Yes I know you've all been dying for me to go, so hey I actually went.

And it was way too spiritual for me, too much social interaction, I had anxiety the whole time... I was open minded and I did not enjoy it. So there, that is all I have to say about that. Not postin' again so I don't start another flame.

best

Paulos
Giving it a try is better then dong nothing. You did good.
Keep trying things and you will find something that works for you. Sit and do nothing and nothing changes.
Who knows...another day, another time, you may want to give another meeting a try... at least you now know a little about a meeting. You learned something today and that is called growth. You did good.

CarolD

Glad to see you did go
and stayed for the end.


I left my 1st meeting hlf way thru.
"Geez...I was not that bad"
3 years later I returned because
by then...I was that sick.

least

There is no shame in trying. The real shame comes from not trying. Maybe later, you never know. Are you still staying sober? That's what counts you know. :ghug3

sobergirl77

I'm so glad that you gave it a try, Paulos!

Perhaps there is a non-AA recovery group in your area?

Or... you can try again, go back to the same or a different meeting, sit in the back and listen... just listen, you don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want. Eventually you'll hear someone tell a story eerily similar to your own.

It's really weird - I never hit the typical rock-bottom (DUI, lost job, etc) but one day I heard this guy in a meeting tell his story. He had it all - lost job due to being drunk and being late every day, major health problems including a scarred/damaged liver, DUI's, jail time, etc. Strangely enough I felt I could identify with him. I felt like it could be me telling his story for some reason. It's because I could understand the despair he said he once felt... the desperation, the fact that he felt like he was a slave to the bottle, the sadness, loneliness and depression he felt during that time.

That's the awesome thing about meetings - you go, and hear a story that could be about you, and suddenly you realize that you are where you belong... you are one of "them".

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble on in your thread!

barb dwyer

Paulos -

Look how many months it took - thats a HUGE step for you and I'm proud of ya!

Dean62

From the little I know of you, that took courage. I'm proud of you Paulos.

I'm dying for you to try another one.

chip

Paulos,
I'm glad you gave it a try. It isn't easy to go to an AA meeting for the first time. I respect you for going and checking it out.

I'm beginning to believe that recovery is all about doing one's best, and shooting for progress over perfection. Thank you for sharing your progress with us; it's encouraging. Keep working at your recovery, Paulos. We are on your side.
chip

bob_sapp

The people there had spirituality and could interact socially? Don't you want that? I was too scared to talk to people for the first few months at meetings... I couldn't even look at anyone. Things changed. I changed. If you could have seen me when I first started coming and me today, you would think we were two different people. I thank god that I kept going and was able to see the fruits of my labor. If you want to be happy, joyous, and free, you can.

Cathy31

Like Carol - it took me another 18 months to be sick enough - in my case I needed another 18 months of pain, destroyed relationships, self esteem, career wrecking behaviour, erm, divorce, ballooning weight, depression, pathetic suicide attempts...then I was ready. I rememebr a lady saying ' what are you waiting for how bad do you WANT it to get before you surrender...(her brother had just died alcoholic death) Clearly what I wanted was for it to get a whole lot worse!! And it did! The wonderful thing about AA is that we all have choices...good luck Paulos - if I knew of anything better than AA I'd offer it to you, this is just my experience and God I am so grateful today that I have AA and that the desire to drink and use and destroy myself has been *removed*
Cathy31
x

Rob B

Paulos, I hope you recognize the courage and strength it took for you to get out of your house and attend a meeting. I will never mention AA to you again unless you ask.

Because I care about you and would like to see you recover, I will continue to challenge your belief systems when they are obviously not working or delusional. This is not being mean, this is about caring enough to tell someone the truth. There are some of us on these boards that know you better than you know yourself right now. I do hope you continue to post and seek recovery.

tkdan

I hope you don't mean that. Do you get some encouragement and hope from coming here and sharing? If so don't cheat yourself out of it.
I'm sorry you had a bad experience. Realize you too a big step that took a great deal of courage. You did something that many people will not do. Just because it was unpleasent does not mean you can not feel good about your actions. Be proud of yourself because many of us here are proud of you.

Tazman53

Paulos that was awesome, whether you liked it or not, you stepped out side of the box.

You are making progress, if AA is not for you then why not check out SMART or some other program, they may be more to your liking.

Paulos the fact you got out of your house, put down the game controller and did something to work on your sobriety is great.

Do not quit now!!! You can try other programs, just as you did with AA, check out the other programs with an open mind.

Keep trying other programs, if you try them all and really do not get anything start over.

Try AA for one week, then try SMART for one week, then try another program for a week.

Just do not drink or drug one day at a time, keep searching for a program that will work for you.

Hey why don't you tell us about the AA meeting you went to, was it a speakers meeting, a step study meeting, a discussion meeting?

serenityqueen

Paulos it took courage for you to go to a meeting, and for that I congratulate you.

Continue to take the steps towards what you need to do to find the inner peace and serenity that you are seeking.

I do care, no matter what you may think,
Judy

bigredme

I hated it at first. All that God stuff. Strangers wanting to hold my hand to pray or worse...HUG ME!!! As I got a little more clean time I started thinking, What's wrong with holding hands? That's nice and everyone here IS all on the same team in fighting their disease. I figured out the Higher Power stuff and I came to like the meetings (although sometimes you hit a big book thumper with a penchant for preaching their own interpretation...i always chalked those meetings up to the fact that I need to learn patience and tolerance...lol) If you can...keep trying. try a different meeting, I'm telling you...I wanted to run screaming from what I perceived were a room full of freaks at first. i came to love and respect many of those I thought were "freaks". Also learned a trick for when I get that "fish outta water feeling" Imagine everyone sitting there with their abdomens lit of with the good in their spirit. Like little suns... Now imagine the glow from one person joins the next until there's a circle all around the room and includes you. It helped me in meetings where I was having trouble relating. good luck Paulos. Hope you'll stay here with us. We'll do out best to help
bigredme

Sugah

This is huge, Paulo! You did something that made you feel very uncomfortable, and you lived through it, came back to tell about it! I hate doing things that are uncomfortable, but after, I remind myself - I'm still here. I didn't vaporize!

I got a call from a young woman the other night asking me to sponsor her. She's been coming around, sitting in the back of the room, passing when her turn comes to share, but she has kept coming back. She told me on the phone, "I'm very backward. This is really hard for me. I don't answer my phone and I don't ever ask people over." She saw me - loud mouthed, boisterous me - at a meeting, and she decided to ask me to sponsor her. I don't know if she believed me when I said, "I was very much like you when I first got sober." But I was!

As for the spiritual part - that's yours to define any way you choose.

You may decide never to go back, and I, for one, won't try to put any pressure on you. Or, upon reflection, you may decide that some of the things you didn't like about the meeting are things that you don't feel capable of feeling or expressing yourself - but would really like to. If that's the case, I can think of a good number of people with severe social anxieties who've kept coming around and have started feeling better about themselves.

Old John from a neighboring town is schizophrenic, and he'll share when the voices are particularly active or he feels particularly paranoid. That's part of his recovery, part of his journey. It's huge that he can talk about it and know that he'll be accepted.

By the way, John just celebrated 20 years sober.

I'm happy for you, Paulos. You put one foot in front of the other!

Peace & Love,
Sugah

tellus

Good for you, Paulos, that's a huge step. AA does seem a little cracked--very spiritual, strangers coming at you with hugs and hellos, people looking at you and expecting you to talk, Big Book thumpers and ex-cons... It's overwhelming, to be sure. The fact that you stuck through that is HUGE.

I'm really proud of you, man. Don't back off now, you finally got your foot in the door!

caraway

Thats great news Paulos!

butterfly19

Paulos,

You just brightened my day a little! I've been feeling down all week, and having continous pity parties for myself every day. But today I decided to jump on here and see how everyone else is doing, instead of just making it "all about me" day once again. What is the first thing I see after I got on here?
Paulos went to an AA meeting!

I nearly jumped for joy. Not because I think you found the answer to all your problems, and not because I want you to become a hardcore AA'er. I was happy that you tried something new!! You got up, went somewhere you thought you'd never go, and lived to tell about it. For me, whether you enjoyed the meeting or not is not the issue. It inspired me to know that you went out on a limb for once, took a chance, and brightened my mood by showing that no matter how scary something is, it never hurts to give it a try!

You've been doing a great job at staying sober, and that counts the most! Continue to try new things Paulos. You know I've never been to a face to face meeting yet myself, and that day is approaching when I know I must. I'm scared too, but I'm willing to give it a try--I have to try to continue making progress in sobriety! You've become a good friend to me and one of these days I may need your support when I get ready to go to my first meeting! We're all here for you Paulos! Stay strong and keep up the good work!

butterfly19

p.s.: When you were at that meeting, did you stop to think that there might be several other new folks scared out of their wits as well? (just something to ponder)

:ghug2

caraway

oops, pressed the wrong button - I was looking for a smilie -

Hope we'll be hearing more from you! I don't think I enjoyed my first meeting. The shares were interesting though!